guest added a 'plus 1'

Avalonsunset · August 2012

· I sent a wedding invitation to a friend and her husband who would have to travel far (a plane ride) to attend. When I received the rsvp card it listed my friend and '+ 1'. When I questioned it she said her husband was unable to make it and she wasn't sure who she would be bringing.

Is this acceptable? My initial thought is no, I invited her and her husband not her and some friend I don't know. She will know other people at the wedding. I realize she has a long trip and we did have her counted as 2 guests.

There were a number of friends and even some cousins who we had to take off our guest list to keep the number down. Am I wrong to think this was rude? That she should have phoned me and asked if it would be ok to bring a friend since her husband can't make it?

[Deleted User] · August 2012

She should have called, but since she is travelling a far distace, just let it go.

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

It was rude of her to add someone, but I would let it go, since she is dropping a pretty penny to take a plane to come to your wedding. Plus, traveling alone sucks.

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-added-a-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d37a586-fc92-46bb-a162-eec9470b8d1aPost:85c86b37-c757-49b0-8404-8c44f4f968f0">Re: guest added a 'plus 1'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: guest added a 'plus 1' : I realize that she technically can accommodate another guest, but I think it was really rude of her friend to just grant herself a random plus one without asking. Letting this person bring a plus one because she was pushy isn't really fair to any of her other guests who weren't given a random plus one and behaved graciously. Also it sounds like the OP's wedding is at capacity because she cut some people who she would have liked to invite.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but this friend would also have to travel alone and is buying a plane ticket to see the OP (all her choice, of course). She, by all means, does not have to allow it, since the invite was for H and friend. It would just be a nice thing for her to do, so she doesn't have to travel alone.

Mirahbelle4 · August 2012

I agree with PP. She should have asked you before indicating on her RSVP that she would bring someone else, but I would let it go. It won't affect your plans at all, and she will probably be more comfortable. She is buying a plane ticket to be there, so making a concession in this case is more than fair I would say.

kd.joseph · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-added-a-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d37a586-fc92-46bb-a162-eec9470b8d1aPost:691a2eee-24c3-4ea4-b24c-9adb63cc7483">Re: guest added a 'plus 1'</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, you've already accounted for her H in your guest count and she is traveling so I'd let her bring someone. <strong> Maybe she doesn't like traveling alone? Maybe she wants to make sure she knows someone at the wedding? Whatever the reason, I'd let her.
</strong>Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

This. Was it rude, yes, but you had her down for a guest anyway, just let it go. It's really not worth it.

If I had to travel a long way I'd want someone to hang out with, not just for the wedding, but the rest of the time I'm there.

wrigleyville · August 2012

Since you had already counted her for two guests, and you can't B-list anyone at this point, I would let her bring her friend. Traveling alone is pretty boring, so if my FI couldn't attend a long-distance wedding, I'd decline the invitation.

While you are not obligated to allow her to substitute a friend in his place, it would be a very nice gesture on your part. Since you've already paid for the second plate, you may as well let someone sit there. Even though you may not know this person, perhaps you'll meet them, like them, and make a new friend.

not_betty · August 2012

I think if I was in the situation you've described I would tell her no. You invited her and her husband. Period. If she doesn't want to travel alone, that's her issue and I don't think you need to accommodate a stranger at your wedding. Your friend's +1 could come along for the trip and make other plans for the time of the wedding if that is her reason. We had a very small wedding and only had people there we knew very well, we would not have allowed a complete stranger to come in place of an invited guest, regardless of what the situation was.

JoanE2012 · August 2012

Let her bring a friend. Sure, it is not normally the proper thing to do, but if my friend were going to fly out for my wedding and pay airfare and hotel, I'd absolutely accomadate a friend so she wouldn't have to travel alone! I wouldn't even think twice.

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-added-a-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d37a586-fc92-46bb-a162-eec9470b8d1aPost:25384646-72c6-41fa-a406-e126ab3f945d">Re: guest added a 'plus 1'</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if I was in the situation you've described I would tell her no. You invited her and her husband. Period. If she doesn't want to travel alone, that's her issue and I don't think you need to accommodate a stranger at your wedding. Your friend's +1 could come along for the trip and make other plans for the time of the wedding if that is her reason. We had a very small wedding and only had people there we knew very well, we would not have allowed a complete stranger to come in place of an invited guest, regardless of what the situation was.
Posted by not_betty[/QUOTE]

Well, then I would think that would be a little bitchy.

OwningAHome1981 · August 2012

if you invite someone with a plus 1, they are allowed to bring anyone they want as that plus 1. You already allotted the space and $$ for her husband to attend, so it's not like you still wouldn't have the budget or space for this new person.

You don't really have a right to question who the plus 1 is though. Either allow a plus 1 or do not, but the plus 1 is really whomever the person wants to bring as their guest.

Chances are too, she will give you a thoughtful enough gift that would be from a couple not just a single person. (ie. $300 vs. $150)

I wouldn't sweat it!

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-added-a-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d37a586-fc92-46bb-a162-eec9470b8d1aPost:f5e07b0a-8e1c-4638-9854-d7c6f1a1bf16">Re: guest added a 'plus 1'</a>:
[QUOTE]if you invite someone with a plus 1, they are allowed to bring anyone they want as that plus 1. You already allotted the space and $$ for her husband to attend, so it's not like you still wouldn't have the budget or space for this new person. You don't really have a right to question who the plus 1 is though. Either allow a plus 1 or do not, but the plus 1 is really whomever the person wants to bring as their guest. Chances are too, she will give you a thoughtful enough gift that would be from a couple not just a single person. (ie. $300 vs. $150) I wouldn't sweat it! :)
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

I doubt OP put "+1" or "and guest" on the invitation. It sounds like she named the husband. But either way, it'd still be nice to let her bring the friend.

jcrmc · August 2012

If the invite was addressed to "Sally and John Smith" and "John Smith" is unable to attend, it is much different than "Sally Smith and Guest" where you are asking her to bring along someone else.

SO. While it isn't *wrong* to deny the unknown +1, if you have already counted two people under the "Smith" household, I don't know that it would be a big deal to include the person. At least she didn't RSVP for herself and then ended up bringing a guest anyway.

From past posts on etiquette re: +1, I think my reasoning here is pretty sound...

MrsGandthebeag · August 2012

You said you already questioned her and she told you she'd find a friend. So, what did you say after that? You must've already said it was okay or not okay.

jsarver14 · August 2012

I had a situation similar to this. One of FI close friends lives far enough away that she needs to fly in for our wedding. Invite was addressed to she and her husband. Due to cost, she told me her husband is not attending with her. She mailed back her RSVP with two adults coming. When I talked to her about it, she informed me that she would be bringing her best friend instead. This best friend dated (and had a rough break up) with another guest who will also be attending our wedding. I was a little hesitant about the situation, but told her it would be fine to bring the friend as she is traveling such a long distance and I know I wouldn't like to travel/attend a wedding by myself.

loca4pook · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-added-a-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d37a586-fc92-46bb-a162-eec9470b8d1aPost:a553bac5-dc07-4aaf-80b6-8f45a8ea6e87">Re: guest added a 'plus 1'</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PP. She should have asked you before indicating on her RSVP that she would bring someone else, but I would let it go. It won't affect your plans at all, and she will probably be more comfortable. She is buying a plane ticket to be there, so making a concession in this case is more than fair I would say.
Posted by Mirahbelle4[/QUOTE]

I agree completely. She is paying big bucks to come, so let her bring someone. I would never dream of calling a friend and saying "no". She is clearly doing it for a reason (most likely due to feeling uncomfortable going alone)....Let her have this one

loca4pook · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-added-a-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d37a586-fc92-46bb-a162-eec9470b8d1aPost:475acc64-a59b-4c09-9c4a-63c1e05795f2">Re: guest added a 'plus 1'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: guest added a 'plus 1' : She said she had to cut her number down. That could mean down to 250 instead of 300. Either way, invitations have gone out. It's not like she can replace the husband by inviting someone else. Well, she could but that would rude. Seriously, if you're good enough friends with someone that they would shell out potentially several hundred dollars on a plane ticket, hotel room, car rental/service, and a gift, you wouldn't let them bring ONE person? That's really farking shallow.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

TOTALLY AGREE...I just don't get some people on this board. I would imagine this is a good friend flying in for the wedding. What kinda friend would YOU be to say "sorry, you must come alone now even though you are spending 100's of dollars to fly to my wedding"....way to end a friendship for sure.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

It was wrong of her not to speak with you first regarding the random person she is bringing with her... However, I think you should let it go. You already said that you counted her & her husband as 2 guests so what is the issue? If she is a dear friend who is spending ALOT of money to come to your wedding, I don't see why you have to make such a big deal about it....

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