Honeymoon Registries

marissa_claire · November 2010

I've seen a lot of posts on this today, and I think what I figured out that really bugs me about them is that there's no reason you have to take your honeymoon right away. Which, in my mind, says there's no reason you can't use cash you get on your wedding day to plan your honeymoon AND there's no reason you can't just save up for a few months for that too. Aside from asking for people to pay for a vacay, I think that's what I find particularly silly about them.

Your thoughts? I'm sure some of you had them, and I get the mentality of "we don't need house stuff" but why not just take the cash and run?

LesPaul · November 2010

The main reason I don't like them is that the company takes a cut. If I give someone a $100 gift, I want them to get $100, not $85.

maratea · November 2010

What I don't understand is when a poster is all "We're going to have the HM registry pay for our HM." Well, ok, but if you are leaving for your HM right after the wedding, wouldn't you have to wait until the last minute to book it because most people won't be giving any money to your fund until closer to the wedding. It seems backwards.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · November 2010

My cousin and her husband had a honeymoon registry because they lived together and had a baby before the wedding. They bought their way there - the registry was just activities for them to do on their trip. Yeah, they could have just gone sans-registry and used gifted cash to pay for the stuff when they got there. But I dunno, we had fun picking out something fun for them to do.

I didn't think it was that bad. I don't like honeymoon registries if they are completely funded through gifts, or if the couple has a honeymoon registry in addition to traditional registries.

JenGin74 · November 2010

I've never known anyone that's done a honeymoon registry.

I also don't think you have to go on a honeymoon immediately following the wedding, or at all really.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

We used a big chunk of our wedding cash for the HM. But we didn't have a registry, we just counted out what we needed and put the rest in savings. To me, a HM is tacky because you're asking other people to send you on vacation. At least with a wedding registry you're usually buying things for a home, which to me is a way of helping the couple get a fresh start of sorts (I'm having trouble wording it).

But a vacation, don't look to others to pay for it.

SarahPLiz · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:1e8d0f64-aae8-41b4-bd73-e3d6c0cbd7d5">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]The main reason I don't like them is that the company takes a cut. If I give someone a $100 gift, I want them to get $100, not $85.
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

<div>This. They are just a gimmick to get people to give cash. Just take the cash, with no fee, and go with it. </div>

maratea · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:608d6cd6-10cc-44b1-a8ca-d61abf311a78">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, actually, new thought: my brother had a quickie wedding so their "honeymoon" was a weekend in Kansas City. There's no reason a honeymoon even needs to be a big trip to Jamaica or three weeks in Europe.
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

We went right back to work after our wedding. No money and no time off work. So we saved for a few months and took our "honeymoon" to Spain- but it was almost 6 months after the wedding. If able to go right after the wedding, that's great. But I don't see why it's a huge deal to wait. I can't imagine HM sex being any better than regular sex. But maybe that's because H and I are just wild all the time. :)

Manwaithiel · November 2010

FI and I were going to do a HR before we saw all the posts on here against and thought...maybe not...

Honestly, I wouldn't care if someone had one. I can understand that bad feelings against them, but I'm not going to get angry about it. I suppose they are kind of tacky.

I also don't think you need to go on a honeymoon immediately after your wedding if at all. I just had a fight to the death with someone on the honeymoon board who INSISTED that if you couldn't afford or take time off for a honeymoon, that you couldn't afford or take time off for the wedding. It was insane.

missy68 · November 2010

We had a honeymoon day. No one was allowed to bother us the day after the wedding. I do think we went to dinner with my family, though.

We took a weekend trip to MSP on our 1st anniversary, and when we can get 2 days off in a row (will be after Christmas at this point), we'll take a trip to Colorado probably. Lots of mini-vacations, just like we've been doing since I moved here/moved in.

betrothed123 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:1e8d0f64-aae8-41b4-bd73-e3d6c0cbd7d5">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]The main reason I don't like them is that the company takes a cut. If I give someone a $100 gift, I want them to get $100, not $85.
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]
This exactly. I've only known one person who's had a HM registry. She was a knottie and that was definitely not her only etiquette faux pas.

maratea · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:e66fd07d-8bd5-4818-af13-98ac94a07cea">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I were going to do a HR before we saw all the posts on here against and thought...maybe not... Honestly, I wouldn't care if someone had one. I can understand that bad feelings against them, but I'm not going to get angry about it. I suppose they are kind of tacky. I also don't think you need to go on a honeymoon immediately after your wedding if at all. <strong>I just had a fight to the death with someone on the honeymoon board who INSISTED that if you couldn't afford or take time off for a honeymoon, that you couldn't afford or take time off for the wedding. It was insane.
</strong>Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

Well that's just ridiculous. So she must have had the perfect job with unlimited time off? Or perhaps she didn't have a job and was riding on Daddy's Dime? Dumbass. When you take 3 days off for the days leading up to the wedding and you only get 5 days off a year, it kinda cuts back on what you can do. This didn't happen to me, but to a friend.

jemmini6 · November 2010

I actually love the idea of a HM registry. But I do think it's important that you be able to pay for it yourself if you didn't get gifts, but that's how I view all registries. It's like, don't register for a $2,000 set of china if you can't afford it yourself in the same way of not registering for anything on your HM that you couldn't afford to do yourself.

We are also going to use honeyfund, which is one of the few that don't charge to use it. If you give $100, they get $100. The way I look at it, FI and I own our house and everything in it. If we need something for our house, we'll buy it. Our honeymoon, while we can pay 100% of it ourselves, is the "fun" thing that we would rather have to celebrate the start of our marriage than a new set of dishes (which we already have) if our guests want to get us a gift.

I think it's really a personal thing. I think you either love 'em or hate 'em.

Blueyed228 · November 2010

I think I have a problem with them since like PP's said, a Honeymoon is not something you have to have. If you cant afford it, then wait till you can.

I also think it opens up the door for other ridiculousness like House Down Payment registries, car registries, etc.

I feel like its all a big "GIVE ME MONEY!!" declaration.

Plus, like others said, Its not like the "Dinner on the Beach" that I bought for you is actually that. Most times its just a way to disguise $100 cash deposited into your bank account. (minus the transaction fee)

Manwaithiel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:4ede07bf-2667-46c2-ba90-ae83dfe84cea">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : Well that's just ridiculous. So she must have had the perfect job with unlimited time off? Or perhaps she didn't have a job and was riding on Daddy's Dime? Dumbass. When you take 3 days off for the days leading up to the wedding and you only get 5 days off a year, it kinda cuts back on what you can do. This didn't happen to me, but to a friend.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I was arguing that taking a few days off for a wedding was different than taking another week off for a vacation. To which she said "But what about all the showers, bach parties, etc. etc. etc." By which I guess she meant these are just givens and who DOESN'T have weeks and weeks of wedding fanfare?? I got pretty pissy, I'll admit. I still think taking a few days off here and there is very different from taking a week or two of vacation time. She then started showering other posters and I with her education (someone had commented that she sounded uneducated. I would have just said naive, but whatever). Another poster on the thread said it wasn't "healthy" or something like that to go back to the "real world" right after the wedding. I wanted to slap someone. I don't appreciate the pretty princess, ideal world talk from people who clearly don't live in the real world to begin with.

rhodesign · November 2010

I've never seen the big deal, we didn't have one, and I've never contributed to one and wouldn't because I agree that the companies are bogus. I've always just given cash anyway, so they can do whatever they want with it. If a couple has all they need for the home, and all they really want is a trip, then that's fine. I just don't care. How many things can one register for that they really need anyway? Do you really need a waffle maker? Probably not, but people ask for it so I don't see how it's different. I think the argument of 'you shouldn't be asking for a vacation if you can't afford one' is bunk. I wouldn't have bought $200 bedsheets for myself normally, but we sure as hell registered for them. What's the difference?

brookelynpaisley · November 2010

I personally just think it's weird to ask people to send you on vacation. If you want cash to pay for a honeymoon, just don't have a traditional registry. If I can't afford to send me and DH to Hawaii to have sex for a week, I'm certainly not doing that for someone else.

anna.oskar · November 2010

I just don't like the wording.

From Honeyfund:

maratea · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:17b10b82-877b-40c7-8c71-0a62194d0042">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : Another poster on the thread said it wasn't "healthy" or something like that to go back to the "real world" right after the wedding. I wanted to slap someone. I don't appreciate the pretty princess, ideal world talk from people who clearly don't live in the real world to begin with.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

Do what now? Well then I must be sick and out of my mind. It was kind of a relief to go back to work. While I loved wedding planning and all of the celebration, it was stressful and tiring. And with the trip H and I took, we would have probably been so tired the first day or two we wouldn't have done much of the sightseeing we wanted to do.

Blueyed228 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:626a475b-9e9a-48ec-bc82-e735c49da046">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never seen the big deal, we didn't have one, and I've never contributed to one and wouldn't because I agree that the companies are bogus. I've always just given cash anyway, so they can do whatever they want with it. If a couple has all they need for the home, and all they really want is a trip, then that's fine. I just don't care. How many things can one register for that they really need anyway? Do you really need a waffle maker? Probably not, but people ask for it so I don't see how it's different. I think the argument of 'you shouldn't be asking for a vacation if you can't afford one' is bunk. I wouldn't have bought $200 bedsheets for myself normally, but we sure as hell registered for them. What's the difference?
Posted by rhodesign[/QUOTE]

I didnt register for anything I couldnt afford to buy on my own. And we did go and buy things that we didnt get. Like our $300 bedding.

I think the difference is that asking for cash is rude, and registering for items for your home and new life together is not.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · November 2010

Then again, no one forces you to buy off a registry. And just because you register for something doesn't mean you'll get it. You're probably going to get things you don't want. Or people will just give you cash because they don't want to buy you that damn waffle maker

ehathewa · November 2010

I got rubbed the wrong way by a friend who had pics of the couple in all sorts of exotic locations on their web-site... and then wanted money for another exotic vacation.

I guess I don't mind getting nice household items that you will use for a lifetime (china, quilts, etc), but don't want to pay for a vacation.

Blueyed228 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:33f060fc-edbe-4bae-9049-42a4d1a97f92">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Blue, I'm with you. We could've bought $200 sheets, but if it weren't for the registry, it probably wouldn't be a priority. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. If you really think about it, registering for anything is tacky. Wedding gifts are not a given--nobody has to buy you anything, so why do we do it? Basically to tell people to give us stuff, and not just anything but specifically certain things. In any other context that would be considered rude, but for weddings it's okay for some reason. I get that you want to help the couple start out in life, but not all of one's life is centered around the home.Time away together is just as valid, right? I give a gift because I want them to use it on whatever makes them happy, be it a trip or new dishes. And whether we're in Hawaii or on our $200 bedsheets, we're having sex, so that's not an issue to me either. =)
Posted by rhodesign[/QUOTE]

People who feel that way about all registries usually dont register for anything at all and do not typically have a shower.

I know people who have done just that.

I also dont think its tacky to have a small registry and spread through word of mouth that you are saving for a honeymoon/house, etc

[Deleted User] · November 2010

I see where you're coming from, rho, but personally I'd rather get the couple something they will use in their daily lives instead of funding a vacation. Even if that's something as trivial as a toaster or set of bath towels. If a couple had just a HM registry, I'm pretty sure I'd just give them a card with cash.

betrothed123 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:f54b3fde-3b9b-4d03-9073-e5f74658c082">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : Aw, I feel sorry for your brother. Lol. I would never suggest KC as a HM destination. We already have what we need and I don't want to register for 'upgrades' b/c we don't need anything better. We're not registering for a honeymoon, b/c we feel like we're grown adults and we should be able to afford whatever vacation we want -- whether that means it's a trip to Europe or a trip to Disneyland. Hell, I don't even want to have a card box b/c I think that's asking for $$ too. Or am I wrong about that?? I mean, I know people have them but we seriously don't want anything...other than for our guests to enjoy themselves. Our WP is insisting people will still want to give us something and thinks we should have a card box. WWYD?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
I don't view a card box as the B&G asking for money. To me it's there as a place to put my card/check/whatever when I get to the wedding, not a request to bring money.

Blueyed228 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:f309c383-6bf4-49e3-addc-2ba6995f99cf">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I see where you're coming from, rho, but personally I'd rather get the couple something they will use in their daily lives instead of funding a vacation. Even if that's something as trivial as a toaster or set of bath towels. <strong><u>If a couple had just a HM registry, I'm pretty sure I'd just give them a card with cash</u></strong>.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

If a couple just had a HM registry, I would get them something from TJ Maxx, probably something large and usless, like a giant ceramic rooster.

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/10/32333abd-6fcb-47ff-9a3e-07da7da1bd36.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '32333abd-6fcb-47ff-9a3e-07da7da1bd36', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/10/32333abd-6fcb-47ff-9a3e-07da7da1bd36.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

[Deleted User] · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:9ff2f3e4-02af-4c43-9074-92eff2f4a474">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : Duh, I hadn't thought of that. I thought it was more of 'Hey, stuff me with money box.' But I would be very happy to receive cards with well wishes.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

We had people put cash in our cardbox, but with no card. We were so confused until my mom said it was from my aunts and uncles who were disappointed we didn't do a dollar dance so they just tossed the money in there. Weird, you'd think they would just keep it.

But yeah, you definitely want one just in case. Almost everyone brought a card at our wedding.

LesPaul · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:3bb28867-f9dc-4302-9483-364b1415e385">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : I don't view a card box as the B&G asking for money. To me it's there as a place to put my card/check/whatever when I get to the wedding, not a request to bring money.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

This exactly. I bought a little cage thing at JoAnns (with a 40% off coupon) and tied some ribbon on it in our colors. It also gave me a place to organize the cards while I was writing the thank-yous after the wedding.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:34347311-69fd-4dc5-88ce-e44900a8784c">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : If a couple just had a HM registry, I would get them something from TJ Maxx, probably something large and usless, like a giant ceramic rooster.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Ha! That looks like something I'd get my mom for her yearly ugly chicken Christmas gift. This year it was a rooster on a swing that you hang from a hook.

Starmusica · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b576ebaa-80c9-4a79-bcb3-f026f3d88790Post:6d2af26c-b99e-4cd2-a437-a5297626a4ff">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : We had people put cash in our cardbox, but with no card. We were so confused until my mom said it was from my aunts and uncles who were disappointed we didn't do a dollar dance so they just tossed the money in there. Weird, you'd think they would just keep it. But yeah, you definitely want one just in case. Almost everyone brought a card at our wedding.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

lol.... the dollar dance fascinates me. I NEVER heard of it until TK...

rhodesign · November 2010

blue, sesh--I agree.
My overall point was simply that asking for a honeymoon to me is no different than asking for anything else for a wedding. I always give cash anyway regardless of what people asked for, so it's just not something that bothers me--I'm actually indifferent.

For reals, though--what is with the sex thing that gets brought up as an argument? Do people really think about that?

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