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lunarsongbird
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Your SO's Ideal Wedding
So I was talking with Andrew last night and he told me that he thinks he'll be "over our wedding by the end of it." He's just really not into parties. I thought since this party was for us- and would only really include our invited guests, it would be a bit different- but no such case.
He's just not really into crowds of people- and I can understand that. So today I asked him to think about what his "ideal wedding" would be. I'm very interested to hear what he has to say. I know that he would absolutely be a good sport at our wedding, but I want to the day to be more of a reflection of what he wants, as well.
After hearing about Nursey's last idea of a destination wedding/elopment in Hawaii...it made me think that I could and should consider planning a different type of wedding when Andrew and I get engaged- and begin to move day dreaming into actual planning.
Have you talked to your SO about what his "ideal" wedding would be like? Does he want to have a wedding at all? Are you going to compromise and make a day for the both of you? Or is he going to go through with the traditional wedding/reception- because your SO is awesome like that?
He's just not really into crowds of people- and I can understand that. So today I asked him to think about what his "ideal wedding" would be. I'm very interested to hear what he has to say. I know that he would absolutely be a good sport at our wedding, but I want to the day to be more of a reflection of what he wants, as well.
After hearing about Nursey's last idea of a destination wedding/elopment in Hawaii...it made me think that I could and should consider planning a different type of wedding when Andrew and I get engaged- and begin to move day dreaming into actual planning.
Have you talked to your SO about what his "ideal" wedding would be like? Does he want to have a wedding at all? Are you going to compromise and make a day for the both of you? Or is he going to go through with the traditional wedding/reception- because your SO is awesome like that?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Your SO's Ideal Wedding
Lakeside, late summer or early fall, good food, all of our friends, and the family members we like.
Unfortunately, that scenario isn't going to play out for a lot of reasons, but it's good to know that we're compromising together, instead of one-sidedly.
I think the part where this becomes an issue is the menu. He really wants to be involved in that, and has very little interest in anything else. I'm trying to convince him to wait to make up his mind until we do a tasting - once he sees everything, he may have a different idea. I think he's afraid some of this stuff will be tacky, which it would be if done wrong but our caterer is incredible so even the off-the-wall ideas are really classy and elegant. Like Punjabi Street Food station! FI likes internatinoal cuisine, but thinks it'll be hokey, but they did that at a gala at the State House once so I have a feeling it's super classy and fun.
He would be able to cook the food, he is an amazing chef, and still be a groom that day. It would be an extravagant gala with servers in bow ties and towels over their arms. The ceremony would be in a huge Catholic church with hundreds in attendance. We'd pay to fly his family here.
There would be an ice sculpture, some kind of far out live entertainment and Buddy from Cake Boss would make a cake as big as my first apartment.
Yeah, he has expensive taste.
There's a new reality show I saw a casting call for. It's called 'Don't tell the Bride.' The groom is given $25k to plan a wedding in three weeks and cannot talk to the bride during the process. I'd do it, but I think I would be a bad candidate. I would be kicked back by the pool drinking a margarita waiting for showtime without a worry in the world.
[QUOTE]Am I the only one whose SO cares about the wedding? LOL. I can't wait to share with you all what his "ideal" wedding would be.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Well, My SO cares about the vows (he recently read me a poem from a book he said he might use for vows when we get married. Keep in mind we are NEY. It's sometimes hard not to become BSC when SO says crap like this!!!) </div><div>
</div><div>But as far as what the ceremony looks like, whether it's in a church or outdoors or at a hotel or in a banquet hall, and what the reception is like or the decor, he really has no preference. </div><div>
</div><div>I wouldn't say that he doesn't care. I think he cares about the most important part (his expression to me at the altar and our relationship after). The fact that the rest of it gets to be my taste completely is kind of awesome, I think! though I would always, always ask for his input and think about what he likes.</div>
We have talked about it. He wants a church wedding. We are going to have to compromise about some stuff. We both don't want a first look. He would like to be able to invite everyone from his old church (not going to happen lol they don't like me very much). We agree on most things. I think he will be pretty involved and I want him to be. The day will be about us not me.
Married! May 27th, 2012
[QUOTE]He would like to be able to invite everyone from his old church (not going to happen lol they don't like me very much).Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]
Is it because you stole their most eligible bachelor? My grandmother would have called them ninnies for you.
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Your SO's Ideal Wedding : Is it because you stole their most eligible bachelor? My grandmother would have called them ninnies for you.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
<span style="font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';color:#1f1f1f;font-size:8.5pt;">No it was even worse. I helped him convert! Hence I am the devil. Granted he is still Christian but not the same kind as they are. They also don't understand about Orthodoxy and read a lot of false information on it. Which led his pastor to say "The salvation of your soul is in question if you get baptized." He got baptized anyways. Hence I don't want them their. If they don't support our relationship, well they can go stick their head in mud! lol</span>
Married! May 27th, 2012
[QUOTE]So Andrew also mentioned that he feels the wedding is more for the guests- Agree or Disagree? How do you balance the bride/groom's desires with what will be most awesome for the guests?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
<p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-family:'Arial','sans-serif';color:#1f1f1f;font-size:8.5pt;">I have heard people say that. I feel it is half and half. Part of it is for the guest, but I still feel like the wedding belongs to the bride and groom since they are getting married and choosing to share their day with everyone. I think that guests should be taken into consideration, ex: having chairs for people who need/want to sit, meals for vegans (if this is a known fact). However, you can't please everyone and I feel like if you try to do everyone's ideas you just get lost in the noise. I think the B&G should have the final say and thoughts. </span></p>
Married! May 27th, 2012
[QUOTE]So Andrew also mentioned that he feels the wedding is more for the guests- Agree or Disagree? How do you balance the bride/groom's desires with what will be most awesome for the guests?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
<div>Disagree, unless you make them stand in 110 degree heat with no shade. The wedding is about the two of you and the start of your lives together. It's nice of brides and grooms to think of their guests, but not necessary. Just my $0.02.</div>
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]So Andrew also mentioned that he feels the wedding is more for the guests- Agree or Disagree? How do you balance the bride/groom's desires with what will be most awesome for the guests?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
<div>I agree with CU, that the wedding is absolutely about the couple. BUT, I think if you are going to invite people you should give them a bit of consideration. You don't need an audience to get married (you need a witness, not the some thing, though), so since you are inviting people to see you exchange vows, it's up to you to be a somewhat decent host/hostess. That just means making sure everyone is comfortable and has the basic necessities. That could be simply a comfortable place to sit or stand, access to a bathroom, and refreshments as simple as water or lemonade. It could be something way fancier, but that's up to the couple. </div>
TK suggests 35-40% of your budget should be spent on food & venue. Well, we're closer to 60%. If you include the tent rental and dance floor rental and chair rentals, we're probably closer to 70%. I could have cut back on the caterer budget to splurge on a photographer or get the bigger videography package, or increase my rather small dress budget, but I would rather have truly fantastic food for everyone because my guests won't notice one bit if I upgrade on the photographer or videographer.
[QUOTE]So Andrew also mentioned that he feels the wedding is more for the guests- Agree or Disagree? How do you balance the bride/groom's desires with what will be most awesome for the guests?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
Agree. For me it seems like you spend so much time, energy and money in to throwing the best party possible for all of these people that you can lose sight of the real purpose of it all. At least that's what happened with my first wedding.
[QUOTE]Am I the only one whose SO cares about the wedding? LOL. I can't wait to share with you all what his "ideal" wedding would be.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
BF cares about the wedding as well. We've already discussed having a co-ed shower (or rather stating our preference for one - sorry I just left the etiquette board) because the wedding is OURS and not MINE. BF just doesn't care about small details. As long as there are good people, good food, good drinks and good music, he could care less what color our linens were.
Based on comments he has made and his general temprament, I think his ideal wedding would be in California (where his brother lives and where he would move if he could), with just our immediate families and best friends, with exellent drinks and tons of good food and no public speaking at all on his part.
The more involved I get in helping my sister and best friend plan their weddings, the better and better this idea sounds.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
But he just likes vacations and he's shy.
So obv. we're having a 120(ish) person wedding in town. We're cool like that.
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I think he just wants something intimate for the two of us, and I agree. We're thinking elopement/honeymoon combo.
[QUOTE]BF and I have talked about it and feel similarly in many respects. I would be totally fine with a small DW to the Bahamas; he actually wants to more formal wedding with friends and family present. If he had it his way, <strong>it would be James Bond themed </strong>and have superhero action figures topping the cake. The latter, we may actually do, heh.
Posted by seevansolomon[/QUOTE]
BF says he wants to look like James Bond on our wedding day, haha