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Wedding Etiquette Forum

No kids, and No turning back!

Our wedding is in less than 45 days at a very posh hotel in downtown Seattle, WA. We have established with most guests that we are requesting that no kids attend or event. We know that it is a little hipacritical because we have a 2 yr old daughter that is the flower girl" and I wanted my nephew, who is supposed to be the ringbearer and I practically raised, to come. The issue is that my very uninvolved sister wants her "current" boyfriends (of less than a year) son to come and because I said no, she has declined her invite because she needs to "protect her family and doesn't want to make a seperation between my nephew and her son". Let me add that I have only seen this child maybe 3 times. Our younger brother was murdered a year and a half ago and I think this is absolutley obsurd that she would not want to be there for me on this very important day. I would expect her to come, at the least. It's fine if she leaves all others at home, But I am afirm believer in treating others the way you want to be treated!  Many of my friends with children have RSVPd with their kids included and I had to let them know that it was an ADULTs ONLY event, to which they graciously understood. I am trying to stick to my word because if the guest count gets out of hand with the children, then our budget will get out of hand.....even more (more than 50 dollars for a plate of chicken fingers for kids!). Am I being too harsh?

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Re: No kids, and No turning back!

  • You uninvited people's kids?  hahahaha  You're a peach.


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  • No. I guess I can see her frustration, but its not like you're close to the kid.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:285c8f1b-2a7e-4325-b196-e5ee388523b5">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You uninvited people's kids?  hahahaha  You're a peach.
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    My thoughts exactly.
  • lizstill13lizstill13 member
    1000 Comments
    edited May 2010
    Children in the WP are generally an exception to the no kids rule.

    But seriously, what do you mean you "uninvited" people's children? You mean you left them off the invitation or said yes then changed your mind?
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  • Did you actually UNinvite them, or were they never invited in the first place?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:285c8f1b-2a7e-4325-b196-e5ee388523b5">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You uninvited people's kids?  hahahaha  You're a peach.
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    I thought she meant that is, just not inviting them.  If you really did invite kids and change your mind...lame!
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  • edited May 2010
    Did you uninvite the kids or just non invite them to begin with?
    I am going to look at this as you didn't invite them in the first place. If that is the case then, imo, your cutoff is fine but you have to respect her decision to not attend. Simple as that.

    Edit: I see others addressed my question while I was typing. That is key to the whole thing.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:db4b0b99-a5d8-4387-ad1a-33b33cef48e2">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Children in the WP are generally an exception to the no kids rule. But seriously, what do you mean you "uninvited" people's children? You mean you left them off the invitation or said yes then changed your mind?
    Posted by lizstill13[/QUOTE]

    Really? Cause if you don't want kids there... I guess I just don't get why you'd want kids there.

    I mean, you can invite whoever you want, and I think it's fine to invite some kids and not others, but then things like the OP's situation happen and really, while her sister is being difficult, it's hard to find a leg to stand on if you pick and choose certain kids/people to come and not others. You have to sort of expect this kind of thing will happen.
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  • This post reminds me of an assignment I did in 3rd grade where I randomly put "   " around certain words.

    My teacher called me out on it and asked me why I did that.  I had no answer.

    At least I never made that mistake again...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:cfb0be38-c4af-4166-86e1-bc29cd36c36b">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids!....Even if it's family? : Really? Cause if you don't want kids there... I guess I just don't get why you'd want kids there. I mean, you can invite whoever you want, and I think it's fine to invite some kids and not others, but then things like the OP's situation happen and really, while her sister is being difficult, it's hard to find a leg to stand on if you pick and choose certain kids/people to come and not others. You have to sort of expect this kind of thing will happen.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    That's a good point but I like to think that most people understand an exception for the kids in the WP or the children of the B&G. For some people, no kids isn't that they don't like kids or want them there but that budget or space restrictions may cause a cut in the guest list and the easiest way is to cut kids.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:41798651-b029-477b-837e-8816acc41bfe">No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our wedding is in less than 45 days at a very posh hotel in downtown Seattle, WA. We have established with most guests that we are requesting that no kids attend or event. We know that it is a little hipocritical because we have a 2 yr old daughter that is the flower girl" and I wanted my nephew, who is supposed to be the ringbearer, to come. The issue is that my very uninvolved sister wants her "current" boyfriends son to come and because I said no, she has declined her invite because she needs to "protect her family and doesn't want to make a seperation between my nephew and her son". I have already uninvited many of my friends children and they graciously understood. I am trying to stick to my word because if the guest count gets out of hand with the children, then our budget will get out of hand.....even more. Am I being too harsh in not inviting this little boy?
    Posted by ShaunaJ08[/QUOTE]
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  • If you didn't invite any children outside of your wedding party, I think it is acceptable.  I did the same thing.  My FI has 2 sons who will be part of our ceremony and my best friends daughter who is practically my neice is my flower-girl.  Most of my friends have kids, however they all completely understood and respected my decision to not have any additional kids there.  The 3 that will be, are leaving shortly after dinner.  Even for family, if they were under 18 I didn't invite them.  However, if you invited children and then rescinded on that, I feel that is in poor taste and could understand people being upset by that.

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  • You would THINK people would understand that, Crystal, but from the stories people post here...

    I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, but it's like if you work with 10 people and only invite 5, the other 5 might be hurt, so keep it in mind. I have no doubt that cutting out children saves a lot of money and space, though. I'd also rather invite my friends than my cousins's kids.

    But like I said, the sister is being a tool.
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  • I'm missing the family connection.  Sister's boyfriend's kid =\= family.

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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:a2206a66-573c-428f-9a7a-02c11a82479f">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm missing the family connection.  Sister's boyfriend's kid =\= family.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    I think it depends on the length and nature of the relationship.  My ex and I lived together for four years without being engaged or married.  During that time, his 12 year-old daughter was absolutely considered family.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:743c6f51-fdb4-42f9-8548-b8fcb1fccbd4">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids!....Even if it's family? : I think it depends on the length and nature of the relationship.  My ex and I lived together for four years without being engaged or married.  During that time, his 12 year-old daughter was absolutely considered family.
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

    That makes sense.  I guess I gathered from her saying "very uninvolved sister" that they weren't close, so to me that would be totally different from your situation.  Though I guess she could have just meant uninvolved with the wedding.  But I have no idea, I'm just going by what makes sense to me based on what she said, and continuing my trend of the day of being completely unhelpful.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:41798651-b029-477b-837e-8816acc41bfe">No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our wedding is in less than 45 days at a very posh hotel in downtown Seattle, WA. We have established with most guests that we are requesting that no kids attend or event. We know that it is a little hipocritical because we have a 2 yr old daughter that is the flower girl" and I wanted my nephew, who is supposed to be the ringbearer, to come. The issue is that my very uninvolved sister wants her "current" boyfriends son to come and because I said no, she has declined her invite because she needs to "protect her family and doesn't want to make a seperation between my nephew and her son". I have already uninvited many of my friends children and they graciously understood. I am trying to stick to my word because if the guest count gets out of hand with the children, then our budget will get out of hand.....even more. <strong>Am I being too harsh in not inviting this little boy?</strong>
    Posted by ShaunaJ08[/QUOTE]

    Are you being too harsh?  Yes.  You seriously expected your sister, her son, and her bf to come, but not the bf's son?  Come on.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:53287268-eb7b-47fe-8ccc-56e5303eb5a4">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to No kids!....Even if it's family? : Are you being too harsh?  Yes.  You seriously expected your sister, her son, and her bf to come, but not the bf's son?  Come on.
    Posted by ThePinkSuperhero[/QUOTE]

    I honestly don't think this is unreasonable.  Unless it's a situation like Celles' where he's been a part of the family for awhile.  And the OP doesn't make it sound like that's the case. 

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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kidseven-its-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d4b8b81-830a-4eeb-9988-8a70f62fabf1Post:e8e7340e-4333-44b9-9f5a-b4aceaf22d6f">Re: No kids!....Even if it's family?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids!....Even if it's family? : I honestly don't think this is unreasonable.  Unless it's a situation like Celles' where he's been a part of the family for awhile.  And the OP doesn't make it sound like that's the case. 
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    I'd agree if it weren't for the fact that her sister's son is invited.  The OP needs to invite both boys or neither of them.  Insisting that her sister and her sister's boyfriend leave one of their children at home with the sitter and take the other strikes me as unfair and kind of mean.
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  • I am not having ANY children at my wedding. Family with kids are getting a little bent out of shape on the matter. But in reality it is your day. My wedding in a huge party. Do you bring your kid to the bar when you go out partying for the night? NO. So why would you bring it to a wedding? People can hire a babysitter like they would in another situation. I can see that it is hard for you because you have two kids involved. But for a sister that is uninvolved and a kid you do not know? I would try and talk to your sister and explain your reasoning of not wanting kids there besides the two in your wedding party ceremony.
  • Ok, let me give you alittle bit of a background on my sisters situation. She hasnt been dating this guy for even a year! Shes been married twice and still not divorced from the last husband. She had two tattoos of two other guys names on her body whom she didn't marry! Shes only 25! To sum this up, I'm tired of her "serious" relationships and keeping up with all of their kids! He has another daughter who I've never met. I've seen his son maybe 3 times in total. I would rather she not bring any of the kids or boyfriend and come herself. But for her to entirely not come! Not fair! Not to mention our brother was murdered a year and a half ago! I will now be having no siblings at my wedding! YAY!!!CryAll of the family is in agreement that this is MY day and I should be able to invite anyone I want!! Anyone have a change of heart??
  • I produced a website and told many to view the website prior. This is an evening event that starts at 6:30pm and ends at 12 midnight! Hopefully people will leave their kids at home. My daughter is staying for dinner and leaving afterword with my mother. She still needs normalcy even if its mommy and daddys special day! I'm sure people appreciate a night out without the kids....I would!!
  • My point exactly! I've seen the kid maybe 3 times total. I've been engaged longer that my sister has been with this guy!!
  • Their names were not included on the invite, the parents RSVP'd and I had to give them a call to remind them it's a ADULTs Only event. So technically, they were never invited!
  • OK! I never invited kids!! Written wrong! A website with the details of the event including a special page was given to all hopeful guests! Restating this......NEVER INVITED KIDS!!!  Thanks!
  • Thanks for looking at it in the right light!! Only a complete BUTTHEAD would literally UNINVITE KIDS! I never included kids on the invitation. Everyone knew this. My sister has not bee included in the planning process, she must of assumed I was having all children! I have basically raised my nephew and think of him as my own child. The boyfriends son I don't know at all! I don't even know the boyfriend and they only live 20 miles away!
  • That's the whole point though! If I invite the boyfriends son, why not invite all my cousins, and fiances cousins, and my friends children and fiances friends children!! Think about this; I'm getting married at the W Hotel and its already pricey. about 100 dollars per adult, at about 90 guests.If I invited children, it would be 35 dollars for chicken fingers. Take that 35 dollars and add 22 percent, 9.5 percent, then another percent! Ridiculous!!! Oh and the drinks are 5 dollars per bottle. My sister suggested that I chose a place that "better fit my budget"! But the truth is that this is the one day I can have to myself and am not willing to sacrifice for a ton of children that won't even remember this event!
  • I never invited children. The parents simply RSVPd their kids. That is poor taste and I definitly am not guilty of that!

  • edited May 2010
    She's only been with him less than a year and still isn't divorced from her 2nd husband. (All by the tender age of 25) If I knew this child and developed a relationship with him then I would absolutely invite him without a problem....but this si not the case!
  • Sorry for all the comments but my words were very much out of text and I felt I had to clear some stuff up!!! Anyway, Thanks for all the feedback ladies!!!
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