Name after marriage

Ember01 · May 2011

I am taking a little break from calligraphying my 175 save the dates (my hand is about to fall off!) And, as I was addressing these, it made me start thinking about names after marriage. When I finally graduate, I'll be Dr. Ember. And when people address envelopes to my husband and I it will look like this:

Dr. Ember LastName
Mr. Husband LastName
Address

I think that looks odd. I like the Mr. and Mrs. Husband LastName look instead.

This makes me sad

LizzyTish88 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:389201fc-6a61-4774-ac28-b88e11ac8055Post:bb823612-62f7-4856-9cd4-0e97b5e51616">Name after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]I am taking a little break from calligraphying my 175 save the dates (my hand is about to fall off!) And, as I was addressing these, it made me start thinking about names after marriage. When I finally graduate, I'll be Dr. Ember. And when people address envelopes to my husband and I it will look like this: Dr. Ember LastName Mr. Husband LastName Address I think that looks odd. I like the Mr. and Mrs. Husband LastName look instead. This makes me sad :)
Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]

That made me giggle.

Wrkn925 · May 2011

Mr. First name & Dr. Ember Last Name

That better?

E girls know all about this stuff though. Your title is important. You worked hard for it. You deserve to use it, so figure out a way.

Ember01 · May 2011

Hahaha... Oops! That was suppose to be "This makes me sad

"

Yeah, but etiquette books say to put it on separate lines.

Can I not be a doctor in my personal life? Just my professional life?

I already jokingly asked if we could hold off the wedding until I graduate, so I'll be Dr. Maiden Name for awhile. I know I could keep my maiden name, but I'm traditional, and don't like that.

PaigeMcC · May 2011

Dude. If I was a Dr. Paige I'd make FBD go second. Eff him.

Dr. Paige McC & Mr. FBD.

Sorryaboutyourluck, FBD.

Beads921 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:389201fc-6a61-4774-ac28-b88e11ac8055Post:ee564479-6ea5-45c4-a886-a16f766b6175">Re: Name after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Dude. If I was a Dr. Paige I'd make FBD go second. Eff him. Dr. Paige McC & Mr. FBD. Sorryaboutyourluck, FBD.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

I always thought the Dr. did come first no matter what anyway...

Elle1036 · May 2011

I know you aren't being completely serious, but it bugs me for you to say "it makes you sad" for people to acknowlege you by your hard-earned title rather than as Mrs. Husbandsfirstname Husbandslastname. I know I'm a lot less traditional than most, but referring to a woman by just putting Mrs. in front of her husband's name has always bugged me, and your PhD is a much bigger accomplishment than landing a husband, in my opinion.

I hope you don't take any offense to this, Ember. I don't intend any.

Ember01 · May 2011

Elle... I completely understand what you mean. I was just kidding about the sad part. I would rather it be Mr. and Dr. Last Name. I know the Dr. always comes first, but I feel like it's a sign of respect for the Husband to be listed first.

I also think it could be de-masculating for men.

FI and I were talking over the weekend about how much money we are both making. I am working 4 different jobs, so I hadn't sat down and figured out how much that meant I was making a month. When we figure it out, I ended up making more than he did. He was like, wow, I feel like I've lost my man card today. Don't get me wrong, he is totally proud of me, but I think men want to be the breadwinners and all that jazz.

PaigeMcC · May 2011

I'm offended, Elle. You suck.

I keed!!

I love that I'm going to be Paige H instead of Paige McC...but I am a person in my own right and people referring to me as Mrs. FBD doesn't really work for me. It would work even less so if I was a Doctor...or some other prestigious title.

Elle1036 · May 2011

You suck, too, Paige.

Ember, I knew you were mostly kidding. I just used your post as an excuse to be all feminist, I guess.

PaigeMcC · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:389201fc-6a61-4774-ac28-b88e11ac8055Post:2b4d8f5e-68d3-4f3d-91dc-673c83ecc912">Re: Name after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]You suck, too, Paige. Ember, I knew you were mostly kidding. I just used your post as an excuse to be all feminist, I guess.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

...your mom never complained about it.

or your dad.

either way my insult stands.

MLekathLEEN · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:389201fc-6a61-4774-ac28-b88e11ac8055Post:0b2cd780-7133-4dd4-aba6-616bc0ec66d4">Re: Name after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Hahaha... Oops! That was suppose to be "This makes me sad :(" Yeah, but etiquette books say to put it on separate lines. Can I not be a doctor in my personal life? Just my professional life? I already jokingly asked if we could hold off the wedding until I graduate, so I'll be Dr. Maiden Name for awhile. I know I could keep my maiden name, but I'm traditional, and don't like that.
Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]

I was thinking it was a Botox smiley. LOL

peekaboo2011 · May 2011

Funny story - my advisor from undergrad married a tattoo artist after she had her PhD, so she kept her maiden name . And everyone calls her husband Mr. Dr. Lady. No one uses his real name.

So, perchance your husband will become Mr.Dr.Ember?

And, I'll eventually have the same ish - Dr. and Mr. all the way!!!!

cu97tiger · May 2011

Ember, I think you are perfectly within your rights to use 'Mrs.' in your personal life and 'Dr.' in your professional life. If/when me and BF get married, I'll be keeping my last name as my middle name and may, at times, use my maiden name for those who have known me only professionally. I spent 32 years of my life building up that name before I met BF, so at times he'll just have to understand if I continue using it.

Considering you're the one who put in all the hard work for the 'Dr.', I can't see any reason not to let YOU decide how, if and when you want to use it

(that is a REAL smiley face, NOT a botox smiley face... hee hee)

becunning2 · May 2011

I love it when you go all feminist Elle.

leia1979 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:389201fc-6a61-4774-ac28-b88e11ac8055Post:c0fdf883-1693-406b-8c2c-c31d35d171a9">Re: Name after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Elle... I completely understand what you mean. I was just kidding about the sad part. I would rather it be Mr. and Dr. Last Name. I know the Dr. always comes first, but I feel like it's a sign of respect for the Husband to be listed first. I also think it could be de-masculating for men. FI and I were talking over the weekend about how much money we are both making. I am working 4 different jobs, so I hadn't sat down and figured out how much that meant I was making a month. When we figure it out, I ended up making more than he did. He was like, wow, I feel like I've lost my man card today. Don't get me wrong, he is totally proud of me, but I think men want to be the breadwinners and all that jazz.
Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]

As usual, Elle needs to get outta my head!

Ember, while I respect your opinion in the above statement, I disagree. I was gonna say more, but I think we should just agree to disagree.

I will say that I understand the breadwinner bit. I make a bit more than FI, and he sometimes feels like he's not successful for not making as much as I do. But on the other hand, I would probably not feel that great if I made less. It's a tough situation any way you slice it.

Ember01 · May 2011

I know my opinion is in the minority (I'm use to it). I grew up in a household where my mom didn't work, and that was all I knew. I guess because I saw it work so well for my parents, it is the lifestyle I would love to have. My mom has a degree and has never used it. I always say I'm getting my education as a backup plan, in case my husband can't support us. My friends cringe when I say that because they all agree with you guys

DanieKA · May 2011

I'll be hyphenating because I just can't lose my last name. Like people say with their profession, t has become more than "just my father's name" to me. I've been through a lot and I have grown as my own woman with that name. But I love BF too much not to want to make his name a part of mine when the time comes. I'll just have an annoying last name. I won't really mind how people address me, but legally (emotionally, blah, blah, blah) I'll be a hyphenate.

But I totally get the emasculating part. I have and will make more than BF at least in the immediate future. I pay for most things and I know it gets to him sometimes. I try to be sensitive, but sometimes I'm like, "Dude, we need more than ramen noodles from the grocery store. Let me just pay for some freaking chicken cutlets!"

bethsmiles · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:389201fc-6a61-4774-ac28-b88e11ac8055Post:d5288364-c4e9-4c7a-aeb7-8003827d5e9f">Re: Name after marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]I know my opinion is in the minority (I'm use to it). I grew up in a household where my mom didn't work, and that was all I knew. I guess because I saw it work so well for my parents, it is the lifestyle I would love to have. My mom has a degree and has never used it. I always say I'm getting my education as a backup plan, in case my husband can't support us. My friends cringe when I say that because they all agree with you guys :)
Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]

I will join you in the minority Ember. My friends cringe too when I say that I want to be a SHM and that I only plan on using my degree until BF and I have kids or if BF can't support us alone.

lunarsongbird · May 2011

OOh- I want to be a Stay at Home mom too!

Financially, I think I will probably have to work part time though or maybe a really early shift. ::shrugs::

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