Tell the bride or not tell the bride???

2010Bride2be · November 2011

I attended the wedding of a very good friend from college Saturday evening. My friend has been through so much in the last few weeks (just lost her mom to cancer), and I was so excited to be able to share her big day with her and couldn't wait to see her happy!

Ceremony was beautiful and it was so 'them'. However, the reception is when things went nuts. I was seated with other roomates/friends from college, so I was not alone in witnessing this. Here is goes:

1. The bartender at the bar on our side of the room was just nasty. No, we don't care that you had to make the drink that someone asked for a thousand times the night before. Beer bottles do not have to be slammed up on the bar. And you can at leas act as if you are happy to be there...crack a smile.

2. Someone at our table decided that it would be 'cute' to take the table number and pass it around the table so we could leave notes on it for he bride and groom. The server got PISSED about this and demanded that we stop. So we left it on the table. Then another server came back 20 minutes later and requested that we give it to her. We told her we didnt know where it went (ok, so we lied). She proceeded to scold us for writing on the table number because the venue reuses them. I could not believe this much chaos could be caused over a piece of paper. So today, I'm going to Staples to purchase a pack of paper and an ink cartridge and shipping it to them..they can print til their heart's content.

3. Our dinner came out about 20 minutes after every other table was served. (I guess this was our punishment). The food was cold at that point.

4. After the bride and groom cut their cake, every table received cupcakes (they had a cupcake tower) and a plate of displayed desserts. Guess what table didnt get any?? Yep, ours. So one of the girls at our table informed the server. She came back with the plate of desertes and not so nicely put it on our table. None of us ate it at that point. About a half hour later, I went back to the table after dancing and I heard the server say to another one 'see, they didnt even eat it'. I'm like hello?? I'm standing right here!

So, my question is...should I tell the bride what happened? I know I would want to know if that happened to one of my guests. I would be mortified. But I am not sure if I should even open my mouth at this point. AAW board...what say you?

Soon2BSand · November 2011

Yes, but I wouldn't tell her now. She needs to know these things because they spent (what I assume) a significant amount of money on the services that they didn't (or very poorly) provide.

I don't know about buying and sending them printing paper... that's passive aggressive and not nescessary.

Give her time to enjoy her newlywed'dom. Let them go on their honeymoon and come back but yes I'd definitely tell her. Also,be sure to make sure you don't over "hype" what really happened bc her emotions are already on a million right now.

ETA: she probably knows or has heard by now if the whole table witnessed it..so when you talk to her make sure she knows that you waited to tell her because of everything else that's going on.

djscat · November 2011

Totally agree with Tasha. If you do decide to tell her wait. Give her time to enjoy her honeymoon. Also it might not be a bad idea to contact the venue's management directly. The poor service happened to you so IMHO you have every right to contact the venue and let them know the service that was provided for your table. I think that would better serve the venue instead of sending the paper and ink. Why spend any money on a place that gave you such poor service.

MrsJenrette · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tell-bride-not-tell-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:f1ce0d97-dd68-4ef5-90e8-d811e05acd47Post:fa53bed7-e015-42e3-9093-30caca07fa81">Re: Tell the bride or not tell the bride???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Yes, but I wouldn't tell her now. She needs to know these things because they spent (what I assume) a significant amount of money on the services that they didn't (or very poorly) provide. </strong> I don't know about buying and sending them printing paper... that's passive aggressive and not nescessary.<strong> Give her time to enjoy her newlywed'dom. Let them go on their honeymoon and come back but yes I'd definitely tell her. Also,be sure to make sure you don't over "hype" what really happened bc her emotions are already on a million right now. ETA: she probably knows or has heard by now if the whole table witnessed it..so when you talk to her make sure she knows that you waited to tell her because of everything else that's going on.
</strong>Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

This!!

Carla1019 · November 2011

Honestly I would not tell her. No matter how you explain the situation it sounds like you are complaining. I would go onto that venue's website (or google) and leave a comment for other brides to beware.

The bride's day has passed and there is nothing she can do about it now.

MsAmeera25 · November 2011

I would not tell her, because all it will cause her to do is feel bad and be upset regardless of how long you wait. Instead I would contact the venue directly and let them know the way you were treated as a guest. If they care about customer service they will address the issue with the staff and correct it and possibly compensate the bride. While I do not agree with the way you were treated I do not think it will do any good telling the bride.

Soon2BSand · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tell-bride-not-tell-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:f1ce0d97-dd68-4ef5-90e8-d811e05acd47Post:9a1186a9-0835-4c17-a881-c2245210cfde">Re: Tell the bride or not tell the bride???</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly I would not tell her. No matter how you explain the situation it sounds like you are complaining. I would go onto that venue's website (or google) and leave a comment for other brides to beware. The bride's day has passed and there is nothing she can do about it now.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I toyed with this idea... but my thought process is this: if the bride/groom are aware they can potentially get money back. If a guest writes a letter they say "oh ok..." and ignore it. I think the people who actually paid the bill have a better recourse than a guest. That's the ONLY reason I, as a bride, would want to know. <span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>

</div>

2010Bride2be · November 2011

Thanks ladies! I don't think I am going to tell her based on what she's been through. I know she enjoyed her day and I don't want to cast a cloud on her day.

HOWEVER....I am going to send an email to the venue and share with anyone who asks my opinion of them. The whole thing really pi$$ed me off. You pay 10's of thousands of dollars to these venues...each guest should be treated special.

Carla1019 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_tell-bride-not-tell-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:f1ce0d97-dd68-4ef5-90e8-d811e05acd47Post:9a2b2ad5-fc0f-4893-844b-64efd8320272">Re: Tell the bride or not tell the bride???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tell the bride or not tell the bride??? : I toyed with this idea... but my thought process is this: if the bride/groom are aware they can potentially get money back. If a guest writes a letter they say "oh ok..." and ignore it. I think the people who actually paid the bill have a better recourse than a guest. That's the ONLY reason I, as a bride, would want to know.
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

I see your point.
It would be nice if they could get money back but highly doubtful. If the venue provided all the arrangements according to their contract then 1 or 2 staff members with a bad attitude don't constitute breach of contract. At best, they might get a discount on future events but getting a small refund is unlikely.

hatroopes · November 2011

I know there were things that didn't go as planned during my wedding, but I really don't want to know about it - it's over and done with. I noticed some things and I specifically asked those involved for details on what actually happened. If the bride doesn't know about it, then telling her isn't helping. I say just let it go - like Carla said, highly unlikely that she will be getting any money back due to rudeness from the staff. You know your friend best, but I as a bride would not want to know.

I was at a friend's wedding once where I, DH and quite a few other people I knew suffered food poisioning. We all knew it was due to the food served at the wedding. We debated if we should let her know and ultimately decided not to. We all survived and at that point, felt like it would have done nothing but updet her.