Invitation etiquette

Mystic619 · April 2010

shellydiane820 · April 2010

almost the same situation is posted like 4 posts down. I guess its not very unique.

Kati0105 · April 2010

One of our GMs was (and is still) technically married to a woman he married a long time ago - like your brother, they've just never filed for divorce. He's been dating a new girl for a while now and we invited her to come with him. Unlike in your situation, most of our other guests were not aware of his marital status, and his girlfriend was not able to attend so it was no big deal. Honestly I'd probably put your brother's feelings before those of the rest of your guests.

lizstill13 · April 2010

So they've been separated for 2 1/2 years?! WTF. Just get it over with.

Let him bring a date, it's not gonna kill you and I'm pretty sure that everyone in your family already knows his marriage went kaput a LONG time ago.

banana468 · April 2010

Well, my cousin is in a similar situation.

He and his wife split. They don't live in the same state. BUT they are still married.

If I were getting married tomorrow, I'd invite him with hi new GF.

This is different than an affair IMO. I know it sounds weird but those are just my $.02.

If this was an affair it would be a TOTALLY different story.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537d5d4b-db1e-4e62-a67f-4c06cf755ec2Post:65f57841-0649-4ae9-bbb1-22d6cbf37782">Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, my cousin is in a similar situation. He and his wife split. They don't live in the same state. BUT they are still married. If I were getting married tomorrow, I'd invite him with hi new GF. <strong>This is different than an affair IMO. I know it sounds weird but those are just my $.02. If this was an affair it would be a TOTALLY different story.</strong>
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Agreed on both counts. Both members are completely done with the marriage and, AFAIK, completely fine with the other moving on.

tenofcups4me · April 2010

Invite him with a date. They might be legally married, but they're clearly not really married at this point.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

Ditto PPs. This isn't an affair. This is a new relationship. Your wedding is not your opportunity to pass judgment on other people's relationships.

If you are giving guests to everyone else in the WP, excluding your brother from this is really nasty, and petty.

Just invite her.

Kristin789 · April 2010

Totally agree with OP.

He's MARRIED. Legally MARRIED. That means he isn't dating anyone. He isn't in a romantic relationship with anyone. He's MARRIED. You either decide to invite him ALONE on the invitation, or you address the invitation properly for a MARRIED couple: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

And if he asks why his invitation does not include a girlfriend, you say: "I know that you asked Mom and Dad to include Hoara on the guest list because other people in the BP are able to invite bf/gf. But you are married and must come with your legal wife or come by yourself. The other people in the BP who are bringing bf/gf are single. If your divorce was finalized and filed by the time we sent out the invitations, then you would not be married, and you would have been able to invite Hoara as your girlfriend."

Kati0105 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537d5d4b-db1e-4e62-a67f-4c06cf755ec2Post:45da6784-dad3-40a6-b96b-4a7e954ca55a">Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Totally agree with OP. He's MARRIED. Legally MARRIED. That means he isn't dating anyone. He isn't in a romantic relationship with anyone. He's MARRIED. You either decide to invite him ALONE on the invitation, or you address the invitation properly for a MARRIED couple: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe And if he asks why his invitation does not include a girlfriend, you say: "I know that you asked Mom and Dad to include Hoara on the guest list because other people in the BP are able to invite bf/gf. But you are married and must come with your legal wife or come by yourself. The other people in the BP who are bringing bf/gf are single. If your divorce was finalized and filed by the time we sent out the invitations, then you would not be married, and you would have been able to invite Hoara as your girlfriend."
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Yes. Do this. Be a complete judgmental bitch to your own brother and the woman he started dating after being separated from his wife for YEARS. Jesus Christ Kristin I see you give terrible advice on here everyday but this really takes the cake.

shellydiane820 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:537d5d4b-db1e-4e62-a67f-4c06cf755ec2Post:d1e7a1af-6a30-43a8-b88b-3088a088b28c">Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed : Yes. Do this. Be a complete judgmental bitch to your own brother and the woman he started dating after being separated from his wife for YEARS. Jesus Christ Kristin I see you give terrible advice on here everyday but this really takes the cake.
Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

I heart you.

Kati0105 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537d5d4b-db1e-4e62-a67f-4c06cf755ec2Post:d4ab7ed3-733e-4ed0-8311-2ef02e248b34">Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed : I heart you.
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

<3

missy68 · April 2010

Again.... Kristin shows up to take the cake.

louisvillebride21 · April 2010

Come on Kristen. Why do you have to be a total bitch? I mean, I agree with you to an extent. I don't think you should be dating someone while you're married, affair or not. But get real. While you 'shouldn't' be dating someone else, CLEARLY they are. Get over yourself.

allisong23 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537d5d4b-db1e-4e62-a67f-4c06cf755ec2Post:45da6784-dad3-40a6-b96b-4a7e954ca55a">Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]Totally agree with OP. He's MARRIED. Legally MARRIED. That means he isn't dating anyone. He isn't in a romantic relationship with anyone. He's MARRIED. You either decide to invite him ALONE on the invitation, or you address the invitation properly for a MARRIED couple: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe And if he asks why his invitation does not include a girlfriend, you say: "I know that you asked Mom and Dad to include Hoara on the guest list because other people in the BP are able to invite bf/gf. But you are married and must come with your legal wife or come by yourself. The other people in the BP who are bringing bf/gf are single. If your divorce was finalized and filed by the time we sent out the invitations, then you would not be married, and you would have been able to invite Hoara as your girlfriend."
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Wow...judgemental much? So if brother starts dating someone years after he and wife split up, she is a whore? If this was your brother, would you prefer that he stay married to someone when they are clearly not happy, or move on to find someone that he can be happy with? I doubt his wife cares very much, so why should you?

squirrly · April 2010

Once again, Kristen shows up with totally irrelevant advice, is questioned repeatedly about it, and she fails to engage in conversation about it. Not the way message boards should work, dear.

Invite him with a plus 1. The discomfort, if there is any, will be aimed at him & it will be his thing to deal with it. Since his wife doesn't care, why should you judge?

louisvillebride21 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:537d5d4b-db1e-4e62-a67f-4c06cf755ec2Post:cd151cc8-14ee-42e9-a91c-0a0438cdfbdc">Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation etiquette - advice needed : Wow...judgemental much? So if brother starts dating someone years after he and wife split up, she is a whore? If this was your brother, would you prefer that he stay married to someone when they are clearly not happy, or move on to find someone that he can be happy with? I doubt his wife cares very much, so why should you?
Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]
Not Kristin, but I agree that he shouldn't be datign while married. I don't think the new girlfriend is a whore exactly. But as someone said before, shiit or get off the pot. Why the hell stay married?

sgervais88 · April 2010

I agree with PPs, except Kristin.

mandysmear · April 2010

::head-desk::

irishxmyst · April 2010

I agree with other PPs, invite his current gf. He is your brother and that should matter above everything else. You may not like his decision, but you shouldn't use your wedding as collateral to enforce your own moral code.

Also, I don't know how much he has disclosed to you about his marriage or his estranged wife, but perhaps he has reasons for not divorcing that are not known to you. Divorce costs money, and depending on how long it is litigated it can get very expensive, and perhaps he isn't ready financially for that. Perhaps him and his wife are fine with the way money and property are split up now and a divorce can disturb that agreement they may have. Property might have to get sold be divided up by percentages, one may owe the other alimony and might not be able to afford it. Some states allows parties to set their own terms for divorce, others have mandatory laws regarding alimony and equity divisions. Point of all this is you shouldn't judge what you may not know.

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