What to call your future in laws?

stanagras · March 2010

Me and the fiance spent this past weekend with his parents...my future in laws and I didn't know what to call them....should I call them mom and dad? Mr. and Mrs.? Their job titles...Dr. and Dr.? Aunt and Uncle (we're Filipinio and we call everyone who's older Auntie and Uncle or Tita and Tito in Tagalog)?

Any suggestions?

Also, they have offerred to throw us an engagement party in their hometown of Memphis....I have a very small family here...just my parents and my one and aunt and uncle (reall aunt and uncle). Wondering if I should make the first meeting of my small family and his immediate family more intimate like a small dinner or something as opposed to having my family fly out to Memphis to meet his entire family and his parent's closest friends. Might be to overwhelming and uncomfortable....any suggestions or comments?

etaraskewich · March 2010

My FI and I have been together for more than 3 years, and I still don't know what to call his parents. When I speak to them, I just start speaking and never actually address them. When I'm talking about them I say "So&So's mom" or So&So's dad"

britne28 · March 2010

I'll be calling them Bob and Sue as I have all along. I wouldn't want to have to address them as Mr or Mrs though. And I have parents so I'm sticking with the first names.

stefani103 · March 2010

Our families aren't very formal. I call his mom by her first name. It was awkward at first since I wasn't sure, but now we're good.

After they were married, my FI's sister in law started calling her "mom." I don't know if I could do that. I do call his aunt, Aunt Firstname and his gma Grandma Lastname. And honestly, I only started doing this after they sent me a card and that's how they signed it.

What does your FI say?

Amaryllis619 · March 2010

I call them mom and dad, or sometimes by their first names. FI is super close with his family, so when we were engaged, his mom started signing things "mom", so i took my cue from her. Just do what makes you feel most comfortable.

When our parent's met for the first time it was really informal, just our parent's for brunch. But if they are offering to through you an engagement party, i think that's the perfect time to have everyone meet.

pandasquishy · March 2010

Have they ever written a birthday card to you or something where they signed their names? Call them by that. If not, I would call them by their titles (it's not impersonal, it shows respect) until they say, "Oh please, call me by [first name]!"

psichick · March 2010

call them mr and mrs or dr until they tell you to call them something else. err on the side of formality. if they want you to use a different name, they'll tell you.

jenn.daniel · March 2010

I use Dr. and Mrs. because I haven't been told to use anything else. They signed my Valentine's Day card with their first names, so I might try that next time I see them.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

I initially addressed them as Mr and Ms, but they quickly told me to call them by their first names. I've always been taught that it's a sign of respect to address someone older than you by their title until they tell you not to.

When my DH first met my parents, I told him to call them Mr and Mrs at first. My mom immediately told him to call her by her first name, and he did. My dad didn't say anything, and my H continued calling him Mr for a year before anyone noticed. I had my mom tell him to call dad by his first name in front of dad. My dad is so clueless sometimes.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I call them by their first names. His Mom and I are really close, we used to work together.

Pirata13 · March 2010

I call his mom and dad "Mom & Dad" and his stepparents by their first names. FI doesn't really call mine anything right now, at least. I don't think he knows what he's comfortable with.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

When I first met them, they introduced themselves to me as Mary and Joe, with the obvious intention that I should call them that. So that's what I call them. FI calls my parents by their first names as well.

My mom always called my dad's parents mom and dad, because that's what everyone was comfortable with.

caseylynne21 · March 2010

i grew up being told that all of my elders were to be called "mr and mrs", but this wasnt always what parents of my friends wanted so i fell into the habit of calling them mama so&so...and that is how it has worked with his parents...i feel weird calling them by their first names and they dont want the formality so they are mama and papa so&so...

HayTay81 · March 2010

I use their first names, but it depends on your relationship with them. If they are laid back and you're pretty close I would assume first names would be ok. If not, maybe kind of jokingly bring it up one day by saying so, now that I'm joining the family, what should I call you? or something like that. If you feel really uncomfortable get your fiance to ask them what they prefer.

whitneykaye87 · March 2010

I think 'Mom and Dad' would be kinda weird, since I already have two people who own those titles. I started calling them Mr. and Mrs. FI's last name, and when FMIL and I got closer/new each other better. After we got engaged I called them both by their first names. (FI and my parents were pretty much the same way)

Mai Lan · March 2010

His mom told me to call her by her first name, but my FI calls her Mom, so without thinking, I started calling her that too. I guess we all might as well get used to it, as that seems to be the path we're traveling towards.

spaje · March 2010

I call his parents by their first names, as will my son for a while. (I had to ask, cause I was taught in my family, you don't call your parents or grandparents by their first names. Aunts, uncle's... well, when talking to them, you can use their first names, but when talking about therm, or referring to them, we say aunt or uncle so and so) We'd only met them once before engagement, so I had to ask for my sons sake about what to call them, and got told to go by the first names for now. Although, I totally think a slip of the tongue is comming on my part to saying Mom and Dad...(Heck, my dad called my mother's parents mom and dad for as long as I can remember...that could've stemmed from his parents dying though before I was even born.)

cutypie953 · March 2010

I had this same issue until a week ago!!!! I started my calling them "Mr. and Mrs." to be polite. Then they started signing cards "Mom and Dad" but I don't feel right calling them mom and dad yet, so, I just asked her on the phone a week ago "What do you prefer to be called?" and she told me, "I am so glad you asked that, I don't like to be called 'Mrs.' because it makes me feel old, please call me Elaine," Problem solved!

felicia220 · March 2010

I call my FMIL, by her first name, that is what I am comfortable with. I don't know if or when that will change but if it does I would like that it would happen naturally.

nene0182 · March 2010

I call them by their first names. I never even thought to call them anything else.

BluValkyrie · March 2010

I refer to them by their first names, and my FI refers to my parents by their first names

Samwise16 · March 2010

I still say Mr. (first name) and Mrs. (first name) after 3 years, but I was raised to do it that way. He hates that I don't just call them by their first names but I can't help it $:\$ It just feels weird!

bryanandcarol · March 2010

I was thinking that during the rehearsal dinner or even the reception, I would go up to them and say, "Now that we are familly, what do want me to call you?" (since I never really address them by any name now, I figure the wedding is a great transition day when it will seem normal to ask, even after knowing them 2 years!)

What to call your future in laws?

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