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Tipping

L&K2012L&K2012 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I read the article included in the sticky on this board, and I have also skimmed lots of posts regarding these types of topics but since some details are different I figuerd I would put up my own post - sorry as I know this question likely gets asked A TON on this board, but I am confused as to if and how much I should tip the following people:

Wedding Coordinator through the hotel - We are paying an arm and a leg for this wedding and a 20% service fee is already included.  Due to this, I assume there is no need to tip the wedding coordinator or any of the servers/bar tenders etc, as it is covered with our service fee.  Agreed/disagree?  If disagree, what is an acceptable amount?

Florist - She owns her own buisness, but will be coming to set up.  Do I give her an additional tip?  So far she has been great to work with so I by no means want to make her feel underappreciated, but hard to know if I am thrilled with the overall service provided until after the wedding (when she will already be gone). 

Photographer - Husband/Wife combo who own their own business.  This was one of the items I 'splurged' on since I really wanted a good photographer.  I can't really say if I think they went above and beyond what I expected until I receive the pictures.  I assume it is appropriate to just send a nice thank you note after I receive the pictuers?

9 peice band (with one sound tech) - Per the article it looks like I should give $25 per person, can I just give $250 to the band leader and ask him to distribute it amongst the team?  Although I hired them through an agency, and I think they said 'gratuity included', so if I reconfirm and that is the case, does that mean I don't have to tip... or should I still?

Officiant - I just hired a JP who I am paying, so I assume no additional tip is neccesary, but if I wanted, would giving her $20 be acceptable?

Ceremony musicians - Husband/Wife combo who own their own business, same thing I assume I don't have to tip but if I just give the two of them $20 each is that acceptable?

I guess my biggest fear is that I want to tip where appropriate (and even in some places where not really required) but I don't want to give a small tip and have that seem MORE rude than if I didn't tip at all.   Make sense?  As we all know, weddings get OUT OF HAND, and I am definitely spending more than I anticipated, but I don't want to forgo tipping when it is appropriate and deserved.

Sorry for the length of this - thank you all so much for your help!!

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Re: Tipping

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would still give a small tip to the WC.  Most hotels take a cut (5% or so of the service charge) then the rest gets divided by all the banquet staff.   WC are not normally part of the cut.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    L&K2012L&K2012 member
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    Makes sense, so back to my other issue... what is considered a reasonable small tip?  I don't want to tip her $25 and have that seem silly/rude.  Everything I read says 'small', but I never know what that means small to one might be HUGE to another...I typically do a %, but 10-20% of some wedding prices (bands/photographers) is quite large!
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    WC - i would give between $50-100.  Maybe more or less depending on how well he/she did.  We actually gave a lot more than that ($700), but our wedding had some weather issues and he rocked at making it come off without a hitch.

    Florist - nothing.  Didn't even see them.  They charged a $250 delivery charge.

    DJ -  $75-100 (can't remember).  He was amazing and keep the floor packed even during the tropical storm (wedding was in a tent)

    Photo - we tipped by buy pictures from them directly instead of using a cheaper option.  I wasn't going to tip before I saw the final product.  I felt buying pictures from him was in a way tipping him.

    Steel pan for ceremony - I think we gave 25 each..  can't really remember

    Officiant - nothing.  He was already $625 + a room night at a hotel for a 15 minute service. (and I guess another 30 min at the rehearsal).  He was good, but I thought his compensation was sufficient.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Meegles4Meegles4 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    I didn't tip anyone who owned their own business, so in your case I would only tip the 9 piece band. I might also tip the JOP, but more like $50-$100 -- not $20.

    As for the WC, I don't think I'd tip there. I loved the catering manager at our venue, but I didn't tip her. Maybe that was wrong, but I feel like if you're a wedding coordinator for a venue, as opposed to a wedding coordinator I hire specifically, then I feel like it's your job to do what you're doing, and not anything "above and beyond". You're being paid a salary likely, instead of an hourly or event-based fee. I realize that the things every vendor does is considered their "job", so maybe that doesn't make sense or is an unpop op.

    In your case, if you feel like the WC went above and beyond, then give her a little something...again $50-$100.
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    xxstardustxxstardust member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tipping-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9afa8ab-4f1e-4bf6-a1c4-2d717e95ec3aPost:3c52880b-9b49-4107-ad5d-a360a73aef98">Tipping</a>:
    [QUOTE]\ Wedding Coordinator through the hotel - We are paying an arm and a leg for this wedding and a 20% service fee is already included.  Due to this, I assume there is no need to tip the wedding coordinator or any of the servers/bar tenders etc, as it is covered with our service fee.  Agreed/disagree?  If disagree, what is an acceptable amount?
    Posted by L&K2012[/QUOTE]

    I know it's not true everywhere, but at the banquet facility I work at (and many others in the NYC area/boroughs), the 20% service charge isn't a tip. It pays my wages for the night. The office staff where I work won't tell you that unless you flat-out ask them, though - I guess they're afraid of scaring off business and are happy to let people assume it's a gratuity.

    That's not true of all contracts or even most - but in our area, it happens frequently. It doesn't hurt to clarify.

    eta: spelling
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    L&K2012L&K2012 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tipping-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9afa8ab-4f1e-4bf6-a1c4-2d717e95ec3aPost:555c4186-4dd2-429b-944c-a67f4ca3dddb">Re: Tipping</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Tipping : I know it's not true everywhere, but at the banquet facility I work at (and many others in the NYC area/boroughs), the 20% service charge isn't a tip. It pays my wages for the night. The office staff where I work won't tell you that unless you flat-out ask them, though - I guess they're afraid of scaring off business and are happy to let people assume it's a gratuity. That's not true of all contracts or even most - but in our area, it happens frequently. It doesn't hurt to clarify. eta: spelling
    Posted by xxstardust[/QUOTE]

    Good to know, I am fairly certain she did relate to this for tips (at least for the bar she said that there would be no tip basket out as we already paid the tip in the service fee); but I will clarify just in case.  This is a resort vs. a banquet facility, so I don't think they use banquet staff; more like on-site staff (most of them live there also as a lot of their staff seems to be international.... think similar to a cruiseline staff).  Not sure if that makes a different for how they account for their wages or not. 
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    klwpazklwpaz member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tipping-53?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9afa8ab-4f1e-4bf6-a1c4-2d717e95ec3aPost:555c4186-4dd2-429b-944c-a67f4ca3dddb">Re: Tipping</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Tipping : I know it's not true everywhere, but at the banquet facility I work at (and many others in the NYC area/boroughs), the 20% service charge isn't a tip. It pays my wages for the night. The office staff where I work won't tell you that unless you flat-out ask them, though - I guess they're afraid of scaring off business and are happy to let people assume it's a gratuity. That's not true of all contracts or even most - but in our area, it happens frequently. It doesn't hurt to clarify. eta: spelling
    Posted by xxstardust[/QUOTE]

    This was true when I was a banquet server in upstate NY as well. Most people did not give an additional tip, but every now and then someone would. It was not expected or necessary, but much appreciated on those nights that we worked our tails off to ensure things went smoothly.
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    TJD12TJD12
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    I actually never thought about planning for tipping, so this is a good conversation! 

    In our contract, there is an 18% gratuity charge for any food/beverage we pay for, so I am not planning on giving extra tips.  From personal experience at other weddings and events, my fiance and I (as well as other guests) would tip the bartender ourselves regardless of whether it was an open bar or not.  I'm assuming our bartenders will make some pretty good tips just from our guests.

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    jeja234jeja234 member
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     We have 20% service charge added on and a $800 "executive service" fee. I will have the catering manager if any of these charges includes the tips. As far as tipping the staff at a catering hall. How would we tip everyone? Each individual waiter/server wld get an enevlope?
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