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Wedding Etiquette Forum
NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)
FI & I are hosting Thanksgiving dinner at my place this year. This is the first time I'll be cooking for his family. I checked with FI about, allergies preferences etc. My only concern is one vegetarian.
Obviously the turkey, stuffing and gravy is out for her, but I do a large all homemade meal with lots of sides and options almost all are vegetarian. I know she can have the 9 vegetable sides, the from scratch bread, cranberry sauce and both desserts. I also set out 2 appetizers in the living room while everyone is mingling before dinner one is veggie dip with breads, crackers & crudities.
I'm less sure on the baked macaroni & cheese (doing double duty as a side and as the entree for one picky eater), and the brie app. FI says she eats eggs and dairy (including cheese) but after checking these cheeses are not actually vegetarian.
I'm worried that she will not really have a main dish. Is this enough? If not what do you suggest?
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Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties)
Okay, anyway - my point! Can you leave a little stuffing out of the bird and cook it on the stove? That way she can eat it.
Also, you could make a vegetarian gravy (http://vegetarian.about.com/od/saucesdipsspreads/r/herbgravy.htm) or buy a little box of mushroom gravy. They sell mushroom gravy the all the grocery stores in my small-ish town, so you shouldn't have any trouble finding it, it's usually in the health food section and 2 or 3 dollars.
Also, not sure what your desserts are, but gelatin isn't vegetarian, so if you're making a mousse that requires stabilizing, just remember that. And marshmallows typically aren't vegetarian.
I think for the most part your guest should be fine, but if you can get/make some vegetarian gravy for her, that would be really nice. For my Thanksgiving isn't complete without mashed potatoes and gravy, so I would be super appreciative if someone got mushroom gravy for me. (In a hypothetical world where I was a vegetarian, I mean).
[QUOTE]Do you stuff the bird? I LOVE YOU. People are crazy about that these days and it drives me nuts. Learn to do it correctly, people. Okay, anyway - my point! Can you leave a little stuffing out of the bird and cook it on the stove? That way she can eat it.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
<div>Ditto this. I always stuff the bird, and then cook a whole other batch of stuffing outside of the bird. Typically I mix the two together before serving, but in this case, I'd leave a large portion out, unmixed, for the vegetarian (we did this last year since FI's sister is vegetarian-the ONLY thing she couldn't eat was the actual bird).</div>
[QUOTE]I have to be honest, I think it's pretty crappy to expect your veg guest to just eat sides and to not even change the stock you make your stuffing with, which is an easy change and you can do it for all the stuffing then just leave a portion out of the bird. It's one thing for someone to go to something like a wedding or benefit for 100 people and not be very well accommodated. It's another to invite someone to your home and not be as accommodating as possible, especially for a holiday that is all about food. I would make the stuffing with veggie stock, make some mushroom gravy, and ask her what sort of entree she would like. It's pretty easy to grill up a portabella, or do some sort of stuffed eggplant or pepper, and then she won't be stuck eating a plate of side items while everyone else gets a spectacular entree with it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><strong><u>I </u></strong><strong><u>do not want to her to have only sides</u></strong>. </div><div>
</div><div>As for the stuffing I didn't think one out of 10 sides was being crappy & unaccommodating. The reason I have all these items is to be as accommodating to all my guests as possible. I wish I could serve 20 items that fits all 16 people's dietary restrictions and preferences but that's near impossible. That's why I'm asking. </div><div>
</div><div>P.S. one of the sides is spinach stuffed portabello mushrooms</div><div><div>
</div></div>
[QUOTE]I've gone to a few family Thanksgving dinners as a vegetarian, and I'm totally fine with eating everything but the turkey and gravy. My mom uses veggie stock for all of the stuffing (it doesn't go anywhere near the turkey) and everybody likes it. I can live without gravy, but when we host our own dinner this year, H will make a vegan cashew gravy--so good! <strong>I'm a little confused about the cheese not being vegetarian--I can see it not being vegan, but it should be vegetarian, at least.</strong>
Posted by kipnus[/QUOTE]
<div>I was confused about this too so I looked it up. Cheese is made with rennet, an enzyme (I think) that curdles the milk properly so it becomes delicious cheese instead of sour, rancid, disgusting-ness. There are different kinds of rennet, one kind is made from the stomach lining of a baby calf or ewe or kid, but there are also plant-derived rennets and microbial rennets. And scientists have cooked up some synthetic rennets that do the same thing as animal rennets, but don't actually use any animal parts.
And, I love love love cashew gravy! It took me a couple (like 13) tries to get it to come out right, but now I am completely in love with it!</div>
I think the worst thing is if the hostess is trying to accomadate me and I won't eat it. I feel like I am offending the hostess in that case. Don't stress yourself out by worrying too much.
It may not be necessary, but having some protein element for her might really make a difference in her meal.
However, if you're looking to add a main dish - this mushroom cassserole (http://haverecipes-willcook.blogspot.com/2012/11/mushroom-casserole.html) is absolutely delicious. It's hearty enough to make a wonderful main dish, but also is a good (and different) side dish, so it's not so obviously the vegetarian dinner.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
WARNING: GROSS VEGGIE EXPLAINATION
The reason cheese can be a problem is rennet. Rennet, or enzymes as it is sometimes stated on ingredients lists, is enzymes produced in an animal’s stomach which are added to cheese. This can also take the form of an animal's intestines being either added to the cheese or being processed and the solution added to the cheese. If a cheese is vegetarian, it is because the manufacturer used vegetable rennet instead of animal rennet.
There are many cheeses that don't contain rennet. In addition to animal and vegetable rennet there is microbial rennet, which vegetarians can eat. Trader Joe's and Whole Foods are excellent resources for rennet free cheese. If you have an Islamic grocery store near you, they will probably carry non-animal rennet cheese because it is not halal.
As far as the turkey, why not get a tofurkey? In addition to providing your vegetarian guest with an option, you can make enough for everyone to try some.
Just be sure to clearly mark what is and isn’t vegetarian or else segregate it. After seeing all the work you did to make them comfortable I’m sure the vegetarian in your life will have something more to be thankful for this year.
http://cheese.joyousliving.com/
http://wholefoodsmarket.com/department/cheese
http://www.traderjoes.com/guides/rennet-test.asp
http://www.tofurky.com/
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Thanksgiving Dinner help needed (especially from veggie knotties) : Lynda, you keep posting as if I, as a guest, expect this kind of treatment. I gave my opinion, as a HOST, as to what I would do. You disagree? Shiny. Disagree, that's fine. But that's how I was raised and how I do things, especially for holidays. As a guest, I can rarely eat a full meal at other's homes. I don't get mad at them or think badly of them, but I NEVER want someone in my home to enjoy themselves less than others because of dietary restrictions.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<div>Okay, as a host I would NOT change my normal stuffing that the rest of my guests like and are use to just because I have a vegetarian. I always go out of my way to make sure dietary restriction are taken care of, but even I have limits. (I also cook my stuffing in the turkey). As long as I have enough other options I'm don't see a need to change a recipe for one person.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm also married to a chef who can tell the difference between different stocks. Changing stocks can change the taste and some of the people we know will know the difference. </div>
[QUOTE]The potential problem with "we have 9 veggie sides she can eat!" is that they may all be very basic side dishes. For instance, you've got a corn casserole, cooked carrots, green beans, a fruit salad...you get the picture. On the other hand, if you've got something heartier in there, and it sounds like you do, then I don't see a problem. I've done the holiday meal where mashed potatoes were all I could eat. My MIL once invited us for dinner and then served shepherd's pie and wondered why I wasn't eating. So yes, 9 sides is great, but it's really helpful if it's a good mix of food in addition to just being veggie friendly.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
<div>I agree this to me was a bigger deal than stuffing making it 10 as opposed to 9 sides it's still no real main dish.</div>
[QUOTE]This is getting out of hand. I don't think the OP should make doubles and triples of each side dish with minor variances to accommodate every single guest. With 9 side dishes, guests can pick and choose what they like. <strong>As a host, you should always try to accommodate every guests, especially if a guest has an allergy. As a guest, you should eat what's put in front of you</strong>. As a kid I ate non kosher food and during my vegetarian phase I ate meat. I didn't want to hurt my host's feelings. The other alternative was staying home, which I could have done. I chose not to. By choosing to eat at someone else's house, you're choosing to eat the food they've prepared.<strong> These are grown adults</strong> that are refusing to eat meat. At other people's houses. On Thanksgiving. OP, do the best you can and the guest should do the same with the other, what, 7 side dishes. <strong>To reiterate, I definitely think a host should try to accommodate their guests, but once you have to start making more that 9 side dishes to please picky eaters, it's gone too far.</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
Ditto the majority of this.
When my Aunt hosts Thanksgiving she has a list of "What MAKES Thanksgiving for her guests"- for some it's not Thanksgiving without cornbread, or potatoes, or pork stuffing, etc. She makes one dish to accomodate each person's preferences- and she does it <em>her </em>way, not her son's wife's gramma's way...
While I agree that a hostess should do her best to accomodate everyone, I don't think that she should go completely out of her way to change all of her dishes. <strong>I think making a small box of stuffing with canned stock is the perfect remedy in this situation,</strong> but also, the veg's know this is a meat-centric holiday. It's not like they're expecting to be fully accomodated in a new situation, but a hostess should make sure they have several things to eat.
Maybe give her an email about what "makes" Thanksgiving it for her and supply her with that. Ask her! that's truly the best way to resolve the situation. She's an adult who made a choice to alter her diet, and although I disagree that she should feel as though she should eat meat because it was put in front of her, she should be thankful that you tried to accomodate her to the best of your ability, even if the dishes are things she doesn't prefer.
And a box of stouffers stuffing is like $1, so with a store-brand veggie stock that's like an extra $2 investment, which I think may be worth it in this situation.