BM troubles

kelleywill · December 2012

I hate to add yet another bridemaids trouble post but am just conserned. So i will try to make it as short as possible. OK our wedding is in october and i know a little early to worry about bridesmaids but i have a good reason. Two of the four of them are hard pressed with there money. One is working two full time jobs the other is working as a sub teacher and still lives at home. So i wanted them to have plenty of time to save and budget for the dress and travel if they needed. The other two my sister and another friend has good jobs and am not worried about there travel or dress.

The one i'm worried about is the one who works two jobs. She doesnt need to work two jobs one pays her enough money to live one and she has paid off her debt. However i think shes a little bit more conserned with extra money which i know is not my buinessiness but i worry about her working 18 hour days. So my worry is that she will comitte to the wedding buy the dress and then not get off work. She has blown off not only me but other friends of ours for new friends she met. Its like we come second to them and anything they do is over our plans. Am worried that she wont be there and i really want her to be there. Its not that i want or need her help with planning or anything am doing it all my own.

I dont know how to say how i feel about this but just that i dont feel like she commited to it. That she will pull out at the last mintue and then shes left with a dress. And i without one of my good friends there.

I dont know am just venting as she blow off one of our friends again.

mcda04 · December 2012

Your friend is uninterested because your wedding is 10 months away. Have you tried to talk to her wedding related subjects aside? Maybe she thinks you’re super busy planning your wedding so she’s going out with new friends. I don’t see the issue.

G.L.

AddieCake · December 2012

I can't imagine that she would blow off your wedding. If she does, that says everything about her and nothing about you. I think you are worrying over a non-existent problem.

libby2483 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:348f4d57-68a0-4f23-bbd0-56f144fce84bPost:5322df35-ff0d-4333-9f39-636227213159">Re: BM troubles</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't imagine that she would blow off your wedding. If she does, that says everything about her and nothing about you. I think you are worrying over a non-existent problem.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I understand your concern because one of my BMs also had a lot of money issues and has been flaky with commitments in the past. However, if this person is a BM, she is likely one of your closest friends. As a close friend and responsible adult, she should be able to take off for your wedding. Best of luck!</div>

kelleywill · December 2012

I may be worrying for no reason but its just something i am worried about. I also never talk to her about my planning unless she brings it up. I just moved 5 hours away and right now have yet to make new friends here. I guess i just worry because of the feeling of loseing friends. I have gone though a time years ago that i was very lonely and friendless and i feel like its repeating it self. I was just venting my troubles that have been rolling around i my head. And the issue is i feel she will back out at the last mintue. And i know it sounds selfish but if she does it will really hurt my feelings. And i just want my close soroity sisters to be there.

Peledreamsofrain · December 2012

I think it's a bit early to be so deeply concerned (although believe me, I understand worrying like crazy over everything in the wedding).

She has 10 months to work on her plan to build up her savings account. And quite frankly, what she's doing is admirable. Not everyone is willing to sacrafice their free time and hobbies to be financially independant and responsible. kudos to her.

It's possible that she's already asked for time off, or isn't even planning on having two jobs by then. Give it time, don't crowd or judge her.

itzMS · December 2012

PPs already gave good advice. I'll just add my two cents.

Remember, that no one, and I mean NO ONE will care about your wedding as much as you do. Lots of brides-to-be wonder why no one is doting upon them 24/7 because wedding 'reality' TV shows and the Wedding Industry would like you to think that bridal party=slaves.

I'm not saying you're asking too much of your bridal party...yet. Just remember to put the friendship first and not "wedding things". When it is time to buy bridesmaid dresses in a few months, let her know the details. Don't require her (or anyone) to go shopping with the group to the bridal salon or take off from work for fittings. She will find a way to get her dress and be there for you if she's a true friend.

OliveOilsMom · December 2012

When the time comes to go dress shopping with the BMs, ask each of them privately what their budget is. Then you can base your entire budget on the dresses for the girls on the lowest budget given. If you find a dress that is over the budget, you should offer to pay the difference for the dress.

As for feeling potentially friendless in your new town. Have you tried volunteering with your church, a charity you really like, or a hospital? Do they have any intra-mural sports groups that you and FI could join? Then you could meet like minded people and form some new friendships. If you feel like this could turn into a depression, try to schedule some time with your doctor who may be able to help you with any depression issues that may come up.

kelleywill · December 2012

About my friend am more concerned about her health she has alot of health problems more than my wedding. And am going as far as picking out about 10 dresses from the shop in missouri that closest to most of my BM minus my sister so that the girls can pick a dress in there budget. Am makeing the prices as low as possible and letting them pick out what they like and can afford. As for hair i dont care shoes nude any shoe they want. Am makeing it easy on me and them.

And as for the no friends her as of now i am speaking with my soroity alum chapter to try to met some of those ladys. So things are looking up as of the first post since i just heard back from them. Thanks for le tme vent and the advice.

OliveOilsMom · December 2012

If you are concerned about your BM's health. Give her a call. Ask her how she is doing. Tell her you are worried she is burning herself out with all the hours she works. See what her response is. If she says that she can handle all the hours, just let it go. But if she says, yes, she is tired all the time. Tell her that, as her friend, you are worried about her and see if she can reduced her work hours at one of her jobs or arrange it so that she has one full day off per week. I know that when I worked my 2 jobs during the summer in college, I always arranged this between the 2 places. I worked just as many hours as your friend too. That one day to relax really rejuvinates you.

erinlin25 · December 2012

I used to have 3 jobs...yup worked 12 hr days and traveled on the weekend for work because I loved the "jobs." But you better believe when my friend got married or I had something to do, I for sure would get the time off-- especially when I had 10 month advance notice. There is no reason she needs to officially put in for the time off right now, but I'm sure she has the date in mind and will know to keep it open. Man, I have not technically requested the time off for my own wedding yet! People know its happening, if you are important to them they will be there, and i'm assuming if she is in your WP, you are important to her and she will not miss it for the world. Relax

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