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Not Engaged Yet

Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)

As Andrew and I peer down at the beautiful rings at our jeweler- I have a piece of luggage sitting next to my feet.  As we turn to go, I yank at it’s handle. It is heavy- 100 pounds heavy, actually. So Andrew looks into my eyes and says, “Here- let me help you.”

 

This is one of the reasons I know he’s the one.

 

But I’m not ready for him to help me with my luggage. In fact, I don’t even want him to see my luggage! I’m so ashamed of it! I don’t want to talk about it. I felt scared and defensive when he tries to bring it up, which isn’t healthy for the relationship or me, for that matter.

 

So here are some questions I asked myself about my luggage this morning during my commute:

What is your luggage?

Two year ago, I went to my gynecologist for cervical pain. It was discovered that I had a grapefruit sized tumor on my ovary. It was benign and I had it surgically removed 6 months later. However, ever since I’ve been hormonally imbalanced and have gained 100 pounds. My food intake hasn’t changed- nor my activity level. Yet I gained 100 pounds in two years. 100 pounds and bright None of my clothes fit anymore, and as if that wasn’t a big enough reminder- I know have bright red stretch marks on my tummy, arms and thighs.


What does your luggage look like? What is your luggage’s name? What does your luggage tell you?

My luggage is new- only two years old. She’s a Loui Vuitton. Something I would never buy myself. For me, she represents society telling me that I’m not skinny enough. I’m not sexy enough. I’m not good enough. This is the worst thing she tells me…She whispers in my ear, “I don’t know how he is sure he loves you. You’re not even sure you love yourself.”


Her name is UBLoui, UBL for short. It stands for Uber Bi**h Loui.


How are you going to get rid of your luggage?

Well- let’s face it- I’m not going to lose 100 pounds by the time Andrew proposes to me. But the more I realize that it is the luggage talking- trying to make me more insecure- the more I can tell UBLoui to shut up. I am good enough. I am beautiful enough. Andrew thinks so! So should I! 


 
In the meantime, I’m going to decoupage her with images of things I am doing right- taking my vitamins everyday (this is HUGE for me), places I’ve walked, stickers for each time I’ve gone to the gym, and postcards of beautiful things that make me happy (hens, bees, nature). And when UBLoui stops being such a BIT**H- I’ll change her name to something nicer. And the more I leave her at home- I think someday she might be taken to the dump. I don’t really need her anyways. I’ve always preferred backpacks.  



To be honest, this visualization has already helped me feel so much better about my insecurities that have been floating around during this “waiting for a ring” time.  

Has anyone else felt insecurities during this time? Have you successfully battled them? Do you think this visualization would help you too? I know this is a kind of heavy topic for a Friday…but if it strikes a chord for you, it will give you the weekend to toss some ideas around.  


Hope you all are doing well today!! I promise to me much more jovial in my other posts today! LOL!

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Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)

  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It is a heavy topic for a Friday! :)  I have a little bit of weight/eating issues because I'm downright horrified I'll follow after my sister's (and I suspect, my mom's early years) footsteps and go off the deep end with dieting.  Luckily, I really like food so this hasn't been a big problem yet.

    Other than that, I have some health issues that are my main "luggage".  I've been working pretty hard with my PCP to make sure these don't get out of hand.  But I think i might need a new PCP if she doesn't give me enough time at my next appointment (I'm demanding, what can I say?)

    Oh, and I had this "luggage" way before we were dating, so BF was fully informed upon our relationship's beginning.

    *hugs* to you though!  The biology major in me really wants to say maybe there's some way your doc could help control your hormones better, but since it's only 2 years after surgery, maybe your hormones haven't chilled out enough yet?  I don't have a medical degree, unfortunately.  I assume you know more about this than me :)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • edited December 2011

    I do feel some insecurities. Especially because I can be a meanie sometimes, and I feel bad about that. I feel like sometimes I get upset at FI for something so incredibly stupid. I get frustrated with myself afterwards thinking about what a meanie butt I am to him sometimes.

    Also, I know my future carreer goals are a little stressful for FI. I want to some day work in a very dangerous area. Hopefully in some giant city with the police doing child welfare things, or helping rape victims. Or else I really would like to work in a prison. I guess I'm just odd, but that really is where my passions are. Anyways, FI says he's happy and he loves that, but he also worries about it. How I'll be working all night some days doing pretty intense things.

    Finally, I'm a worrier.  A big worrier. I'd say that is probably my biggest 'baggage'.

    HUGS!
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:cbfaa850-149c-476d-a1dc-1296680ba377">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do feel some insecurities. Especially because I can be a meanie sometimes, and I feel bad about that. I feel like sometimes I get upset at FI for something so incredibly stupid. I get frustrated with myself afterwards thinking about what a meanie butt I am to him sometimes. Also, I know my future carreer goals are a little stressful for FI. I want to some day work in a very dangerous area. Hopefully in some giant city with the police doing child welfare things, or helping rape victims. Or else I really would like to work in a prison. I guess I'm just odd, but that really is where my passions are. Anyways, FI says he's happy and he loves that, but he also worries about it. How I'll be working all night some days doing pretty intense things. Finally, I'm a worrier.  A big worrier. I'd say that is probably my biggest 'baggage'. HUGS!
    Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

    Bourgehm,
    I kinda wish I had your cajones!  I think your chosen line of work is <em>really</em> hard on people emotionally, but I'd love to do it.  I think it's a hugely important piece of the police framework.  Not entirely related, but I just read a historical book about the history of women in police work and it's amazing how little they were "allowed" to do even as recently as the 1970s!  Even though it doesn't sound like you'd go the police route (maybe social work if I had to guess?), it's still amazing how society used to treat prisoners, mental patients, and victims.  The mental hospital at Williamsburg was also really interesting to me.  I think I should've been a therapist or something, but teaching is very close to therapy (for me & them, frankly - they teach me SO much)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Wow, I liked how you wrote that in story format.  You are doing a great job at kicking insecurities butt!  I think I should take lessons....

    I have all sorts of insecurities.  Mostly I worry that I will never be good enough for anyone.  I worry that I fight with BF way too much and that it is always a stupid reason and always my fault.  I worry that I am not pretty or smart enough.  I worry that my parents will never be happy with me.  I worry that I will fail everything.  Man I worry a lot.  I am really inspired by you for taking such a firm hold on your insecurities.  I am working on mine but slowly and painfully.  I am doing a bit better now.   Your story is awesome.

    As for the other part of your question, I don't really battle them successfully.  I mostly am working on changing my thinking (because that is my problem)  I think visualizing things would overwhelm me but I am glad it is working for you.

    You can get through this stuff!  *HUGS*

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:36e7cee9-4fd9-4b5e-bcff-faccefdf24d7">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long) : Bourgehm, I kinda wish I had your cajones!  I think your chosen line of work is really hard on people emotionally, but I'd love to do it.  I think it's a hugely important piece of the police framework.  Not entirely related, but I just read a historical book about the history of women in police work and it's amazing how little they were "allowed" to do even as recently as the 1970s!  Even though it doesn't sound like you'd go the police route (maybe social work if I had to guess?), it's still amazing how society used to treat prisoners, mental patients, and victims.  The mental hospital at Williamsburg was also really interesting to me.  I think I should've been a therapist or something, but teaching is very close to therapy (for me & them, frankly - they teach me SO much)
    Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

    What book was it? I'd like to read it. 

    Yep! Social work! It will extremely draining, I know, but it's still what I want to do. I visited a prison a few weeks ago (the only supermax security prison in MN), and I was pretty sad to see that the staff still treats the inmates pretty horribly. For example, they strap them to boards when they act 'out of hand' and leave them in an empty room for FOUR HOURS! strapped to these boards. It made me sad seeing the inmates. I have a heart for them. I think although stuff has obviously gotten better from Williamsburg times, it still is not exactly where it should be.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:57a4a409-a189-497b-97b9-eefd8b84d361">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long) : What book was it? I'd like to read it.  Yep! Social work! It will extremely draining, I know, but it's still what I want to do. I visited a prison a few weeks ago (the only supermax security prison in MN), and I was pretty sad to see that the staff still treats the inmates pretty horribly. For example, they strap them to boards when they act 'out of hand' and leave them in an empty room for FOUR HOURS! strapped to these boards. It made me sad seeing the inmates. I have a heart for them. I think although stuff has obviously gotten better from Williamsburg times, it still is not exactly where it should be.
    Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]


    The Women in Police One is called: History in Blue: 160 Years of Women Police, Sheriffs, Detectives, and State Troopers by Allan T Duffin (it's very textbooky, but interesting nonetheless - kinda a slow read)

    You may also really enjoy: The Angel of Death Row by Andrea Lyon (it's about a defense lawyer that only works with death row inmates - I thought it was pretty amazing - more stories of actual cases she's worked)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • edited December 2011
    Lunar, I'm so sorry you're going through these tumor/hormonal/weight issues.  So many people assume that if you're overweight, it's because your a slob who eats McDonalds everyday.  So many don't understand that there are plenty of people who just simply cannot do anything about it.

    My baggage is that I had a fairly crappy childhood.  I'm not one to go around advertising it or using it as an excuse for anything.  It is what it is, I can't do anything about it, and I've moved past it to become a better person than where I came from.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:2f613cd0-8056-4102-bb7b-1f602e69421f">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long) : The Women in Police One is called: History in Blue: 160 Years of Women Police, Sheriffs, Detectives, and State Troopers by Allan T Duffin (it's very textbooky, but interesting nonetheless - kinda a slow read) You may also really enjoy: The Angel of Death Row by Andrea Lyon (it's about a defense lawyer that only works with death row inmates - I thought it was pretty amazing - more stories of actual cases she's worked)
    Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

    Wonderful! Just looked them up, and it looks like our library has both books. Thanks for the recomendation!
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I used to have a ton of insecurities after I split with my ex. Mainly, would I ever be good enough for anyone. I had weight issues and worried constantly. I started seeing a therapist and found out I have pretty bad anxiety. Medication helps a lot, but I get anxious I will get addicted to it if I take it too much... Talk about a cath 22!
     
    My BF has actually helped me a lot with my insecurities. He met me at my heaviest and thought I was a "knock out". I have lost 20lbs since January and started working out recently and I am back down to wearing the size I wore my freshman year of college! He says he is so proud of how healthy I am and how great I look but never mentions weight. He has been great in showing me that weight issues aren't about a number on the scale, its about being healthy and happy!

    sorry for the ramble
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:28f4b0d8-db81-4f59-8c64-db104d9b2c21">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE] I worry that I fight with BF way too much and that it is always a stupid reason and always my fault. Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

    This was how it started with me. Before my surgery, I was pretty confident. Happy almost all the time. Looking back, I realize I was pretty darn lucky.
    (Not that there weren't bad things going on in my life. Both of my parents are chronically ill. And I've watched other people  that I love die slowly of cancer). I just handled it better. When you have big things going on in your life- you do try to savor the happiness in life.

    But after my surgery, it was like I had my own little grey cloud following me. A piece of frozen chicken breast would fall out of the freezer and I would be like, "OH MY GAWD! It's all my fault! I'm so stupid! UGH!" I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I felt like my BF was constantly pointing out things I was doing wrong.

    I tried a couple antidepressents, which didn't work, but caused me to have awesomely vivid dreams. I was desperate for answers. I finally started seeing an endocrinologist, who still doesn't have answers, but now I'm on some thyroid meds. I also tried accupuncture, which ultimately helped me find the book the Diet Cure and The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. (<a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=IZvghC9Po20C&pg=PT8&lpg=PT8&dq=the+mood+cure&source=bl&ots=271uCi1zA2&sig=8Lj5GJB4tXDcSeXqabzAF42eB4A&hl=en&ei=eiXETa_jGIS8sAPB-oSaAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8&ved=0CGMQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q&f=false">clicky</a>)

    Andrew and I both agree that two amino acids have really helped me with the emotional rollercoasters. I'm totally in love with 5HTP and L-tyrosine. The 5HTP lets me be happy and the L-tryosine gives me enough energy to do the things that make me happy. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    You might want to consider something like this- or even just a multi-vitamin. I think it's awesome that you are battling your insecurities head on...but you might need a little boost. I know I did. Also- I'm always here to talk. I hate my job and would much rather play on the internet- and then when I move and am in between jobs- I'll have my laptop glued to me. LOL.

    Sending you all happy thoughts! Happy Friday! Hooray!
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:5aafd347-7025-481d-81d4-44381f8dcb62">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]He has been great in showing me that weight issues aren't about a number on the scale, <strong><font color="#800080">its about being healthy and happy!</font></strong> sorry for the ramble
    Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]

    THIS. THIS is what I need to tell my stupid baggage. It's about being healthy and happy. Right on!

    ETA: I was thinking about putting up a ticker for weight loss...but this was a good reminder that it isn't about the weight. Maybe I'll put up a ticker for how many days I've taken my vitamins or how many days I've been active. :)
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:e48422b6-059c-4438-87dd-423b02d1699a">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've moved past it to become a better person than where I came from.
    Posted by ADTonk[/QUOTE]

    Yes! This is good! I'm so glad you overcame having to lug around that luggage. This is a good point. Two years from now- I will be a better person then I am today. ::nods:: Yup!
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:41d5111a-cf33-468a-93b0-e3631f09cd6c">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long) : This was how it started with me. Before my surgery, I was pretty confident. Happy almost all the time. Looking back, I realize I was pretty darn lucky. (Not that there weren't bad things going on in my life. Both of my parents are chronically ill. And I've watched other people  that I love die slowly of cancer). I just handled it better. When you have big things going on in your life- you do try to savor the happiness in life. But after my surgery, it was like I had my own little grey cloud following me. A piece of frozen chicken breast would fall out of the freezer and I would be like, "OH MY GAWD! It's all my fault! I'm so stupid! UGH!" I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I felt like my BF was constantly pointing out things I was doing wrong. I tried a couple antidepressents, which didn't work, but caused me to have awesomely vivid dreams. I was desperate for answers. I finally started seeing an endocrinologist, who still doesn't have answers, but now I'm on some thyroid meds. I also tried accupuncture, which ultimately helped me find the book the Diet Cure and The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. ( clicky ) Andrew and I both agree that two amino acids have really helped me with the emotional rollercoasters. I'm totally in love with 5HTP and L-tyrosine. The 5HTP lets me be happy and the L-tryosine gives me enough energy to do the things that make me happy. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them. You might want to consider something like this- or even just a multi-vitamin. I think it's awesome that you are battling your insecurities head on...but you might need a little boost. I know I did. Also- I'm always here to talk. I hate my job and would much rather play on the internet- and then when I move and am in between jobs- I'll have my laptop glued to me. LOL. Sending you all happy thoughts! Happy Friday! Hooray!
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
    <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I like you!<span>  </span>Thanks for the advice.<span>  </span>I totally know how you felt with the doing everything wrong.<span>  </span>I will look into all of this.<span>  </span>I know the BF would be happy about some change and I would be too.<span>  </span>:)<span>  </span>You have never good motivation advice.</p>
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    ::dances around wildly, singing::

    "You're so mean when you talk about yourself; you were wrong.
    Change the voices in your head; make them like you instead.
    So complicated, look happy, you'll make it
    Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.
    It's enough; I've done all I can think of.
    Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

    Woah ohh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
    Like you're less than perfect.
    Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing,
    You're perfect to me."

    Funny- this song just came on the radio. (Clicky)

    Shake your booty, because it's Friday!
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  • kellyt89kellyt89 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love how you wrote this post! It reminds me of a moment I had last year: I've been dysthymic for as long as I can remember and started going to therapy and taking antidepressants last year after a major depressive episode.  One time in a session I said something negative about myself and said, "Well, just add that to the pile." My therapist asked me what the pile looked like and I told her it was a big jumble of words, like how you would see on an animated kids show. She told me that it it looked like that, I could put them all in a box and "give them to her for the week." My "box" is like your "luggage." 

    I really do believe that if you feel like this guy is "the one," you can let him into the things you've been dealing with and he will be happy to be the one you trust to be there for you.

    My SO and I both have mental health issues we struggle with (he's had OCD and anxiety for 12 years) and it's been incredibly helpful and healing to have someone who I know I can always go to with issues and who will still be there and love me.

    I'm so sorry to hear about the things you have been going through for the past 2 years. I hope that you can find some answers and make your life into everything you want to be. 
    And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain... Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:b3ac70be-2016-421b-b5fd-4665e732d0e3">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE] She told me that it it looked like that, I could put them all in a box and "give them to her for the week." My "box" is like your "luggage."  Posted by kellyt89[/QUOTE]

    Did that help at all? :) We're you able to give it to her for a week?
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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Holy PMS.  I just cried through this entire post.  And I don't even start my period for another week.

    You posting this today is an eye opener for me.  Just last night, my damn suitcase fell apart and everything came tumbling out!  Of course the things in my suitcase aren't things you want other people to see - think "laundry day" panties.

    My main baggage is my family.  There is always drama (had a LOT of drama last night).  I feel guilty that I have this family while BF has an amazing, loving family that he is very close to.  I feel guilty that if we were to get married, he would be bringing in a wonderful, supportive family, and I would be bringing in a life of drama.  He doesn't deserve that.  He deserves someone who comes from a great family like he does.  And while he loves me and wants to be with me regardless of my family, it's still something I struggle with.

    Reading this back sounds crazy and I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it.  I think it's time to find a therapist. 


    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:1e642da7-43b5-4d7d-bc99-2314a21b705c">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Holy PMS.  I just cried through this entire post.  And I don't even start my period for another week. You posting this today is an eye opener for me.  Just last night, my damn suitcase fell apart and everything came tumbling out!  Of course the things in my suitcase aren't things you want other people to see - think "laundry day" panties. Reading this back sounds crazy and I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it.  I think it's time to find a therapist. 
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    Oh goodness!
    ::quickly snaps a bungee cord around SKP's luggage::
    That should do it for awhile! A few tissues and duct tape should fix anything, right/ Oh...and some chocolate.

    The right therapist is super. Haha- I've always found bad ones. I've had more then one therapist never call me back! LOL! I swear...I'm not THAT broken! Although sometimes my luggage feels like this....Haha....


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/13/10/bd50cae4-52ab-43e4-8a63-8bcc5305940e.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'bd50cae4-52ab-43e4-8a63-8bcc5305940e', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/13/10/bd50cae4-52ab-43e4-8a63-8bcc5305940e.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:41d5111a-cf33-468a-93b0-e3631f09cd6c">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE] The 5HTP lets me be happy and the L-tryosine gives me enough energy to do the things that make me happy. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them.
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    I tried 5-HTP because I had a headache just about every day for 2 years.  It gave me the craziest dreams!
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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:90ed0668-509a-447f-b537-a5938a437d7a">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long) : Oh goodness! ::quickly snaps a bungee cord around SKP's luggage:: That should do it for awhile! A few tissues and duct tape should fix anything, right/ Oh...and some chocolate.
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    <3
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:1ea84923-7f1f-4a20-9ead-34a8307384ac">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]::dances around wildly, singing:: "<strong>You're so mean when you talk about yourself; you were wrong. Change the voices in your head; make them like you instead. So complicated, look happy, you'll make it Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game. It's enough; I've done all I can think of. Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same. Woah ohh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than perfect. Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, You're perfect to me</strong>." Funny- this song just came on the radio. ( Clicky ) Shake your booty, because it's Friday!
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    Okay so first...I absolutely <strong>ADORE</strong> this song. I blare it all the time. It reminds me that even with my flaws, and there are many, I'm perfect in my imperfect way :)

    My luggage? *sigh* Oh where to begin. I'm 25 and feel like I'm 35 - I've gone through so much crap with my family situation, that I feel like I'm a mother to my own mother. I raised all four of my younger siblings in a sense because my mom was never around.  My biggest luggage though I would say is that I am very untrusting. SO has worked very hard with me and we've come a long way. I've been hurt soo many times by the people closest to me, and that I care the most about, especially ex SO's, Parents, etc....that I have built so many emotional walls to keep my distance so that I don't get hurt again. I have to make a conscious effort every day to not compare SO to exes, because he is soooo far on the opposite (Good end) of the spectrum. I have no faith in my family, and rarely believe what they tell me until I see it for myself (making plans, etc).
    Weight is an issue for me as well..mainly because I work myself to the bone and rarely take time out for me. Thanks to SO's help, I'm working on this too. :) I eat better, I'm working at going to start going to the gym, etc.... I'm really excited because my weight has yo-yo'ed for the past 4 years...According to my mother, "you're too skinny" so I put some weight on "You're too fat"....GAAAAAH
    So I just ignore her now, because she's at an unhealthy weight, especially for her kidney and lupus issues...so she has ZERO room to talk.

    *END RANT* LOL!

    :) Now i have to go find Pink's song so I can blare it while attacking the cleaning project of my apartment :)

    Hope you ladies have a wonderful weekend, I will be back later tonight :)
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:8b948327-b782-4bf9-8bb3-f6c660e91f7c">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I tried 5-HTP because I had a headache just about every day for 2 years.  It gave me the craziest dreams!
    Posted by ADTonk[/QUOTE]

    Really? Any good ones?! Then you don't have to pay to go to the movies! LOL! Did it help with the headaches? 5-HTP also helps me sleep better. :)

    But an increase in serotonin does cause the dream thing.
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  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_unexpected-engagement-emotions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30ef4de8-b1a0-4864-8e2b-d1e28bcd6c9cPost:1e642da7-43b5-4d7d-bc99-2314a21b705c">Re: Unexpected Engagement Emotions (Long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Holy PMS.  I just cried through this entire post.  And I don't even start my period for another week. You posting this today is an eye opener for me.  Just last night, my damn suitcase fell apart and everything came tumbling out!  Of course the things in my suitcase aren't things you want other people to see - think "laundry day" panties. My main baggage is my family.  There is always drama (had a LOT of drama last night).  I feel guilty that I have this family while BF has an amazing, loving family that he is very close to.  I feel guilty that if we were to get married, he would be bringing in a wonderful, supportive family, and I would be bringing in a life of drama.  He doesn't deserve that.  He deserves someone who comes from a great family like he does.  And while he loves me and wants to be with me regardless of my family, it's still something I struggle with. Reading this back sounds crazy and I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it.  I think it's time to find a therapist. 
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    OMG!! I TOTALLY feel the same way!!! My birthday was tuesday, right? So SO's Mother text me at 8AM (she couldn't remember what time i went to work and didn't want to wake me up) and then called me about an hour later to see if i wanted to grab lunch. My OWN MOTHER, Facebooked me at like...idk...9:30ish or something....(i don't look at FB until my lunch break)...and then didn't call me until almost 3pm!! GAH! It was very disheartening when my FMIL cared more about me than my own mother...and that's just one example...so I completely agree with you...we should go see a therapist together...they'd really think we were nuts :-P
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm SO glad to hear that I'm not the only one with heavy luggage.

    ::kicks her stupid UBLoui luggage a few times:: Stupid luggage.
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