Buying a house in relation to your living situation

swhite2012 · September 2011

So I am just curious what all you ladies think about this topic. When would (or did you) feel comfortable buying a house assuming that your finances are in order? When you plan on staying there for 5 years? 10 years? Only if you knew for sure that's where you were going to live most of your life?

FI and I are nowhere near being ready to buy a house financially, but we are thinking about it and saving for it because it's something very important to both of us. I know everybody's situation is different so I just wanted to gauge everyone else's thoughts on it!

MLekathLEEN · September 2011

I would like to have at least 6 months worth of bills in the bank before we purchase. We aren't fans of renting because houses are so low here, we can buy for a portion of what it would cost to rent a house. I'm not sure how long we'd plan to stay, ideally I would love to stay here in MI forever but with FI's job we're unsure if that would be possible even in the next 5 years. So that's where house buying gets tough.

Another thing I've been on the fence about it whether we should be married or not. I would rather have the house while planning but I've heard too many horror stories about buying together then breaking up. My friend bought a house with her now ex and she's living with a friend but still paying for the house HE lives in with some hussey because her name is on it and it would ruin her credit if she didn't pay. He also took the dog and won't let her see him but that's another story. I'd like to have least have a wedding date before we purchase.

Swazzle · September 2011

We've lived together for 4 years now. We rent & live just outside of Manhattan. Renting works for us mostly because of where we live. We live near my office & FI commutes about 40 minutes to & from work.

We have looked into buying a house but basically that's not an option near where we live now (WAY too expensive & you don't get much for your money) & we're not really sure where in NJ we'd eventually like to settle. If it's not near some form of public transportation so I can get to work then we'd have to get a 2nd car so I could drive to the train/bus or to work (I hate driving to begin with so this option sucks IMO).

Buying a house scares me a little. It feels so permanent. I feel like when we buy we're stuck wherever we move to. What if we hate the neighborhood? Also, as someone who has only ever rented the thought of having to mow my own lawn or if the dishwasher breaks we have to call someone & pay them to fix it on our own freaks me out. I kind of like not necessarily having to worry about that stuff.

We're planning our wedding for spring/early summer 2013 & have discussed the idea of buying a house a year or so after that so we're a long way out from it thankfully.

motoLyn · September 2011

We had some help from FI's father, he wanted to give us a chance to get a head start on our life together. We went in buying a house that we knew we could stay there for a long time if not more. We have the tradition 30 year mortgage. But there is always an option to sell it if the market is good. When we were looking for a house, we knew what budget we had to look in. It had to be so that FI could afford it on his own if he had to, but it would be comfortable for us if I pay half as well. Which I do. We knew what neighborhoods we wanted to live in based on the school district and vibe of the neighborhood so when we have kids they can grow up safely and normally.

We aren't married but our names are on the title of the house. So I have to figure out if it matters if I take FI's last name and if I have to change the name on the title or leave it be as long as I can show proof of my name change. I think to each their own. It wasn't a big deal for FI and I to buy before we got married, we wanted to get a place of our own and stop renting. It just so happens that the house we bought went on the market sooner than we expected and we didn't want to miss the chance.

Our neighbors are older than us and they kind of gave me the side eye when I told them how old FI and I were at the meet the neighbors BBQ. They joked that FI and I did it ass backwards, also asked how my Mom took it that Danish man and I are living in sin. I told them Mom was happy about it.

IrishDreamer · September 2011

I've rented my whole life (my mom always did too). Honestly, in 25 years, I've never lived in a house longer than 3 years.

That being said, I want to buy a house. My grandparents lived in the same house for most of my childhood. I want somewhere BF and I can have a family and enjoy. (He's lived in his house his entire 29 years). However, money is the big thing, also his employment. We had originally wanted to move out of state, but now that I have a permanent position at work - we plan on staying here for at least 5-10 yrs. We weigh all of our options. Income, extra expenses, etc.

The house would be entirely in his name, because of how shiitastical my ex left my credit, so if, God forbid, we were to break up - It'd be in his name, and I would have no issues with that. Perhaps not the best way, but it works for us.

Our lease is up the end of February and that's kind of where we are...do we rent another apartment, or do we look for a house? The issues with houses are that we always find something glaringly wrong with whatever we look at. We understand it's not going to be our DREAM home, but at the same time, we don't want to have to do too much work to it for it to work out the way we want.

Blue & White · September 2011

We are very confused (about where you are, it sounds like) on this topic.

We are both in good places with our jobs currently, not engaged, BUT we don't really love love love where we're living (let's be truthful here - I don't want to raise kids here. at all.)

So do we buy a house? We might...depends on our job situations in a year or so. And if I can convince myself that the school systems here are worth sending my kids too, haha. I'm picky, dangit.

One of our main issues is that we don't know whether we want to stay here. It's not worth it (to us) to buy a house if we will only be here for a few years.

We also live in a place where the economy is predicted to recover like 20 years after the rest of the US. Where I used to live in NJ, you could sell a house in a day because there were such slim pickings. It might be different if we lived up there.

tuarceatha · September 2011

FI and I are currently saving to purchase a house/townhouse in this area next spring. We are renting a one bedroom apt now.

That is a good question about how long we plan on living there... I think I'd like to pick a place and live there forever, but I imagine where we buy a house and which house we buy will suit us for the short term and time will tell what we'll want/need in the long term.

I was actually listening to this radio station this morning talking about budgeting and saving and what not. Very interesting topic. I didn't start saving until FI and I started talking about our future. Which annoys the heck out of me in retrospect. I wonder what my savings could be if I had started back in 2005 rather than 2008...

xmansmommy2010 · September 2011

We lived in the bottom half of the duplex that BF bought before we got together, but baby forced us into something bigger. I have very little credit (apparently paying off a car 5 years ago doesn't count for squat if you don't have recurring credit now...who knew lol) so our new house and the old one is in his name alone as far as the mortgage, but the deed to the new house includes both of our names.

This is our "5-10 year" house, nice neighborhood, great school district, but not the zip code he wants to reside in permanantly.

DanieKA · September 2011

I own my townhouse (going on 6 years next March I think). I bought young and while I think eventually this will be a good investment, the market totally blows and I am unable to sell and it's impractical for BF to come here to live with me. So I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I never considered staying here forever. This was supposed to be a 5-7 year investment. I'm in it for much longer than that now. And it sucks. I think BF and I would be living together now if I didn't have this house.

I do have a few options though. I can rent this place out, but being a landlord is not something I'm sure I want to get into. I can try to sell it at a loss, but I'd have to see how much I can/am willing to bring to the table at closing as well as how this might damage my credit score. Buying a house is no joke and this is one of the realities of it.

On my next purchase, I'd like it to be my forever home. Of course you can't predict a job transfer or a situation where you have to move, but The mentality of the 80s/90s was that you COULD stay in a place for 5 or 6 years and have no trouble selling and moving. It's just not so now, so I'm looking for a house I can grow into, in an area I would want to stay in for 20 years.

There's so much to think about before you make the decision. But I've learned a lot, and despite being upside down on my mortgage, I'm not forced to move and haven't lost my shirt, so I'm doing okay. I still have options, but I am far more educated now than when I first purchased. It's amazing the different decisions I would have made 5 years ago.

cu97tiger · September 2011

FI already owned the house that we live in. It is a little too big for us right now, and a bit of a stretch financially (I have more debt than his ex-wife did), but the good thing about it is that we can probably live there for 20 years, even if/when we decide to have kids. On the other hand, I have moved every 1-2 years since I was 18, so the idea of living in one house for 20 years makes me a little claustrophobic. Not to mention that stretching our finances can occasionally be stressful... Assuming that I continue to progress in my career and we both get raises from time to time, we'll be fine. I can't imagine us buying a different house in AZ.

TheMutleys · September 2011

When we started looking at houses, we had different price points that depended on what we would get out of the house. We were open to looking in a very wide range because of this. In the end, we decided to go with a very, very, very inexpensive house due to the field my husband was in at the time. We had enough in the bank to cover our bills for almost 18 months. We also bought a major fixer in a great neighborhood that is a mix between owners and renters. We plan on being here for 3-4 more years and then we will either sell it or keep it as a rental. We bought well below its value at the time and have since remodeled ourselves. Even in today's market, we already have over $60K in equity in the house and we've only been here a year.

We don't plan on buying our 'forever' house for about 6-8 more years. We will move to the neighborhood where we want to live 'forever' in 3-4 years, so that Mr. Man goes to school with the same kids all the way through. The COL is higher there, so it made no sense to sink money into a house when we didn't need the schools system yet.

We also plan on buying our 1st investment property within the next 12-18 months. We have an extensive real estate scheme that could allow us to 'retire' from everyday jobs in 15 years or so. Then, we will just have our real estate ventures. DH is in the position to inherit a couple of other properties at some point and then, we hope to buy at least 5-6 more in the next 10 years. DH has his eye on some apartment complexes. We are both real estate obsessed and one of us will get our license at some point.

ETA: We actually started looking at houses before we were engaged. We didn't end up buying until we had been married for about 9 months though, due to various reason. We were under contract twice while were engaged, and were supposed to close on the 2nd house the week of our wedding. Short sales and foreclosures are a mess to deal with. Haha. Once we walked away the 2nd time, we decided to rent but kept looking and were in the position to buy if the right deal struck us.

Elle1036 · September 2011

My parents always told me that it was smarter to buy than rent if you anticipated being in a particular place for 3 years or longer.

With that in mind, we strongly considered buying a place here in Mississippi. FI has the money for a down payment and we know we're going to be here for at least the 4 years he's in med school. We decided to continue renting until he's done with med school, though, because home ownership can be stressful and it's just not worth that extra stress right now. FI already has enough on his plate to be grateful not to have to worry about property taxes, broken appliances, etc.

KatyRoseM · September 2011

I would only buy if I thought we would stay 5-10 years. My parents sold houses at a loss several times when they suddenly had to move. I wouldn't buy unless I planned to be there long enough that I would have gotten my moneys worth even if it turned out to be a loss.

jemmini6 · September 2011

FI closed on his house literally 3 days before we met, so he went through the decision process himself. He only pays an extra $300 per month for his 3 bed/2 bath house than he did for his 1 bed/1bath apartment, so it was kind of a no brainer to buy. He qualified for a lot more than he actually spent because he didn't want to be 'house poor'.

It's a great house for the two of us and will be suitable even with small children. We've discussed that we'll look into buying a bigger house together when we get to that point. Lately, we've also been looking into relocating to a different state, but regardless, we wouldn't sell the house we have now, we'd just lease it out.

QuiltingNurse · September 2011

BF owns our house. His mom and I actually chose the house while he was out of town working, he put an offer in without even seeing it because houses were selling so fast her. Had I been in a more stable job at the time we would have bought it together, but it made more sense right then for him to do it alone, when the renewal comes up we will likely switch the mortgage to both of us and the deed to the house as well. This will likely be a 10+ year house, it has more than enough space and if we ever decide to have kids it would fit a family. The town house we were renting before was much smaller, in a bad area of town and had no yard. This house is huge for us, big yard, and a nice part of town, we're paying less to be here so it made a lot more sense to buy.

bawidget · September 2011

BF and I recently began seriously discussing buying a house within 2-3 years. Now would really be the time to buy, but neither of us have enough for a down payment. In our discussions a time frame hasn't come up on how long we would stay there, but we are both pretty set in our careers right now so it would be at least 5 years. When we do talk about buying a house we discuss what long term things we'll need to have. Examples would be # of bedrooms/a yard for the kids (when we have them) etc. We're moving for work and getting significant bonuses next year so that will work towards our DP so that prompted all the discussion.

So I guess to answer OPs original question, I would start saving now. There really is no time like the present and IMO I think you should have at least 20% for a DP. If you decide not to buy, you can turn those savings into an epic emergency fund (which everyone should have). My sister actually read homebuying for dummies and swears by it, so I might be picking it up soon too!

jaycee7389 · September 2011

We own a condo, and have lived here for 1.5 years. We bought condo with the intention of only living here for a few years, and being able to rent it out after. We live in a small college town, and upperclass/grad students are always desperate for housing. We want to buy a house within 2-3 years.

Hazel_B · September 2011

I don't know if it is different in the US or not, but here the rule of thumb generally is if you are going to stay there 3 years or less then you should keep renting.

thejucheidea · September 2011

I bought our house a few weeks ago -- we moved in a year ago and had been leasing whilst I got my financial affairs in order. It's definitely a fixer-upper, as the guy I bought it from got it short sale, but our families are well-versed in all matters construction, so we're good. I figure we'll be in the house for at least the next 8-10 years, and if we move, we'll stay in the same part of town.

Goldlie11 · September 2011

Finances aside, I have no idea where I want to settle down. I'm pretty sure I don't want it to be anywhere near where I currently live. The idea of being tied down to a place scares me right now. We have discussed buying something and we both agree that it's not really in the near future. We will try and save as aggressively as possible once we get our situation figured out.

kellyt89 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_buying-house-relation-living-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2109f5ec-4e4b-434b-96dd-f768ff1722c9Post:371d3b7d-0df3-4636-9024-6fa5a751e7d4">Re: Buying a house in relation to your living situation</a>:

I'd like to start off that I am totally talking out of my @ss here but this is what I've thought about the situation in regards to my own future:

[QUOTE] Buying a house scares me a little. It feels so permanent. I feel like when we buy we're stuck wherever we move to.
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel.
This might be because my parents bought the house I grew up in and have been there for 18 years now, with no immediate plans of moving.
So, in that sense, I'd like to be married, have my finances in order (6-8 months of living expenses in the bank, all debts paid or with a payment plan - BF has student loan debt up the wazoo, I have none right now but that will probably change once I start grad school...bleh), and the house would preferrably be in an area I could see living in for at least 5-10 years, having kids in, etc.

However, I live and want to continue living in the Northeast (Mass/Connecticut/NJ), where property is horribly expensive. If I was planning on living somewhere where everything wasn't insane, I think that buying a house might be a really good investment.

jorja86 · September 2011

BF owns the house we live in. He bought it when he was 23, very soon after our relationship began, so I had no input on the decision, but he did a great job. I have "lived" here for at least half of the time since he moved in, so it's always felt like our house. I did a lot of the decorating.

Before I moved in full-time, he had a roommate who paid him rent, and now that I live here, I pay him rent. We originally planned on getting another roommate, just for the extra income, but we've been here on our own for a couple months now, and it's so nice. I'm not sure what we'll decide to do on that front.

I think if I wasn't with BF, I would probably own a house by now. My Dad owns several properties he rents out, and it's literally what paid for me and my siblings to go to college. He's always been a big proponent of home ownership. I'm seriously considering buying a house in my hometown (it's a college town), which I would rent out, and pay my Dad to manage for me. Right now interest rates are so ridiculously low, it has potential to be a great investment.

Peaseblossom55 · September 2011

I own my condo now and have lived here for 4 yrs. Buying my condo was temporary for a few years until I was married and could buy a nice big house. Essentially I needed a tax deduction when I bought it. Given the way the housing market is, I don't think that I could really sell the place without taking a loss until the housing market comes up a bit. I bought at totally the wrong time.

Hopefully by the time we get engaged and married it will be a better time to sell and still buy. We both discussed how we want to buy a house one day. Right now BF rents.

TheMutleys · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_buying-house-relation-living-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2109f5ec-4e4b-434b-96dd-f768ff1722c9Post:d9fd0ac5-d217-4b50-8b60-792f06e0e3fd">Re: Buying a house in relation to your living situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Mutley, out of curiosity, how did you guys come up with your real estate scheme? Is this something that you guys have studied, or something your families do, or what? I would love to do something like that, though I don't know that we'd be able to afford it -- mainly because I truly know nothing about it. We learned a ton about buying homes as we purcahsed this place, but I wouldn't know the first thing about purchasing and managing multiple properties.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Before the bust, my DH flipped houses on the side and had a couple of rental properties (just houses, whereas now we want to get into multi-family.) Our house is actually his 6th, and he is only in his early 30s. He is very, very knowledgeable about real estate in general and I've picked up a ton along the way. (I still stalk redfin on a daily basis for all of our potential areas.) His degree is in structural engineering and construction management. He used to be in commercial development and was on the project management side of that. This gave him the financial know-how for all of this stuff. He even has all of the financials calculated out for plans A through Z. He has some fancy spreadsheet that he developed that accounts for everything, and then some. This enables him to look at several different possibilities by just changing a figure or two.

We also live fairly frugally. Our mortgage is less than 1/3rd of what we qualified for. We try to save a certain amount every month from his salary, and all of mine is extra. We have the regular people savings for retirement, rainy days and kids' college funds. Then, we also have savings for future properties.

The properties that we'll inherit are his dad's, and before that they were his grandfather's. They aren't big money makers, but they are paid off. Those few properties enabled his dad to fully retire at age 60, and he was a roofer all of his life.

pockysquirrel · September 2011

Joining the 'confused' group on this one. I was actually pretty turned off by the idea of home ownership until BF and I got together, but it's something that he's wanted. In fact, he and his brother nearly bought a duplex together until his brother's fiancee threw a monkey wrench in the machine. So yeah, he wants a house and he knows things about buying them that I don't. We've got no plans to leave this area at any point in the near future. I've been here almost a decade, he's been here almost his whole life. His parents live 30 minutes away, mine about an hour. And there's a lot of work available in both our fields, so even if one of us decided to change jobs it wouldn't require a major relocation. If we were to buy a home, I would want it to be our 'forever' home, or at least close to it. The whole process seems to be a humongous hassle, and I'd rather only go through it once, if possible.

Financially...eh, I think we've got a little ways to go. I'm the only one of the two of us with savings at this point (he's working on it!) and I'd prefer to get to a point where a down payment wouldn't entirely destroy my savings account. Plus both of us have student loan debt, and he's got an identity theft from a few years ago still mucking up his credit score. We had been talking about buying a house when the lease on our current apartment is up next year, but we recently re-evaluated things and came to the conclusion that we can get married within the next 1-2 years, or we can buy a house within the next 1-2 years. But not both. And I think we're in agreement that the wedding's going to come first.

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