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Empowered to DO

Soon2BSandSoon2BSand
Combo Breaker First Comment
in Second Weddings
So ladies... after reading your stories and getting great input and feedback from you on my issue(s) I went and OFFICIALLY changed my name back to my maiden today. I sat at the Social Security Admin for a while but was determined to finally do it. FI had expressed that he wanted it done before the marriage license was obtained and I surprised him with this gift of sorts.

I feel SO free it's incredible. I had no idea how carrying around that name was affecting me until I changed it today.

AMAZING!


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Re: Empowered to DO

  • christal8christal8 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Good for you!  You may be surprised at how often you say to yourself "I had no idea how (fill in the blank) was affecting me until I changed it."  I'll give you an example from my book...My EH was an incredibly immature man who really wanted a mother more than a wife.  He had this thing about never wanting to take responsibility for making any decisions, large or small.  If something came up with the house or the children, or even something that came in the mail which looked important but he didn't feel like looking at (too many big words), he would immediately run to the garage as soon as he heard the garage door go up when I was returning home from work.  I would pull into the driveway and see his feet, then his legs, then the rest of him, with a very annoyed look on his face and think to myself "What fresh hell awaits me TODAY?!" because I knew I wouldn't be able to even get one foot in the door before having to hear about something he wanted me to deal with asap.  I had no idea how much I dreaded hitting that garage door button and how my entire body would tighten up as I got closer to home....no idea until I kicked him out and it was no longer possible that his feet would be showing when the garage door start its ascent.  That was the first of many things I did not realize - things that had slowly crept up on me.  So good for you!  A link in that chain dragging behind you is now gone and the weight is a little less. 

    I read your other post, regarding getting an official custody agreement for your children.  Please do it.  I know it seems huge, but just take it one day at a time. Commit to taking one step toward that every day.  Or, as my bar prep coach says "It's not a sprint - it's a marathon. You have to eat the elephant one bite at a time." (I'm studying for the bar exam in July.) I know you had your reasons for leaving your children with your ex at the time, but if you leave them there, they are going to think you did it because you just didn't care enough to either take them with you or come back and get them.  They are very young now, but in just a few years, they won't be able to think of any other reason why. It will be many years before they understand us grownups.  By that time, that reason will be so ingrained it will stick with them no matter how many times over the years you try to explain.  Good luck!  We'll be rooting for you!
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congrats! Glad that little thing made such a big difference for you!
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_empowered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:fb1e64f4-8a37-420c-9b84-bc5be19709abPost:6c4cbd36-b5ac-4e92-91f1-1784a292d7a3">Re: Empowered to DO</a>:
    [QUOTE]Good for you!  You may be surprised at how often you say to yourself "I had no idea how (fill in the blank) was affecting me until I changed it."  I'll give you an example from my book...My EH was an incredibly immature man who really wanted a mother more than a wife.  He had this thing about never wanting to take responsibility for making any decisions, large or small.  If something came up with the house or the children, or even something that came in the mail which looked important but he didn't feel like looking at (too many big words), he would immediately run to the garage as soon as he heard the garage door go up when I was returning home from work.  I would pull into the driveway and see his feet, then his legs, then the rest of him, with a very annoyed look on his face and think to myself <strong>"What fresh hell awaits me TODAY?!"</strong> because I knew I wouldn't be able to even get one foot in the door before having to hear about something he wanted me to deal with asap.  I had no idea how much I dreaded hitting that garage door button and how my entire body would tighten up as I got closer to home....no idea until I kicked him out and it was no longer possible that his feet would be showing when the garage door start its ascent.  That was the first of many things I did not realize - things that had slowly crept up on me.  So good for you!  A link in that chain dragging behind you is now gone and the weight is a little less.  I read your other post, regarding getting an official custody agreement for your children.  Please do it.  I know it seems huge, but just take it one day at a time. Commit to taking one step toward that every day.  Or, as my bar prep coach says "It's not a sprint - it's a marathon. You have to eat the elephant one bite at a time." (I'm studying for the bar exam in July.) I know you had your reasons for leaving your children with your ex at the time, but if you leave them there, they are going to think you did it because you just didn't care enough to either take them with you or come back and get them.  They are very young now, but in just a few years, they won't be able to think of any other reason why. It will be many years before they understand us grownups.  By that time, that reason will be so ingrained it will stick with them no matter how many times over the years you try to explain.  Good luck!  We'll be rooting for you!
    Posted by christal8[/QUOTE]

    I thought I was the only one who used that quote?  LOL
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Excellent!  So now, no more name changes for you, right??
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  • christal8christal8 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Marrin,
    ;-) 
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  • Soon2BSandSoon2BSand
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_empowered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:fb1e64f4-8a37-420c-9b84-bc5be19709abPost:08b66aff-2aa4-4f9c-9d47-cd39c218d9ad">Re: Empowered to DO</a>:
    [QUOTE]Excellent!  So now, no more name changes for you, right??
    Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]
    Well yeah.. there's one more in May. LOL<div>
    </div><div>I JUST changed my name after being divorced for years. **smh**</div>
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    130 image Are on the way! The rest don't matter... FINAL COUNT~!
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