Are we moving too fast?

buddysmom80 · March 2013

OP, I just skimmed through a few of your responses, but I want to give you my .02.

First, your guy seems a little impulsive. He wants a kid with you. He already has two and look how those relationships worked out. A leopard doesn't change their spots. If it didn't work for them, it's not going to work for you. Don't think you can change him. Trust me I've tried it's not going to happen.

Also, he's in a rush to be engaged and I think it's a control issue. If you guys are engaged, you can go out with your friends for a girl's night or whatever, but there is a physical symbol there (e-ring) that makes men leery of approaching you (on the other hand you can always take the ring off).

One more thing, be wary of being involved in his other children's lives. My friend is strapped down with her FI's daughter every weekend because he realized he could dump his daughter on my friend and go out and have fun while my friend sits at home.

If this makes no sense it's because I mis-read my espresso instructions and put a tablespoon of espresso in my water instead of a teaspoon.

Blue & White · March 2013

I don't think you should be planning a wedding (i.e. being engaged) if you're not ready for a marriage. So if I were you, I'd hold back on the engagement for a bit.

And frankly, if a guy mentioned kids and wanting to marry me after a month (or heck, in some cases, after a year and a month) I'd run for the hills. But I'm also a bit of a feminist and marriage, to me, should be an equal partnership. If we weren't BOTH ready for this commitment, we wouldn't be engaged.

Also, be really careful tugging on the 10 year old's heart strings. On and off relationships can really screw with kids of divorced parents.

Stina51286 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:3020f17b-f68f-46e8-9edc-b985306d9d69">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]To give everyone a little history on us..I am 25 and he is 30. Someone mentioned if I knew of him having any other kids. Yes, he has a 5 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. The son he has full custody of. His 10 y/o was from his first rship as a young man. His daughter is with his ex wife . <strong>He was married 4 years after proposing to her after 6 months.</strong> He filed for divorce because his wife was constantly cheating on him. She was 5 years younger though when he was married to her. So she was still going through the partying stage being that she was married at 20 y/o. As far as of being off and on. The situation was off and on because I was uncomfortable stepping outside of my comfort zone. I am African American and he is caucasian and Italian mixed. I have never dated outside my race and I just wasn't ready to do so. The more he and I talked and spent time togethe, I realized race shouldn't matter. It's all about how much you have in common with someone. I know a lot of people might be against the interracial dating, but I have become comfortable with it. I use to be against it until I opened up my eyes and realized it shouldn't matter. Honestly, if I could have moved past that a year ago, he and I would have been fine as a couple. Te fact that we were off and on wasn't because we would argue or have major dissagreements. I honestly do think we are rushing things a bit, and I have expressed that to him. He is okay with slowing things down. I honestly dont feel waiting a year or longer will help you learn more about a person. You can be married to someone for 10 years and not really know who they are! I have also seen marriages last after being engaged after a few months of meeting a person. I just think it depends on the two individuals. And to comment on what someone said about knowing all of his secrets, a person will only let you in so far. Like I said before, you can be married or with someone for years and not know he deepest darkest secrets. It's a risk you take in any situation. But he has expressed to me a few times that things he has shared with me only me and his ex wife knows. Not even his sons mom. He is so persistant with me that I have no reason to believe that he isn't being honest. I have conducted a thorough background check and found nothing. He has shared with me his personal situations as a child growing up with an adoptive family. <strong>As far as rushing, I honestly think its a security issue with him.</strong> All of his life even as a kid people hae hurt him and walked out on him. I think the reason he rushes into situations is because he wants to feel he has that strong foundation. I would be skeptical if I was the first woman he rushed into something with. <strong>The fact that he married his exwife after 6 months, allows me to think he is genuinely looking for something secure.</strong> He knows enough about me to know I am a very good woman. He is amazing when it comes to being there for me, doing anything for me and just wanting to spend as much time together as I will allow. I don't think he is looking for a babymama, which is a comment someone made, if that was the case he would not be trying to marry me. I have already expressed to him I will not take it to that level unless I am married . A babymama does not have the committment. I really appreciate everyone's honesty and commenting in my post!! :
Posted by CSMJ&JJ2013[/QUOTE]

All the bolds make me think he is doing the exact same thing.

If you truly love him, talk to him. The best thing in a relationship is communication. If you are not ready for these next few steps, you need to talk to him.

Belle2188 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:3020f17b-f68f-46e8-9edc-b985306d9d69">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]To give everyone a little history on us..I am 25 and he is 30. Someone mentioned if I knew of him having any other kids. Yes, he has a 5 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. The son he has full custody of. His 10 y/o was from his first rship as a young man. His daughter is with his ex wife . <strong>He was married 4 years after proposing to her after 6 months. He filed for divorce because his wife was constantly cheating on him. She was 5 years younger though when he was married to her.</strong> So she was still going through the partying stage being that she was married at 20 y/o. As far as of being off and on. The situation was off and on because I was uncomfortable stepping outside of my comfort zone. I am African American and he is caucasian and Italian mixed. I have never dated outside my race and I just wasn't ready to do so. The more he and I talked and spent time togethe, I realized race shouldn't matter. It's all about how much you have in common with someone. I know a lot of people might be against the interracial dating, but I have become comfortable with it. I use to be against it until I opened up my eyes and realized it shouldn't matter. Honestly, if I could have moved past that a year ago, he and I would have been fine as a couple. Te fact that we were off and on wasn't because we would argue or have major dissagreements. I honestly do think we are rushing things a bit, and I have expressed that to him. He is okay with slowing things down. I honestly dont feel waiting a year or longer will help you learn more about a person. You can be married to someone for 10 years and not really know who they are! I have also seen marriages last after being engaged after a few months of meeting a person. I just think it depends on the two individuals. And to comment on what someone said about knowing all of his secrets, a person will only let you in so far. Like I said before, you can be married or with someone for years and not know he deepest darkest secrets. It's a risk you take in any situation. But he has expressed to me a few times that things he has shared with me only me and his ex wife knows. Not even his sons mom. He is so persistant with me that I have no reason to believe that he isn't being honest. I have conducted a thorough background check and found nothing. He has shared with me his personal situations as a child growing up with an adoptive family. As far as rushing, I honestly think its a security issue with him. All of his life even as a kid people hae hurt him and walked out on him. I think the reason he rushes into situations is because he wants to feel he has that strong foundation. I would be skeptical if I was the first woman he rushed into something with. The fact that he married his exwife after 6 months, allows me to think he is genuinely looking for something secure. He knows enough about me to know I am a very good woman. He is amazing when it comes to being there for me, doing anything for me and just wanting to spend as much time together as I will allow. I don't think he is looking for a babymama, which is a comment someone made, if that was the case he would not be trying to marry me. I have already expressed to him I will not take it to that level unless I am married . A babymama does not have the committment. I really appreciate everyone's honesty and commenting in my post!! :
Posted by CSMJ&JJ2013[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Sounds like your guy makes a habit of dating younger women and jumping the gun on the proposals. If she was "constantly" cheating on him because she wasn't ready for a relationship and he didn't notice until after they were married, they were not together long enough to get to know each other. I see a pattern here that I wouldn't quite like if I were you. If he really loves you like you say he does, he'll wait until you're ready, but I'm pretty skeptical of this working out...

</div>

doubleSS07 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:e55d7a88-73d8-4c70-9926-cdbf9aa3a7ad">Re: Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I'm kind of seeing a pattern. He married a girl 5 years younger than him before, you're 5 years younger than he is. He proposed to her after 6 months, and I'd be willing to guess that your on time plus the past month is about 6 months. That said, you need to be very cautious. He doesn't have one child, he has two. What is his custody agreement on his daughter? Have you met her? If he's rushing into this for a false sense of security, he needs to seek counseling. If you're not ready for a relationship because you have major trust issues, you need to seek counseling. Do not get engaged. Do not pass go. Do not collect sparkly.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>This totally jumped out at me too! OP this pattern is concerning. I have a very close friend who was the first GF of a man like this. They have a son but were never married. he is now working on divorce #2 and has 3 children he can't (read won't) support. Each woman he went to was younger and more naive. Not saying that you are any of those things but I think he can see that you are scarred and maybe wants to be the "good guy" that comes in and fixes your idea of a relationship. He sounds like he needs to work on the abanodonment issues he seems like he might have and stop having children to love him and never leave him. He's probably not a bad guy but like a PP said, you guys both have things that need to be sorted out from the past and pushing a relationship forward (ie engagement) will not help fix those issues. Counseling will. </div>

Knottie_22383310 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:OP, I'm kind of seeing a pattern. nbsp;He married a girl 5 years younger than him before, you're 5 years younger than he is. nbsp;He proposed to her after 6 months, and I'd be willing to guess that your on time plus the past month is about 6 months.That said, you need to be very cautious. nbsp;He doesn't have one child, he has two. nbsp;What is his custody agreement on his daughter? nbsp;Have you met her? nbsp;If he's rushing into this for a false sense of security, he needs to seek counseling. nbsp;If you're not ready for a relationship because you have major trust issues, you need to seek counseling. nbsp;Do not get engaged. nbsp;Do not pass go. nbsp;Do not collect sparkly. nbsp;Having broken off an engagement, I can promise you it's an incredibly difficult decision. nbsp;There's money involved, and logistics, and it's a pain and a disaster. nbsp;I'm not saying it's any easier to break up before you're engaged, but you want to be 100 sure. nbsp;An engagement is a time to plan a wedding you need to be certain that you want to marry that person before you enter into that. nbsp;Also, mostly unrelated, I take some offense at your statement that his exwife cheated on him because she was 20 and "still going through the partying stage." nbsp;I'm 23. nbsp;I was engaged at 21. nbsp;At 19, I was over the partying stage. nbsp;Yes, I still go out, but not constantly. nbsp;For the past several years, I've been more content with a quiet night in on the couch as the norm. nbsp;Don't generalize ages like that. Posted by peekaboo2011 I wasn't the one made the comment about her being young and partying! He was!! Obviously if I am 25 and through the partying stage I know a 20 y/o can be as well. I know people that never engaged in the party life. I was repeating what he said to me. That she loved going out and that's what caused her to cheat.

Knottie_22383310 · March 2013

I really appreciate the feedback from a few of you! It put things into a different perspective then I was seeing things in! The person that mentioned the control issue..I didn't really think about that! He does have a controlling personality, but it hasn't been anything major. I am not naive or a push over. So I always go with what I think is best! Not what he thinks is best!! And some of you that posted I think took the situation and over analyzed what I was saying. It came across a little harsh with some of your comments. But I respect everyone's comment and i have definitely learned a few things from posting on here!

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:581b51ef-a875-4c49-8a0a-5d52312a3edf">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?: I wasn't the one made the comment about her being young and partying! He was!! Obviously if I am 25 and through the partying stage I know a 20 y/o can be as well. I know people that never engaged in the party life. I was repeating what he said to me. That she loved going and that's what caused her to cheat. <strong>I think posting on here was a waste of time!</strong>
Posted by CSMJ&JJ2013[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh see, you posted rationally, and even responded rationally, at one point. I was <em>really </em>hoping that'd you would say 'Thanks ladies!' and go about your merry way.</div><div>
</div><div>Instead you pitched a fit, and are going to get the rest of us advice giving, unwedded hags all riled up.</div><div>
</div><div><u style="font-weight:bold;font-style:italic;">YOU </u>asked internet strangers for advice. You got it. We are not your best friends, we are not your mother, you are STRANGERS who know nothing about your life. IF you want to get so offended that we generalized, or assumed, or WTFever, then you shouldn't have asked. Plain as day. It's probably best that you head on out now, unless you just want to stick around for entertainment values, because you've just shown us that you are no longer willing to listen to the advice that we spent time on generating for you, based on our own experiences.</div><div>
</div><div>Go on, get married, get knocked up in two months, and be SHOCKED when he starts hitting you or cheating. </div><div>
</div><div>Best of luck.</div>

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

And see that neat little blue box in my last post? It shows what you REALLY posted before you edited it to be dripping with sugar. Quotes are a fantastic thing.

Knottie_22383310 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:To give everyone a little history on us..I am 25 and he is 30. Someone mentioned if I knew of him having any other kids. Yes, he has a 5 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. The son he has full custody of. His 10 y/o was from his first rship as a young man. His daughter is with his ex wife . He was married 4 years after proposing to her after 6 months. He filed for divorce because his wife was constantly cheating on him. She was 5 years younger though when he was married to her. So she was still going through the partying stage being that she was married at 20 y/o. As far as of being off and on. The situation was off and on because I was uncomfortable stepping outside of my comfort zone. I am African American and he is caucasian and Italian mixed. I have never dated outside my race and I just wasn't ready to do so. The more he and I talked and spent time togethe, I realized race shouldn't matter. It's all about how much you have in common with someone. I know a lot of people might be against the interracial dating, but I have become comfortable with it. I use to be against it until I opened up my eyes and realized it shouldn't matter. Honestly, if I could have moved past that a year ago, he and I would have been fine as a couple. Te fact that we were off and on wasn't because we would argue or have major dissagreements. I honestly do think we are rushing things a bit, and I have expressed that to him. He is okay with slowing things down. I honestly dont feel waiting a year or longer will help you learn more about a person. You can be married to someone for 10 years and not really know who they are! I have also seen marriages last after being engaged after a few months of meeting a person. I just think it depends on the two individuals. And to comment on what someone said about knowing all of his secrets, a person will only let you in so far. Like I said before, you can be married or with someone for years and not know he deepest darkest secrets. It's a risk you take in any situation. But he has expressed to me a few times that things he has shared with me only me and his ex wife knows. Not even his sons mom. He is so persistant with me that I have no reason to believe that he isn't being honest. I have conducted a thorough background check and found nothing. He has shared with me his personal situations as a child growing up with an adoptive family. As far as rushing, I honestly think its a security issue with him. All of his life even as a kid people hae hurt him and walked out on him. I think the reason he rushes into situations is because he wants to feel he has that strong foundation. I would be skeptical if I was the first woman he rushed into something with. The fact that he married his exwife after 6 months, allows me to think he is genuinely looking for something secure. He knows enough about me to know I am a very good woman. He is amazing when it comes to being there for me, doing anything for me and just wanting to spend as much time together as I will allow. I don't think he is looking for a babymama, which is a comment someone made, if that was the case he would not be trying to marry me. I have already expressed to him I will not take it to that level unless I am married . A babymama does not have the committment. I really appreciate everyone's honesty and commenting in my post!! :Posted by CSMJamp;JJ2013Sounds like your guy makes a habit of dating younger women and jumping the gun on the proposals. nbsp;If she was "constantly" cheating on him because she wasn't ready for a relationship and he didn't notice until after they were married, they were not together long enough to get to know each other. nbsp;I see a pattern here that I wouldn't quite like if I were you. nbsp;If he really loves you like you say he does, he'll wait until you're ready, but I'm pretty skeptical of this working out... Posted by Belle2188[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with you! But you helped me realize that!

audrewuh · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:581b51ef-a875-4c49-8a0a-5d52312a3edf">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:OP, I'm kind of seeing a pattern. nbsp;He married a girl 5 years younger than him before, you're 5 years younger than he is. nbsp;He proposed to her after 6 months, and I'd be willing to guess that your on time plus the past month is about 6 months.That said, you need to be very cautious. nbsp;He doesn't have one child, he has two. nbsp;What is his custody agreement on his daughter? nbsp;Have you met her? nbsp;If he's rushing into this for a false sense of security, he needs to seek counseling. nbsp;If you're not ready for a relationship because you have major trust issues, you need to seek counseling. nbsp;Do not get engaged. nbsp;Do not pass go. nbsp;Do not collect sparkly. nbsp;Having broken off an engagement, I can promise you it's an incredibly difficult decision. nbsp;There's money involved, and logistics, and it's a pain and a disaster. nbsp;I'm not saying it's any easier to break up before you're engaged, but you want to be 100 sure. nbsp;An engagement is a time to plan a wedding you need to be certain that you want to marry that person before you enter into that. nbsp;Also, mostly unrelated, I take some offense at your statement that his exwife cheated on him because she was 20 and "still going through the partying stage." nbsp;I'm 23. nbsp;I was engaged at 21. nbsp;At 19, I was over the partying stage. nbsp;Yes, I still go out, but not constantly. nbsp;For the past several years, I've been more content with a quiet night in on the couch as the norm. nbsp;Don't generalize ages like that. Posted by peekaboo2011 I wasn't the one made the comment about her being young and partying! He was!! Obviously if I am 25 and through the partying stage I know a 20 y/o can be as well. I know people that never engaged in the party life. I was repeating what he said to me. That she loved going out and that's what caused her to cheat.
Posted by CSMJ&JJ2013[/QUOTE]

<div>Slow your roll honey. You were calm and reasoned beforehand, no reason you can't be now. </div><div>
</div><div>I don't think you should break off your relationship at all. I see no problem with you dating this guy, but I do see a problem getting engaged to him so soon. Please seek a professional's help on your trust issues (and he on his issues) if you do want to get engaged ASAP. DATING is the time where you figure out whether you want to be married to this person the rest of your life. ENGAGEMENT is where you plan said wedding. My engagement will be 14 months long so that we could save to pay for said wedding that we've been planning, if you must know why our engagement is "long." I knew I wanted to marry him before we got engaged, after dating for 2.5 years. </div><div>
</div><div>I don't think you can know a person after 1 year of "on and off" dating and one month of serious dating. You're still in the honeymoon stage, which is awesome! So enjoy it, but please, for his children's sake, take it slow. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, PP's made a good point about his previous pattern. Listen to them. Take a step back from the computer, breathe, and then read through again with a rational head.</div>

peekaboo2011 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:581b51ef-a875-4c49-8a0a-5d52312a3edf">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:OP, I'm kind of seeing a pattern. nbsp;He married a girl 5 years younger than him before, you're 5 years younger than he is. nbsp;He proposed to her after 6 months, and I'd be willing to guess that your on time plus the past month is about 6 months.That said, you need to be very cautious. nbsp;He doesn't have one child, he has two. nbsp;What is his custody agreement on his daughter? nbsp;Have you met her? nbsp;If he's rushing into this for a false sense of security, he needs to seek counseling. nbsp;If you're not ready for a relationship because you have major trust issues, you need to seek counseling. nbsp;Do not get engaged. nbsp;Do not pass go. nbsp;Do not collect sparkly. nbsp;Having broken off an engagement, I can promise you it's an incredibly difficult decision. nbsp;There's money involved, and logistics, and it's a pain and a disaster. nbsp;I'm not saying it's any easier to break up before you're engaged, but you want to be 100 sure. nbsp;An engagement is a time to plan a wedding you need to be certain that you want to marry that person before you enter into that. nbsp;Also, mostly unrelated, I take some offense at your statement that his exwife cheated on him because she was 20 and "still going through the partying stage." nbsp;I'm 23. nbsp;I was engaged at 21. nbsp;At 19, I was over the partying stage. nbsp;Yes, I still go out, but not constantly. nbsp;For the past several years, I've been more content with a quiet night in on the couch as the norm. nbsp;Don't generalize ages like that. Posted by peekaboo2011 <strong>I wasn't the one made the comment about her being young and partying! He was!! Obviously if I am 25 and through the partying stage I know a 20 y/o can be as well. I know people that never engaged in the party life. I was repeating what he said to me. That she loved going out and that's what caused her to cheat.</strong>
Posted by CSMJ&JJ2013[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Going out doesn't cause someone to cheat. Seriously.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, I didn't tell you to break off your relationship. I said that breaking off an engagement is hard to do. I was giving you some perspective. I think I gave you some good advice, hell, I diagrammed the whole thing out. You didn't answer my questions about his custody arrangement with his daughter - that's important too.</div><div>
</div><div>Take a step back, come back and re-read what everyone's said to you, and try again with the rational pants you had on last night.</div>

winelover123 · March 2013

I don't normally post here, but I wanted to add to OP that an engagement is NOT a "trial" for marriage. It's the time period when you are saving for a wedding after you have decided that you would like to be in a partnership with another person. I will have had a 1.5 year long engagement because I wanted to finish college, FI wanted to get into his career and we needed to save before the wedding. We realized that we could not go on our nice, long HM (which is very important to both of us) if we got married before I finished school and before FI built up enough vacation time. It is in no way a trial period for marriage.

It also does take awhile to get to know someone. I know all of FI's secrets and he knows all of mine. It's part of being in a committed, serious relationship. Whether it takes a year or less is dependent on the individuals, but I can almost guarantee that by dating someone for 1 month, you do not know the ins and outs of another person. That's what is affectionately known as the "honeymoon" phase, where everything is wonderful.

I'm not saying to break off your relationship, but slow your roll. Your BF needs to respect your trust boundaries and not push too far all at once. I would also suggest counseling if you feel that your past relationship caused you severe trust problems.

Knottie_22383310 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?: I wasn't the one made the comment about her being young and partying! He was!! Obviously if I am 25 and through the partying stage I know a 20 y/o can be as well. I know people that never engaged in the party life. I was repeating what he said to me. That she loved going and that's what caused her to cheat. I think posting on here was a waste of time!Posted by CSMJamp;JJ2013Oh see, you posted rationally, and even responded rationally, at one point. I was really hoping that'd you would say 'Thanks ladies!' and go about your merry way.Instead you pitched a fit, and are going to get the rest of us advice giving, unwedded hags all riled up.YOU asked internet strangers for advice. You got it. We are not your best friends, we are not your mother, you are STRANGERS who know nothing about your life. IF you want to get so offended that we generalized, or assumed, or WTFever, then you shouldn't have asked. Plain as day. It's probably best that you head on out now, unless you just want to stick around for entertainment values, because you've just shown us that you are no longer willing to listen to the advice that we spent time on generating for you, based on our own experiences.Go on, get married, get knocked up in two months, and be SHOCKED when he starts hitting you or cheating.nbsp;Best of luck. Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE

No, I just respected everyone else's advice but yours! I edited my post because I honestly didn't think me posting was a waste of time. It was just a couple people that should have minded their own business and not commented on my post! Like YOU!! And I don't have to leave if I don't want! You don't control this site! You can leave and not comment under my post if someone has to leave! There are plenty of post you can give your 2 cents under..but at thus point I don't give a damn what YOU have to say! The others I do respect their opinions! But I am grown and don't have time to go back and forth with one person that I could careless about! Thanks for nothing!

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

Cute. I actually gave you advice, and you got snarky. You're right, you don't have to leave. Please stay, and enjoy your time here. Best of luck.

misshart00 · March 2013

I may get flamed for this, but I've got to be honest. I'm judgy of people who are engaged for years and years with no plans to get married. It just makes you, general you, look desperate. And it usually makes him look like he's done what he's 'supposed' to do and he's done caring about the relationship. Dating is a time to get to know each other. Engagement is a time to plan a wedding. A ring is not going to fix trust or security issues. In fact, it usually makes them worse or brings them to a head. Eta: sorry regs of this board. I never post on here since I don't know any of you and I don't even think I'm allowed to, but this thread was driving me crazy.

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

Of course you are allowed to, honey. Thanks for backing up some of the other ladies here, and thank you for thoughtful and concise advice. We appreciate it! :

peekaboo2011 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:11733637-85b3-4b9b-a920-2119af301317">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]I may get flamed for this, but I've got to be honest. I'm judgy of people who are engaged for years and years with no plans to get married. It just makes you, general you, look desperate. And it usually makes him look like he's done what he's 'supposed' to do and he's done caring about the relationship. Dating is a time to get to know each other. Engagement is a time to plan a wedding. A ring is not going to fix trust or security issues. In fact, it usually makes them worse or brings them to a head. <strong>Eta: sorry regs of this board. I never post on here since I don't know any of you and I don't even think I'm allowed to, but this thread was driving me crazy.</strong>
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

<div>Please. If we were restrained to areas of TK where we had experience, I'd never leave this board. As often as we come invade CC, you're always welcome here :)</div>

buddysmom80 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:ae60ee6a-956a-4166-9415-0fd6b2877982">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?:In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast?: I wasn't the one made the comment about her being young and partying! He was!! Obviously if I am 25 and through the partying stage I know a 20 y/o can be as well. I know people that never engaged in the party life. I was repeating what he said to me. That she loved going and that's what caused her to cheat. I think posting on here was a waste of time!Posted by CSMJamp;JJ2013Oh see, you posted rationally, and even responded rationally, at one point. I was really hoping that'd you would say 'Thanks ladies!' and go about your merry way.Instead you pitched a fit, and are going to get the rest of us advice giving, unwedded hags all riled up.YOU asked internet strangers for advice. You got it. We are not your best friends, we are not your mother, you are STRANGERS who know nothing about your life. IF you want to get so offended that we generalized, or assumed, or WTFever, then you shouldn't have asked. Plain as day. It's probably best that you head on out now, unless you just want to stick around for entertainment values, because you've just shown us that you are no longer willing to listen to the advice that we spent time on generating for you, based on our own experiences.Go on, get married, get knocked up in two months, and be SHOCKED when he starts hitting you or cheating.nbsp;Best of luck. Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE No, I just respected everyone else's advice but yours! I edited my post because I honestly didn't think me posting was a waste of time. It was just a couple people that should have minded their own business and not commented on my post! Like YOU!! <strong>And I don't have to leave if I don't want! You don't control this site! You can leave and not comment under my post if someone has to leave! </strong>There are plenty of post you can give your 2 cents under..but at thus point I don't give a damn what YOU have to say! The others I do respect their opinions! But I am grown and don't have time to go back and forth with one person that I could careless about! Thanks for nothing!
Posted by CSMJ&JJ2013[/QUOTE]

The bolded reminded me of this:

<img style="width:178px;height:112px;" src="http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/south-park-do-want.gif" alt="South Park Gif" width="280" height="204" />

OP I know someone who is just like your BF. He's a control freak, seriously. He kept his women in line so he could go out and do what he wants (cheat).

Don't get knocked up by this guy, don't rush into an engagement. See how the relationship goes, and if it doesn't work then you can leave.

This guy reminds me so much of my ex bf. And with that, good luck. My ex bf was such a control freak I didn't have a social life for over a year. If you want that, then stay with him but I'll tell you what it sucked hard.

ETA: wth happened with my formatting? I don't want a blue background! Sorry!

cu97tiger · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:432486c0-0f48-4771-937b-2ec168bedebe">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast? : Oh see, you posted rationally, and even responded rationally, at one point. I was really hoping that'd you would say 'Thanks ladies!' and go about your merry way. Instead you pitched a fit, and are going to get the rest of us advice giving, unwedded hags all riled up. YOU asked internet strangers for advice. You got it. We are not your best friends, we are not your mother, you are STRANGERS who know nothing about your life. IF you want to get so offended that we generalized, or assumed, or WTFever, then you shouldn't have asked. Plain as day. It's probably best that you head on out now, unless you just want to stick around for entertainment values, because you've just shown us that you are no longer willing to listen to the advice that we spent time on generating for you, based on our own experiences. <strong>Go on, get married, get knocked up in two months, and be SHOCKED when he starts hitting you or cheating. </strong> Best of luck.
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

<div>I think this was uncalled for. I get that you're snarky, but this was taking it a bit too far IMO.</div><div>
</div><div>Also (and this isn't directed at kmbryant specifically), it's getting old to see regs pointing out ONE spelling mistake from a new poster. We all make mistakes and short of the ones that don't know how to capitalize or use punctuation, let's remember that we all make mistakes. I won't name names unless you make me, because ironically in the one I'm thinking of, the reg had a spelling mistake in her post calling out the newb. Let's try to give these people helpful advice without jumping down their throats about everything.</div><div>
</div><div>/steps off soap box</div>

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:2316bca0-73b8-432d-8321-26a5e1e9236e">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast? : I think this was uncalled for. I get that you're snarky, but this was taking it a bit too far IMO. Also (and this isn't directed at kmbryant specifically), it's getting old to see regs pointing out ONE spelling mistake from a new poster. We all make mistakes and short of the ones that don't know how to capitalize or use punctuation, let's remember that we all make mistakes. I won't name names unless you make me, because ironically in the one I'm thinking of, the reg had a spelling mistake in her post calling out the newb. Let's try to give these people helpful advice without jumping down their throats about everything. /steps off soap box
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>After this thread in particular I've decided it best that I.. chill on TK for a while. (not because of your comment tiger!) I'm just going to browse, maybe post a gif or two, but it's pretty obvious that I get a little riled up and there's no need for internet strangers to make it that way for me. </div><div>
</div><div>That being said - 99% of the ladies here really do try to give advice, and I'd say roughly 85% of the time the posters come back because they don't like what they hear and lose their mind about it. That's why I specifically pointed out that we are strangers. Not friends, not their mothers, but people who know nothing of their life. So why would they come with a very specific problem and get mad when we don't understand the backstory, or we can't possible be right because we don't know their SO. They're exactly right! We don't know diddly about them, so how can we give tips? It confuses me, it truly does, and I think that's why I'm going to step back and stay out of it for a while.

</div>

cu97tiger · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_are-we-moving-too-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9a1ae72a-d21b-4b58-b83d-c33ab64284a7Post:13e8ebc6-55aa-4ecf-84c3-acee2966bcec">Re:Are we moving too fast?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are we moving too fast? : After this thread in particular I've decided it best that I.. chill on TK for a while. (not because of your comment tiger!) I'm just going to browse, maybe post a gif or two, but it's pretty obvious that I get a little riled up and there's no need for internet strangers to make it that way for me. That being said - <strong>99% of the ladies here really do try to give advice, and I'd say roughly 85% of the time the posters come back because they don't like what they hear and lose their mind about it. That's why I specifically pointed out that we are strangers. Not friends, not their mothers, but people who know nothing of their life. So why would they come with a very specific problem and get mad when we don't understand the backstory, or we can't possible be right because we don't know their SO. They're exactly right! We don't know diddly about them, so how can we give tips?</strong> It confuses me, it truly does, and I think that's why I'm going to step back and stay out of it for a while.
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

<div>This is all true. I can say that I was one of the 15% that heard what people said, took it to heart, and lost the BSC. For those people, I think it's worthwhile not to be degrading or mean to the rest of them. No need to scare off the sane ones that just need to get it all out of their system!</div><div>
</div><div><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div>

dani1361 · March 2013

you need to slow it down! I moved in with my boyfriend after 3 years od dating... 3 years after living together, we got engaged! one year of dating is still honeymoon phase. you dont even know each other fully. Give i time. If he really loves you, hell be willing to wait and settle for being just boyfriend and girlfriend!

richellesmiley · April 2013

If you have to ask that you already know the answer darlin. Attempting to have someone reaffirm your fears is not going to help you too much.

I wish you the best of luck though

Are we moving too fast?

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