KMN, that's how my retired AF colonel father views things, too. He has expressly forbidden us to put him in uniform in his casket.
When he retired, he was repeatedly asked, "Col. B, what should I call you after you retire?" His response was, "My friends call me John."
He and I talked about this the other day, and he said the only time he'd wear his uniform again was the swearing in of either my brother or I.
If anyone thinks his desire to not wear his uniform means he isn't proud of his service or country, they can kiss my ass. He's a highly decorated Vietnam veteran, and was awarded a number of humanitarian medals.
ETA: Everyone else has already touched on the "let him wear it if he wants to" and the "the day is not all about pictures" portions, so I'll just defer to them. Good points.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:105d66c7-147b-4cd1-ac33-07adf2daa07b">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]<strong>Your father spent years in the service and you're upset that he wants to wear his uniform to the wedding because of the pictures?</strong> First of all, his uniform looks good with everything. That's the beauty of the military uniforms. If anything, your pictures will look even better. Second, its a rented tux he would have to pay for, and his uniform is free. Let him not spend the money on a tux. Parents don't have to match the WP. It is nice that a lot of the times the dad does rent a tux, but it is not needed. Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
I never said I was upset, just that I wasn't thrilled with the idea. And I am thinking about the money he would have to spend and thats part of why I am thinking about just letting him do it.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:64b8e08b-b41b-4750-9ebf-5e2c4d5e0e0c">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : They are in no way more important. I think they are definitely a consideration and a lot of what we do is to look good in pictures. Otherwise why even rent tuxes at all? <strong>If there were to be no pictures I wouldn't care what people wore.</strong> Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
<div>Wow, really? I would have wanted everything exactly the way we had it, even if there were zero photos. It set the "feel" of the event and we got tons of compliments on everything. By that logic, why have flowers? Or if you aren't having video, why bother with music?</div>
Just going to break in becasue I happen to have some pics of a FOG in military dress... in this case the bride requested that he wear it. If you wanted to see how pics look with someone in military dress, personally I thought they looked fantastic and not weird at all, but this might give you an idea:
FOG, Groom & FOB
ETA: MW was lying about the Fathers needing to wear / usually wearing tuxes. My dad decided to and my FIL decided not to, he wore a really nice suit instead. They both looked awesome and were comfortable.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:0bd3b351-7e31-416c-b109-2f9aff0b8656">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I just have no words. Really?! REALLY?! No, it's not about the pictures. It's about marrying the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Celebrating that love with those that are nearest and dearest to you--including your father presumably. Regardless of whether he's active military or retired, his service was a major part of his life. My grandfather retired as a Lt. Col and from everything I understand, it's a pretty big deal. Why shouldn't he get to recognize that by wearing his military dress uniform? If you are really most concerned with how your pretty pictures will turn out, I highly suggest you reevaluate your priorities. Have you hired models for your wedding party to ensure they look pretty and won't ruin the photos with individuality? Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]
I don't mean that the wedding is about the pictures. Just the outfits and the renting tuxes and all the stuff we spend money on to look nice. If there weren't going to be pictures I wouldn't care about any of that stuff.
You're not LETTING him do it. He can wear literally whatever he wants. He is not a doll you can dress up. If you feel uncomfortable with him in the military get-up, I think it's fine to have a conversation with him about it. But you do not get to tell him what to wear. Period.
FWIW, our tux place asked us if fathers would rent tuxes and we said no. it had never crossed our minds -- FI's father is a grown man and can choose his own appropriate wedding attire.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:992e5c23-782c-4215-a00d-a8f48fc0db50">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform :<strong> Also, I'm pretty sure that he can't take away attention from you.</strong> You are the bride. And, his military dress uniform will match perfectly with tuxes since it is the right level of formality. I understand you have issues with your father, but I think you're grasping at straws here. AND REALLY<strong> ITS</strong> FOR THE PICTURES? Did you stop and think about how that sounds. Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
I also never said it would take attention away from me. What about the groom? I read on another etiquette blog that no one should try to outshine the groom. And "it" does not refer to the wedding. It refers to all the work that we do to look nice on the special day and to create beautiful memories.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:ea0823b4-6590-4407-bb89-ea7d2d4ca003">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't mean that the wedding is about the pictures. Just the outfits and the renting tuxes and all the stuff we spend money on to look nice.<strong> If there weren't going to be pictures I wouldn't care about any of that stuff. </strong>Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
I think that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. Seriously your priorities are super whack.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:b6d6ff1a-9a45-4b17-b171-4619bfdc4d5d">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]Just going to break in becasue I happen to have some pics of a FOG in military dress... in this case the bride requested that he wear it. If you wanted to see how pics look with someone in military dress, personally I thought they looked fantastic and not weird at all, but this might give you an idea: FOG, Groom & FOB ETA: MW was lying about the Fathers needing to wear / usually wearing tuxes. My dad decided to and my FIL decided not to, he wore a really nice suit instead. They both looked awesome and were comfortable. Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]
Thank you, I have been looking for pictures and that does look nice. Mine would look a little differently because the groomsmen are wearing light grey suits and my father's uniform is a navy blue jacket with lighter blue pants. Also, I thought it was weird that MW's said they should match, but I was just wondering if asking him to wear a tux in general was rude.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:720f7de1-09e0-49c9-b643-0269b432f885">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]<strong>My FI's brother (best man) is going to wear his uniform for the wedding. Granted, he's active military, so it's a little different, but I got myself a little stressed out about pictures at first</strong>. Then I remembered that it's not all about me, and FI's brother has spent a lot of the last few years serving our country, so if he feels more comfortable wearing his uniform, I need to suck it up. Your dad won't even be in that many of theformal pics, I promise it will be fine. Posted by katehar01[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:348b4750-261e-4490-9f44-74f3fbcbf85b">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Thank you, I have been looking for pictures and that does look nice. Mine would look a little differently because the groomsmen are wearing light grey suits and my father's uniform is a navy blue jacket with lighter blue pants. <strong>Also, I thought it was weird that MW's said they should match</strong>, but I was just wondering if asking him to wear a tux in general was rude. Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
It's not weird at all. They're trying to make money off of you.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:3fb9be01-03e6-46c3-868e-009dbd3678bf">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]<strong>Make sure to let your FI know this wedding is really only to get nice pictures. Never mind marrying him.</strong> I would absolutely let your father wear his uniform. Heck, if a GM wanted to wear his military uniform, I'd let him. It's something they worked hard for and are proud of. Not everyone has to match, and the idea that you think he'll steal the spotlight from you is absolutely absurd. You're going to be in a big white dress, up in front of everyone. No one is going to "steal" your spotlight. You need to get over yourself on this one. Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
Of course the wedding is about marrying him! You are quite a hypocrit to judge me for wanting nice pictures when you obviously wanted them too and show them off on here.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:348b4750-261e-4490-9f44-74f3fbcbf85b">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Thank you, I have been looking for pictures and that does look nice. Mine would look a little differently because the groomsmen are wearing light grey suits and my father's uniform is a navy blue jacket with lighter blue pants. Also, <strong>I thought it was weird that MW's said they should match</strong>, but I was just wondering if asking him to wear a tux in general was rude. Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
Yeah they just want to get more of your money and hope that brides go crazy and insist on the fathers paying for tuxes instead of wearing their own suits or whatever. I mean... I don't think it's necessarily rude to have your FI ask if he'd mind wearing a tux, but if he's set on wearing the military dress then he should be able to wear what he feels comfortable in.
Also, your dad won't be in any pictures with the groomsmen, btw. I don't think I've ever seen a picture of the FOB posing with the groomsmen. Or the FOG for that matter =) For the formal photos the dads are usually just in the family pics.
No one is criticizing you for wanting nice pictures, they are critical of the fact that it seems to be *the only reason* you are asking these questions.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:28e04a5a-8d09-4530-9fcc-87fe79fbd000">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]Who cares if your father is an arrogant guy? If he's THAT arrogant of a person to let it make a difference, then he'll make up for it in other places if he doesn't wear his uniform. And holy crap please share this crystal ball you have that tells you what your guests are planning to wear. Does it also tell about the weather? You need to lurk more if you think Snippy was being rude. Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]
When did I say that I knew what my guests were wearing. And I actually have a life so I don't have time to lurk. I just had a question and thought this would be a place to ask it.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:0f1da52b-a0d8-46d3-b53d-d0f96d0ed30e">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]Well, I LOVE a man in uniform, so for me it wouldn't be a problem & if my dad were to wear his to my wedding I would be proud because I am proud of him. That being said, I believe that there are some issues there between you and your dad, this goes a lot deeper than just his desire to wear his uniform to your wedding. As for pictures, I think he will look great because dress blues are, well, dark blue & very formal. Let it go and let him wear his uniform, it will save you lots of stress in the end. I<strong>n regards to your "Isn't most of it for the pictures?" comment, I think I know what you were implying. You were not saying that the MARRIAGE was just about the pictures, but that the dressing up and matching bit is. I have to say that I agree with you, the wedding is all about the symbolism, celebration and creating memories. But, if most of formality wasn't for the pictures, I would get married, celebrate and create memories on my wedding day in a pair of comfy blue jeans and my favorite t-shirt</strong> Posted by Happy Bun[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:26269384-b677-44e3-a22f-e8c0ca8ebe17">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Wow, really? I would have wanted everything exactly the way we had it, even if there were zero photos. It set the "feel" of the event and we got tons of compliments on everything. By that logic, why have flowers?<strong> Or if you aren't having video, why bother with music?</strong> Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]
Your logic is flawed. Obviously I want people to have fun and dance. I just don't think people would worry as much about getting dressed up if they weren't concerned about pictures.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:243ef4bd-b358-4db7-97a5-baa09ba6aa23">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]No one is criticizing you for wanting nice pictures, they are critical of the fact that it seems to be *the only reason* you are asking these questions. Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]
Well I am sorry if it seemed that way, but that isn't the only reason. I have never seen a FOB wear a military uniform to a non-military wedding. I was curious about the etiquette and whether or not it is appropriate to ask him not to. My reasons were partially for the pictures. Matching issues..the groomsmen are wearing light grey and the bridesmaids navy. My dad'd uniform is navy with lighter blue pants. And as for the "feel" of the wedding as you mentioned before, I don't think military attire goes with the feel which is more casual and fun.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:f7343cd2-27d7-46f9-8f02-8608e2ee06ab">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Your logic is flawed. Obviously I want people to have fun and dance. I just don't think people would worry as much about getting dressed up if they weren't concerned about pictures. Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
<div>I was referring to ceremony music, but I still think it's bizarre to think that the only reason to dress up for an event is for photographs. Whatever happened to enjoying something special, just because it's special? I feel quite sure people dressed up for life events like weddings and funerals before the invention of photography. I guess I find it extremely sad that people feel like there is no point in honoring an event by wearing their best clothes and looking nice just because there are no cameras around. </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:aff5ee19-f2e4-4f74-9c87-dc0173c1cdbb">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]On a side note...the woman at the tux place was wrong. The fathers can wear whatever they like because they are not a part of the wedding party. The tux place will tell you that they "usually wear the same thing as the GMs" because they want to make more money. But for the more important part of your question...no matter who wears what, no one will take the spotlight off of you on the day of your wedding, no one, so do not worry about this. And as far as the pictures go...I just got married in July and when I look at my pictures, I am not looking at the outfits but at the faces of all of my family and friends and how happy everyone seemed to have been. If wearing his uniform will make your dad happy then let him wear it. Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:ea0823b4-6590-4407-bb89-ea7d2d4ca003">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't mean that the wedding is about the pictures. Just the outfits and the renting tuxes and all the stuff we spend money on to look nice. If there weren't going to be pictures I wouldn't care about any of that stuff. Posted by snr1[/QUOTE] Do you think your dad wouldn't look nice in his uniform? And my point earlier was about the fact that a rented tux is only so nice. There's nothing at all wrong with doing it, but your whole tone came off as more "These are TUXES not UNIFORMS" as though a rented tux is somehow better than anything else.
I don't know. I can't explain it better than that.
And hey, I do have a life. I was actually at work when I responded to you the first time. I have an awesome life, in fact. Just because you don't like my responses doesn't mean I'm a terrible person.
[QUOTE] I'm not really sure who you think you are or why you feel the need to be rude.<strong> I never said I didn't want him to wear it </strong>or that I wouldn't let him. Only that it hadn't occurred to me that he would want to and<strong> I wasn't thrilled with the idea</strong>. Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
<div>I don't know who you think you are, or why you thought we wouldn't notice when you contradict yourself in this obvious a fashion, or why you thought you could change your reasoning so completely, and still remain credible.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:252f62bc-ae25-44d8-8ac1-7fb8c48fc85f">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I was referring to ceremony music, but I still think it's bizarre to think that the only reason to dress up for an event is for photographs. Whatever happened to enjoying something special, just because it's special? <strong>I feel quite sure people dressed up for life events like weddings and funerals before the invention of photography.</strong> I guess I find it extremely sad that people feel like there is no point in honoring an event by wearing their best clothes and looking nice just because there are no cameras around. Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]
I don't know if I think that is completely true. Sure they probably wore different dresses than usual, but we are much more casual these days and wedding attire is vastly different from what we wear on a daily basis. If I told everyone to come in a dressed up version of what they usually wear, we wouldn't end up with dresses and tuxes. It may be sad that people don't dress as nicely as they should or used to, but its the truth. And some people do have to be talked into dressing up for weddings. I have seen women come in jeans and to me that just looks ridiculous in pictures. But that's not really the point. The point is that my dad would be very overdressed compared to the wedding party in my opinion. So in order to look right in pictures I would think it would look better to be in the same style as other men, but I would never fight with him about it, only ask him not to wear his uniform.
I'm not understanding why you even bothered to post this question or poll.
You asked if it would be rude to ask your father not to wear his uniform (which is NOT dressier than a tux, btw, and which he has earned through years of service, retired or not) when he has told you he wants to wear it. Multiple people told you that it was best to leave it be and let him wear what he wants. You then went and refuted everything everyone said.
So why bother asking the question or putting up the poll, if you didn't want to hear anything except validation for your behavior?
All I hear from you OP, is " Pictures, pictures, PiCtUrEs, PICTURES, pictures, PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:0d32e402-fbd4-41fb-b2cc-aeeb76b2a3e5">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : <strong>Do you think your dad wouldn't look nice in his uniform?</strong> And my point earlier was about the fact that a rented tux is only so nice. There's nothing at all wrong with doing it, but your whole tone came off as more "These are TUXES not UNIFORMS" as though a rented tux is somehow better than anything else. I don't know. I can't explain it better than that. And hey, I do have a life. I was actually at work when I responded to you the first time. I have an awesome life, in fact. Just because you don't like my responses doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
No I don't think he wouldn't look nice. I actually think its a little formal for my event which is more casual. So that is more my concern, that he would look overdressed. I never meant to make tuxes sound better than uniforms, just consistent. And I apology for my rude comment. I was caught off guard by how aggressive people got about the topic. My whole intention was to avoid offending my dad and everyone seemed to take it as if I were complaining about it. I am not complaining, I just wanted to know if it was appropriate for him to wear it and if it was rude if I didn't want him to.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_father-of-bride-military-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1425b1d-bd8e-4c22-a40f-be65476bf9d2Post:689e1f06-4be7-4ac1-a047-6f8d6b64b5b0">Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform</a>: [QUOTE]Then to answer your question: No, he won't look overdressed unless everyone is coming in shorts and t-shirts. Yes, it would be rude to ask him not to wear the uniform when he's made it perfectly clear that he wants to wear the uniform. Questions answered. <strong>Move on.</strong> Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]
Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform
[QUOTE]<strong>Your father spent years in the service and you're upset that he wants to wear his uniform to the wedding because of the pictures?</strong> First of all, his uniform looks good with everything. That's the beauty of the military uniforms. If anything, your pictures will look even better. Second, its a rented tux he would have to pay for, and his uniform is free. Let him not spend the money on a tux. Parents don't have to match the WP. It is nice that a lot of the times the dad does rent a tux, but it is not needed.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
I never said I was upset, just that I wasn't thrilled with the idea. And I am thinking about the money he would have to spend and thats part of why I am thinking about just letting him do it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : They are in no way more important. I think they are definitely a consideration and a lot of what we do is to look good in pictures. Otherwise why even rent tuxes at all? <strong>If there were to be no pictures I wouldn't care what people wore.</strong>
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
<div>Wow, really? I would have wanted everything exactly the way we had it, even if there were zero photos. It set the "feel" of the event and we got tons of compliments on everything. By that logic, why have flowers? Or if you aren't having video, why bother with music?</div>
Just going to break in becasue I happen to have some pics of a FOG in military dress... in this case the bride requested that he wear it. If you wanted to see how pics look with someone in military dress, personally I thought they looked fantastic and not weird at all, but this might give you an idea:



FOG, Groom & FOB
ETA: MW was lying about the Fathers needing to wear / usually wearing tuxes. My dad decided to and my FIL decided not to, he wore a really nice suit instead. They both looked awesome and were comfortable.
Married Bio
Day Zero / Blog
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I just have no words. Really?! REALLY?! No, it's not about the pictures. It's about marrying the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Celebrating that love with those that are nearest and dearest to you--including your father presumably. Regardless of whether he's active military or retired, his service was a major part of his life. My grandfather retired as a Lt. Col and from everything I understand, it's a pretty big deal. Why shouldn't he get to recognize that by wearing his military dress uniform? If you are really most concerned with how your pretty pictures will turn out, I highly suggest you reevaluate your priorities. Have you hired models for your wedding party to ensure they look pretty and won't ruin the photos with individuality?
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]
I don't mean that the wedding is about the pictures. Just the outfits and the renting tuxes and all the stuff we spend money on to look nice. If there weren't going to be pictures I wouldn't care about any of that stuff.
FWIW, our tux place asked us if fathers would rent tuxes and we said no. it had never crossed our minds -- FI's father is a grown man and can choose his own appropriate wedding attire.
edit: spelling
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform :<strong> Also, I'm pretty sure that he can't take away attention from you.</strong> You are the bride. And, his military dress uniform will match perfectly with tuxes since it is the right level of formality. I understand you have issues with your father, but I think you're grasping at straws here. AND REALLY<strong> ITS</strong> FOR THE PICTURES? Did you stop and think about how that sounds.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
I also never said it would take attention away from me. What about the groom? I read on another etiquette blog that no one should try to outshine the groom. And "it" does not refer to the wedding. It refers to all the work that we do to look nice on the special day and to create beautiful memories.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't mean that the wedding is about the pictures. Just the outfits and the renting tuxes and all the stuff we spend money on to look nice.<strong> If there weren't going to be pictures I wouldn't care about any of that stuff.
</strong>Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
I think that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. Seriously your priorities are super whack.
[QUOTE]Just going to break in becasue I happen to have some pics of a FOG in military dress... in this case the bride requested that he wear it. If you wanted to see how pics look with someone in military dress, personally I thought they looked fantastic and not weird at all, but this might give you an idea: FOG, Groom & FOB ETA: MW was lying about the Fathers needing to wear / usually wearing tuxes. My dad decided to and my FIL decided not to, he wore a really nice suit instead. They both looked awesome and were comfortable.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]
Thank you, I have been looking for pictures and that does look nice. Mine would look a little differently because the groomsmen are wearing light grey suits and my father's uniform is a navy blue jacket with lighter blue pants. Also, I thought it was weird that MW's said they should match, but I was just wondering if asking him to wear a tux in general was rude.
[QUOTE]<strong>My FI's brother (best man) is going to wear his uniform for the wedding. Granted, he's active military, so it's a little different, but I got myself a little stressed out about pictures at first</strong>. Then I remembered that it's not all about me, and FI's brother has spent a lot of the last few years serving our country, so if he feels more comfortable wearing his uniform, I need to suck it up. Your dad won't even be in that many of theformal pics, I promise it will be fine.
Posted by katehar01[/QUOTE]
Thank you for getting where I am coming from.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Thank you, I have been looking for pictures and that does look nice. Mine would look a little differently because the groomsmen are wearing light grey suits and my father's uniform is a navy blue jacket with lighter blue pants. <strong>Also, I thought it was weird that MW's said they should match</strong>, but I was just wondering if asking him to wear a tux in general was rude.
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
It's not weird at all. They're trying to make money off of you.
[QUOTE]<strong>Make sure to let your FI know this wedding is really only to get nice pictures. Never mind marrying him.</strong> I would absolutely let your father wear his uniform. Heck, if a GM wanted to wear his military uniform, I'd let him. It's something they worked hard for and are proud of. Not everyone has to match, and the idea that you think he'll steal the spotlight from you is absolutely absurd. You're going to be in a big white dress, up in front of everyone. No one is going to "steal" your spotlight. You need to get over yourself on this one.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
Of course the wedding is about marrying him! You are quite a hypocrit to judge me for wanting nice pictures when you obviously wanted them too and show them off on here.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Thank you, I have been looking for pictures and that does look nice. Mine would look a little differently because the groomsmen are wearing light grey suits and my father's uniform is a navy blue jacket with lighter blue pants. Also, <strong>I thought it was weird that MW's said they should match</strong>, but I was just wondering if asking him to wear a tux in general was rude.
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
Yeah they just want to get more of your money and hope that brides go crazy and insist on the fathers paying for tuxes instead of wearing their own suits or whatever. I mean... I don't think it's necessarily rude to have your FI ask if he'd mind wearing a tux, but if he's set on wearing the military dress then he should be able to wear what he feels comfortable in.
Also, your dad won't be in any pictures with the groomsmen, btw. I don't think I've ever seen a picture of the FOB posing with the groomsmen. Or the FOG for that matter =) For the formal photos the dads are usually just in the family pics.
Married Bio
Day Zero / Blog
[QUOTE]Who cares if your father is an arrogant guy? If he's THAT arrogant of a person to let it make a difference, then he'll make up for it in other places if he doesn't wear his uniform. And holy crap please share this crystal ball you have that tells you what your guests are planning to wear. Does it also tell about the weather? You need to lurk more if you think Snippy was being rude.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]
When did I say that I knew what my guests were wearing. And I actually have a life so I don't have time to lurk. I just had a question and thought this would be a place to ask it.
[QUOTE]Well, I LOVE a man in uniform, so for me it wouldn't be a problem & if my dad were to wear his to my wedding I would be proud because I am proud of him. That being said, I believe that there are some issues there between you and your dad, this goes a lot deeper than just his desire to wear his uniform to your wedding. As for pictures, I think he will look great because dress blues are, well, dark blue & very formal. Let it go and let him wear his uniform, it will save you lots of stress in the end. I<strong>n regards to your "Isn't most of it for the pictures?" comment, I think I know what you were implying. You were not saying that the MARRIAGE was just about the pictures, but that the dressing up and matching bit is. I have to say that I agree with you, the wedding is all about the symbolism, celebration and creating memories. But, if most of formality wasn't for the pictures, I would get married, celebrate and create memories on my wedding day in a pair of comfy blue jeans and my favorite t-shirt</strong>
Posted by Happy Bun[/QUOTE]
Exactly, thank you!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Wow, really? I would have wanted everything exactly the way we had it, even if there were zero photos. It set the "feel" of the event and we got tons of compliments on everything. By that logic, why have flowers?<strong> Or if you aren't having video, why bother with music?</strong>
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]
Your logic is flawed. Obviously I want people to have fun and dance. I just don't think people would worry as much about getting dressed up if they weren't concerned about pictures.
[QUOTE]No one is criticizing you for wanting nice pictures, they are critical of the fact that it seems to be *the only reason* you are asking these questions.
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]
Well I am sorry if it seemed that way, but that isn't the only reason. I have never seen a FOB wear a military uniform to a non-military wedding. I was curious about the etiquette and whether or not it is appropriate to ask him not to. My reasons were partially for the pictures. Matching issues..the groomsmen are wearing light grey and the bridesmaids navy. My dad'd uniform is navy with lighter blue pants. And as for the "feel" of the wedding as you mentioned before, I don't think military attire goes with the feel which is more casual and fun.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Your logic is flawed. Obviously I want people to have fun and dance. I just don't think people would worry as much about getting dressed up if they weren't concerned about pictures.
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
<div>I was referring to ceremony music, but I still think it's bizarre to think that the only reason to dress up for an event is for photographs. Whatever happened to enjoying something special, just because it's special? I feel quite sure people dressed up for life events like weddings and funerals before the invention of photography. I guess I find it extremely sad that people feel like there is no point in honoring an event by wearing their best clothes and looking nice just because there are no cameras around. </div>
[QUOTE]On a side note...the woman at the tux place was wrong. The fathers can wear whatever they like because they are not a part of the wedding party. The tux place will tell you that they "usually wear the same thing as the GMs" because they want to make more money. But for the more important part of your question...no matter who wears what, no one will take the spotlight off of you on the day of your wedding, no one, so do not worry about this. And as far as the pictures go...I just got married in July and when I look at my pictures, I am not looking at the outfits but at the faces of all of my family and friends and how happy everyone seemed to have been. If wearing his uniform will make your dad happy then let him wear it.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
Thanks I appreciate your help!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't mean that the wedding is about the pictures. Just the outfits and the renting tuxes and all the stuff we spend money on to look nice. If there weren't going to be pictures I wouldn't care about any of that stuff.
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
Do you think your dad wouldn't look nice in his uniform? And my point earlier was about the fact that a rented tux is only so nice. There's nothing at all wrong with doing it, but your whole tone came off as more "These are TUXES not UNIFORMS" as though a rented tux is somehow better than anything else.
I don't know. I can't explain it better than that.
And hey, I do have a life. I was actually at work when I responded to you the first time. I have an awesome life, in fact. Just because you don't like my responses doesn't mean I'm a terrible person.
Wedding stuff.
Wedding stuff.
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
<div>I don't know who you think you are, or why you thought we wouldn't notice when you contradict yourself in this obvious a fashion, or why you thought you could change your reasoning so completely, and still remain credible.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I was referring to ceremony music, but I still think it's bizarre to think that the only reason to dress up for an event is for photographs. Whatever happened to enjoying something special, just because it's special? <strong>I feel quite sure people dressed up for life events like weddings and funerals before the invention of photography.</strong> I guess I find it extremely sad that people feel like there is no point in honoring an event by wearing their best clothes and looking nice just because there are no cameras around.
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]
I don't know if I think that is completely true. Sure they probably wore different dresses than usual, but we are much more casual these days and wedding attire is vastly different from what we wear on a daily basis. If I told everyone to come in a dressed up version of what they usually wear, we wouldn't end up with dresses and tuxes. It may be sad that people don't dress as nicely as they should or used to, but its the truth. And some people do have to be talked into dressing up for weddings. I have seen women come in jeans and to me that just looks ridiculous in pictures. But that's not really the point. The point is that my dad would be very overdressed compared to the wedding party in my opinion. So in order to look right in pictures I would think it would look better to be in the same style as other men, but I would never fight with him about it, only ask him not to wear his uniform.
You asked if it would be rude to ask your father not to wear his uniform (which is NOT dressier than a tux, btw, and which he has earned through years of service, retired or not) when he has told you he wants to wear it. Multiple people told you that it was best to leave it be and let him wear what he wants. You then went and refuted everything everyone said.
So why bother asking the question or putting up the poll, if you didn't want to hear anything except validation for your behavior?
Books read in 2012: 21/50
Wedding stuff.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : <strong>Do you think your dad wouldn't look nice in his uniform?</strong> And my point earlier was about the fact that a rented tux is only so nice. There's nothing at all wrong with doing it, but your whole tone came off as more "These are TUXES not UNIFORMS" as though a rented tux is somehow better than anything else. I don't know. I can't explain it better than that. And hey, I do have a life. I was actually at work when I responded to you the first time. I have an awesome life, in fact. Just because you don't like my responses doesn't mean I'm a terrible person.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
No I don't think he wouldn't look nice. I actually think its a little formal for my event which is more casual. So that is more my concern, that he would look overdressed. I never meant to make tuxes sound better than uniforms, just consistent. And I apology for my rude comment. I was caught off guard by how aggressive people got about the topic. My whole intention was to avoid offending my dad and everyone seemed to take it as if I were complaining about it. I am not complaining, I just wanted to know if it was appropriate for him to wear it and if it was rude if I didn't want him to.
[QUOTE]Then to answer your question: No, he won't look overdressed unless everyone is coming in shorts and t-shirts. Yes, it would be rude to ask him not to wear the uniform when he's made it perfectly clear that he wants to wear the uniform. Questions answered. <strong>Move on.</strong>
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]
No one is forcing you to read what I post.
Books read in 2012: 21/50