Since the pants incident happened, things just aren't the same between us. I struggle with my anger anyways, but I find myself angry with him all the time. I find fault in most things he does, but I don't know if it is truly fault or if I am only looking for the worst in him. It's like things are ok for him to do or say but if I do or say them, he chastises me. I don't want him to hold me or hug or touch me period. I don't even want to kiss him goodbye 90% of the time anymore. He says things that hurt my feelings and then plays them off as a joke when he sees that it upsets me. For example, I have always struggled with self-image and body issues. I don't think Kurt fully understands to what extent though. I have gotten better with them and have come to accept myself and my body. Today, Kurt and I picked up dinner for us and my parents and were bringing it home to eat. I took 1 tortilla chip out, ate half, and offered him the other. He refused it, called me a "Pork" and begin yelling at me saying that I never wait to eat with him and that all I do is eat all the time. When I became upset and held back tears, he said he was just joking.
I love Kurt. I really do. And I am trying my best to fix this relationship. But it's like he's not even trying.