vent/plus ones?

cdlnmf · March 2010

okay. so, really, whats the deal with plus ones? when do you have to give some a guest and when do you not have to? i know sometimes its obvious, like for younger guests... but what if you know a person isn't in a serious relationship and you know they will know everyone else at the wedding, so it isn't an issue of them being alone? should you still give them a plus one? do you have to? i'm just not sure how this all works.

october010bride · March 2010

Most people set certain guidelines... plus ones for people over 18 who are in serious relationships OR people who are OOT. But then it gets a bit iffy, like how do you decide who's serious and who's not.

I'm giving everyone a plus 1 even if they're not in a serious relationship. I've had friends (who aren't dating someone serious) vent to me about how they feel like a loser when they aren't given a plus 1.

With my single friends, I know they won't end up bringing somone but I still want to give them the chance to bring someone if they'd like.

Shazzie116 · March 2010

Like PP said, set guidelines. Start with couples who are engaged or living together, and then go from there. Here are questions we asked ourselves:

Are they serious/committed?

Do we know the significant other/have we met the s/o more than once?

Will he/she know other people at the wedding?

Basically, if we had single friends who were part of the same group of friends and would definitely have people to sit with and hang out with, they did not get a plus 1. No one complained, except one guy, he RSVPed yes and then didn't show up. Jerk.

cdlnmf · March 2010

okay. thanks, i feel a lot less stressed. my wedding is in august, and we've already drafted the guest list for the most part. we're at the tip top of our budget already. if someone wasn't in a serious relationship, but i knew they had a lot of friends that would be there, i didn't give them a plus one. basically i count a serious relationship as having at least been together for six months before i started the guest list, and it being more than casual dating. (like if you are a close friend, i probably should have heard about mr whatever by now) but, if someone wasn't in a serious relationship but i didn't think they'd know many people then i did give them a plus one anyways. i just hate everyone complaining. and demanding. its my wedding, right? i need to start remembering i can't please everyone.

jonnysbride2010 · March 2010

I think you made a great decision. I did exactly what Shazz did as well. If you know they are living together, engaged, seriously involved etc they get a plus one. If not and they know a lot of people no guest for them haha. I felt bad at first and then I realized that they will have a huge group of friends and family to dance with and I was suddenly okay with it!

AlexaGrant · March 2010

I was just discussing this with my step-mom who was working under the assumption that everyone got plus ones, while I thought it was only if they were in a relationship. We consulted the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book:

"Partners of invited guests must be included in wedding invitations. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together...allowing single guests who aren't attached to significant others to bring dates is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is certainly not required and often not realistic." (emphasis in original.)

CCBelle · March 2010

I gave everyone on my guest list a plus one (but I did not have any children invited to begin with). I trusted my friends not to bring a "flavor of the week" to my wedding. I just wouldn't know where to begin judging whether or not a guest was in a relationship that was committed enough to be included on the guest list. For ex, when I had been dating my now H for about 4 months, a friend got engaged and told me that he wouldn't be invited as the relatiponship wasn't "serious and committed." Needless to say, I was ticked at being told what my relationship was and by the time her wedding rolled around 6 months later, H and I were talking marriage. So long story short, I feel like you should make the rule across the board. Either everyone gets a plus one or no one gets a plus one. But I admit that I'm probably in the minority on this opinion :-)

Krystalynne21 · March 2010

We are inviting everyone with "plus ones" mainly because most of our friends are married/engaged/living with someone. There are only a few of my younger cousins who aren't attached, but we still plan to invite the 3 of them with plus ones. But no....you don't HAVE to. I have been to several weddings where there were no plus ones, including a my best friends wedding. She and her husband got married quickly because he was being delpoyed, and the venue just didn't have the space-I went sans FI after being together for 3 yrs.

Blueyed228 · March 2010

I am giving everyone a plus one. I am not having kids or teens though.

fwiw: I would not attend a wedding if I was not given a plus one. I would feel very uncomfortable.

megandjay · March 2010

I never got a plus one to a family wedding, but always did to friends weddings (when I was in a relationship).

I think you know your guests better than we do, just put yoursefl in their shoes and do what you think is right.

EKobrenski · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_ventplus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:24a7dbff-6820-4a25-820b-4f4a96ab592cPost:c6f7a203-2afe-442a-8708-99d3712a7804">Re: vent/plus ones?</a>:
[QUOTE]Most people set certain guidelines... plus ones for people over 18 who are in serious relationships OR people who are OOT. But then it gets a bit iffy, like how do you decide who's serious and who's not. I'm giving everyone a plus 1 even if they're not in a serious relationship. I've had friends (who aren't dating someone serious) vent to me about how they feel like a loser when they aren't given a plus 1. With my single friends, I know they won't end up bringing somone but I still want to give them the chance to bring someone if they'd like.
Posted by october010bride[/QUOTE]

Totally agree. Although you have to know your crowd. we have like 4 people that arent dating someone, so of course we gave them a guest. If it's mostly singles, that might be different.

jessla · March 2010

I was very strict with plus ones... I think I gave like 3 friends the option. 2 of them were college friends that didn't know anyone else at the wedding very well, and one was a BM, and I knew her boyfriend pretty well. I also asked my other BMs with SOs if they wanted a plus one option, but they said it was fine. They were aware of my tight budget. Oh, I also gave one other person a plus one option, but that was b/c she was dating a guy 30 years older than her, and we all wanted to meet him for that reason.

If people knew a good amount of other people at the wedding, then I said, sorry, I'm on a tight budget, and the point of the wedding is not to go on a date.

jkepros · March 2010

I agree with the pp who said make a rule. We cut our original guest list of 350+ to 135, and even had to cut family members from both sides. We are only inviting teens/kids who are our first cousins (and one of my first cousin's 2 kids--but they can't come anyway, so it's a moot point). For "plus ones" we just didn't do it.

Anyone who we are friends with who is in a serious relationship (engaged, married, or been together for years), we know their SO and are also friends with him/her, so they are both invited. None of our "single" (as in not dating anyone in particular) friends are getting a plus one--and I don't think anyone really minds. To clarify we added a FAQS section to our wedding webpage and put this:

May I bring my children/a date?

Because of the small size of our ceremony & reception venues we request that only those whose names appear on the invitation and reply card attend our wedding. While we would love to accommodate others, there is simply not enough room for everyone we would like to invite. We appreciate your understanding, and hope that you are still able to celebrate our marriage with us.

You are right that you can't please everyone, so don't try. In fact, some people will like you/respect you more for sticking to your guns.

CassiePEI · March 2010

I am the youngest of all of my first cousins in a very large Italian family, and one of the last ones to get married. I've been going to family weddings stag for years - a legit adult, out of college, full time job, home owner, etc. It always annoyed and angered me - hey, I'm an adult! I'm going to get you my own gift! Let me bring my BOYFRIEND!!!!

Now that I'm getting married I asked my mom if I'm allowed to invite all of my cousins, but not their husbands/wives.....I guess that's not the way it works....sigh....

Karen's MOH · March 2010

I pretty much second what most of the others are saying. However, I think if someone is in a long term relationship, even if they aren't married or living together, they should both be invited. My FI was not "and guested" to a wedding after we had been dating for over 4 years and I was pretty ticked off about it. Ideally, I think it's nice if you can speak with people and ask if there is someone they will be bringing. That way, they can say, yes, I would like to bring my boy/girlfriend so-and-so, or no, I'm not dating anyone right now. Prevents the random plus ones.

I now realize I have some great friends. When I was asking for addresses, I actually had a couple of people respond telling me they aren't dating anyone or that I didn't need to worry about a plus one.

vent/plus ones?

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May I bring my children/a date?

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