Demoting a Bridesmaid...

chinofiesta93 · December 2012

I agree. I want her to see that I'm a big twuntwaffle. For sure

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

Also, side note, if a third of your guest list includes kids, you are going to have kids playing under the cake table at some point. Feel free to delude yourself into thinking all the other kids except these two are just too precious and perfect to do such a thing if you want to, but I can guarantee you'll be proven wrong. Sorry. Them's the breaks when you invite that many kids to your wedding.

KellyBrian2013 · December 2012

In Response to Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...:[QUOTE]And please, don't lie and say you'd have a great day if you know there are kids playing under the caketable at your wedding. Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

I DID have kids playing around my cake table... and my DH's cousin with special needs running around, playing behind the DJ booth. Guess what? I had an AMAZING day. Invite your BM with a friend, or don't invite her children at all. Keep children invites to family only.

KellyBrian2013 · December 2012

In Response to Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...:[QUOTE]I agree. I want her to see that I'm a big twuntwaffle. For sure Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

Well at least you can be honest with yourself.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:d9cd410d-d991-4af1-b087-f8a33cafb19b">Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...:

Well at least you can be honest with yourself.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

DED.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:7e960797-d658-4196-a61a-7548bb7546ce">Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree. I want her to see that I'm a big twuntwaffle. For sure
Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, do you have a better word to describe someone who is so fixated on having a perfect pretty princess day that her only concern when she learns that her friend who is a single mom is pregnant again and has been abandoned by her baby's father is how to kick her friend out of her wedding? Because I sure don't.

chinofiesta93 · December 2012

All other children will have 2 parents that are tending to them.
These children will have a parent in the wedding, at a different table, at the front of the church, etc. A parent that will be distracted and can't really 100% parent/supervise her kids.
So your argument is invalid, sorry.

Anyways, I'm off to bed. I will check in the AM

KellyBrian2013 · December 2012

In Response to Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...:[QUOTE]All other children will have 2 parents that are tending to them. These children will have a parent in the wedding, at a different table, at the front of the church, etc. A parent that will be distracted and can't really 100 parent/supervise her kids.So your argument is invalid, sorry.Anyways, I'm off to bed. I will check in the AM Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

Then don't invite her kids. Draw the line at family only. Problem solved. Andplusalso? You're delusional if you think having two parents in attendance equates to having two parents who will adequately supervise. Every child at our wedding had both parents in attendance. They still ran amuck. And know what? They made for some hilarious photos.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

And you can't invite her to bring a babysitter with her to the wedding because....?

chinofiesta93 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:0867d192-2f4d-4116-9f34-f1382a371011">Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...: Then don't invite her kids. Draw the line at family only. Problem solved. Andplusalso? You're delusional if you think having two parents in attendance equates to having two parents who will adequately supervise. Every child at our wedding had both parents in attendance. They still ran amuck. And know what? They made for some hilarious photos.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

Maybe that amuses you but I don't think thats funny.

KellyBrian2013 · December 2012

In Response to Re:Demoting a Bridesmaid...:[QUOTE]Maybe that amuses you but I don't think thats funny. Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

Missing the point, party of you.

Peledreamsofrain · December 2012

Ah, so this is what unintelligent teenaged boys with no girlfriend do with their saturdays instead of having a life. Nobody is like this outside of the trash on Jerry Springer. Good try. Lame troll is lame and needs to buy himself a videogame.

melb2013 · December 2012

After reading this whole thread, I actually think OP's for real. She's just self-centered and rude and apparently so dense that she didn't know she was those things before posting this story on an etiquette board.

kaylademing · December 2012

I am kind of having the same issue with one of my bridesmaids... We both work together and she has been acting weird lately. And I have talked to her about the issues and she says it's just work and college which thats all fine and dandy, but she has been married once before and has two kids from that marriage been divorced and has a boyfriend with a little girl from this guy and has been with him for 3 years. But Since I asked he to be apart of my wedding she has been distant and we dont hardly talk or see each other except at work and I am having a hard time finding the right way to ask her or tell her if she wants to be iapart of this special day. I thought that have been being married once before she would understand the stresses of and the excitement of everything, but I guess I was wrong. I think we both need to just go on and come out with it before it's to late and obveiously we need to just say this isn't to hurt you or our friendship but maybe not being apart of the wedding would better for you due to your "pregnancy" or in my case "work/college related stressors" and see how she takes it. It could end good or badly like you say but we "the Brides" want our day to be special. You only get married once...hopefully

lol I know thats not realistic in society today but it is something to strive for and I wish the best to all newly engaged couples out there!

Viczaesar · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:9c86c325-3ae4-4f14-a504-089188ef5d2c">Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am kind of having the same issue with one of my bridesmaids... We both work together and she has been acting weird lately. And I have talked to her about the issues and she says it's just work and college which thats all fine and dandy, but she has been married once before and has two kids from that marriage been divorced and has a boyfriend with a little girl from this guy and has been with him for 3 years. But Since I asked he to be apart of my wedding she has been distant and we dont hardly talk or see each other except at work and I am having a hard time finding the right way to ask her or tell her if she wants to be iapart of this special day. I thought that have been being married once before she would understand the stresses of and the excitement of everything, but I guess I was wrong. I think we both need to just go on and come out with it before it's to late and obveiously we need to just say this isn't to hurt you or our friendship but maybe not being apart of the wedding would better for you due to your "pregnancy" or in my case "work/college related stressors" and see how she takes it. It could end good or badly like you say but we "the Brides" want our day to be special. You only get married once...hopefully :p lol I know thats not realistic in society today but it is something to strive for and I wish the best to all newly engaged couples out there!
Posted by kaylademing[/QUOTE]
You really want to tie your question to this trainwreck? Really?

Viczaesar · December 2012

Oh, and Kayla, either end the friendship or keep your trap shut about asking your friend if she wants to be out of the wedding.

lauraanne9 · December 2012

I agree with the above posters.

I guess, if it is really a concern to you, approach her and tell HER that you are wondering how you can make sure that she is comfortably able to be a part of the wedding but still have someone watch her kids. Tell her you are concerned that the wedding/bridesmaid role, the advanced pregnancy and the 2 young children seem like a lot to you and ask how you can help.

sierraberry32 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:e9cdd7f5-fb2f-4bc8-b8b0-8643b1cfefb5">Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]So a little background on said bridesmaid: She introduced FI and I and as soon as we were engaged, I really wanted her to be a bridesmaid and asked her to be one. Yay! All glittery and butterfly farts! She is 20 and has two kids. At the time, the guy she was dating (not the father of either children) was a totally cool guy. He was so helpful with the kids and I was really excited because he could wrangle her two children during the ceremony and at the reception, when she would have to sit up at the head table with us. Now, she is pregnant with the third, with said guy, and he bailed. I was shocked and hurt for her, but this is life. Now I'm really hesitant to have her as a bridesmaid, or even at the wedding in general, because her kids are exceptionally rowdy and ill-behaved and even more so now because she will not have someone to tend to them. It's also a crazy coincidence that she is due close to the wedding, which means she will be uncomfortable and tired of being pregnant, and it'll make her less mobile to watch her kids. I have every intention to make this whole wedding as kid-friendly as I can, even with a "kids corner" and hired help, but I cannot depend on our hired help to keep every child contained at all times. How can I politely tell her I changed my mind? I'd rather not entirely end our friendship, but since I don't support some of her behaviors anyways, I would not be heartbroken to never speak to her again.
Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

<div>Holy Crap... I can't believe you just said that...</div><div>Her baby daddy just bailed on her and her friends bailing on her too? Poor girl... First, you should ask her if he is even willing to stand in you're wedding party, especially if she is going to be that far along. Second, please slap yourself in the face for being that selfish, rude and uncaring.</div>

myrinae · December 2012

Might I suggest kennel cages for the unruly little beasts? You can find them on Amazon in a variety of sizes--I'm sure you can get a couple for those inconvenient tots that will fit under your reception tables, plus the wire on the cages can easily be decorated with ribbon and flowers. That way their mother can give her undivided attention to making sure your pretty princess day is all about you.

dtbluv · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:9c86c325-3ae4-4f14-a504-089188ef5d2c">Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am kind of having the same issue with one of my bridesmaids... We both work together and she has been acting weird lately. And I have talked to her about the issues and she says it's just work and college which thats all fine and dandy, but she has been married once before and has two kids from that marriage been divorced and has a boyfriend with a little girl from this guy and has been with him for 3 years. But Since I asked he to be apart of my wedding she has been distant and we dont hardly talk or see each other except at work and I am having a hard time finding the right way to ask her or tell her if she wants to be iapart of this special day. I thought that have been being married once before she would understand the stresses of and the excitement of everything, but I guess I was wrong. I think we both need to just go on and come out with it before it's to late and obveiously we need to just say this isn't to hurt you or our friendship but maybe not being apart of the wedding would better for you due to your "pregnancy" or in my case "work/college related stressors" and see how she takes it. It could end good or badly like you say but we "the Brides" want our day to be special. You only get married once...hopefully :p lol I know thats not realistic in society today but it is something to strive for and I wish the best to all newly engaged couples out there!
Posted by kaylademing[/QUOTE]

Oh no! Your BM that is working AND going to college AND taking care of three kids isn't there to hold you hand every step of the way during <strong>your</strong> wedding-planning?! You thought because she had had a wedding (that ended in a failed marriage) she would be just as excited as you, and she isn't?! Obviously you should kick her out of your wedding, because she doesn't get how special your day is.

Seriously. What is wrong with people?

aquari0216 · December 2012

Can't do it boo....

pearlaqua · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:9c86c325-3ae4-4f14-a504-089188ef5d2c">Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am kind of having the same issue with one of my bridesmaids... We both work together and she has been acting weird lately. And I have talked to her about the issues and she says it's just work and college which thats all fine and dandy, but she has been married once before and has two kids from that marriage been divorced and has a boyfriend with a little girl from this guy and has been with him for 3 years. <strong>But Since I asked he to be apart of my wedding she has been distant </strong>and we dont hardly talk or see each other except at work and I am having a hard time finding the right way to ask her or tell her if she wants to be iapart of this special day. I thought that have been being married once before she would understand the stresses of and the excitement of everything, but I guess I was wrong. I think we both need to just go on and come out with it before it's to late and obveiously we need to just say this isn't to hurt you or our friendship but maybe not being apart of the wedding would better for you due to your "pregnancy" or in my case "work/college related stressors" and see how she takes it. It could end good or badly like you say but we "the Brides" want our day to be special. You only get married once...hopefully :p lol I know thats not realistic in society today but it is something to strive for and I wish the best to all newly engaged couples out there!
Posted by kaylademing[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You asked her to be <strong>apart</strong> of your wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>That's what she's doing!</div><div>
</div><div>But you probably meant <strong>a part </strong>of your wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>(Sorry, couldn't help myself, but this is the most polite response to your me-centered post I could muster.)

</div>

chinofiesta93 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:d70eb75d-6c8c-4f56-a9c8-cab4a9596444">Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]Might I suggest kennel cages for the unruly little beasts? You can find them on Amazon in a variety of sizes--I'm sure you can get a couple for those inconvenient tots that will fit under your reception tables, plus the wire on the cages can easily be decorated with ribbon and flowers. That way their mother can give her undivided attention to making sure your pretty princess day is all about you.
Posted by myrinae[/QUOTE]

Good idea!

Tandksmommy · December 2012

I'd say your friend is going to be better off without a friend who would be so cruel and heartless. Yes, everyone wants their wedding to be perfect, but sh*t happens. That's life! And the weddng is going 'down on your, your FI and families court'? How old are we? That just makes you sound like a snobby to good for her 15 year old.

Lisa50 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:24e3bea1-1758-4eb1-98b6-e39ab0e4b2fa">Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]<font color="#000080"><strong>It's pathetic of you to even consider treating a friend so shabbily. </strong></font> It's pathetic that she was the first one you wanted involved, and now you don't because it's inconvenient. It says a lot about the importance to you of that woman's friendship.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

I couldn't have said it better.

Carson386 · December 2012

I'm not even going to read your whole post, end of story- DON'T DEMOTE ANYONE!

myrinae · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_demoting-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a184857e-0814-4954-a7c6-4f1c12643380Post:1abf0ae3-a59b-4402-a52a-647eda00729d">Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Demoting a Bridesmaid... : Good idea!
Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks! You might want to consider tasers, too. I think they come in tyke and adult voltages. </div>

lyndausvi · December 2012

I say demote her. She doesn't need a "friend" like you anyway.

OurMrsReynolds · December 2012

There is precisely one way to get out of this situation with friendship intact: Pretend to understand the difficulties that your "friend" is going through and ask her if she still wants to be in your wedding party offer to help by hiring a babysitter if she likes and offer a less taxing job for her that would still include her in the wedding. If she still wants to be a bridesmaid then I think you are lucky because she is a better friend then you strictly speaking deserve. Yes this is your special day and you want it to go well and two screaming children and a pregnant bridesmaid is not your definition of well. But this is her life. She wakes up every morning alone because of a jerk who left her, two screaming children and being pregnant with a third. Put yourself in her shoes and then decide what is more important your day or her having a friend she can count on maybe then you will not even ask her not to be a bridesmaid.

emilykathleen511 · December 2012

Your wedding is ONE DAY. After that one day NONE of this will seem important. At. all. When bad things happen in your life after your wedding, you will need real support from real friends. Guess who yoiu won't be able to call on. And if this post is any clue as to how you're treating your other friends, I'm thinking you'll be on your own. You'll regret putting entire friendships behind one single day.

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