Have you ever heard of an OPEN WEDDING?!!?

susanbrooke017 · May 2010

My wedding is happening in my hometown (a very small town) and I'm planning it with my mom, though I live about 4 hours away now. Tons of people at our chuch have asked my mom if it is an open wedding and can they come to the ceremony. It has been all older folks who have kids who have gotten married and you would think they would know better than to ask such presumptious questions! Nonetheless, it has put my mom in an awkward position. My mom has gently said that we have a lot of family coming in from out of town (my fiance's father is one if 14 kids so he has an enormous family) and there just won't be space. However these older folks are pretty pushy and one lady said "oh well I'll just wait in the parking lot--I really want to see her (me) on her wedding day." Firstly, I don't want people that are not important to my fiance and me there. Secondly, I feel like it is my day and that I shouldn't have to feel like I am compromising to accomodate others in my hometown that I would consider acquaintances. I am planning to go home in a few weeks and go to church with my family and hopefully, the opportunity will present itself for me to clarify that my wedding is invitation only. But have you ever even heard of an open wedding? Any suggestions on how to nip this early so that it isn't a problem on the wedding day? And if it does become an issue on the wedding day, should I have my fiance's friends act as bouncers?!

danieliza1127 · May 2010

I have heard of it before with churches where people will come uninvited to the ceremony. I really don't see the big deal if people attend the ceremony or stop by to see you and wish you well, as long as they realize they won't be invited to the reception.

shellydiane820 · May 2010

i've never heard of an open wedding. the only thing that should be open is the bar.

FutureMrsTR · May 2010

When I was in high school I went to a few wedding ceremonies of people in my church just because I could. A church is a public place of worship so if they want to show up, they can. Usually, people who are just coming to the ceremony will respectfully sit or stand in the back to give invited guests first chance at seats. I don't see how this will really affect your day.

atayk21 · May 2010

I was honored that people who were not invited to the reception came to the ceremony to see us get married. As long as they are not inviting themselves to the reception I do not see how coming to the church would upset you. But I am not you.

L-Bride · May 2010

I don't think it's that big of a deal if they wait in the parking lot just to see you in your dress. It's kind of nice.
What's the big deal if people who "aren't important" to you and your FI see you in your dress? I have tons of people actually coming to my wedding who aren't that important to me or FI. They happen to be friends of our parents or people's dates we don't know well. Not a big deal.

Edit: It's not uncommon for people to show up at a church ceremony even though they aren't invited to the wedding.

baystateapple · May 2010

My fiance and I were told at our meeting with the pastor that technically since our wedding is a Mass, the church is open to the public. However, people cannot just stop by at the reception afterward. I don't really care; I doubt anyone is going to be coming into the Church for Mass on a Friday evening. But I don't know if you're Catholic, so I'm not sure if it applies.

dazed2confused · May 2010

I have heard of people showing up to the wedding. Is the wedding at the church? Some people may just come. I would NOT have a bouncer.

Address it with the people in town when you are there. At the end of the day though, i wouldn't worry abt it. If the church is big enough, then it they come they come. You won't be standing there looking at the audience to see who is there. If the church is not big enough then you need to address the issue more

Stackeye210 · May 2010

At my church they do make announcements on Sunday's saying "so and so is getting married next Saturday, please come see them get married if you'd like" - but I'd probably never go to one, but I know lots of people enjoy it. I'm sure they'd never make an announcement if the bride and groom did not want it that way though.

If the opportunity presents itself, you definitely have the right to tell them it is invitation only but you appreciate the interest.

The day of, there isn't much you can do about an old lady on a mission though.

ohwhynot · May 2010

Ditto Dani. Many church communities open the service to the entire congregation, with the understanding that the reception is invitation only. People aren't trying to be rude.

ac_in_dc · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ever-heard-of-open-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:61abc5da-2c02-4010-83a2-6f2e163a69b9Post:54e97e56-250c-4bbb-b127-e0da7e18b8c0">Re: Have you ever heard of an OPEN WEDDING?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]It your wedding it at a house of worship, they are open to the public and pretty much anyone can attend the ceremony portion.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I know this is definitely true in the Catholic Church and many other ones as well.

I wouldn't specifically invite folks to the ceremony portion in a church like this. But if they ask, just tell them they're welcome to come b/c the church is always open.

pirategal03 · May 2010

As PP have said. A church wedding is inherently "open" because it's a public place. I'm from a small town too, and open ceremonies are common. People understand that they're not invited to the reception, but still want to attend the ceremony. There's not really much you can do.

ExpatPumpkin · May 2010

I don't think it's a big deal. A church is a public place. It's not as if they're suggesting crashing the reception. You should be flattered that so many people want to wish you well on your wedding day...

baystateapple · May 2010

Picture this scenario. You're walking through a park, and you see, a ways away, out of earshot but close enough to see, a WP saying their vows.

Would you think it's a shitty thing to stand a way's away and watch? Because I'll admit right now, I'm guilty of slowing my car when I see a bride get out of a limo, walking into a church, getting pictures taken, etc. And I'd be willing to think that a lot of other people of guilty of that too. These people aren't talking about showing up to your reception and eating your appetizers. They just want to see you in your dress, and that seems pretty harmless.

missy68 · May 2010

If it's a church member getting married, many times the congregation wants to see the wedding itself, especially the older ladies. Often, an announcement ahead of time is put in the bulletin inviting the congregation to attend the ceremony (that does not extend to the reception) and they understand that.

Some people really, really love to attend weddings. She's not trying to be pushy; you should feel honored.

I grew up in the United Methodist church, BTW.

lynds230 · May 2010

I personally wouldn't go to someone's ceremony if not invited but I think that for 'older' people (as you indicate the members of you congregation are) this was the norm. I think you will be ok not having bouncers!

shellydiane820 · May 2010

Weird, this never occurred to me. Maybe bc we didn't get married at our church.

Pirata13 · May 2010

Exactly what PP said--if it's in a house of worship, it's open to the public and anyone can come. I think most people who attend in this manner have the sense and courtesy to sit towards the back, not right up with all the family. They're not tryng to invite themselves to the whole event, so relax.

LesPaul · May 2010

Yes, I attended a stranger's wedding ceremony that was held during regular Sunday services. We all knew we weren't invited to the reception. I enjoyed witnessing their wedding as part of the congregation. Relax.

strawberrycrz · May 2010

I know this is how it was for my friends wedding. She had a special section in the back for the members of the church in the back to sit if they weren't invited to the reception, and the back was completely full of people. I thought it was very sweet that others wanted to watch her get married, since they watched her grow up.

jasmineh7777 · May 2010

I've heard of an open marriage. Methinks that is not allowed on church grounds.

pooh8402 · May 2010

yep. I'm from a small town and a bunch of the churches do this. it's very common where I'm from. open showers too. there is essentially a verbal invitation to the congregation the Sunday before the wedding, as well as in the church bulletin. most people would go to the ceremony and be done with it. receptions were cake, punch, and finger food affairs.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

I kind of wish I went to church and that I could drop by all these open weddings that apparently happen...

You could always move it to a town a few hours away. That should shake them off.

LesaBear · May 2010

Well I think this all is very strange, but I don't do the church thing. i would be very creeped out if some old woman i didn't know stopped me in a parking lot just to have a look at me. lol

I think the OP was concerned about space at the ceremony. If so just have your mom say that you're expecting a lot of family so she can't guarantee anyone a seat. (I would assume if older people did this they would want or need to sit down?) I would personally have my mom accidentally tell people the wrong date of the wedding cause I see this as all very strange. That's me. If I was a member of a church community maybe I'd feel differently. Does your mom think this is normal?

smokeybailey · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ever-heard-of-open-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:61abc5da-2c02-4010-83a2-6f2e163a69b9Post:1eb24caf-f88e-4e6c-92e0-a25a27264f4f">Re: Have you ever heard of an OPEN WEDDING?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I think this all is very strange, but I don't do the church thing. i would be very creeped out if some old woman i didn't know stopped me in a parking lot just to have a look at me. lol I think the OP was concerned about space at the ceremony. If so just have your mom say that you're expecting a lot of family so she can't guarantee anyone a seat. (I would assume if older people did this they would want or need to sit down?) I would personally have my mom accidentally tell people the wrong date of the wedding cause I see this as all very strange. That's me. If I was a member of a church community maybe I'd feel differently. Does your mom think this is normal?
Posted by LesaBear[/QUOTE]

The point is that it IS very normal for churches to be open to the public. It's not like you are renting it for the day and closing it down. It is common for people to come to a wedding in their church.

If there is actually an issue with space, I am sure the pastor will accommodate if she is at capacity and make some sort of announcement to that end. However, she has not bothered to come back and advise on the capacity for the church and her guest list.

LesaBear · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ever-heard-of-open-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:61abc5da-2c02-4010-83a2-6f2e163a69b9Post:08ce18ad-736a-4345-8741-2292151bfe3a">Re: Have you ever heard of an OPEN WEDDING?!!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have you ever heard of an OPEN WEDDING?!!? : The point is that it IS very normal for churches to be open to the public. It's not like you are renting it for the day and closing it down. It is common for people to come to a wedding in their church. If there is actually an issue with space, I am sure the pastor will accommodate if she is at capacity and make some sort of announcement to that end. However, she has not bothered to come back and advise on the capacity for the church and her guest list.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

yeah, I see that. My point is that I don't think the OP knew that. I sure didn't. Just saying I would be very confused about this as well.

Edit: I also really wanted the ceremony to be small (shyness) so I get the privacy thing too.

fpaemp2011 · May 2010

Where I'm from, it's considered rude to have a "Closed Ceremony" if you're using a church...and those who use the Fellowship Hall for the recpetion usually leave that open, too. The couples who have their reception somewhere else even include reminders in the church bulletin reminding the congregation that the ceremony is open, but the reception is private.

bluewolf42 · May 2010

Honestly I totally understand why churches have open weddings however, the problem with that is if you invite the max the church can sit having an open wedding would be an issue. I also do not like open cermonies because I believe it's difficult to tell someone that the can come to the cermony but not the reception. You could talk to the minister and see if there's any way you could have a closed cermony I would explain that it is not the fact that you do not want all those people there but the fact that you the guest list is big enough.

Postiga and Mbumbz · May 2010

i am having an open wedding its a common thing in here Africa... and the budget is ginormous but its always more fun.... so i dont c any problem

skippylouwho · May 2010

Someone mentioned what if... what if you were walking through a park and saw wedding going on, is it ok to stop and watch.

We have a 32' boat on Lake Erie. Our club goes to Maumee Bay State Park for a weekend every summer. There are almost always 2-3 weddings during summer weekends at Maumee. Beautiful lakefront grounds, hotel with banquet rooms with views of the lake. Where we dock faces where almost all of the weddings are. We love it when there are weddings. We all sit on the bridges of our boats and watch and when it's done we hit the horns on our boats to celebrate.

The couples have - so far - all seemed to enjoy it and we've been doing it for about 20 years now.

sfynyc85 · May 2010

As echoed by many above, I'm Jewish and if you get married at a synagogue it is technically a public ceremony. You cannot demand to see invitations at the door or check people in on a guest list. I think it is nice that people who have watched you grow up and know your parents would like to see you on your special day. I hope it all works out for you.

Have you ever heard of an OPEN WEDDING?!!?

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