Asking for "leave"

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:c06d767b-5c7b-47f9-96ee-5b3052b30f3a">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : Kendall - surprisingly something is wrong with that. I have been AGR in the NG for almost 26 years and it doesn't matter what state or territory you are in, your drill dates ARE locked in more than a year out. They have to be approved all the way up to the state HQ and funding/logistics/training events have to be coordinated and funded. Every single state and territory runs a 12 month trainign calendar. I work at the state level and have worked with National Guard Bureau directly for many years. I know how the training system works and your FI's drill dates ARE locked in far in advance of 2 months. ETA - Drill dates are published at the beginning of the Fiscal Year. Towards the end of the Fiscal Year you won't know the dates 12 months out but the unit is in the process of locking them in and getting them approved. Every August or September your FI's unit has approved dates that are published and distributed - Most unit members need to furnish that info to their civilian employers.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
The fiscal year for us starts in Sept. So I will not know until sept 13

AmandaSC1988 · September 2011

Okay, I don't understand why you couldn't just change the date to September so you would be able to know over a year in advance if he had drill that week.

even though that seems silly that you don't know drill dates until 2 months before...

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:b3a9d149-7aaa-4b2e-905b-2675e26e3d88">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Okay, I don't understand why you couldn't just change the date to September so you would be able to know over a year in advance if he had drill that week</strong>. even though that seems silly that you don't know drill dates until 2 months before...
Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]
I won't be changing my date to september for 2 reasons. 1. It is my mother, father and grandfather's birthday month and I won't take that away from them. <div>
</div><div>2. our date will be our 3 year. </div><div>
</div><div>He can always suta if need be. he has never used any leave</div>

Beachy730 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:49c77b4c-4461-49a8-ab6b-d70968f01483">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : I won't be changing my date to september for 2 reasons. 1. It is my mother, father and grandfather's birthday month and I won't take that away from them. 2. our date will be our 3 year. He can always suta if need be. he has never used any leave
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

You make my head hurt. <div>
<div>Seriously, those are some ridiculous excuses. First of all a wedding trumps birthdays. Besides, you have 3 birthdays, so that's 3 days out of a month. Second (and this is my personal opinion) I think being stubborn on a date because it's your dating anniversary is just a joke. You make new anniversaries. And obviously my priorities are different than yours because planning a wedding where I would know with plenty of time that my FI would be there waaayyyy outweighs the "cuteness" of getting married on our dating anniversary. </div><div>
</div><div>So if you're not changing you're date, what are you going to do if at 2 months out the schedule is released, he has drill on the wedding day, and they won't let him take leave? </div></div>

kmmssg · September 2011

I reposted below. Totally messed this one up.

kmmssg · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:33415e1d-5cbc-4ec3-9567-c87cca5d1cd1">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : The fiscal year for us starts in Sept. So I will not know until sept 13
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

No it doesn't. EVERY STATE AND TERRITORY and EVERY BRANCH of ANY US MILITARY service ENDS their fiscal year in September so you WILL know in September of 2012 when his drill weekend is in September 2013.

calindi · September 2011

No, she means November. She's getting married Nov 2013, so she's worried about not hearing until Sept 2013 what the drill will be 2 months later.

I'm still convinced in 2 years this won't be an issue... she's annoying all of us, and she's said her FI is not at all interested in wedding stuff... I don't believe there will be a wedding anyway.... especially as he's been dating her less than a year now, and that's still 2 years away...she has plenty of time to drive him nuts...

Anyway... my brother's birthday is the same weekend as our wedding. The same day is the birthday of our best man. (So yes, 2 members of our bridal party of 3 have their birthday that weekend!). His girlfriend's birthday (who is basically already a sister to me) is a few days before. One of our best friends has her birthday on our wedding day, and my cousin (who will be attending with his wife and two babies) is also our wedding day. My grandma will have her 80th birthday three days after our wedding. Not even within the same month - within the same WEEK! And you know what? They're all thrilled! We'll have a birthday cake for everyone celebrating the day after when we have our kickball/barbecue thing, but they don't care. It's silly to avoid a whole month - any friggen month is someone's birthday. And your wedding anniversary will be important to you, regardless of whether it's your dating anniversary.

kmmssg · September 2011

Thanks for the clarification Calindi - I totally misunderstood the November date.

calindi · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:6d22c9bb-0637-4cd9-8a81-af4071e3374e">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the clarification Calindi - I totally misunderstood the November date.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

It's an easy change - move her wedding to September so she knows the drill dates. But she'll come up with an excuse for anything, just to create additional stress/drama/something to complain about.

AmandaSC1988 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:49c77b4c-4461-49a8-ab6b-d70968f01483">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : I won't be changing my date to september for 2 reasons. 1. It is my mother, father and grandfather's birthday month and I won't take that away from them. 2. our date will be our 3 year. He can always suta if need be. he has never used any leave
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1. Why would you take their birthday away from them? Maybe birthdays just aren't a big deal in my family, but it is a day. At least for me, the older I get the less I care about my birthday.... I'm sure your parents and grandfather wouldn't mind sharing their "month" with you.. than if they do have a problem, what are they 5? I'm sorry but that sounds like a pretty sorry excuse. </div><div>
</div><div>I didn't want to get married in April....I wanted to get married in July, but when his orders came through and he "might" be on a ship in July...there was no way I was going to stress about it for a year wondering if he actually might go....so we eliminated the stress and moved our date.
</div><div>
</div><div>Point being - military life is stressful, no point to add more stress to yourself if you can eliminate it. I don't understand why you would want to wait until 2 months before to wonder if he will get time off...talk to any of the ladies that have been with the military for a while, your leave doesn't always get approved...ESPECIALLY not when you have a job to do.</div><div>
</div><div>2. I'm not trying to be snarky... but you haven't even been dating for a year?</div>

SamiJoeB · September 2011

Kendall just likes attention. Positive, Negative, she doesn't care as long as she gets some sort of attention. She just likes to be stubborn and overdramatic.

calindi · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:36b6aad2-fd32-46ab-90be-66364a3f317f">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not trying to be snarky... but you haven't even been dating for a year?
Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]

<a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-2">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_intro-2</a>

Her first intro post here - said 11/2012 would be their 2 year... meaning they started dating 11/2010. She has also stated that they met online, though I don't know how long they knew each other before dating. Though it seems a rather small detail.

She first posted on TK in 12/2010, about asking people to be in her wedding party (stating that she had already asked people), and referring to her significant other as her FI (as in ONE MONTH after they started dating):

<a rel="nofollow" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_guy-brides-party">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_guy-brides-party</a>

Yeah....

SamiJoeB · September 2011

She joined on 11/29/10, Her wedding date is 11/3/13, if that's her 3 year, they were engaged 26 days after meeting each other. Must be nice to be THAT sure, and at such a Young age too!

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:36b6aad2-fd32-46ab-90be-66364a3f317f">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : 1. Why would you take their birthday away from them? Maybe birthdays just aren't a big deal in my family, but it is a day. At least for me, the older I get the less I care about my birthday.... I'm sure your parents and grandfather wouldn't mind sharing their "month" with you.. than if they do have a problem, what are they 5? I'm sorry but that sounds like a pretty sorry excuse. I didn't want to get married in April....I wanted to get married in July, but when his orders came through and he "might" be on a ship in July...there was no way I was going to stress about it for a year wondering if he actually might go....so we eliminated the stress and moved our date. Point being - military life is stressful, no point to add more stress to yourself if you can eliminate it. I don't understand why you would want to wait until 2 months before to wonder if he will get time off...talk to any of the ladies that have been with the military for a while, your leave doesn't always get approved...ESPECIALLY not when you have a job to do. 2. I'm not trying to be snarky... <strong>but you haven't even been dating for a year?</strong>
Posted by AmandaSC1988[/QUOTE]
Nope we haven't. and guess what? I was gonna marry him 2 months after we started dating. And guess who the only unsupportive people are? The people on thiss board. Why? Because they know nothing about my relationship, me, or my FI.

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:571b42c9-f7ce-49ab-86ad-0956dcbecccd">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]She joined on 11/29/10, Her wedding date is 11/3/13, if that's her 3 year, they were engaged 26 days after meeting each other. Must be nice to be THAT sure, and at such a Young age too!
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
We didn't get engaged until December. I joined because I was thinking about becoming an event planner

Beachy730 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:61a31778-183f-45d1-b5c7-06e1e7b853ec">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : Nope we haven't. and guess what? I was gonna marry him 2 months after we started dating. And guess who the only unsupportive people are? The people on thiss board. Why? Because they know nothing about my relationship, me, or my FI.
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

<div>If your families were supportive of two 19 year olds getting married after only 2 months of knowing eachother, well then, I guess I'm starting to realize that the level of ridiculousness that you display is considered normal. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm really starting to think you're a troll. I have never in ny life known someone to try to stir up as much drama, and be so stubborn about doing something that makes sense.</div>

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:d07ecf21-ccda-4753-ad93-6cdfb09d05e3">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : If your families were supportive of two 19 year olds getting married after only 2 months of knowing eachother, well then, I guess I'm starting to realize that the level of ridiculousness that you display is considered normal. I'm really starting to think you're a troll. I have never in ny life known someone to try to stir up as much drama, and be so stubborn about doing something that makes sense.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
He isn't 19. And I didn't say our families we're supportive of it. <div>
</div><div>I'm hot headed and stubborn. Its who I am. Its how I have always been and its how I will always be. </div><div>
</div><div>I love our wedding date. I'm not changing our date unless I HAVE to. At this point I don't. And if I do change the date it will be back another year</div>

LetsHikeToday · September 2011

Wait, I'm confused and I'm really trying to understand Kendall. If you posted that your anniversary was in November, why is your date in September if you want it to be on your anniversary?

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:f44ebcf8-fce5-46be-b501-19a0a2795f19">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, I'm confused and I'm really trying to understand Kendall. If you posted that your anniversary was in November, why is your date in September if you want it to be on your anniversary?
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
It is. Our date is 11/3/13. But everyone wants me to change it to sept

LetsHikeToday · September 2011

Oh, okay. I misread. But I stand by my original advice of putting your FI in charge of this.

SamiJoeB · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:61a31778-183f-45d1-b5c7-06e1e7b853ec">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : Nope we haven't. and guess what?<u> I was gonna marry him 2 months after we started dating</u>. And <strong>guess who the only unsupportive people are? The people on thiss board. Why? Because they know nothing about my relationship, me, or my FI. </strong>
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:896088f7-91ac-472f-b3e2-6402e1d90fd3">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : He isn't 19. <strong>And I didn't say our families we're supportive of it.</strong> I'm hot headed and stubborn. Its who I am. Its how I have always been and its how I will always be. I love our wedding date. I'm not changing our date unless I HAVE to. At this point I don't. And if I do change the date it will be back another year
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

The underlined part: You started dating 11/3/10, and you say you knew you were going to marry him 2 months into dating, yet... you got engaged in December? I'm terrible at math and I can figure out that that wasn't 2 months.

And the two bold parts: Apparently we're the only ones who aren't supportive (which makes me wonder why you're still here since we're so unsupportive), yet.. your parents are supportive either.. I smell a contradiction.

And I remember that not long after your intro post, you posted that you were going to JOP and lie to all your loved ones, so that you could get health insurance for birth control..

Are you just a terrible liar and can keep track of your lies? Or do you live in some deluded little dream world? Are you really even engaged? Does this FI even exist? or is he only in your mind as well? ETA: I'm sorry that this is harsh, but seriously Kendall, you're either begging for approval, or you practicaly stick your fingers in your ears and ignore the advice you're given. I'm sure your FI is real, but why would he ask you to ask people on the internet when he should ask for leave?! Wouldn't he know better than we would? My H gets mad when I try to interfere with his career at all. It's HIS career (my H & your FI). Not yours. But out of it. Andd. Your indeciciveness about any kind of career shows the lack of maturity. I hope that you can mature before your wedding.. whenever it is, because it should be about the marriage, not the wedding, and you're lacking the maturity to make smart decisions in your own life, let alone in a marriage.

SamiJoeB · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:728c9170-89a0-414a-a9f5-e850603956cb">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : It is. Our date is 11/3/13. But everyone wants me to change it to sept
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

Who is everyone? That was a suggestion. No one cares what day you get married Kendall.

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:58180345-10b5-496f-aa0a-404a9788a28a">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : The underlined part: You started dating 11/3/10, and you say you knew you were going to marry him 2 months into dating, yet... you got engaged in December? I'm terrible at math and I can figure out that that wasn't 2 months. And the two bold parts: Apparently we're the only ones who aren't supportive (which makes me wonder why you're still here since we're so unsupportive), yet.. your parents are supportive either.. I smell a contradiction. And I remember that not long after your intro post, you posted that you were going to JOP and lie to all your loved ones, so that you could get health insurance for birth control.. Are you just a terrible liar and can keep track of your lies? Or do you live in some deluded little dream world? Are you really even engaged? Does this FI even exist? or is he only in your mind as well?
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I knew I was going to marry him in Jan. And we almost did. </div><div>
</div><div>I was going to JOP. And I didn't. Yup I am engaged

</div>

SamiJoeB · September 2011

So what, he asked you to marry him in December and you said yes, but you weren't really sure until January?

KendallR10 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:fa5370b4-dbd6-4a56-ab33-4549cb84876b">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]So what, he asked you to marry him in December and you said yes, but you weren't really sure until January?
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
Oh I was sure. But I wasn't set on when, where, how until Jan.

SamiJoeB · September 2011

whatever Kendall... whatever. I hope things make since in your mind, because they sure don't make sense when you post.

Beachy730 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_asking-leave?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:035495f4-cef9-4c26-a758-d39038b4d3c9Post:896088f7-91ac-472f-b3e2-6402e1d90fd3">Re: Asking for "leave"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking for "leave" : He isn't 19. And I didn't say our families we're supportive of it. I'm hot headed and stubborn. Its who I am. Its how I have always been and its how I will always be. I love our wedding date. I'm not changing our date unless I HAVE to. At this point I don't. And if I do change the date it will be back another year
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

<div>Seriously, the more you post the more I think you scream troll.</div><div>
</div><div>You said the only people who weren't supportive of you marrying him after 2 months were the people on this board. So that would imply that your parents were supportive of it. Then you said they weren't. </div><div>
</div><div>Really, I'm pretty damn convinved you're a troll right now. And I think you'd have a really hard time proving otherwise.</div>

AmandaSC1988 · September 2011

.....Does your fiance know you are engaged?

calindi · September 2011

Like I said, there's no wedding. Either she's a troll... a very elaborate one... or she's just a delusional child who will be back in 5 years going, "I'm so glad I didn't marry that guy who I thought I was going to elope with only two months after we started dating back when I was 19." Regardless, it's all very ridiculous.

KendallR10 · October 2011

If you only knew what was about to happen...

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