honeymoon registry?

samanthanc88 · February 2011

so since me and my fiance already live together is it ok to just exclusivley have a honeymoon registry? and if so is a bridal shower without gifts ok since they would just be putting money into our honeymoon?

rknox88 · February 2011

You will find that HM registies are not popular around here. Search for the post listing the pros and cons of HM registries from about a month ago.

If you do not need household gifts just have a small registry of upgrades. Your guests know that cash is always a welcome gift.

SaraAndrew2010 · February 2011

Honeymoon registries are a tacky way of asking for cash and are misleading for guests. I understand that you may not need a lot of household items, but I'm sure you can find a few splurges and upgrades to register for. Also, if you or your close family are asked about gifts and registries, it's fine to respond, "Samantha has a small registry at store X, and they're also saving up for a honeymoom." Most guests are smart and will get the hint that you prefer cash. That cuts out the middleman.

The point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with physical gifts. If you are having a shower, you must register for actual gifts. No one wants to sit around and watch the bride open envelopes of printouts for what HM registry items were purchased. If you inist on not registery at a real store, then decline all showers.

McKenna2012 · February 2011

What would be the point of the shower if no one was bringing you any gifts? As for the HM registries, I have mixed emotions.

mcskatcat · February 2011

You will generally find the consensus around here to be negative towards HM registries.

And no, you should not have a shower if you are only going to have a HM register. The point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts, so if there will be no gift-opening, then there shouldn't be a shower. You can do a bridal luncheon or something similar, but don't call it a shower and don't expect gifts unless you plan on a traditional registry.

deepcovejackie · February 2011

I think most honeymoon registries are rude and deceitful. If you're going to go this route, then a bridal shower would be problematic. If you don't register for "real" gifts, then your bridal shower attendees will likely get you (unwanted) gifts.

vsgal · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:cdca9c15-eee7-48c4-afc4-47dd0589291fPost:7e2cde95-0bd7-4096-b5e8-224660927bcb">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]You will generally find the consensus around here to be negative towards HM registries. And no, you should not have a shower if you are only going to have a HM register. The point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts, so if there will be no gift-opening, then there shouldn't be a shower. You can do a bridal luncheon or something similar, but don't call it a shower and don't expect gifts unless you plan on a traditional registry.
Posted by mcskatcat[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

OP, you should not have a shower if you cannot be bothered to register. It will be the most boring shower ever if I have to sit around and hear you read off a list of people that donated to your vacation.

trix1223 · February 2011

NO. To everything. HM registries are nms. I don't think that there's any difference between asking for cash and having a HM registry.

Many HM registries also charge a fee, and don't actually give you the "experience" your guests think they're paying for. "Swimming with the dolphins" is not a voucher to swim with dolphins. It's a check (minus their fees) that is cut for the "value" of swimming with the dolphins.

If you don't want tangible gifts, then there is absolutely no point to a shower. The purpose of a shower is to "shower" you with gifts, not pay for your vacation.

SuMmErKuTiE · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:cdca9c15-eee7-48c4-afc4-47dd0589291fPost:3c4201c9-eb4d-4120-8544-4cbd3b72cfc7">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]What would be the point of the shower if no one was bringing you any gifts? As for the HM registries, I have mixed emotions.
Posted by McKenna2012[/QUOTE]

The point of the shower is to shower the bride with gifts. If you're only registering for your HM you shouldn't have a bridal shower because no one is going to want to sit there and watch you open up envelopes.

My DH and I lived together before the wedding as did most of my other friends who have recently gotten married and we all found more than enough things to register for on a traditional wedding registry. Yes, we had stuff already in our homes but we upgraded most of it and got nicer matching dish sets, nicer towels, nicer sheets for our bed, nicer and newer pots and pans and appliances, etc...

LoveMuffins · February 2011

Although I have a HM registry, I don't really think it's a good idea to ONLY have a HM registry. As you can tell, they are not always considered in good taste... granted, the now 'traditional' registries used to be considered just as rude as HM registries now are, but case in point is that some of your guests are going to consider just having a HM registry very rude and want to select something off of a traditional registry.

My recommendation to you would be to ask your friends and family what they would think of you having a HM registry. Some ares of the country/cultures/groups of people, etc seem to find the HM registry totally cool or morally reprehensible. it'd be best to suss out how your guests are going to feel. Chances are, most of them will tell you to have both. Even though you guys live together, thre are always things you can register for... trust me, FI and I have been living together for 3 years, but since we've been using hand-me-down plates, etc. we've registered for a set of our own and will be passing the hand-me-downs on down the line

and there's plenty of things like that... plus, you can never have too many linens or towels.

The other thing you need to know about Honeymoon Registries is that you should absolutely not rely on it for the money for your HM. Because you never know exactly how many people are going to decide to contribute to that. You still need to have the money to go on the HM you want, as if the registry didn't exist. Also, most HM registries will charge you a percentage of what your guests give you. They also often include a charge for guests using credit cards to contribute to the fund. The only one that doesn't do that is honeyfund.com, but it's basically set up so that people bring you a check - they don't actually handle the money which is why they don't charge. The upside to Honeyfund is that people can use credit cards to contribute, or paypal accounts, but you have to set up your own paypal account in order for guests to be able to do that. paypal charges you 3% for every credit card transaction, which is way less than any HM registry charges.

The way that is generally considered to be more polite to get money is to not register at all and have your mom spread the word when people ask, or if they ask you to just smile and say "your presence is the only present we need, but if you're really interested we are saving for a _____". The only reason i did the HM registry, in addition to the traditional, is that when i asked my friends/family I found out that they thought it was a great idea; they saw giving us an experience to be an awesome present that they're excited to contribute to; and since a lot of my friends prefer credit cards and websites over checks and cards, I set up a honeyfund account. This is something that is more than ok with my social group; however, you should really check and make sure that it's ok with yours too, rather than asking us.

The other thing is, as PPs have said, the entire point of a shower is to shower you with gifts. If you decide not to have a traditional registry at all, have a girl's luncheon or brunch instead. Just make sure not to call it a shower

[Deleted User] · February 2011

Where I live, every single wedding shower I've been to, money was expected OVER gifts.

Gift cards, money, and HM registries are the norm. I've even seen someone call it a "money shower". None of the guests had any issues with it as far as I heard. Everyone is different, and why do you always have to follow the traditional "rules"?

I will only register for my HM, and not for gifts. We don't want gifts really. Sure, I'd appreciate the trouble someone went through to get me household things, but we've been living together for 4 years by that time.

My BM's and my mom and MIL are spreading the word that I mainly want money gifts at my shower. If people don't want to watch me opening envelopes, then don't come! Simple. Opening gifts will be a small part of my shower. It will be mostly about getting together with female friends and family and having a nice meal before the wedding!

So in conclusion, I think it's just fine!

HappinessByTheKilowatt · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:cdca9c15-eee7-48c4-afc4-47dd0589291fPost:6d683f4a-6009-4c80-9fc3-4d21639e1da4">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Where I live, every single wedding shower I've been to, money was expected OVER gifts. Gift cards, money, and HM registries are the norm. I've even seen someone call it a "money shower". None of the guests had any issues with it as far as I heard. Everyone is different, and why do you always have to follow the traditional "rules"? I will only register for my HM, and not for gifts. We don't want gifts really. Sure, I'd appreciate the trouble someone went through to get me household things, but we've been living together for 4 years by that time. My BM's and my mom and MIL are spreading the word that I mainly want money gifts at my shower. If people don't want to watch me opening envelopes, then don't come! Simple. Opening gifts will be a small part of my shower. It will be mostly about getting together with female friends and family and having a nice meal before the wedding! So in conclusion, I think it's just fine!
Posted by starbuckker[/QUOTE]

A money shower? Seriously?

JeanieRN01 · February 2011

I don't know why there are so many negative opinions about HM registries. My fiance and I had been living together for over a year. We had everything we could possibly want...and more. The last thing we wanted was more "stuff". We had already planned to go to WDW in Florida. They have an awesome site just for HM registry. The way they have it set up is you register for items, experiences, and extras. The money is loaded on a gift card and sent to you WAY before the HM. It was the best thing we ever did. And if we got there and saw something we wanted more than what the money was originally put on the card for....we got it instead. We got to go and do so much more than I thought we would. And registering for different HM extras isn't as tacky as saying..."Just give me money".

As far as the wedding shower. I wouldn't call it a shower if you aren't wanting gifts other than help with the honeymoon. We didn't have one, but I did have a luncheon for all the ladies in my life.

Everyone's situation is different. If you look around and think "I have everything I need and want", then by all means, don't register for household items. The people in your life will understand, especially if you have your BM and family spreading the word that all you need is a little help making your honeymoon as magical and memorable as possible.

I wish you and your fiance much luck and love.

Be blessed.

trix1223 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_honeymoon-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:cdca9c15-eee7-48c4-afc4-47dd0589291fPost:6d683f4a-6009-4c80-9fc3-4d21639e1da4">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Where I live, every single wedding shower I've been to, money was expected OVER gifts. Gift cards, money, and HM registries are the norm. I've even seen someone call it a "money shower". None of the guests had any issues with it as far as I heard. Everyone is different, and why do you always have to follow the traditional "rules"? I will only register for my HM, and not for gifts. We don't want gifts really. Sure, I'd appreciate the trouble someone went through to get me household things, but we've been living together for 4 years by that time. My BM's and my mom and MIL are spreading the word that I mainly want money gifts at my shower. If people don't want to watch me opening envelopes, then don't come! Simple. Opening gifts will be a small part of my shower. It will be mostly about getting together with female friends and family and having a nice meal before the wedding! So in conclusion, I think it's just fine!
Posted by starbuckker[/QUOTE]

I say use a money tree for your shower and have this cute little poem. Because as everyone knows, poems make even the most egregious fax pas acceptable:


A haiku:
We want your money
Attach it to this tree now.
Then you can go home.

Or in iambic pentameter:

We planned this great big wedding
but we're very short of cash.
So we've put up a lovely tree
to help us fund this bash.

Open up your wallet,
Find the biggest bills you own,
Now attach them to a branch
And then you can go home.

For all we really wanted
was your money, and not you.
We just could not afford this
What else were we to do?

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