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Wedding Etiquette Forum
courthouse before destination wedding
My fiance and I are planning a destination wedding in Mexico. We want to do the "paperwork" ceremony at a courthouse in Virginia where we live, just the two of us, very low-key. No rings exchanged or anything. My parents want us to do the courthouse ceremony in Michigan (where both our families live), so immediate family members (like 25 people) can be in attendance at the "real wedding."
My question: How do I convince our parents that our spiritual ceremony in Mexico is supposed to be the "real" wedding? I don't want the courthouse part to feel real to anyone!
My question: How do I convince our parents that our spiritual ceremony in Mexico is supposed to be the "real" wedding? I don't want the courthouse part to feel real to anyone!
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Re: courthouse before destination wedding
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are planning a destination wedding in Mexico. We want to do the "paperwork" ceremony at a courthouse in Virginia where we live, just the two of us, very low-key. No rings exchanged or anything. My parents want us to do the courthouse ceremony in Michigan (where both our families live), so immediate family members (like 25 people) can be in attendance at the "real wedding." My question: How do I convince our parents that our spiritual ceremony in Mexico is supposed to be the "real" wedding? I don't want the courthouse part to feel real to anyone!
Posted by lbieber[/QUOTE]
Wait, who is going to the Mexico wedding?
Therefore, there's no need for the Virginia ceremony. You'll be legally married worldwide after the Mexico ceremony.
My cousin lied to our entire family at his "wedding" after they had already gone to the JOP and were legally married. I don't see the point! Needless to say, we were pissed that we paid money to travel to see them get "married" ::rolls eyes::
^^^^THIS
If I wanted to go to a damned party in Mexico, I would take a vacation. If you're already married and I did not witness it, then that's all it would be: a party in Mexico where you wear a dress and pretend to get married.
Just skip the JOP and get legally married in Mexico, why not?
[QUOTE]No offense to you or what you have chosen, but this really makes me mad when people go to JOP then have a big charad of a "wedding"... If you want a small JOP wedding, do that... If you want a big party, do that... Don't do both! My cousin lied to our entire family at his "wedding" after they had already gone to the JOP and were legally married. I don't see the point! Needless to say, we were pissed that we paid money to travel to see them get "married" ::rolls eyes::
Posted by TwinsRib[/QUOTE]
<div>It's a matter of how you view marriage. I think that the religious ceremony is the <em>real </em>wedding, and the marriage license granted by the state is just something we do to for tax benefits, etc.</div>
[QUOTE]I can understand why a person would want their legal marriage paperwork here in the US vs. in a foreign country. Definitely more convenient for future paperwork purposes. If we had gotten married anywhere other than NY (which was never an option, but still), we would've done the paperwork here to facilitate my husband changing his surname.
Posted by ThePinkSuperhero[/QUOTE]
I think this is why the OP is considering do this. I don't this she is trying to have 2 weddings, but has fear about the paperwork issues.
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[QUOTE] My question: How do I convince our parents that our spiritual ceremony in Mexico is supposed to be the "real" wedding? I don't want the courthouse part to feel real to anyone!
Posted by lbieber[/QUOTE]
you can't, because it's not.
furthermore, i think it's atrocious to ask people to travel to a fake wedding (assuming you're inviting people to this mexico farce).
I totally get that you want the DW and the pre-DW JOP deal makes your life easier. I know plenty of couples who did the same thing and I didn't mind at all. But you can't celebrate the JOP marriage if you want to have another wedding.
I think this is a good point, also. If you're trying to down play the JOP ceremony and you really consider the spiritual one to be "real" then don't invite people to the JOP one. Except, of course, any witnesses that you may need.
[QUOTE]If you want everyone to consider the religious ceremony the "real" wedding, then you shouldn't invite people to the JOP marriage. Having an audience at the JOP marriage gives a mixed message as to what you consider important. I totally get that you want the DW and the pre-DW JOP deal makes your life easier. I know plenty of couples who did the same thing and I didn't mind at all. But you can't celebrate the JOP marriage if you want to have another wedding.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>This is what the OP is trying to do, but her <em>parents</em> are trying to convince her to have family at the JOP ceremony. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>to the OP I have no idea except just to tell them no one is going to the JOP because you don't consider yourself married at that time. -and don't tell them when and where. </div>
Fred Rogers
Good luck!