People who don't RSVP

vs0609 · May 2012

What do I do with those guests who don't RSVP but still show up to the wedding? I have a few people who have not RSVP and I can't seem to reach them through phone calls or emails to confirm one way or another. This is so frustrating. Thanks for your advice

jennipea382 · May 2012

If you don't mind them showing up, the caterer normally plans for a few extras. So they should be ok. If you don't want anyone showing up that didn't RSVP you or someone else will have to act as security and nicely ask them to leave. I'd just leave them a message saying "Just wondering if you'll be able to join us on (date) at (time) for the wedding. Please let us know by 9:00 tonight (or whenever) whether or not you will be there. Thanks and hope to hear from you!" or something like that. It's on them to respond and if they don't, I wouldn't worry too much!

wittyschaffy · May 2012

We were lucky in that we got a hold of everyone finally. We did have issues, even after putting "X seats have been reserved in your honor. Please let us know if you need assistance arranging for childcare." on our RSVP cards, with people bringing uninvited children though. We told our reception manager where the 2 invited children were seated and that the rest were going to have to sit on their parent's laps and share a meal. If we went to that length to make it clear that their kiddos weren't included in the guest count and they still ignored it, well then I didn't have a problem being unaccommodating.

My uncle had someone who was offered 2 spots not RSVP at all and then show up with their entire family of 5! They had to nicely ask them to come back for the dance because they hadn't accounted for them all.

srdavis21 · May 2012

Aren't RSVP non-responders fun?!

Check your contract and see what your caterer says about food. Our contract has a clause in it that says they will provide meals for the final headcount we provide and have an additional 10 meals prepared and available and will only charge us for them if needed. We ended up getting RSVP's from everyone, but we have four guests who won't know until the day of if they can attend due to health issues. So we aren't including them in our final count, but we know there will be meals for them if they are able to come.

If you have anything like that in your contract, I wouldn't include them in your count knowing you have meals to fall back on if needed.

SSaltzman87 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_people-who-dont-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:564e2bb0-3acc-4f41-8d35-58ac80234003Post:6cf0d4a0-1f89-45ba-afb1-4444b84910a8">Re: People who don't RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]We were lucky in that we got a hold of everyone finally. We did have issues, even after putting <strong>"X seats have been reserved in your honor.</strong> Please let us know if you need assistance arranging for childcare." on our RSVP cards. If we went to that length to make it clear that their kiddos weren't included in the guest count and they still ignored it, well then I didn't have a problem being unaccommodating.
Posted by wittyschaffy[/QUOTE]
I'm using this phrase on my RSVP cards since there would be a few people who would assume they could either bring a date or their kids. I sure hope people will get the hint when my invites are sent out :-) Otherwise I have no problem with not being accomodating either, lol.

PPs have given good suggestions on what to do in your situation though :-)

vs0609 · May 2012

Thanks ladies for the advice. I'm just a bit frustrated....one of the people who haven't responded is my MOH (she was put in the wedding party by force, not my choice...I didn't want to argue with the in-laws).

MrsBassPlaya · May 2012

Whitty - I love your style. I don't think I'd be ballsy enough to tell people to come back later cause they don't have common decency to read and respond to an invitation. *claps for you* It sucks that people do this, though. I'm not looking forward to hunting people down.

However, if you cannot get ahold of people at all, the general rule is that you should count them as coming.

wittyschaffy · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_people-who-dont-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:564e2bb0-3acc-4f41-8d35-58ac80234003Post:ffb0c103-6c56-40fa-8fc8-d71cb805b0b1">Re: People who don't RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]Whitty - I love your style. I don't think I'd be ballsy enough to tell people to come back later cause they don't have common decency to read and respond to an invitation. *claps for you* It sucks that people do this, though. I'm not looking forward to hunting people down. However, if you cannot get ahold of people at all, the general rule is that you should count them as coming.
Posted by MrsBassPlaya[/QUOTE]

I can't take credit for asking them to come back later - That was all my Aunt and Uncle. (uncle is 8 years older than me and got married when I was in college) They were tight on space and adding 5 people was basically going to require setting up/finding room for a whole new table. They weren't having it and I don't blame them.

RSVPs were one of the biggest stressors for us. We had to draw the line with family kids only because we weren't inviting all of DH's 50 first cousins (he hadn't seen more than half of them more than once in his life and we didn't feel it was necessary to include a perfect stranger). My sister got married 5 months before us and uninvited children wreaked havoc on their guest list. My mom was too nice to call the offenders and tell them that the invite, clearly addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Smith didn't mean Mr. and Mrs. Smith, their 3 children and a tagalong babysitter. Things got out of control fast on that one. Some people just don't get it I'm afraid. :(

flower_lover · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_people-who-dont-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:564e2bb0-3acc-4f41-8d35-58ac80234003Post:bd5bcde2-2d1d-401c-b069-18f64c8dbdf6">People who don't RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]What do I do with those guests who don't RSVP but still show up to the wedding? I have a few people who have not RSVP and I can't seem to reach them through phone calls or emails to confirm one way or another. This is so frustrating. Thanks for your advice :)
Posted by vs0609[/QUOTE]

When contacting them via email/phone, I would be certain to mention that, 'we are hoping you can attend, and we have to provide the caterer with the final meal count by tomorrow at noon. If we do not hear back from you before then, we will assume you cannot make it. Please let me know if that is not the case.'

People who don't RSVP

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