Wedding Etiquette Forum

Inviting to the Wedding, but not the Reception.

Based upon facility occupancy and financial constraints regarding my reception, I have had no choice but to drastically reduce the number of guests being invited to my wedding.    The majority if these people are parishioners at my church with whom I, and or my fiancé, share a special bond.  It was suggested to me (by a fellow parishioner who found herself in the same predicament a few years ago) that I go forth with inviting those I’ve had to eliminate, explaining to them that I would love for them to be a part of the ceremony, but that I simply am not able to invite them to the reception, and also request to not receive gifts from them.  She stated that, in her experience, she found people to be very understanding, and grateful just to be invited to the ceremony, which resulted in a “packed house.”    Her method of relaying this information was by “word of mouth;” however, I simply do not have time (the wedding is May 15) to establish personal contact with each person.  

In an effort to prevent confusion and potential hurt feelings, rather than simply sending invitations omitting reception information, I believe it is important to include a note explaining the situation; however, I’m not exactly sure what to say in the note.  Any suggestions?

Re: Inviting to the Wedding, but not the Reception.

  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited April 2010
    I see two issues here:

    1.  If church members show up at the ceremony because that's just what happens at your church, no problem.  They should not expect to be invited to the reception.  If you INVITE people to the ceremony, however, each and every one of them needs to be invited to the reception as well.

    2.  The advice you got was bad.  Here's something you can try if you don't believe us:
     
    Thank the person who gave you the advice.  Tell her much you appreciate that she's helped you figure out which guests are important enough to go to the reception and which guests are ceremony-only.  Then tell her how happy you are that she understands that you can't fit her into the reception. 

    Watch her eyes widen in dismay as she realizes she's been b-listed.  That's how all of your ceremony-only invitees will feel.

    (I actually don't think you should do this, but I hope it makes you realize how bad the advice you got was...)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-wedding-but-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d08667bd-e8ba-447c-bc3f-36deeb37c495Post:ec3d0fdc-6870-4fe7-a644-d4ea484c91f7">Re: Inviting to the Wedding, but not the Reception.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Isn't it normal at some churches that the church members DO attend the ceremony without being invited to the reception?  Because isn't the whole invitation pretty much just for the reception, and ceremonies are basically open?  Because churches are public places of worship.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, the ONLY thing that might be okay is to put an announcement in the church bulletin that "all members are welcome to witness the marriage ceremony of Bride and Groom on May 15 at 4pm." If that's something that's done at this church.
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  • In a very old-time catholic practice, a wedding ceremony would sometimes be held right after a full mass, such as on a Saturday evening (Saturday mass was for those who  could not come Sunday for some reason) and those who were there for the regular mass virtually all stayed for the wedding ceremony. It was always understood that only the actual guests of the bride and groom were invited to the reception.

    Other than some religious/church exceptions however, I agree it is ordinariily seriously rude to not invite people to the reception.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-wedding-but-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d08667bd-e8ba-447c-bc3f-36deeb37c495Post:adb968b4-dcba-4a32-ad54-6a0acca3a462">Inviting to the Wedding, but not the Reception.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Based upon facility occupancy and financial constraints regarding my reception, I have had no choice but to drastically reduce the number of guests being invited to my wedding.     <strong>The majority if these people are parishioners at my church with whom I, and or my fiancé, share a special bond.</strong>   It was suggested to me (by a fellow parishioner who found herself in the same predicament a few years ago) that I go forth with inviting those I’ve had to eliminate, explaining to them that I would love for them to be a part of the ceremony, but that I simply am not able to invite them to the reception, and also request to not receive gifts from them.   She stated that, in her experience, she found people to be very understanding, and grateful just to be invited to the ceremony, which resulted in a “packed house.”     Her method of relaying this information was by “word of mouth;” however, <strong>I simply do not have time (the wedding is May 15) to establish personal contact with each person.</strong>   In an effort to prevent confusion and potential hurt feelings, rather than simply sending invitations omitting reception information, I believe it is important to include a note explaining the situation; however, I’m not exactly sure what to say in the note.   Any suggestions?
    Posted by adkmanis[/QUOTE]

    If you have such a special bond why can't you contact them personally? And I agree, your friend gave bad advice. If they only intended to attend the ceremony wouldn't they have told you?
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