Is it ever ok to break the rule??

jsc112 · May 2010

Invite or not, she'll most likely show. She sounds that crazy.
So less hassle, extend the invite, let your people know that she may cause unnecessary drama, and let them handle it so you can enjoy your day with less stress.
In the long run, you won't even remember any of this anyways!
Good Luck!

bradget1 · May 2010

YEahh...Im having a similar problem, my MOH (who is gay) I CANNOT STAND HER GF! LIke just the sight of her makes my blood boil, we dont get along AT ALL. My MOH told me its not fair that I dont want her GF to come, i say its my day and her presence will just anger me. I dont know, maybe I wont notice her, maybe things will change in the next few months.....uuughhgh I think If said person is a rude jerk then dont invite em..and the persons sig other should understand...

ebebe · May 2010

I absolutely would NOT invite her to my shower. She does need to be invited to the RD though (IMO) but I definitely would have FI have a chat with his friend about this. It looks like this girl is going to drive a wedge between their relationship WELL before you get a chance to by reacting. If FI talking to the GM doesn't work, then I would speak to him myself about it.

LPortnoy · May 2010

I am going through the same issue with my FI's best friend and his new girlfriend. She made up this whole story to have him get mad at me and it wasnt true. I've been going back and forth and I've decided to invite the girl, I dont like her and dont want her there but I dont want to mess up my FI's relationship with his best friend.

Bobree84 · May 2010

I think you just need to remember that no matter what YOU are the bride, it is YOUR day, and all of the people coming are there for YOU, not her. She very well may try to pull something but it is just simply not about her. Shrug it off, you will be a beautiful bride and have your beautiful day! Best of luck to you!

cjok5 · May 2010

I'm going through this same situation, except with my FI's SISTER-IN-LAW. She decided from day one to hate me, has said I'm jealous of her relationship with my FI (um, hello, I'm the one marrying him!) has said I don't value family because I called my young cousin to congratulate her on her first place win at a track meet instead of going with the SIL to the store (figure that one out), and told my FI's whole family at Easter that she will not accept me as a member of the family.

Now she has her husband, who is supposed to be my FI's best man, defending her actions, saying she has a lot of good emotional reasons for treating me the way she has and that my FI isn't standing be his family because he's choosing to stand up for me. Um, I'm pretty sure that when you agree to marry someone, THAT person becomes your family above anyone else. That's kind of the point of marriage - you become a team, a unit. So now my FI's brother has spent the last two nights screaming at my FI on the phone, demanding my FI make an effort to reach out to his SIL. When my FI tries to respond calmly and rationally, his brother at him and says my FI hasn't earned the right or respect to talk back to him.

Needless to say, my FI has gotten to the point that he doesn't trust his own brother to be his BM, and I don't want either my future BIL or his narcisstic wife anywhere near me on the wedding day (much less ever). But if my FI tells his brother he doesn't want him as his BM, the brother and SIL won't come to the wedding, which means my FI won't get to have his nephews (who he adores) there. Not to mention it would break his parents' hearts (who happen to be the most kind people I've ever met).

I don't know what the solution is to either your FI's GM's wife or my FI's BM's wife... but I totally feel your pain. What happened to the wedding being a happy affair for everyone, right?

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I think you should talk heart to heart with your fiance about this. Tell him that this day is about you and him, and you shouldn't have to worry about this girl. I am one of those people who has a hard time ignorning that kind of thing, and although I know it is the best thing, it is easier said than done. What would you rather? A few people talking about you for a short period of time, or your wedding day be drama and nonsense free???

It is her fault she is a bitch...not yours!

cebrehm · May 2010

I have the same issue with my FI's best man...his girlfriend is acting crazy for no reason and she has done everything to break off all of his friendships. My FI has now decided to make him a GM and not best man. We were thinking of inviting only him but knew it would create even more drama so we decided to invite her unless something else happens between now and the wedding. I would say that you and your FI need to talk about a limit to the drama and then have your FI discuss it with his GM, if the limits reached then she doesn't come. It's worked for us

Good luck girl!

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Oh and DO NOT invite her to your shower. You can totally get away with that. There are many showers that are just family and close friends, and you DEFINITELY don't need her there...because she is neither! Good luck!

stephanieg2009 · May 2010

kkaimala: you said "OP- I know this girl sucks. Obviously she's jealous because you're the center of attention instead of her. It is possible, though, that you offended her without realising. Maybe she thought that you knew her due date when you set your wedding date. Or maybe she's upset that her husband might be in your wedding while she's in labor. I know she's doing terrible things, but maybe you could have a heart-to-heart with her and get to the bottom of it so that in the future things like this won't happen."

While a heart-to-heart would be perfectly safe with any other person, NOT wise with a pregnant woman. Trust me, I am one....and hormones make a person crazy!! LMAO

Adding in my two cents, I think you should invite her anyhow and not worry about it. If she comes she comes, just do your best to not let anything she says or does get to her. If it does, have her escorted out. If she doesn't come, you're golden.

betrothed123 · May 2010

I hate newbs.

kiavera · May 2010

Yes, it is if inviting someone to your wedding is going to spoil your day don't invite them. You have one wedding day (sometimes) and you shouldn't stress yourself out wondering if there is someone there that is going to ruin it for you. Why pay to haver her there if she is just going to be rude, its YOUR day. All of these etiquettes and rules are really starting to get on my nerves. Its like there is going to be this imaginary person with a white glove and checklist making sure you are following the "wedding rules". The bottom line is a wedding is a sacred day between you, your fiance and God as a covenant and comittment. The ppl who are there should be ppl who are well wishers and ppl who love you guys!!

stephanieg2009 · May 2010

Your opinion, betrothed123. I think it's great to have fresh ideas and opinions coming in, even if the posts/topics ARE old.

gabytaborasosa · May 2010

I think that you should tell your fiancee on how you feel about her actions in case he could talk to his best friend about it...

OR

just invite her to the wedding & forget about her, she just makes herself look bad with the comments she makes about you.

Just remember, you're the bogger person here, it's your wedding, so enjoy it (i't very probable that she'll not be able to go because of her baby anyway)

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

Yeah, I have yet to see a fresh idea or a opinion on here in the last few pages. Just because people want to tell their super special situations doesn't mean they are saying anything ground breaking. it just makes people look like AWs.

partyof9 · May 2010

~This is what u do...invite the GM to everything and put (guest) for him to decide to bring whomever (hopefully not her) lol..... but if she does still come... just make sure all your details are as fab as possible, and make her EAT her words... the best karma goes to the bigger hearted person... let her sit there in her stank, and you will be glowing from being the belle that day

yesssssssss!

betrothed123 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ever-ok-break-rule?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b10e0e04-1fe4-45c0-8ac4-91aa1961cc1bPost:9f265712-34d8-42e6-92d1-318d0292d285">Re: Is it ever ok to break the rule??</a>:
[QUOTE]Your opinion, betrothed123. I think it's great to have fresh ideas and opinions coming in, even if the posts/topics ARE old.
Posted by stephanieg2009[/QUOTE]
Did I ever say it was a fact? No. In fact, when you say "I hate..." you are automatically stating an opinion. Anyway, I wouldn't mind newbs if it wasn't for shiit like this thread. OP was created 4 days ago. no one cares what any of you have to say anymore. The problem has been solved and OP has already stated what she's going to do. Why not try posting on new, active threads instead of beating long dead horses?

matt-brandy · May 2010

I didn't read ALL the responses - but if this chick is a nutty as you say - and preg - and booked your shower day - she will show at your wedding - she will either go into - of fake labor - to take the spotlight off of you..and make herself the center of attention. rules or not - I wouldn't.

JoannaT35 · May 2010

You have to invite her and all you have to do is say hello and speak to her one time. Other than that, please ignore her and just let her go. Her baby is probably making her brain crazy and she might not even know it. But yeah, ignore her and don't let her bother you. Keep your chin up!

eberla71 · May 2010

Inviting her is unfortunatly the best way to go. Also, remember that EVERYONE else is there for you on that day and if she ends up showing up with a baby or a baby bump she might get attention from some people, but that majority of the wedding guests will be there to celebrate you and your nuptuals and your new life. Take pride in being the bigger person and then when you can avoid seeing her and her husband as it seems she's quite the toxic individual. Avoid commenting or even reading her facebook status updates because it will just annoy you and further frustrate you. You can even set specific settings so that you don't have to see her facebook updates unless you go to her profile. Just remember if you are this frusrated with her, other people are probably thinking something similar about her. Take pride in knowing that you were the bigger person and keep focusing on your day with your husband.

chriskellythome · May 2010

I would invite her just to not get down to her level and keep your fingers crossed she goes in labor the day before the wedding so the BF can be there for the birth of his child and still make the wedding the next day but w/o her!!!

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

oh.my.god.

Blueeyed come back and make it stopppppppppppppp.

FutureMrsMosko · May 2010

DO NOT INVITE THIS WOMAN TO YOUR WEDDING! This is your day and from the sound of it she will make sure that she is the center of attention at your wedding no matter what she has to do. You do not need to feel uncomfortable on your wedding day. If everything this girl has done is true then there is NO need for you to invite her. Not only that but if she hates you so much that she is posting things on facebook about you then she shouldn't care that she isn't invited either!

Laurock · May 2010

I'm having a similar problem with my FI's good friend; he's not too fond of me but he hasn't gone to such extremes like the girl you're talking about. Honestly, I don't think you should invite her, and here's why.

My FI's friend, 'B', is kind of a d*ck. I guess that's just his personality, whatever. A mutual friend of 'B' and my FI, 'A' (who also happens to be a GM) gave me this advice, because he knows the situation:

This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You want to share it with people who love and SUPPORT you, and are genuinely happy to be there. This is your day, and people should be respectful of that.

I suggest you follow the same advice. Talk to your FI and explain why this girl makes you uncomfortable, and how she might compromise your happiness on your wedding day. He should be understanding, as, though this is his friend's wife, you are going to be HIS wife, and you come first.

Hope that helps.

roshanks · May 2010

First off where is your boo? This is a problem that he needs to nip in the bud because of who she is to his bestfriend. This is your wedding (meaning the 2 of you) So you never have to justify your guess list and if for one second you thought she would cause some discomfort then she wouldn't make the guess list for anything. My god sister just had her first shower and we went over the guest list with a fine tooth comb and if there was even an eyebrow raise - then that person was removed from the list. Both of you stop being punks and worrying about other peoples feelings. You already know where she stands so let her stand alone.

aimeeu2 · May 2010

Ooh this is a tough one! I can only picture her coming and either going into labor, or pretending to go into labor during the ceremony just to draw attention to yourself.

Its your wedding, nobody has to be invited except you and your fiance. One of my bridemaids is getting married shortly after me and she's already told me that she's not inviting anyone to her wedding that might cause drama.

So I'd say no invite. CIte space, cite money, cite that you dont feel comfotable inviting someone that pregnant to the wedding. Also, there is nothing wrong with saying that it was petty of her to schedule her shower same as yours and that unless she is capable of being warm and supportive of your marraige, then she has no business being at your wedding. I cannot understand why she would even want to attend, if not to create drama.

betrothed123 · May 2010

Her "boo", Roshanks? Really? No.

Newbs, stop giving bad advice. Throwing a wedding does not automatically entitle you to be a huge biitch to your guests just because it's your spayshul dayyyyyy.

Meg- You should be allowed to kill threads like this. It saddens me greatly that you can't.

jwang517 · May 2010

how can there be so many insane people out there?

my mom was in the same situation years ago with my dad's sister-in-law (dad's bro's wife). the woman had never said anything nice of my mom since the day they started going out. she was invited to the wedding, dressing all white (in my culture, white means death), and was crying miserablly (as if someone died)... she made a huge scene of herself, BUT, inviting her DID make my mom a better person. she still talks bad about my mom, but now people see who's the one with real issue. and im getting married, but she's not invited, and i doubt she cares.

as for me, FI's friends all have pretty cool gf/fiancees. we did have some problems with his best female friend from college, who had a crush on FI at college but never took any action, and ended up dating another boy, and once FI and I started going out, and this girl broke up with her bf (cos he didn't want to propose to her, nor settle down than more than just dating), she started to be all over FI, and he had a talk with her and i also told her i was hurt by her behavior. guess what? she blocked me on gchat, and spred words to another girl friend of ours. 2 weeks ago when i talked to this other girl, she asked me "who are you?" though lots of college friends of FI are invited and are coming and also know those 2 girls really well, FI himself said he's not inviting any of them...

i'd say talk to your FI before you send out the invites. Inviting this crazy wife of your FI's GM might be a better thing to do. just to be a bigger person, and im sure people who are really supportive and close to you know about her and her insanity. if they haven't, let them know in advance about the situation, so if she's acting crazy, people will handle that. and seriously, if she tries to make a big scene at your wedding, people will see her true color too. if you don't invite her to the wedding, it might actually give her more reasons to talk. also, since her due date is on the same day as your wedding, she might not even come... though I do worry what if she is crazy enough to "force" herself into labor right at the wedding? sounds like she's crazy enough to do anything to get the attention... let's hope it's not gonna happen.

good luck with everything.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I'm breaking the rule. I have a BM whose significant other of 8 years is in no way, shape or form invited to my wedding. I talked to her about it- and she was understanding because of the history I have with her sig fig (basically, he sucks at life).

Consider the feelings of the GM. Do you think his feelings would be hurt by this decision?

Bobbettp · May 2010

I could careless about proper wedding etiquette uninvite her, the last thing you need is to feel uncomfortable at your own wedding.

Is it ever ok to break the rule??

Re: Is it ever ok to break the rule??

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