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Alternate to Unity Candle

susieqt757susieqt757 member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

I need ideas for a unique way to do the unity part of the ceremony. The ceremony site does not allow open flames so we need an alternate to the unity candle.. Does anyone have any ideas other than the unity sand or the unity cross??
Please help

Susie

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Re: Alternate to Unity Candle

  • browneydherobrowneydhero
    10 Comments
    Google "Hand Holding Ceremony"

    I didnt want to do the unity candle because i would want my mom and step mom to do it, but then we would need his mom and stepmom and he didnt want his stepmom to do it. So instead of having a big ordeal i googled for alternatives and we decided on the hand holding ceremony. Its sweet, beautiful and romantic!
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Actually, your whole wedding IS a unity ceremony.  So you don't have to have one at all.  My DD was married last July, and they didn't have a unity "anything" and their wedding was just beautiful and romantic.

    And they're not any less married than people who pour sand, light candles, mix dirt, plant trees, or mix golf balls.  GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • Jamilynn627Jamilynn627 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_alternate-unity-candle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:9f6ab051-de5b-4fcd-bdf2-41459cc96e6fPost:6bba7509-0530-45fd-89fd-2c3a9a298fc2">Re: Alternate to Unity Candle</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually, your whole wedding IS a unity ceremony.  So you don't have to have one at all.  My DD was married last July, and they didn't have a unity "anything" and their wedding was just beautiful and romantic. And they're not any less married than people who pour sand, light candles, mix dirt, plant trees, or mix golf balls.  GL
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this exactly. Any wedding ceremony is also a unity ceremony. These "unity ceremonies" are getting a little out of control. We only did the candle because a family friend gave us an expensive one as a gift and we felt bad not using it.
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  • mrb5000mrb5000
    100 Comments
    If you are having a Christian ceremony, you should look into the Unity Cross (google it for more info.)  We're using it, and I love the symbolism of the two pieces.  Plus, it's something that we can keep after the wedding and display in our home.
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  • emmie2003emmie2003 member
    10 Comments
    They're right, you don't have to have a unity candle. It's an option.  That being said my cousins had a unity volcano... (like the kind with baking soda and vinegar).
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  • jandoweddingjandowedding
    10 Comments
    Ditto PPs. My FI and I are not having a Unity anything because we feel that the ceremony itself signifies our unity. (lol @ the Unity Volcano... don't let my FI see that or he WILL want to do a unity ceremony!)
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  • LasairionaLasairiona member
    500 Comments
    edited March 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_alternate-unity-candle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:9f6ab051-de5b-4fcd-bdf2-41459cc96e6fPost:6bba7509-0530-45fd-89fd-2c3a9a298fc2">Re: Alternate to Unity Candle</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually, your whole wedding IS a unity ceremony.  So you don't have to have one at all.  My DD was married last July, and they didn't have a unity "anything" and their wedding was just beautiful and romantic. And they're not any less married than people who pour sand, light candles, mix dirt, plant trees, or mix golf balls.  GL
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
    Agree completely. The unity candle isn't even allowed in most churches if you are having a religious ceremony at all since it has no religious origin. It's a Hallmark trend that originated on a soap opera in the last decade at most and people suddenly believe that it's been around since the dawn of time. But the entire point of a wedding ceremony itself is that it is a unity ceremony. You don't need mini-ceremonies to make it valid and the only thing they do is draw out the ceremony and make guests that much more antsy to leave, no matter how much they may love you.

    The "unity part" of your ceremony is your vows. Nothing more, nothing less. Legally, without that, you're not considered married.
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  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_alternate-unity-candle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:9f6ab051-de5b-4fcd-bdf2-41459cc96e6fPost:aa498274-ab56-4fcd-8150-1f91eeb5901f">Re: Alternate to Unity Candle</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Alternate to Unity Candle : Agree completely. The unity candle isn't even allowed in most churches if you are having a religious ceremony at all since it has no religious origin. It's a Hallmark trend that originated on a soap opera in the last decade at most and people suddenly believe that it's been around since the dawn of time. [/QUOTE]

    I don't think "most" churches forbid a unity candle, although some do. My sister was married in an Episcopalian church 18 years ago and had a unity candle. There is no official determination of where it originated but most sources agree it's at least 30-40 years old. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unity_candle" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unity_candle</a>

    [QUOTE]But the entire point of a wedding ceremony itself is that it is a unity ceremony. [snip ...]<strong> </strong>the only thing they do is draw out the ceremony and make guests that much more antsy to leave, no matter how much they may love you. The "unity part" of your ceremony is your vows. Nothing more, nothing less. Legally, without that, you're not considered married.
    Posted by Lasairiona[/QUOTE]

    By your logic we shouldn't have wedding rings either, as they are neither required by law nor based in religion.  I don't think anyone thinks a unity whatever is required by law, but it can be lovely and symbolic, and a nice way to personalize the wedding ceremony. Unless the ceremony is hours long, I highly doubt anyone will be made antsy to leave by a unity ceremony that lasts a couple minutes.
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  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    For the OP, here is a pretty good list of unity ceremony options from lots of different cultures & religious traditions: http://weddings.about.com/cs/style/a/unityceremony.htm
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  • LasairionaLasairiona member
    500 Comments
    If the Unity candle is really 30-40 yrs old, according to Wikipedia which a number of folks reasonably take with a grain of salt since anyone anywhere can edit the info to claim anything they want with nothing solid to back up their sources, then how is it that many people who have been around since then have never seen or heard of a unity candle before if it is really that old? People claim anything they want and if they repeat it enough, then others believe it to be fact and don't bother to research anything themselves.

    As for the rings and everything else, no one is saying you can't have those. But they aren't required to make a wedding legally valid. The only thing that is required in a ceremony is the vows. Everything else is completely optional and is up to the minister as to whether they are allowed or not.

    As for the length of the ceremony, you're right that lighting a candle doesn't take hardly any time at all. It just takes a few seconds at most. But typically people choose 4 minute songs that create awkward moments where the couple is just staring at each other while waiting for the song to end, and the guests start to feel awkward too, no matter how much they may love the couple. That's just if the minister doesn't have anything of his own to add about the candle. Before you know it, what should be just a minute or so has suddenly turned into 10 or more minutes. Take into consideration that some people don't want just one mini-ceremony because they want every mini-ceremony in the book to show the world how in love they are, and believe that if their guests love them then they will sit there as long as it takes with no question, and the time they take adds up very quickly. Obviously not everyone does but there are people out there who do and ruin it for the rest. Unless it is a religious ceremony, which is usually longer by default, the average guest tends to feel that 30 mins for a secular ceremony is the maximum comfort time before they start sneaking peeks at their watches, and there is no reason for a ceremony to last longer than that. What many people don't realize is that it takes about twice as long, at the very least, to read a ceremony as it is actually happening with everything going on, most of which you cannot prepare for, than it will take to read it off the first time as a draft. That is where alot of the extra time comes in.
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