A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them

lisarose7 · March 2010

Not having a MOH: okay
Telling your MOH or a BM that you don't want her in the WP anymore: not okay
Telling your MOH or a BM that she can't be in the WP because she is/will be pregnant: definitely not okay

Having more than one shower: okay
Inviting guests to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding: not okay
Throwing your own shower: definitely not okay

Not allowing single guests to bring a date: okay
Putting registry cards in your invitation: not okay
Asking for money instead: definitely not okay...even when asked using a cute poem
Organizing any activity that involves your guests giving you money at your reception in order for them to participate in an activity: SO not okay I don't even know where to begin.

Any more that anyone would like to add?

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Confusing your wedding as a fundraiser. You are not going to make money or even break even on your wedding. If you need money, JOP it at the courthouse and save your money. You'll come out better that way.

SaraAndrew2010 · March 2010

Eloping and then having a fake wedding and big party later (where you don't tell anyone you already got married): not okay

Asking guests to pay for their meals at your reception: not okay

Pirata13 · March 2010

Asking your guests to open their wallets at your wedding/reception for any reason: definitely not okay

redheadfsu · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_marriage-before-wedding-pay-school?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:a0060296-c837-41ba-a59e-eaaaf9a99455Post:5be0080a-de33-41cb-a4e2-b733a6a3f2db">Re: Marriage before the wedding to help pay for school??</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having this same problem! But my wedding is in May so I am just going to wait to fill out my FAFSA (risky I know) until after we're married. It's really quite ridiculous that you can't claim independent unless you are 24, married, or have kids...the only other option is legally emancipated. It really frustrated me. So...If this would help you moneywise I would do it. People would understand. Life happens. :)
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]

I'm confused. You fill out a fafsa but live in Spain? Explain, please.

splashmadison · March 2010

Wow. Did I say requirement? Nope. I said here it is traditional and expected. I will have a few americans but they will not be paying since they are traveling so far. However, if they asked me I would explain that a donation would be greatly appreciated..as I said before.

And that due to my new viewpoints I think there is nothing wrong with putting on your wedding website that a donation would be preferred to a gift. No one else I have spoken to thinks it is rude either...except on this board...and many people I know had honeymoon registries and the like for their weddings.

I'm obviously just on a different wavelength than you all. Hmm...oh well.

sorry if i have offended your sensibilities and you think I'm a backwards, rude, girl on her high horse. I'm really not, but I suppose I can't prove it to you if we disagree on something you view as so fundamentally wrong.

this will be my last post about this...because I think I've said all I can say and anything else would be repetitive.

so, have a great day/night wherever you are!

splashmadison · March 2010

Woops. I am an American living in Spain going to an American university. one year left. so yes, I can still get FAFSA help

and age has nothing to do with it ladies.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

You didn't answer my question. But I have another one. You do realize people can see when you post on other boards, right?

Yeah, I just came to the realization that a lot of people in etiquette boards and customs board are very rude. And they can't take the stick out of their ass or the etiquette book out of their head for a second to understand that some situations call for different things...

anyway, just saying I see what you're seeing blamecanada. and it's not pretty...not sure i'll stick around here too long...

polichik · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rules-re-customs-traditions-learn-live?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:15e9fe21-fd8c-46b1-afe0-6090c660ec35Post:67f6988b-39a3-4631-8e01-baf145f7174d">Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them : She's also under 24. Makes sense.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Hey now ;)

splashmadison · March 2010

yep i do know. and like you can see i said i didn't think i'd be staying around much longer. enjoy your catfights girls.

polichik · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rules-re-customs-traditions-learn-live?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:15e9fe21-fd8c-46b1-afe0-6090c660ec35Post:7ef2a33e-171b-4b03-a6ec-3db907616c16">Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them</a>:
[QUOTE]Woops.<strong> I am an American</strong> living in Spain going to an American university. one year left. so yes, I can still get FAFSA help and age has nothing to do with it ladies. ;)
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]

Then what's the deal with all the "Americans are so touchy about money," "We do it better in my country," etc.?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Sorry Poli. :-)

I just wonder how she can have lives in Spain sooooo long and learned ALL their customs at the ripe age of 21 or whatever she it.

sucrets4 · March 2010

Wow, I'm a New Yorker living in Arkansas, but I sure at hell don't consider myself an Arkansan.

I'm pretty sure the Spanish people would be pretty pissed that you'd masquerading as one of them.

Fwiw, in my area (NY) people give cash/checks at weddings. However, I would never ASK for that and would never have the balls to not accept a physical present since it's not traditional.

redheadfsu · March 2010

Splash

If you are not from Spain (grew up in the culture), how the hell do you know you understand its culture correctly? Sounds like you are getting this second hand. So don't teach us a culture you are just learning. I'm not trying to be mean, but you sound very childish. I have traveled & have attended school overseas, but I know I understand only a little of their culture.

lisarose7 · March 2010

Splash, the whole point of this thread was to clear up some confusion people have about what is and is not acceptable. Some people on these boards seem to think that their situation is "unique" or "special" and therefore that exempts them from following simple rules of etiquette. It does not. So maybe instead of trying to justify why it's okay for you to be rude or tactless toward your guests you should read what people have posted and learn some etiquette.

salt78 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rules-re-customs-traditions-learn-live?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:15e9fe21-fd8c-46b1-afe0-6090c660ec35Post:7ef2a33e-171b-4b03-a6ec-3db907616c16">Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them</a>:
[QUOTE]Woops. I am an American living in Spain going to an American university.
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]

<div>Well obviously you are more than qualified to speak for all Spanish people then.</div>

trix1223 · March 2010

splash, as this wedding is taking place in America, I think your advice about what is done in Spain is useless.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

You: "But that's how it's done in Spain!"
Your American guests: "But we're not in Spain, now, are we?"

Studying abroad =/= expatriate who has adopted a new culture as their own
Studying abroad = learning how to order alcohol in a new language and being a tourist for a semester/year

Going on vacation somewhere does not make you a part of that culture. Claiming that it does makes you worse than pretentious.

belle_tamara · March 2010

@ msmerymac Quote" Nope, rude is rude in any language. And many of us are well traveled thank you very much, so get off your damn high horse. "

Actually rude is ' grosero' in spanish. Presumably what you were trying to say is that rudeness is unanimously 'rudeness' and isn't culturally dependant?

On your travels did you ever notice any of the local customs? For example; Spitting in India is not believed to be rude. In America its rude to belch, especially at the dinner table, in other countries this is a compliment and is well received thank-you to to the host. In some cultures it is rude to show your, wrists, hair and ankles, and so the list goes on. So actually "rude is rude in any language"is a ridiculous statement to make, there are many cross cultural differences to what is percieved/deemed as rude.

Presumably/ hopefully the people attending your wedding are family and friends i.e. those people closest to you. Could you really not explain to them that you have the neccessities and would prefer money, but there is a gift registry for old aunty sue who is old-fashioned and set in her ways and does not like to give cash as a wedding gift as that is not traditional in AMERICA. There is no such thing as bad manners in good company.

I have attended a number of european weddings. Have you? Have you ever been to a Greek or Polish wedding and witnessed a 'money dance', or in other traditions guests throw money at the band whilst the bride and groom are dancing.
I took the liberty of researching some other money giving traditions at weddings for your perusal (Its kinda embarrassing to make flippant comments on subjects you have no knowledge of, so please, do read and learn!)

Greece: Two or three days before the wedding, the couple organizes a celebration called Krevati in their new home. In Krevati, friends and relatives of the couple put money and young children on the couple's new bed for prosperity and fertility in their life.

Italy: In Southern Italy as the guests leave, they hand envelopes of money to the bride and groom, who return the gift with awedding favour or bomboniere, a small token of appreciation.

Filipino: Money, in the form of paper bills, is sometimes taped or pinned to the groom and bride's dress during their first dance.

Gotta love Wikipedia!

Anyone who's fed up of all these catty comments should head over to Wedding Bee, where people give you useful, honest advice and don't feel the need to nit pick at ever comment ever posted to these boards.

I think some of these women just need to get laid

trix1223 · March 2010

And again, belle, since you didn't seem to understand......if this wedding were happening in Greece, Italy, or the Phillipines, those things would be just fine, because it's the cultural norm THERE. But it's not here. You can't just adopt another's culture because you like the end result.

There are also cultural norms where women dress in burkas and can be murdered for looking at a man. Would you suggest that American men can adopt those if they find them appealing?

And my sex life is just wonderful. But thanks for your concern.

salt78 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rules-re-customs-traditions-learn-live?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:15e9fe21-fd8c-46b1-afe0-6090c660ec35Post:81c71e96-31e5-4716-8154-a851bcb83a52">Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them</a>:
[QUOTE]@ msmerymac Quote " Nope, rude is rude in any language. And many of us are well traveled thank you very much, so get off your damn high horse. " Actually rude is ' grosero' in spanish. Presumably what you were trying to say is that rudeness is unanimously 'rudeness' and isn't culturally dependant? On your travels did you ever notice any of the local customs? For example; Spitting in India is not believed to be rude. In America its rude to belch, especially at the dinner table, in other countries this is a compliment and is well received thank-you to to the host. In some cultures it is rude to show your, wrists, hair and ankles, and so the list goes on. So actually " rude is rude in any language "is a ridiculous statement to make, there are many cross cultural differences to what is percieved/deemed as rude. Presumably/ hopefully the people attending your wedding are family and friends i.e. those people closest to you. Could you really not explain to them that you have the neccessities and would prefer money, but there is a gift registry for old aunty sue who is old-fashioned and set in her ways and does not like to give cash as a wedding gift as that is not traditional in AMERICA. There is no such thing as bad manners in good company. I have attended a number of european weddings. Have you? Have you ever been to a Greek or Polish wedding and witnessed a 'money dance', or in other traditions guests throw money at the band whilst the bride and groom are dancing. I took the liberty of researching some other money giving traditions at weddings for your perusal (Its kinda embarrassing to make flippant comments on subjects you have no knowledge of, so please, do read and learn!) Greece: Two or three days before the wedding, the couple organizes a celebration called Krevati in their new home. In Krevati, friends and relatives of the couple put money and young children on the couple's new bed for prosperity and fertility in their life. Italy: In Southern Italy as the guests leave, they hand envelopes of money to the bride and groom, who return the gift with awedding favour or bomboniere, a small token of appreciation. Filipino: Money, in the form of paper bills, is sometimes taped or pinned to the groom and bride's dress during their first dance. Gotta love Wikipedia! Anyone who's fed up of all these catty comments should head over to Wedding Bee, where people give you useful, honest advice and don't feel the need to nit pick at ever comment ever posted to these boards. I think some of these women just need to get laid ;)
Posted by belle_tamara[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Who gives a schit about which weddings you have been to? This particular wedding is in AMERICA. Not any of those other places. The etiquette rules of another country do not apply.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh and yes certainly go check out Wedding Bee if want someone to blow smoke up your arse about terrible ideas all day long. *eyeroll*</div><div>
</div><div>Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go bone my husband.

</div>

belle_tamara · March 2010

Yup, I had a good ol' giggle over my last comment!

I haven't requested any advice on these boards regarding wedding ideas, tacky or otherwise, I was simply clearing up a silly statement that was made earlier on this post ; )

salt78 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rules-re-customs-traditions-learn-live?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:15e9fe21-fd8c-46b1-afe0-6090c660ec35Post:1b29c205-53a1-4ffe-92a6-ad838d003ee7">Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them</a>:
[QUOTE]Yup, I had a good ol' giggle over my last comment! I
Posted by belle_tamara[/QUOTE]

<div>Your sense of humor sucks.</div>

[Deleted User] · March 2010

Salt, you have cobwebs in your ass? They probably make some kind of cream for that.

salt78 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rules-re-customs-traditions-learn-live?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:15e9fe21-fd8c-46b1-afe0-6090c660ec35Post:8bda864c-3e1d-4123-94e0-3fcf6bf033c5">Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them</a>:
[QUOTE]Salt, you have cobwebs in your ass? They probably make some kind of cream for that.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

<div>They do, but the Rite Aid was fresh out. Usually I can go straight to the anal cobweb section and they have all sorts of options, but there must be a mass outbreak of dusty assholes lately. </div>

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I think we just found your porn star name: Dusty Assshole. I love how it just rolls off the tongue.

MOBinFL2008 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rules-re-customs-traditions-learn-live?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:15e9fe21-fd8c-46b1-afe0-6090c660ec35Post:02cccc71-f8c7-4080-84d4-9c046010b0f4">Re: A Few Rules re: Customs and Traditions - Learn Them, Live Them</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. Did I say requirement? Nope. I said here it is traditional and expected. I will have a few americans but they will not be paying since they are traveling so far. However, if they asked me I would explain that a donation would be greatly appreciated..as I said before. <strong>And that due to my new viewpoints I think</strong> <strong>there is nothing wrong with putting on your wedding website that a donation would be preferred to a gift. No one else I have spoken to thinks it is rude either...except on this board...and many people I know had honeymoon registries and the like for their weddings.</strong> I'm obviously just on a different wavelength than you all. Hmm...oh well. sorry if i have offended your sensibilities and you think I'm a backwards, rude, girl on her high horse. I'm really not, but I suppose I can't prove it to you if we disagree on something you view as so fundamentally wrong. this will be my last post about this...because I think I've said all I can say and anything else would be repetitive. so, have a great day/night wherever you are!
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately your thinking is wrong. Perhaps people you've asked have told you that it isn't rude to ask for money because that is what you intend to do but that doesn't mean that they don't know<strong> </strong>that it's rude.
My husband was in International Business for years and we attended weddings in several European countries....not one person ever even hinted at the fact that they wanted money instead of a gift. They didn't do it because they knew it was tacky to do so.

amandaross1983 · March 2010

RE: money instead of gifts...

I'm of the opinion that the best way to handle that, is to talk directly to your closest family members (parents, siblings, grand parents, whatever) and kindly ask them that if people ask, suggest a cash gift. Those closest to you will be getting all the calls about where you're registered, since it's not appropriate to include that info in the STD or Invite.

I for one am currently living in Germany with my FH, and we are planning on moving stateside after our "legal" courthouse wedding here. Then we will have a beach ceremony and reception for my family in the states. Since we're litterally "starting over", we need ALL new electronic devices, etc. My parents have doubles of most things like dishes and silverware, so we'll only be registering for gadgets you NEED. (we can't bring them with us due to the different outlets).

We will also need to buy a new car, and people understand that and will be calling my parents and grand parents for gift ideas, my close family will then suggest to those where it is appropriate and understandable, please contribute to their "relocation fund" that will finance their new car, insurance, etc...

I would NEVER flat out ask for or expect cash, but there ARE PC ways around it if you include your close family in your needs.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

You're definitely going about it the right way, Amanda. That's pretty much the only acceptible way to ask for cash: word of mouth when people ask. I know if I knew someone getting married who was looking at an international move, I'd definitely be more likely to give cash.

cabilb01 · March 2010

My fiancee and I have everything we need, and I fully intend to have something in the invitations to the effect that we are saving for a trip to Australia. I don't think it is rude to tell your guests what your honeymoon plans are... and anyone who wants to give us a boxed gift would do so anyway.

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