Wedding Etiquette Forum

Newborn at the wedding???

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Re: Newborn at the wedding???

  • my ears ACHE after a wedding.  that's usually why i chew and screw right after dinner.  i rarely stay for teh dancing as the music is just too loud and i cant hear myself think.  i can only imagine what that would do to a baby's ears.

    in that same train of thought, i'd also never take my newborn to a parade where there might be loud fire engines blaring.

    germs are everywhere, yes, and you cant keep your baby from them forever.  but again, this is a NEWBORN, not a 4 month old.

  • amber2123amber2123 member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:e9855261-7d99-4263-8df1-accb4a655b40">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]my ears ACHE after a wedding.  that's usually why i chew and screw right after dinner.  i rarely stay for teh dancing as the music is just too loud and i cant hear myself think.  i can only imagine what that would do to a baby's ears. in that same train of thought, i'd also never take my newborn to a parade where there might be loud fire engines blaring. germs are everywhere, yes, and you cant keep your baby from them forever.  but again, this is a NEWBORN, not a 4 month old.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    If the mom is nursing it would be better to take the newborn that an older child because the newborn gets the use of the immunities that the mother has, once the child stops, the have a higher rate of getting sick because the baby is still developing their's. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:e9855261-7d99-4263-8df1-accb4a655b40">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]my ears ACHE after a wedding.  that's usually why i chew and screw right after dinner.  i rarely stay for teh dancing as the music is just too loud and i cant hear myself think.  i can only imagine what that would do to a baby's ears. in that same train of thought, i'd also never take my newborn to a parade where there might be loud fire engines blaring. germs are everywhere, yes, and you cant keep your baby from them forever.  but again, this is a <strong>NEWBORN, not a 4 month ol</strong>d.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    Well, per the OP, the baby will be 2 months old.  Still a newborn, but not like a few days newborn.  I would suggest seating them as far away from the speakers and you should be good to go.  Also, don't know what type of weddings you go to that makes your ears hurt.  Every one I have been to, the music is loud enough for dancing, but not so loud that you can't talk to someone without screaming.  Perhaps tell your DJ to turn it down just a tad.

    Regardless, it's still rude to literally tell her not to bring her 2 month old.  She can choose to come or not, or choose to leave the baby with a sitter or bring her along, the point is that that's the mother's choice, not the bride's.  Infants that are breastfeeding don't fall into the "no children" category. 
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborn at the wedding???  She can choose to come or not, or choose to leave the baby with a sitter or bring her along, the point is that that's the mother's choice, not the bride's.  Infants that are breastfeeding don't fall into the "no children" category. 
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    No, actually it's the bride and groom's decision whether or not the baby is welcome to come. From there, mom and dad can decide to attend or not. But they don't get to decide they're bringing their child if their child is not invited.
  • jess9802jess9802 member
    First Comment First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited November 2010
    I don't think the bride is worried about the newborn at the reception. She doesn't want her ceremony interrupted by a crying baby. I suspect the vast majority of parents will remove a crying infant from the ceremony so as not to disturb anyone, and most will leave the reception after dinner but before the dancing and loud mustic begins because having a newborn is exhausting and they're too tired to stay up that late anyway.
  • i was at a wedding last year where a baby cried and cried all through the ceremony.  the parents didnt take it out becuase they didnt want to miss anything.  i'm serious.  so dont assume that anyone will take their baby out.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:e4d6ba96-1013-486c-90f9-899780216ed3">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborn at the wedding??? : No, actually it's the bride and groom's decision whether or not the baby is welcome to come. From there, mom and dad can decide to attend or not. But they don't get to decide they're bringing their child if their child is not invited.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    Granted, they still <em>can</em> tell the parents their infant is not welcome, but it just seems really rude to me.  It's one thing when the child is easily watched by someone else, but a breastfeeding a newborn is typically considered to be 'in-tow' with the mom.  In that sense, specifically excluding the newborn suggests that you will be excluding the mother.

    Really, I don't see the point in excluding them anyways.  It's not like they add a number to your guest count.  If you are that concerned about them crying during the ceremony, it seems like it would cause less of a rift to just politely ask them to remove the baby if it gets fussy than it would to ask them to leave the baby at home.
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    [QUOTE]My fiance's sister-in-law is pregnant and due 2 months before our wedding.  Since we are having an adult only reception, is it ok to ask her to find childcare for her newborn?  I don't want a crying baby at my wedding, but am I being bridezilla by asking her not to bring the baby?
    Posted by JennaLyne[/QUOTE]

    We are not having kids at our reception either.  With one exception, my sister who is also my MOH, and due 3 months before the wedding.  I think you're better off making the exception.  Like PP said, they sleep most of the time anyway
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  • I'm not going to pitch a fit about kids, I have a cousin who has a little girl (1) and I know she wont be able to come without her. I'm simply going to not put the names on the invites and if the parents call or ask, I'll probably let it slide. I'd rather have a few kids and families at my wedding, the purpose of a wedding to celebrate love and families, than have close friends and family not be able to come. I also have a FSIL who is due about a month before our wedding, and what's nice is because she's pregnant she can't work, and gets to come to our wedding!
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    [QUOTE]my ears ACHE after a wedding.  that's usually why i chew and screw right after dinner.  i rarely stay for teh dancing as the music is just too loud and i cant hear myself think.  i can only imagine what that would do to a baby's ears. in that same train of thought, i'd also never take my newborn to a parade where there might be loud fire engines blaring.<strong> germs are everywhere, yes, and you cant keep your baby from them forever.  but again, this is a NEWBORN, not a 4 month old.</strong>
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is what I was thinking. I had 2 guests at my wedding with newborns at home. I know one for sure was breast feeding but she pumped so she could come. I've also never seen a newborn at a wedding...I don't think I would have minded if they brought their babies though. I just figured they wouldn't want their babies around hundreds of people. </div>
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited November 2010
    It's generally recommended that a newborn/breastfeeding infant is the exception to the no kids rule

    Many breastfeeding mothers cannot leave their children with a sitter, as would be the case with older children.  Suggesting that she can "just pump" and leave the baby at home is an ignorant suggestion on the part of the person making it, for several reasons.  1)  many women can't pump, period.  2)  unless you have an overactive supply, one cannot pump enough in a pumping session to cover one feeding.  3) if a mother is actively breastfeeding, she would need to either nurse or pump when the baby is supposed to be feeding.  It's much less PC for mom to hook her boobs up to a pump in the middle of a reception than it is to nurse a baby.

    There are usually two reasons that people cite for not inviting babies, and they both tend to be non-issues.
    1)  the baby will disrupt the ceremony.  In many cases, it's older children that are more at risk of disrupting a ceremony.  Sure, babies cry, but they also sleep 80% of the day.  If a baby does start to cry, many parents have the sense to remove them from the situation.
    2)  other guests will be offended if they see the baby there, but had to make other arrangements for their own kids.  Guests that have children of their own should understand why a breastfeeding infant would be an exception, and even if they do get pissy, they would have some nerve to address it.     

     Sure, you can hold fast to the "no kids" rule, but new mothers may not be able to attend.  On top of that, you risk causing MAJOR drama with your future family in law.  Is that the way that you want to start off your marriage?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:29381edc-f496-46a3-b760-71b45db474d3">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's generally recommended that a newborn/breastfeeding infant is the exception to the no kids rule Many breastfeeding mothers cannot leave their children with a sitter, as would be the case with older children.  Suggesting that she can "just pump" and leave the baby at home is an ignorant suggestion on the part of the person making it, for several reasons.  1)  many women can't pump, period.  2)  unless you have an overactive supply, one cannot pump enough in a pumping session to cover one feeding.  3) if a mother is actively breastfeeding, she would need to either nurse or pump when the baby is supposed to be feeding.  It's much less PC for mom to hook her boobs up to a pump in the middle of a reception than it is to nurse a baby. There are usually two reasons that people site for not inviting babies, and they both tend to be non-issues. 1)  the baby will disrupt the ceremony.  In many cases, it's older children that are more at risk of disrupting a ceremony.  Sure, babies cry, but they also sleep 80% of the day.  If a baby does start to cry, many parents have the sense to remove them from the situation. 2)  other guests will be offended if they see the baby there, but had to make other arrangements for their own kids.  Guests that have children of their own should understand why a breastfeeding infant would be an exception, and even if they do get pissy, they would have some nerve to address it.       Sure, you can hold fast to the "no kids" rule, but new mothers may not be able to attend.  On top of that, you risk causing MAJOR drama with your future family in law.  Is that the way that you want to start off your marriage?
    Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

    this.
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  • Ditto whoever said it's not the 2 month old you need to worry about, it's the 2 year old.  Our good friends had a baby that was about 6 weeks at our wedding and he didn't make a sound - slept right though it.  H's cousin's kid, who was 2 at the time was a totally different story.  He screamed through the whole thing.

    The best part?  We had no idea he did that until we watched the video.  If there is a screaming child, I doubt you'll even notice, and it certainly won't ruin the ceremony.
  • I think using the "They're brestfeeding excuse" is lame because thats what BREASTPUMPS are for....BUT I agree that you won't even notice the baby is there and even if they cry you probably won't hear them because most infant cries are not loud.  I take NB portraits and basically move them around and position them for 2-3 hours and they hardly make a peep or even wake up.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:90c81f17-dda2-4529-8376-9a9ac6366216">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think using the "They're brestfeeding excuse" is lame because thats what BREASTPUMPS are for....BUT I agree that you won't even notice the baby is there and even if they cry you probably won't hear them because most infant cries are not loud.  I take NB portraits and basically move them around and position them for 2-3 hours and they hardly make a peep or even wake up.
    Posted by Gismo123[/QUOTE]

    Wow since you take pictures (what, at the local Sears?) you must be an expert on infants AND breastfeeding in particular! Better hope that doesn't come back to bite you in the ass. 
    Many many women cannot physically pump, and it's also not just a one-time thing. In order to leave an infant, you have to build up a supply. In order to build up a supply of say, 4oz (approx. one feeding) you would have to pump 2-4 times prior to the event, freeze the milk, find a nipple the baby will take and get her accustomed to taking a bottle,  (which usually has to be someone else, neither of my girls would take a bottle from me), pump while the child is taking to bottle so your milk supply won't suffer, and probably take Fenugreek or Mothers Milk Tea to help assist with making the extra milk. At 2 months, both girls were eating every hour, 2-4oz, so you're looking at pumping and storing 8-16oz just for a 4 hour (total) away from the baby. It's not as simple as "just pump", especially after 2 months, when BFing is rarely fully established, and usually still relies on ques and individual feeding patterns. 
    So maybe before you "think", you should do a little research, kellymom.com is a great resource for breastfeeding mothers.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:e9855261-7d99-4263-8df1-accb4a655b40">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]my ears ACHE after a wedding.  that's usually why <strong>i chew and screw right after dinner</strong>.  i rarely stay for teh dancing as the music is just too loud and i cant hear myself think.  i can only imagine what that would do to a baby's ears. in that same train of thought, i'd also never take my newborn to a parade where there might be loud fire engines blaring. germs are everywhere, yes, and you cant keep your baby from them forever.  but again, this is a NEWBORN, not a 4 month old.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

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  • So what you think a wedding happens over night?  They have plenty of time to save up the milk if needed.  And I NEVER said they shouldn't bring them so you don't need to get all huffy puffy about it.  You need to read more carefully I AGREED that people wouldn't hear the kid....please state where I actually said "DON'T BRING THE KID!"  I just said it was a bad excuse to use, so now you may open your mouth and insert your foot because that's where it belongs.  Also I would NEVER work for a company doing pictures like Sears....I own my own business thanks!  Anyone who works for a company like that and calls themselves a photographer is a wanna be but good try trying to dog someone you don't know =oP

    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newborn-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3d38b82-2423-44d5-bd9a-01858113c84dPost:b53d3e11-1179-494a-be15-eb94e38599e4">Re: Newborn at the wedding???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborn at the wedding??? : Wow since you take pictures (what, at the local Sears?) you must be an expert on infants AND breastfeeding in particular! Better hope that doesn't come back to bite you in the ass.  Many many women cannot physically pump, and it's also not just a one-time thing. In order to leave an infant, you have to build up a supply. In order to build up a supply of say, 4oz (approx. one feeding) you would have to pump 2-4 times prior to the event, freeze the milk, find a nipple the baby will take and get her accustomed to taking a bottle,  (which usually has to be someone else, neither of my girls would take a bottle from me), pump while the child is taking to bottle so your milk supply won't suffer, and probably take Fenugreek or Mothers Milk Tea to help assist with making the extra milk. At 2 months, both girls were eating every hour, 2-4oz, so you're looking at pumping and storing 8-16oz just for a 4 hour (total) away from the baby. It's not as simple as "just pump", especially after 2 months, when BFing is rarely fully established, and usually still relies on ques and individual feeding patterns.  So maybe before you "think", you should do a little research, kellymom.com is a great resource for breastfeeding mothers.
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]
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  • Gismo, did you read that not every woman can pump?

    Sometimes it's just not possible to do that and often it takes a LOT of work in order to build up enough supply to sustain an infant for an entire day. 
  • Oh, and if the woman CAN pump that much, you'll need to make sure that she has the space where she can go pump at the wedding.  Because if not, you'll most likely have a woman in a wet dress by the middle of the reception.
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