Is Mandy Weiss full of crap?

arendiva · August 2012

I bought a book on wedding ettiquete and i'm working my way through it. Some of her advice just seems silly or rude and I'm wondering if it's just a bad book.

Silly

For invitation wording is says it has to be "request the honor of your presence" if it's in a house of worship and it has to be "request the pleasure of your company" if the wedding is secular.How important is that distinction. I think honor of your presence sounds better but i'm having a secular wedding.
She considers it neccessary for the brides family to call the grooms family with 2 days of the engagement being formed. she also thinks it neccessary to have some formal occassion to bring the families together.
She conisiders decorative guests menus to be an important splurge and suggests cutting alcohol, guests and favors to save money. "Sorry aunt edna I can't invite you because I need to splurge on decortive table menus" (my quote not hers

Rude

She seems stuck in the notion that parents pay for the wedding and her book has budget break down of what the brides parents pay for versus the groom's parents. Correct me If I'm wrong but would it be super rude to expect anyone to pay much less hand them a checklist?

It's possible that I'm being harsh But I just want to know if this book is any good before I put any stock into it's advice. Because my priorities seem to continually clash with the advice she gives and I want to know which of us is wrong.

Meegles4 · August 2012

1 - That's technically appropriate etiquette
2 - I don't think that's mandated, but would agree it's nice to bring both families together, unless something precludes that such as distance or difficult relationships.
3 - Menus aren't mandatory
4 - This is a traditional view of wedding budgeting, not an "etiquette" view. You're correct that proper etiquette is hosting what the B&G can afford and graciously accepting any offers if you so choose, but never asking.

Ali092011 · August 2012

The only thing that I see that's a pretty standard, hard-and-fast rule is the "honor" versus "pleasure" thing, which I actually didn't know until coming to TK, but which seems to be followed to the letter.

It's nice to bring families together, but there are so many family dynamics at play. Some bride and groom's families already know each other well before the engagement, while others would find it difficult to meet (ie., I don't know when my parents will ever meet FI's because they live in a different country and can't travel to the wedding).

Menus seem to me to be the least important WR piece of paper, TBH. We're not doing programs or menus, but if we were to do one or the other, we'd choose programs. I don't see why it's that important to tell people five minutes ahead of the meal being served what they're being served. Especially if they RSVPed for a specific meal.

The paying thing is antiquated and yes, rude.

SB1512 · August 2012

Agree with what has already been posted. The only time I would think it might be important to put an effort (or even have) menus is if you are not hosting a full bar and the reception is at a restaurant or venue that displays all the alcohol. There are posts are here a lot about brides having limited alcohol selections and asking about how to best communicate to guests that choices are beer, wine, champagne and a signature drink (for an example) and in this case having some sort of eye catching menus either on the tables or at the bar would be a good idea.

TheVirginians · August 2012

Stupid me. I thought the groom's family was to make the first contact with the bride's family, not the reverse. Otherwise, what PP have said.

JanoBean75 · September 2012

The point of the honor vs. pleasure is that their presence is honoring God at a wedding held in a place of worship.

Is Mandy Weiss full of crap?

Re: Is Mandy Weiss full of crap?

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