Annulment Woes

agapecarrie · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_annulment-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:59181754-eade-4229-a052-c0c920c10f15Post:1b2278d0-07f1-464a-82a9-327a364fe43f">Re: Annulment Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello all. I'm fairly new to the Catholic Religion. My S.O. is Catholic and as also his large family. I am not Catholic. I have attended various churches throughout my life but haven't stuck to one. The more we attend the mass, the more I think I have found 'my church.' I have started reading some books I found from the online Catholic Home Study Service because I wanted more information. When I started reading the posts about annulment I feel discouraged and wanted to know more. My S.O. and I have been together over 4 years. He has a daughter (no marriage to the mother) and I have been married twice... (I cringe to say that). I'm not happy about the fact that I'm divorced. Not that I miss the ex, but because I obviously didn't choose wisely. The first was after our daughter was born...Just a few months after I,myself, had turned 18. Her father and I were married by a judge at the court house and didn't last not quite 1 year. The second marriage I was 21and the ceremony was performed in a Church that his grandparents attended. We didn't even go to church there. It lasted technically 5 1/2 years. Though we split up after 4. There were two children from this marriage... which was a fraud to me. He pretty much pretended to like things I do but didn't really. He finally admitted it and ended up leaving. Fast fwd years later and much blossoming in maturity and age to now. My S.O. and I have discussed marriage and plan on it in a year or two when I have finished my degree. We have taken "alot of time" according to others about finally discussing marriage. We needed that though, and I absolutely needed the time to know for sure! What steps do we need to take and do you think we'll be able to get married in the Church as we'd both like to? Reading these stories scares me that we won't get to. I'd be heartbroken. We cannot have any children due to medical reasons and already have 4 together. We do of course take them to Mass as well. What might any of have as far as advice for me? Thank you so much! Kristin
Posted by wildredirish[/QUOTE]

Kristen,

Since you were not Catholic, you were not bound by Catholic form of marriage, so your marriage whether in a church or not does not matter at this moment. Remember, this is out of love that the church presumes all marriages to be valid at first, until investigated.

The thing you must do is make an appointment with a priest. Tell him everything here, don't leave out details. HE will assist you in having your previous marriages investigated to see if they were valid at the time of marriage. I don't want to give you a false hope--- it sounds as if you have grounds for both, but no way to know for sure until it is investigated. Do not wait with this. Annulments take time.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

kristin: yes, dont get discouraged. i think its wonderful you finally found a faith that you think you want to "offically" be a part of. i concur with agape's advice - she is very wise.

mica178 · November 2010

I agree with agapecarrie. Talk with your priest, he will help you figure out what needs to be done and get you started. Annulments can take time, even years depending on the circumstances. However, the nullification process is important in the process of self-examination and preparation for a marriage within the church.

Take heart! You have found someone who loves you and wants to marry you in the future! And you have found your way to the Catholic church!

k8ly · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_annulment-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:59181754-eade-4229-a052-c0c920c10f15Post:328e938d-6ec1-42d5-aa7f-7dfded907bf0">Re: Annulment Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with agapecarrie. Talk with your priest, he will help you figure out what needs to be done and get you started. Annulments can take time, even years depending on the circumstances. However, the nullification process is important in the process of self-examination and preparation for a marriage within the church. Take heart! You have found someone who loves you and wants to marry you in the future! And you have found your way to the Catholic church!
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Ditto!

Our prayers are with you!

lmeade62 · November 2010

Yes, do take heart, Kristin! Mine is actually taking about the typical amount of time - 18 months is the norm, it just seems longer to me because I already had eight months at my home diocese before it moved to the current tribunal. We actually thought his would be the problem, so it was a very pleasant surprise when it went through the first instance.

Most of the time, I feel hopeful and patient, and moments like these are rare. That's why I'm so glad I've found this board, because I was able to pour out my heart at a time when I really needed to.

I agree that the best thing you can do is go to your priest. I hope yours is as kind and helpful as mine was - and in the meantime, just love going to the Church.

Best wishes, prayers, and hugs,

Linda

lmeade62 · November 2010

Just wanted to update everybody...we got word today that my fiance's annulment was upheld in the second instance, so his is essentially final...though we keep hearing conflicting stories about whether she can appeal it to Rome, how much time she has, so on and so forth.

I called the tribunal about mine, and they were so nice. The woman said they were getting my materials (and those of two other cases) back from the psychological expert to whom it was originally assigned, and reassigning them to someone new. She assured me that they have promised to give these cases top priority and get them done "very quickly." She also said that, once that phase is completed, they would do everything they could to expedite my case through the rest of the decision process. I thanked her profusely for her kindness.

So we are somewhat cautiously optimistic. I think we are going to get in touch with our local parish priest for some spiritual guidance and support to get us through this next phase.

Thank you all for listening, once again! What a nice group of folks.

Linda

mica178 · November 2010

Yay! I'm so happy that things are moving along for you!

lmeade62 · December 2010

Wanted to give everyone an update...like I said, my fiance's annulment has been granted in both instances. When he got his letter earlier this week, though, it said there was a Restriction on his remarrying.

Well, we are both incredible catastrophizers, but I think he got the gold medal for this one (at least for this month

). He tried to call the person he needed to talk to, to find out what the restriction was and what he had to do to get permission to remarry. Of course the person wasn't there, so he got to catastrophize some more (my best friend says we are two peas in a pod and she's right). But seriously, we were starting to despair again...we thought his was finally over and then this.

But today, he finally did talk to the Monsignor who had the scoop and was very kind and reassuring. Basically, he just has to meet with a priest or Catholic counselor a few times, for instruction in what makes a valid/sacred marriage. Then that priest or counselor has to send a letter to the Monsignor to that effect, and the restriction is lifted. Needless to say, our spirits were very lifted by this!

I got the letter from my Tribunal with the name of the new psychologicla expert. I figure I'll call in a couple of weeks to check on the status. Meanwhile, I sent the people I had been talking to a thank you email for their kindness and patience.

Meanwhile, I bought a "To Do before the I Do's" planning book and looked at bouquets pictures <g />.

We'll make it...it's just a matter of when...

Thanks again for the listening ears!

Linda

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