Wedding Party Numbers - ADVICE NEEDED!

NicBreeze · March 2010

My fiance' was excited about putting together a wedding party, he already asked all his friends/brothers/etc. He has been in numerous wedding parties and felt obligated to ask all those friends in addition to his other close, single friends. This is all well and fine, but his total number is 12. TWELVE?!?! Wellllll, I'm sorry you have so many friends!
I know some of those guys can be ushers, but any suggestions as to what numbers would work? I told him I would just work around how many ushers/groomsmen when selecting bridesmaids, but I don't want the world's largest weddinng party! We are having a large wedding (350+/-) so I know larger wedding parties are more acceptable.

Opinions? Suggestions?

emilykathleen511 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-numbers-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dd69fef3-d344-4427-9dd6-97e591bd168aPost:91331a43-99fc-4ceb-a54c-04bc9533269a">Wedding Party Numbers - ADVICE NEEDED!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance' was excited about putting together a wedding party, he already asked all his friends/brothers/etc. He has been in numerous wedding parties and felt obligated to ask all those friends in addition to his other close, single friends. This is all well and fine, but his total number is 12. TWELVE?!?! Wellllll, I'm sorry you have so many friends! I know some of those guys can be ushers, but any suggestions as to what numbers would work? I told him I would just work around how many ushers/groomsmen when selecting bridesmaids, but I don't want the world's largest weddinng party! We are having a large wedding (350+/-) so I know larger wedding parties are more acceptable. Opinions? Suggestions?
Posted by NicBreeze[/QUOTE]

<div>Just ask those you are closest to and don't worry about who your fiance asked. Uneven sides are perfectly fine and quite common these days. Just please don't ask people just to "fill in sides" as placeholders--these are people, not placeholders!</div>

mbcdefg · March 2010

He can have 12 groomsmen, and you can have however many bridesmaids you want. 2, 3, 5, none. It's not a big deal and your sides don't need to match (many, many, MANY couples have uneven sides and it works out just fine, so you would not be the first or the last person to do this).

For the processional and recessional, each bridesmaid can have two escorts, and any remaining guys can walk in pairs or by themselves. Or each bridesmaid can have one escort and the remaining guys can walk in pairs/solo. Or every single attendant can walk solo. The photographer will arrange everything nicely for the formal photos, so don't worry about that.

Think about what makes more sense ... asking the people you truly want and maybe having uneven numbers, which won't harm a single thing in the wedding?

Or asking 12 women just for the sake of making things even, when you might not be close to all of them, and then having to deal with the headache of coordinating 12 bridesmaids (dress shopping, paying for 12 bouquets and thank you gifts and rehearsal dinner meals, getting a big enough limo, coordinating hair and makeup appointments if they want them, etc.)?

MOBinFL2008 · March 2010

I totally agree with malphabet.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Have as many BMs as you want without regard for how many GM he has. We had uneven sides and it was fine.

Think about the worst thing that will happen if you have uneven sides. Will you notice in a couple photos? Yes. Will you kick yourself for not recruiting a few more warm bodies to even out the sides? Absolutely not.

banana468 · March 2010

Ditto the other lovely ladies.

If he's already asked them to be groomsmen then they're groomsmen. They may be ushers as well but I wouldn't change things around. That could be interpreted as a "demotion" and his friends could be quite hurt about it.

SO - keep things as they are and add who YOU would like. It's fine to have uneven sides. I think that makes things even more unique that way (and this is from an even side bride).

If he hasn't asked yet, I would remind him of the expenses that you DO have for them. Check the post below to see what this will mean in terms of your overall cost as a couple: flowers, WP gifts, inviting them to the RD w/ their SOs, etc.

NicBreeze · March 2010

He just asked they guys to be in the wedding party...no specification of groomsmen vs ushers.

banana468 · March 2010

True - but when you ask someone to be in the wedding party and then you start to designate GM vs. ushers you can have hurt feelings. It implies that that some are at a higher level than others.

My advice is to keep all of them as GM.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

I don't know if guys care as much about whether they're GM or ushers as much as girls would. He obviously knows them best and whether they'll care.

In any case, since the wedding is 18 months away, I recommend waiting at least 6 months before either of you ask anyone else to be in the wedding. Your plans may change, your relationships may change, many things can change. Since there's nothing for them to do at this point, I would say wait. Scroll down the page to see all kinds of stories from brides who asked their WP too early (usually at the 18-24 month mark) and now want to kick someone out of the WP for a variety of reasons. Since that's impossible to do without harming friendships, possibly irreparably, do yourself a favor and chill on asking people. I suggest your FI do the same.

mbcdefg · March 2010

I agree with Brooke ... encourage your FI to wait a while before specifically asking these guys to be groomsmen or ushers. And you do the same with asking anyone to be a bridesmaid. But if he wants all 12 to be groomsmen, then respect his wishes. But you don't need to ask 12 bridesmaids.

And don't forget, if any of the guys your FI asked are YOUR friends or brothers, they could always stand on your side. That could help even things out a bit (although like PPs said, even sides are not a requirement and uneven sides are not a disaster).

PichNiec · March 2010

Today anything goes. It's ok to have an uneven amount of GM & BM. I you look through wedding pictures you will see not all are matched up.
My FI & I have both been married before. We are having a unity of our families. I will be having 2 MOH and 1 BM. My FI would like to have his brother. I said his brother could be an usher. Our wedding might also be uneven. My daughter is going through a divorce & my son might not be with the same girl. The one thing I can plan on for sure is our four grandchildren...2 boys and 2 girls....lol.

Wedding Party Numbers - ADVICE NEEDED!

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