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Wedding Etiquette Forum
JaimiandJohn
member
One of my BM's wants to sit at a seprate table w/ her husband at the reception!!! HELP!
Okay...Im 18 days out from my wedding...super excited but over the top with my stress level! No one could have prepared me for all the stress that comes with planning a wedding. We dont have a wedding cordinator so Im doing this 100% on my own, my mother isnt even helping in ANY way shape or form. My MOH had surgery on her feet 2 1/2 weeks ago and now, she may not be able to be in the wedding because she will have a really hard time walking. Im 2 1/2 weeks out and dont know if Ill have a MOH?!?!??!? So, since she cant do much of anything now a lot of the responsibility is falling on one of my other BM's. She has been wonderful and really doing a good job. She has even planned the Bridal Shower all on her own! I really am greatful for all that she is doing. However, today she drops the bomb on me that she doesnt want t o sit at the head table, with the rest of the bridal party, she wants to be able to sit w/ her husband since he doesnt know anyone and will feel uncomfortable. I told her that I understood and that I would only want her to sit at the head table while we eat and do the toast, after that I dont mind if she leaves the table to sit w/ her husband. I even offered to sit her on the end of the head table and to put him at the table right next to us so they could be near one another. That wasnt good enough. She wants to sit with him while they eat. Mind you, I have already offered to make accomodations by moving our children (at the table next to ours) so her husband may be by her. Am I being totally unreasonable? The MOH (should she be able to be in the wedding) husband doesnt know anyone either, yet shes not asking to sit away from the rest of the table to be by him...what do I do? My BM and I have gone back and forth 2-3 times over this!!!! HELP!!!! I dont want to cause friction or put a strain on our friendship over this. She's already a little upsset that her children cant come but one one elses children are coming either. Just our own children and our nieces and nephews, most of which are in the wedding!!!
Do I give in and let her sit at a different table w/ her husband or do I stand my ground and risk her being upset with me?
Do I give in and let her sit at a different table w/ her husband or do I stand my ground and risk her being upset with me?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: One of my BM's wants to sit at a seprate table w/ her husband at the reception!!! HELP!
My Married Bio
I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the whole bridal party wasn't at the head table. But that doesn't mean she MUST sit there.
Who cares. She planned your bridal shower and is being really helpful with your MOH. Let her sit where she wants.
[QUOTE]Okay...Im 18 days out from my wedding...super excited but over the top with my stress level! No one could have prepared me for all the stress that comes with planning a wedding. We dont have a wedding cordinator so Im doing this 100% on my own, my mother isnt even helping in ANY way shape or form. My MOH had surgery on her feet 2 1/2 weeks ago and now, she may not be able to be in the wedding because she will have a really hard time walking. Im 2 1/2 weeks out and dont know if Ill have a MOH?!?!??!? So, since she cant do much of anything now a lot of the responsibility is falling on one of my other BM's. She has been wonderful and really doing a good job. She has even planned the Bridal Shower all on her own! I really am greatful for all that she is doing. However, today she drops the bomb on me that she doesnt want t o sit at the head table, with the rest of the bridal party, she wants to be able to sit w/ her husband since he doesnt know anyone and will feel uncomfortable. I told her that I understood and that I would only want her to sit at the head table while we eat and do the toast, after that I dont mind if she leaves the table to sit w/ her husband. I even offered to sit her on the end of the head table and to put him at the table right next to us so they could be near one another. That wasnt good enough. She wants to sit with him while they eat. Mind you, I have already offered to make accomodations by moving our children (at the table next to ours) so her husband may be by her. <strong>Am I being totally unreasonable?</strong> The MOH (should she be able to be in the wedding) husband doesnt know anyone either, yet shes not asking to sit away from the rest of the table to be by him...what do I do? My BM and I have gone back and forth 2-3 times over this!!!! HELP!!!! I dont want to cause friction or put a strain on our friendship over this. She's already a little upsset that her children cant come but one one elses children are coming either. Just our own children and our nieces and nephews, most of which are in the wedding!!! Do I give in and let her sit at a different table w/ her husband or do I stand my ground and risk her being upset with me?
Posted by JaimiandJohn[/QUOTE]
Yes. You are being totally unreasonable. Your attitude of worrying about YOU not having a MOH instead of being concerned for her condition is selfish and immature. And when else will you be seated EXCEPT when eating and making toasts? Telling her she can go sit by her husband while everyone is dancing is a dumb suggestion and not a compromise at all.
ttc chart
BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable if your husband was forced to sit through a wedding at a table where he doesn't know anybody?
next?
[QUOTE]If he is so introverted that he can't sit by himself, won't he be quiet even if she is sitting right next to him? At least that has been my experience with people who are quiet.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
<div>Being introverted =/= wanting to be left alone with a bunch of strangers. </div>
Our entire wedding party is absolutely in love with us because we aren't doing that horrid head table thing...
Its uncomfortable to people to sit in a long line and eat with guests watching them.
Look at the big picture. If the head table is so important to you that you are going to risk making a near and dear friend upset and uncomfortable then have your head table. But if you realize that the wedding is about you and your fiance and not about people sitting in a pretty line you will probably make a lot of people very happy.
It would appear that you need to avoid caffeine. Perhaps in addition to tea, you may want to talk to your doctor about your blood pressure. I'm also somewhat concerned about these irrational panic attacks you seem to have.
"You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
[QUOTE]I would say let her sit with her husband if she really wants to. Side note, isn't it a little co-dependent to HAVE to sit with your husband? If he is so introverted that he can't sit by himself, won't he be quiet even if she is sitting right next to him? At least that has been my experience with people who are quiet.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
No it's not co-dependent. When you are married and go to events together, you usually do things <em>together</em> at said event.
[QUOTE]Side note, isn't it a little co-dependent to HAVE to sit with your husband? If he is so introverted that he can't sit by himself, won't he be quiet even if she is sitting right next to him? At least that has been my experience with people who are quiet.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
Um, I think it is being thoughtful of your spouse who knows NO ONE. FI doesn't talk to strangers, but when around people he knows is very lively and fun.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: One of my BM's wants to sit at a seprate table w/ her husband at the reception!!! HELP! : Being introverted =/= wanting to be left alone with a bunch of strangers.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I'm with Salt. I'm not codependent on my husband, but sitting and eating dinner with a bunch of people you don't know is awkward. And you shouldn't make your bridal party and their spouses awkward. They're supposed to be those closest to you.
[QUOTE]I would say let her sit with her husband if she really wants to. Side note, isn't it a little co-dependent to HAVE to sit with your husband? If he is so introverted that he can't sit by himself, won't he be quiet even if she is sitting right next to him? At least that has been my experience with people who are quiet.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
People have different comfort levels. I'm fine at a table alone with new people. However, I was recently in a wedding and Nick had to sit by himself, he was terribly uncomfortable. The only people we knew at the wedding was the bride and groom. There's nothing wrong with it. Its definitely not a co-dependent thing. Nick would have been happy at any table where he knew someone.
[QUOTE]I would say let her sit with her husband if she really wants to. Side note, isn't it a little co-dependent to HAVE to sit with your husband? If he is so introverted that he can't sit by himself, won't he be quiet even if she is sitting right next to him? At least that has been my experience with people who are quiet.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
So because someone is quiet, it's fine to stick them in an uncomfortable situation where they don't know anybody?
[QUOTE]I would say let her sit with her husband if she really wants to. Side note, isn't it a little co-dependent to HAVE to sit with your husband? If he is so introverted that he can't sit by himself, won't he be quiet even if she is sitting right next to him? At least that has been my experience with people who are quiet.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
I don't think it's co-dependant at all. You're spending a night out together, wouldn't you want to eat and chat together too?
ttc chart
BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
You have a friend in the wedding who has thrown you a shower, who has helped you out with things when she didn't have to, and who is spending her money to be in your wedding.
Are you going to put that relationship in jeopardy over where she sits for a few hours of her life?
I think head tables are awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. If you are open to suggestions, you can do a sweetheart table, you can put your bridal party and their dates at a couple of tables, you can sit with your MOH and BM and their SOs or you can sit with your new husband and your children. All of these options would make everyone more comfortable.
To be honest, you are focusing way too much on the seating arrangements, and you are losing sight of the big picture.
I'm going to give you a piece of advice that someone gave me, and it was genius.
Your wedding planning will only be as stressful as you make it. Situations will affect you negatively and put a damper on the occasion if you let them. You cannot control some of the things that happen, but only your reaction to them. The most important thing is that you are married at the end of the day, that's the whole point of having a wedding.
But let your bridal party sit with their dates/spouses at tables with their "people." Scatter them among the tables where they'd really want to sit - with their own friends and families. That's what we did, and we didn't face this drama.
Think about it. Where would you rather sit at a wedding? With your spouse and group of friends, or at a table where the only thing you have in common is the color of your dresses?
I do want EVERYONE at my wedding to be happy and comfortable, after all we did invite only our closest and dearest friends. And you guys are probably right, no one will even notice we have 1 less person at the table. Just needed some advice and clarity, thats why I asked!
Thank you guys so much!!! I thhink Ill go and take a xanex now! HA HA HA LOL
And yes, you DO have an MOH. Just because she might not make it down the aisle and stand next to you doesn't mean she isn't your MOH.
40/112
Personally, I think the BM should suck it up and her husband should understand that she agreed to be in this wedding without him. Its one dinner for crying out loud! Surely he can cope for 30 minutes! Maybe he can make nice with someone at the rehearsal dinner and have a friend for the reception.
But whatever.... apparently Im the only one that thinks the BM should respect the wishes of the Bride and Groom!