FMIL stepping over a line
I am not sure if i'm crazy, confused because I've never done this before or what but I need a little advice on what to do with these ladies.
FMIL situation: FI and his family moved into their house about 12 years ago, and his mother became quiet good friend with his neighbour (who is crazy) over the past few years. Let me make is clear that crazy neighbour was never a part of his life, just friends with his mom. In fact there have been many situations where crazy neighbour has really stepped on FI's toes, and crossed over lines, (which I will not get into here). She is just nuts, and overtly nosey. FI has made it MORE than clear that he does not want her involed in our wedding in any way shape or form. He refuses to even be at his mother's house when this looney-toon is there. FMIL was insisting for a while that crazy neighbour be invited to the wedding, FI and FMIL got into a huge argument in our living room about the situation, and he said either crazy neighbour will be there, or he will be there (at the wedding) to which FMIL said "oh we can talk about this later" and she keeps trying to bring it up! If that wasn't bad enough she is trying to drag me into it, every time I reply the same way "This is between you and your son. He is the one that I am marrying, and this is up to him, whatever he chooses I will support his decision", which she goes on to try and pressure me to allow crazy neighbour to be invited!
Everythign was okay and quiet for a while until it got leaked to me that FMIL is now ASKING crazy neighbour for help with MY shower and with the social (pre-wedding party, big in Manitoba, no where else) along with the next day brunch! The part that really pisses me off about this, more than FMIL going behind our back to let this happen, is that if she were to ask any of our aunts, sisters, BMs, MOH, cousins, they would be MORE than thrilled to help out any way they could, instead she is allowing someone that FI HATES to have a fairly large role in helping plan events for me/us.
I have no idea what to do anymore. FI tried talking to her once, and honestly I do not really want ot get into it with FMIL, but I am really worried that she is going to destroy her relationship with her son.
On top of this FMIL said the other day that WE are making it really hard on HER by not inviting crazy neighbour! FI flew off the handle at this, and nothing else was said. How are we making it harder on her? She is making it hared on herself!
Anyone have words of wisdom??
Re: FMIL stepping over a line
The problem with refusing the shower is that this is a joint-shower between my family and his. I really do love his family as well as my own, and MANY people would be very hurt if I were to refuse the shower, and I don't really want to, I just don't want this crazy bat involved.
I don't know how to keep this woman out of it.
FI says that he will talk to his mother again, but I doubt in anyway that it will make a difference.
After Edit: FI's Fater has vowed to stay the hell out of everything and have us fo things our way in his words "We had our wedding, it's their turn, I'm just showing up" which we are more than happy with, but you're right, maybe it is time to drag him into it
Posted by Poppy101212[/QUOTE]
<div>In your shoes, I would still decline the shower. I understand why that's hard, but I would rather explain to a few choice family members that it's not them I'm rejecting, it's the unwanted guest FMIL is trying to force in. They may decide to host independently, if they really want one. As long as your FMIL hosts, there's no way force her to not invite the loon.</div><div>
</div><div>And yes, it's time to bring in FFIL. His philosophy works great most of the time, but when his wife is this out of control, he's abdicating a major role by not interfering.</div><div>
</div><div>Does your venue have security staff, or bouncers? Could one be arranged? It may be time to start making contingency plans for the wedding itself.</div>
Since your fi has already told his mother, in no uncertain terms, that the neighbor will not be invited to the wedding, there is no need to discuss it any further with her. Whenever she brings it up, tell her she already has her answer and change the subject.
I have to wonder why your FMIL would put her neighbors feelings ahead of her own son's, especially when it comes to his wedding.
She seems to be difficult but also like she's playing a game. The squeaky wheel gets the grease but only if you hear it.
FMIL then went on a rampage about how FI is going to ruin her relationship with her friend!
I understand that a wedding is not only about us, but seriously, it is not all about FMIL either, especially when she isn't finanacially involved,
FI tried bring his father into it, who just backed his mom up, saying that we should just appease her (as if if haven't done that already, we are getting marrie din a church and here at home instead of just eloping on the Beach in Belize like we wanted to).
FI is so overtly angry, his mother is choosing her relatiopnship with her friend over her son! He is very hurt, and neither of us know what to do about it anymore. FI wants to just run away and get married somewhere else. I feel selfish for not wanting to because I want my dream wedding.
This is getting too hard.
I recently had a huge fight with my mom because she would not back down about her stance on wedding stuff (long story). Talking it out didn't work, so I cancelled a trip my FI and I had planned to visit my parents. For her, she didn't realize that her actions had consequences, nor how her actions were hurting our relationship, once she did we were able to have a productive conversation. It's still not perfect, and my FI and I are still limiting contact.
Granted this should prob be a last ditch effort, not a go-to, but it can be incredibly effective in helping a stubborn person finally pay attention. Just keep your chin up, it sounds like you're being an awesome support for your FI.