How should I ask?

ashander · February 2010

I wanted to ask mu MOH & Bridesmaids, in a cute & fun way, to be in my wedding party....im stuck? I need some creative ideas! HELP! Thanks

mbcdefg · February 2010

Think of their personalities and what they would enjoy. Scrapbooks, being taken out for dinner or drinks, bowling, a handwritten note, a photo album, a scavenger hunt, a mix CD, whatever.

For some girls, their personalities might mean that they would prefer to just be asked. I asked one BM when we were having dinner at a diner together, and I asked my sister when we were both at our parents' house. They were just happy to be asked ... none of us are really into the cutesy stuff. So just because YOU think certain things are cute doesn't necessarily mean that your friends will, keep in mind. Do things you know they will each like, or just plain ol' ask if you think they'd prefer it that way.

One point that some posters have brought up is that, if you don't ask face-to-face or over the phone (meaning, if you send them something in the mail or through e-mail), you might miss their excited reaction. So that's something to keep in mind.

Another tip is NOT to ask them all in a group together. Some girls might have some questions about your expectations or the details, and some girls might want to decline all together for personal reasons. But when you ask in a group it can put people on the spot to say "yes" right away, and you might run into a problem later. So be sure to ask them all individually, so that they feel comfortable discussing it with you if they have concerns.

And a HUGE tip, after they accept, is to talk to them each in private about their budgets before you start looking at dresses. Once you know how much each girl can afford for the dress (don't forge that they will need to pay for alterations, too), then only look for dresses that are within the lowest quote you got from them. Or pick a price range where you would be able to afford chipping in some cash to each girl to help out.

CTGirl30 · February 2010

I asked my 4 BMs in person, individually, over dinner. Each one was honored and there was alot of hugging and excitement that ensued. We made sure to take a picture of the 2 of us that night, as well. I said something along the lines of "Would you do me the honor of being a bridesmaid in my wedding?"

The honor is in the asking - you don't need any fancy bells or whistles to make it any more special. I remember every time I was asked to be in a wedding and each time it was either just in person or over the phone (for those who were long distance).

bablingbrooke · February 2010

If you need creative and fun ideas from strangers, it won't seem genuine. Keep in mind that not everything related to the wedding needs to be a production or a "ceremony."

I have never been asked in a "cute and fun way." I have either been asked over the phone if I'm OOT or in person if I'm local. I always felt honored and moved because for me the honor was in being asked, not in how I was asked. When I asked my BMs (all OOT) I asked them over the phone. It was great. They felt moved and I loved experiencing the reaction. If I'd sent a card or cookie I would have missed it.

If you and your friends normally do this sort of thing for birthdays and stuff go ahead. But I'm guessing you don't. And again, it just won't seem genuine. So I'd go with your gut. I think it's a sign if you can't think of a "cute and fun" idea on your own that it's probably best not to do it that way.

duckie1905 · February 2010

I just asked them; in person if it was possible otherwise over the phone. The honor is being asked, not how you are asked.

Not everything related to the wedding needs to be a production. I would save yourself the time and money and just ask them.

trix1223 · February 2010

As brooke has said before: not everything about your wedding has to be a production. It doesn't ALL have to be cute and creative to accomplish what you want to accomplish.

In the coming months, the wedding industry will do their very best to convince you to spend more and more and more money on "stuff" that's just not necessary. Don't get sucked in. Start now by just saying "no".

Your friends will be thrilled and they won't need a card, trinket, or anything else to make it special. Just knowing that their friend cares enough about them to include them in her wedding is plenty? Will it really be more special with a cookie shaped like a dress?

anglelovesnick418 · February 2010

I love your idea that you want to make it cute and there's nothing wrong with that! I was the same way. This is YOUR wedding - and do it YOUR way!

What I did, which was very affordable & personal, was create a card on Zazzle.com with a pic of you and your friend - with a message to her that you want her to be a part of your day. They LOVED the cards. They are gorgeous & made them feel special. Cost: about $3.00 each. You can upload your pictures, and modify existing designs. The quality is AMAZING, better than Hallmark.

My opinion: wedding party spends time & money, and sometimes will support you emotionally through the process. Nothing wrong with being extra nice to ask them.

ejoyce8 · February 2010

3 of my girls live out of town, so i ordered cookies from "the flour pot" and mailed them to my girls along with letters. They all LOVED them and it was simple and not too expensive. the cookies were $10 each and you can have the cookies iced in your wedding colors. the flour pot was great to work with over the phone/e-mail (they are in philly and i am in florida). the cookies arrived within a week.
I have pictures of the 3 colors i got..message me if you want me to e-mail them to you hunebeach6@yahoo.com
Happy Planning!

lindseroo · February 2010

I was asked over the phone for both of the weddings I was in...one was my sister (who I lived in the same HOUSE as), the other was a friend who lived in the same town as me. I didn't think it was weird to just even do it over the phone. I don't think your girls will think it's weird if you DON'T do something nice, but that's just my opinion!

Jennasourus · February 2010

I don't think you HAVE to do something out of the ordinary but i also wanted to do something cute. I got them each a tank top that says "bridesmaid" in rinestones and then a card asking if they will be my bridesmaid. I'm going to give each girl a little gift bag with the tank top and the card. I know this isn't something i have to do... but each of my girls are super special to me and i wanted to tell them in a special way. Also i thought the card with the note was a nice way to really tell my friends how much i love them.!

DuckyL42 · February 2010

I had thought about doing personalized fortune cookies for each of the girls that said, "Bridesmaid?" or something along those lines in it. Unfortunately, those were more expensive than I had originally wanted so I ended up getting them all personalized jelly belly tins. You can customize the lids, and whatever text you want and even choose what kind of jelly beans you want.
In the end anything fun or anything that speaks to who each of the girls are is always appropriate.

How should I ask?

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