Overwhelmed and Young!

theowls_arenot_whattheyseem · February 2010

My finance is a Marine, and he proposed just before he left for boot camp. He'll be 19 in April and I'll be 18 in August... we haven't told our parents (my mom doens't approve of marrying before you're destitute and his dad thinks I'm a heathen because I'm catholic), but we want to get married before my junior year of college. I'm more than a little overwhelmed- being a senior in high school and having to deal with this is haring! Any advice?

AmoroAgain · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_overwhelmed-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:207465a1-e30f-42c0-b63e-0c211acd0ad1Post:cf0d9f92-dab1-4263-8899-1c5f5c65e94d">Overwhelmed and Young!</a>:
[QUOTE]My finance is a Marine, and he proposed just before he left for boot camp. He'll be 19 in April and I'll be 18 in August... we haven't told our parents (my mom doens't approve of marrying before you're destitute and his dad thinks I'm a heathen because I'm catholic), but we want to get married before my junior year of college. I'm more than a little overwhelmed- being a senior in high school and having to deal with this is haring! Any advice?
Posted by theowls_arenot_whattheyseem@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

1) Never use your email address as your knot name. Seriously.

2) my mom doens't approve of marrying before you're destitute-- So, you're trying to use big words here, but you clearly don't know what they mean. Destitutue= poor and unable to provide basic necessities.

3) If you're overwhelmed now, it's not going to get any easier from here out. Maybe you should rethink this whole, "getting married" thing. being a senior in high school and having to deal with this is haring! I don't even know what word you were going for there. Not everyone has an extensive vocabulary- that's fine. But trying to give yourself airs and acting pretentious (while failing miserably) just makes you look younger and less intelligent than you (hopefully) are.

salt78 · February 2010

Let me guess...you're in the middle of SAT prep? This is not looking good for your verbal score.

JessAndTrav · February 2010

I have advice for you.

Don't get married now.

You're too young.

Problem solved.

JessAndTrav · February 2010

Was the word you're looking for DEPLOYED, and not destitute?

ohwhynot · February 2010

Haring = harrowing? Maybe?
And I had to snort-laugh at "my mom doesn't believe in getting married before you are destitute" - OP, what did you really mean?

In any event, if you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to tell your parents, move out on your own, support yourselves, and pay for your own wedding. If you're not old enough to do all that, then perhaps you should re-think getting married. And good luck on finals!

ETA: That was flip, and I shouldn't have been so flip because I know you are serious. But in all honesty: wait. Just wait. Go on to college and don't even think of starting to really plan a wedding until you're finished with college. You can dream, you can enjoy having a boyfriend, you can enjoy the love & commitment you share, but seriously - don't plan a wedding yet.

crfische · February 2010

Well, Maggie...

I don't know what the hell you're trying to say here, but I'm going to go with getting married isn't probably the best plan for you yet.

Boot camp is only...what...8 weeks? I do'nt really know, I'm asking. It'snot like he's getting sent to Iraq or anything.

Nebb · February 2010

I think if you have to hide your engagement, youre not ready to get married.

sarabellam · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_overwhelmed-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:207465a1-e30f-42c0-b63e-0c211acd0ad1Post:cf0d9f92-dab1-4263-8899-1c5f5c65e94d">Overwhelmed and Young!</a>:
[QUOTE]My finance is a Marine, and he proposed just before he left for boot camp. He'll be 19 in April and I'll be 18 in August... we haven't told our parents (my mom doens't approve of marrying before you're destitute and his dad thinks I'm a heathen because I'm catholic), but we want to get married before my junior year of college. I'm more than a little overwhelmed- being a senior in high school and having to deal with this is haring! Any advice?
Posted by theowls_arenot_whattheyseem@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

Hmm, my finance is with Wachovia and in mutual funds. I'm going to go out an a limb here and presume that you mean the experience is harrowing, not haring. Because we all know that planning a party is as PTSD-inducing as, say, being deployed in a war zone. My advice? Graduate high school, graduate college, grow up, get a job and support yourself. You know, basically become an adult before you go get married.

katiewhompus · February 2010

Fishy, 12 weeks, but they all come out brainwashed and crazy. He may not want to get married once he realizes that.

shellydiane820 · February 2010

Why do you want to get married in the middle of college?

SwedishChick2011 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_overwhelmed-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:207465a1-e30f-42c0-b63e-0c211acd0ad1Post:cf0d9f92-dab1-4263-8899-1c5f5c65e94d">Overwhelmed and Young!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm more than a little overwhelmed- being a senior in high school and having to deal with this is haring! Any advice?
Posted by theowls_arenot_whattheyseem@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]
You're overwhelmed because you're only 17 years old...not even an adult yet. You're too young to be engaged. What's the rush? I can almost promise that you will regret getting married so young. You need to experience at least a few years of adult life before making that commitment. That doesn't mean that the two of you won't get married someday, but you just need to grow up first.

shellydiane820 · February 2010

What are the owls anyway?

britne28 · February 2010

Don't rush into this! Especially since you are thinking of going to college. You will, normally, have a lot of growth in life and experience when you head off to college. It would not be wise to rush into marriage now. Allow yourself to get out into the world. If you and your FI are meant to grow old together he'll still be there when you are done college.

salt78 · February 2010

I was wondering that too, Shelly. Her screenname...it's so deep.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_overwhelmed-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:207465a1-e30f-42c0-b63e-0c211acd0ad1Post:e6b9c7ff-3b87-4bd3-8b11-28b1285210e9">Re: Overwhelmed and Young!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Overwhelmed and Young! : Hmm, my finance is with Wachovia and in mutual funds. I'm going to go out an a limb here and presume that you mean the experience is harrowing, not haring. Because we all know that planning a party is as PTSD-inducing as, say, being deployed in a war zone. My advice? Graduate high school, graduate college, grow up, get a job and support yourself. You know, basically become an adult before you go get married.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

Wow, I totally missed that.

katiewhompus · February 2010

I would suggest, maybe doing a small intimate committment ceremony (sure, even get a promise ring) before he is sent off to boot camp, and plan for a marriage when he returns from his 4 year committment (or 8 year, or 12, he may chose to stay in there if his specialty pays well enough and he's at a nice base).
Then you have those 4 years to grow up yourself and don't have to worry about,
a) being a widow before you are 21 (it could happen, Marines have dangerous jobs)
b) breaking his heart by wanting a divorce/cheating on him while he's deployed (Dh has several fellow Marines who received these notices while overseas, one killed himself)
c) all of the things that Marines do while overseas (They have a code that what happens overseas doesn't count when they get back home. Many guys who haven't been near their gf's and wives for a year take advantage of "the code".)

tannymcgee · February 2010

don't do it. big mistake. huge.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

marriage is for adults. you are not one.

sarabellam · February 2010

If you are too immature to tell your Mommy that you are engaged, Maggie, you are definitely too young to be getting married.

JanoBean75 · February 2010

Amoro, you missed her FINANCE is a Marine. <--ETA -- oops! someone already posted about it. Teaches me to skim.

OP, plan for a long engagement. Please. Finish high school, get a job, save your money, and have the wedding you can afford.

AlexiaANDRobert · February 2010

Wait.

Wait a VERY long time.

Wait until you can spell correctly. Wait until you can use the right words to express yourself. Wait until you don't have to hide your engagement from anyone. Wait until you finish high school AND college.

Just wait.

shellydiane820 · February 2010

Its hard to hide marriage. Its a matter of public record, and not to mention when you register for your marriage license, its published in the newspaper.

JanoBean75 · February 2010

I have two cousins in Wyoming. The older one was engaged to his high school girlfriend. He joined the Army, went off to boot camp, met someone else and married her within a month or two. Then he called his fiance from home and told her he was married.

Then his little brother did the same thing. Klassy.

Seriously OP. You're very young. If anything, have a looooong engagement.

MeaghanandMichael · February 2010

I think the title of your post says it all. You are right to be overwhelmed because you really are too young. There is so much that needs to happen in life before you get married and it seems as though you have not thought this through at all. Take a deep breath and rethink.

salt78 · February 2010

Jano - Totally OT, but I like your FI's hat very much.

JanoBean75 · February 2010

Thanks, Salt! Less than two weeks! Congrats!

CA2MT4EveR · February 2010

Shouldn't you be in physics class, or perhaps English at this time, and not knotting?

pirategal03 · February 2010

There is no reason not to wait a few years. If he's really the one, then he will be the one when you're finished with college. Why rush it? A single girl in college has a lot of opportunities that a married girl doesn't. And I'm not just talking about parties or dating. What if you wanted to study abroad for a semester? Are you going to be able to financially support yourselves through your time in school?

I was almost engaged to my high school boyfriend, we decided that the social pressures of being engaged were more than we wanted to deal with. Sure, the two of us had discussed marriage, but we weren't putting any diamonds on it. People go through a lot of emotional growth in their early 20s. If you two can stay together through that, that's awesome. My hs bf and I couldn't. I'm very glad now that we never were officially engaged.

If you are afraid or reluctant to tell your families, then you're not yet ready for the responsibilities that come with engagement. Talk to your guy, put the ring in a drawer, sit on it for a few years and see where you are in life.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

Wait until after bootcamp and after his first 4 years and your college career. So much changes in that time. The military changes people, as its supposed to do, and they are not often able to handle relationships that they went in with. Ive seen it happen too many times. War changes people even more, and I will go out on a limb and say that soldiers are usually different people when they come back. It makes it very hard for them to maintain relationships with people who only see them as their old pre-war self.

YOu are too young to use the right words to describe your situation, and you are too young to be married. In fact you sound like the chick from Teen Mom that gave up her baby. Her FI was going to the Army and she was going to college, but they decided to wait for marriage until AFTER all that. Smart kids.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

If you are meant to be together 4EVER you can wait 4-5 years until you finish college and have a real job. Personally, I think being engaged signifies you are planning a wedding, so if you aren't getting married for years and years... there is nothing to plan. And therefore no point to be engaged right now.

If one of my high school friends had told me she was engaged while we were seniors I would have laughed at her. (I DO however know people who married their high school sweethearts, including one whose husband is in the army. They just waited until after college.)

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