Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)

Lenore2010 · October 2010

I am gonna do a little "True Confessions" here, just to make a point.

As an adult, I have worn every size from 4-18. I am nearly 5'7. Prior to turning 40, I had extreme bouts with bulimia. I once lost eighty pounds in about five months due pretty much to the eating disorder. I got my head out of my butt and got past the actual Bulimia because I finally (surprise!) got a major medical issue from my problem and had to deal with it and stop using it as a method of weight control.

Now, I have a stable, too high weight and I am looking to lose a goodly amount, and dealing with how to do that without lapsing into that behavior (which I am very confident I will never do again). I no longer binge eat, I still make bad choices.

My point in saying all this is:

1. I learned, in fact always knew that with my own history the only thing I should EVER say about anyone else's weight or habits would be... next to nothing! If someone frets about being "fat" I will say something positive, but actually I avoid the topic altogether. If this woman is a recovered anorexic, why did SHE not learn that long ago?! Her perspective is totally distorted, she needs to keep it to herself.

2. The writer and I have had different varieties of the same problem, yet if she saw me today I am sure she would be very judgmental. I find that ironic.

3. I accept her apology, but I know she is still wandering around feeling smugly superior to the fat chicks, and in her case that is not just rude and stupid it is practicing her eating disorder in spirit, which is very unhealthy for her. I hope she gets a better grip on it.

raynes · October 2010

Marie Claire has been putting it's foot in it's mouth lately. First they called a bunch of healthy living bloggers disordered eaters and then this crap. H&F on TN has been (to some extent) up in arms.

There are a few responses/commentaries:

http://www.blogher.com/good-luck-getting-kissed-anyone-marie-claire-your-fat-bashing-backfired?wrap=blogher-topics/movies-tv&crumb=32394

http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2010/10/ive-got-your-counterpoint-right-here-marie-claire.html

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

This article reminds me of a kid I went to college with who wrote an editorial "from the point of view" of a date rapist and called it satire, then had to write an apology column after everyone called him out on being a doucher. He "isn't really a jerk."

Except if you really weren't a jerk, you wouldn't write bullshit like this to begin with.

This lady is a dumb slore bag.

ETA: Lenore, *hugs*

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

How is rape satire? ...Exactly. It's not.

The way he wrote it, you could actually tell that he wasn't being serious. Problem is, there is some shiit you just don't joke about.

I wonder if I could scare that column up on the interwebs.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

Ah... here tis.

http://www.dakotastudent.com/2.5856/one-night-standing-the-method-1.1349067

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:dcdbf29e-bba8-491b-942b-3b07ce4a423e">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I mean, you can tell he is joking. But. Sick. Fuuck. Rape is one of my biggest fears so advising men <boys /> even in a joking manner to get a girl wasted to have sex with her is just so so so wrong. <strong>I want to rip his nuts off.</strong>
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

No need. The backlash from this article probably rendered him nutless, if the girls on campus didn't tear him to pieces first.

I don't think that kid will ever have a date, a girlfriend, or get laid again.

maratea · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:1671f31a-49c9-43a2-84ed-74dbba11b0a3">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]K. I'm taking a different approach to this. Was the article insensitive? oh hell yes. But at least shew as being honest... and for god's sake, it was Marie Claire, not the New York Times or a government release or anything. She's a writer for a women's gossip magazine. I don't think this is any more or less offensive than the ridiculous "how to please your man" articles Cosmo releases every month. This is an opinion of someone who is, to be honest, quite overweight. I don't know. I don't think I'd be comfortable watching anorexic porn or even gay porn, but that doesn't mean I'm inherently against people who are anorexic or gay, by any means. Should she have known better than to write an article like this out on the interwebs for everyone to see? Of course. Is she a horrible person for speaking her opinions? nope. Did it get her a whole lot of (albeit negative) attention? yup.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

I see what you're saying here and I respect that. But if she had written an article about gay people and being disgusted by watching them hold hands or kiss, she would have been blasted even worse. Case in point- the dumbass school board member AATB posted about yesterday.

And she can believe whateverthefuck she wants. But to voice an opinion like that in an internationally published magazine's website is absolutely inappropriate. If she wanted to bitch about fatties, she should have gotten a LJ.

Lenore2010 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:e0089077-95df-411c-aa36-9ee22b4631ff">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ah... here tis. <a href="http://www.dakotastudent.com/2.5856/one-night-standing-the-method-1.1349067" rel="nofollow">http://www.dakotastudent.com/2.5856/one-night-standing-the-method-1.1349067</a>
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I am so glad the idiot caught hell for this. In the 80's, I swear you would have had a bunch of people (female and male) saying it was 'just satire". It was a great decade when Camilla Paglia was applauded in many circles for saying that date rape was 'not real rape" and it just meant that a woman had "misread the signals". Her dumb ass book was considered very avant guard in some circles.

Nice to see we have come a long way in some respects.

Oh, and thanks AATB :)

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:7a749565-4466-4887-9e56-a0a8847095fd">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog) : I am so glad the idiot caught hell for this. In the 80's, I swear you would have had a bunch of people (female and male) saying it was 'just satire".<strong> It was a great decade when Camilla Paglia was applauded in many circles for saying that date rape was 'not real rape" and it just meant that a woman had "misread the signals"</strong>. Her dumb ass book was considered very avant guard in some circles. Nice to see we have come a long way in some respects. Oh, and thanks AATB :)
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

Sonofshitball.

And you're very welcome :)

K&J64 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:a0d6b6d5-24f3-4cbf-be3d-0be49ec47846">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog) : I see what you're saying here and I respect that. But if she had written an article about gay people and being disgusted by watching them hold hands or kiss, she would have been blasted even worse. Case in point- the dumbass school board member AATB posted about yesterday. And she can believe whateverthefuck she wants. But to voice an opinion like that in an internationally published magazine's website is absolutely inappropriate. If she wanted to bitch about fatties, she should have gotten a LJ.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

Agreed, and you know what I'm sick of people citing the 1st Amendment whenever they say something fuucked up and calling their asinine bigotry free speech. The 1st Amendment is not a license to be an a$$hole. How about a little thing called tolerance and humanity. For fuucks sake think about how your words and actions affect others, it's called being a human being. I have zero tolerance for intolerance. If you like to judge people based on how they look, their religion, their sexual orientation, their race/ethnicity than you know what - you're a piece of shiit. How's that for free speech?

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

kcullen. I have mad inappropriate love for you right now.

ReneeJacob · October 2010

WOW. Disgusting. She seriously has some issues. Years ago, I struggled with anorexia and I knew then (as I know now) that its an addiction just like obesity...for some reason, its more acceptable to be underweight that it is overweight.

Also - I developed PCOS and prior to being treated I gained 15 pounds in 2 weeks. This chick just assumed that if you're overweight you must be eating too much, doing too little, etc. She needs to be slapped in the face.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

Yeah, I saw this on the nest yesterday.

Is it weird that I've seen billboards for Mike and Molly and I had no idea the premise was about overweight people? It just looked like a typical sitcom I wasn't interested in watching. Not like a show with a lot of fat jokes.

mrscarter052011 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:45ba0c9a-d97f-4cc7-bf1e-30fb5bf08ca0">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog) : Agreed, and you know what I'm sick of<strong> people citing the 1st Amendment whenever they say something fuucked up and calling their asinine bigotry free speech.</strong> The 1st Amendment is not a license to be an a$$hole. How about a little thing called tolerance and humanity. For fuucks sake think about how your words and actions affect others, it's called being a human being. I have zero tolerance for intolerance. If you like to judge people based on how they look, their religion, their sexual orientation, their race/ethnicity than you know what - you're a piece of shiit. How's that for free speech?
Posted by kcullen37[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I <3 you.

Simply Fated · October 2010

the parts of the movie where she gets upset and runs to her bedroom to sneak a cupcake bother me, like it's something all overweight people do to deal with things.
Those parts bothered me, too. It didn't do anything positive for the stereotype of overweight people.

dmiller9274 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:45ba0c9a-d97f-4cc7-bf1e-30fb5bf08ca0">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog) : Agreed, and you know what I'm sick of people citing the 1st Amendment whenever they say something fuucked up and calling their asinine bigotry free speech. The 1st Amendment is not a license to be an a$$hole. How about a little thing called tolerance and humanity. For fuucks sake think about how your words and actions affect others, it's called being a human being. I have zero tolerance for intolerance. If you like to judge people based on how they look, their religion, their sexual orientation, their race/ethnicity than you know what - you're a piece of shiit. How's that for free speech?
Posted by kcullen37[/QUOTE]

<div>nicely said</div>

melissainabq · October 2010

If you guys haven't read author Jen Lancaster's response, you need to. Here it is from her blog

I've Got Your Counterpoint Right Here, Marie Claire

I’ve been sitting at my desk ignoring my novel which is due next week. Instead I’ve been compulsively checking whether or not Marie Claire accepts my offer to write a counterpoint to this article.

(No, seriously, you have to read the article first.)

(Yes, the whole thing.)

(I’ll wait.)

Then it occurred to me I don’t need some magazine I don’t even buy to give me a platform. I’ve got my own right here.

So I shall attack this article much like I attack a piece of cake – layer by layer.

You know, because I’m fat and eatin’ cake is what we fatties do best!

(In between bouts of self-loathing and feeling lonely and swilling corn syrup straight out of the bottle, of course.)

The second I read the title Should Fatties Get a Room? by Maura Kelly I knew I was in for some fair and balanced perspective. The article opens with Maura’s editor posing this question: “Do you really think people feel uncomfortable when they see overweight people making out on television?” which… seriously?

This is what everyone talks about in editorial meetings at Marie Claire?

Huh. No wonder I subscribe to Traditional Home instead.

But maybe that’s because a house is the only thing that fits around me.

You know, because I’m fat.

So, after this asshole editor poses this question, she steers Maura to an article on CNN.com that mentions the new sitcom Mike & Molly. Apparently the show “has drawn complaints for its abundance of fat jokes [as well as] cries from some viewers who aren’t comfortable watching intimacy between two plus-sized actors.”

I was unaware of this. According to the trailer I just saw, Mike & Molly is the #1 new comedy on television, so despite fatty-fat-fat complaints, viewers still tune in. I watched the first couple of episodes because I freaking adore Melissa McCarthy and if there’s ever a sitcom or movie made from my work, I hope she’s one of the actresses the producers consider.

But here’s the thing – even though I love the premise and the cast, I didn’t care for the show. For those who aren’t fat like me, (did I mention I’m fat? apparently this is not only very important to many, many strangers but also my singular defining characteristic) you might not know that most of us don’t sit around all day making self-deprecating remarks. We’ve got jobs and lives and interests outside what the numbers on the scale read. Sometimes we’re even (gasp!) successful. And, FYI if our family, friends, and co-workers kept cracking wise about the size of our asses, we wouldn’t voluntarily hang out with them.

Personally, I found the show pandering and pedantic. Honestly, I hate any sitcom where I can see the jokes coming from a mile away. I prefer my comedy edgier and more unpredictable, like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Regardless, I watched for a couple of weeks but ultimately decided I had better things to do with those thirty minutes a week. (But not exercise. Fat people wouldn’t dream of breaking a sweat or anything. Because we’re inherently lazy.)

Sorry, Melissa, I tried. Still love you, though.

Anyway, at no point does Maura mention actually having watched the show. As my friend pointed out in an email exchange earlier today, we should definitely have someone who’s “not much of a TV person” critique a show she’s never seen.

Maura then has a visceral reaction to the size of the actors, stating, “Those people are downright obese!” She briefly touches upon how she doesn’t want to promote anorexia, either, but really, obesity is a national problem, and we’re all paying for it with our insurance. Funny, I thought I was the one paying my own health and life insurance bills. (Sidebar: How about we make this deal, then? When nationalized healthcare rolls out, I won’t expect anyone to fund my fat ass, as long as I don’t have to cover those who text and drive, smoke, take drugs, drink to excess, disobey traffic laws while riding their bikes, or have a whole bunch of kids. That sounds fair, yes?)

Also, I’m not sure the show is “promoting obesity” so much as it is “acknowledging that life indeed exists in double-digit-sized pants.”

Maura goes on to to say that she’d “be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other… because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room – just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a (sic) heroine addict slumping in a bar.”

I’m torn about this sentiment. On the one hand, I can’t help but think the author’s a fat-phobic mean girl, but on the other, these are her opinions and she should be allowed to express them, no matter how much I disagree.

The key here is I don’t have to buy her opinion… much like I don’t have to buy any of the products advertised on Marie Claire. I’m not advocating censorship; rather, I’m going to let a free market economy dictate whether or not this person profits from spouting statements that run the gamut from naivety to hate.

Maura goes on to out herself, admitting that she, too, has fat friends.

How brave!

How noble!

How much do you want to bet they don’t return her calls after this?

She claims not to be size-ist and commiserates how hard it must be for people to “psych themselves up for the long process of slimming down.” Then - and this is what really gets me - she uses her article to share her own incredibly simplistic and condescending weight loss tips, like getting more fiber and trying some exercise as opposed to none. She cheers on readers, telling them in big shout-y capital letters YOU CAN DO IT!

Apparently all fat people have been waiting for is some cluelessly self-righteous Ivy Leaguer to instruct them on how to not disgust her.

Because that’s key.

Maura then gets in a plug for watching less TV because it “turns off both our brains and bodies and probably does a helluva lot to contribute to the obesity problem.” Perhaps her suggestion is that we read more of the high-brow fare in Marie Claire, such as articles on Five Ways to Tell If He’s Just Not That into You or Why the Stars of the Facebook Movie Are Not So Hot.

Upon first reading, I tried to give Maura the benefit of the doubt. Here the whole internet was losing its sh!t over someone expressing honest, albeit unpopular, opinions. I rationalized that maybe we were all looking at this one article out of context. As someone who’s written hundreds of thousands of words in print and on the internet, sometimes I rely on shortcuts. I don’t always give the full story because I assume if people are regular readers, they know the background. But the more I dug, the less validity my theory held. Maura’s column seems to focus on the vagaries of relationships and dating. In a five month span, I only found one column where she even mentioned her own weight, so it’s not like this is a common theme in her work for Marie Claire.

In short, the more I read this article, the angrier I got.

Here’s the thing - I’ve spent my career trying to give readers the message that they should love themselves no matter what. I’ve worked hard to set the kind of example that will help empower women to embrace who they are and what they look like. Sometimes I’m stupid and vain and I get caught up in silly things like whether or not my teeth are properly whitened, but the point is I do my best to build myself – and, by extension, other women – up and I get pissed off when some self-righteous asshole tells us we aren’t of value because we don’t fit into some arbitrary standard of beauty.

Apparently I wasn’t alone in my anger.

After the article was published to sizable (pun intended) backlash, Maura amended her article with an apology and the explanation that what she’d written may have been colored by her own experiences with eating disorders.

I’m not saying she gets a pass, but it does give everything she wrote some perspective. Honestly, I feel sorry for her. I bet she agonizes over every single calorie and beats herself up if she gains two pounds. I bet she can’t ever shut her brain off and just enjoy an indulgent meal or a lazy Sunday. I bet no matter what “naughtiness” she might allow herself, she always pays for it later. And as someone who spent a portion of her life starving herself, I bet she’s never really faced her reflection in the mirror at her heaviest weight and said, “Girl, you got it going on” and actually meant it.

You know what? That’s a miserable fucking way to live.

And it’s sad and I’m sorry and I get it. I still hold her responsible for her words, but I now see what prompted them.

However, Marie Claire – you knowingly paid a former anorexic to write a snarky article about fat people?

I mean, one of your editors not only suggested this topic but then read over the finished copy and thought, “Yes, this will do nicely,” by allowing it to be posted under your masthead with the title Should Fatties Get a Room?

And now you’re surprised that people didn’t like it?

Are you fucckkkking kidding me?

I’m not buying it, Marie Claire.

And I’m not buying your magazine, either.

melissainabq · October 2010

sorry for the wonky formatting

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

^^^^^^^^^^ Now THAT is a response.

melissainabq · October 2010

If you haven't read any of her books, I highly suggest them. Start with Bitter is the New Black.

mrscarter052011 · October 2010

That's great. Thanks for sharing and I would like to read more of her work.

mocha beans · October 2010

I loved Bitter is the New Black, thanks for reminding me to get the rest of her books. She's a sassy one.

NatesGirl16 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:c1aa596f-a005-4427-95b6-238524e636e2">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to add that since the Marie Clair chick (Maura) was hot on not having to fund fatties on "everyone's health insurance", I feel that all issues even possibly or potentially related to her anorexic past be excluded to avoid driving up insurance rates. The heart muscle damage, the stomach problems, the bone loss, the dental issues, should should be denied coverage for any of these issues which might arise.
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]
Agreed.

I'm so glad you've been around lately.

kathrynhabibti · October 2010

[QUOTE]I would like to add that since the Marie Clair chick (Maura) was hot on not having to fund fatties on "everyone's health insurance", I feel that all issues even possibly or potentially related to her anorexic past be excluded to avoid driving up insurance rates. The heart muscle damage, the stomach problems, the bone loss, the dental issues, should should be denied coverage for any of these issues which might arise.
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]
Yup.

Also I want to be BFFs with Jen Lancaster.

Lenore2010 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-seen-this-trash-marie-claire-blog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:561af6a5-0da3-4da1-b0a6-ccb45f422e3aPost:838b2966-de76-449b-9595-46db414a7f78">Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog) : Agreed. I'm so glad you've been around lately.
Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

<div>Aww, thanks :)</div>

Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)

Re: Has anyone else seen this trash? (Marie Claire blog)

I've Got Your Counterpoint Right Here, Marie Claire

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