no children died in this episode but jennifer had exactly one line.
alex and ellen have just broken up because ellen is in paris on a dance scholarship. i wish we had followed that because i stayed up late watching "you got served" on saturday night and it was awesome and i was in the mood for more dancing. (if you have not seen "you got served", you should. for it is awesome. and kfed is in it.)
so alex is all moping around the house and eating a cornflake for breakfast. elyse and steven come in and they're all, "get out of the house, son." but alex doesn't want to, so he probably smells really bad, you guys.
mallory comes into the kitchen and offers to set alex up on a date. alex insists on a woman who can speak in complete sentences, and mallory renegs because her friend is dum. anyhoo, alex insists that he can go out and pick any girl from the girl tree.
so alex heads out (after showering and shaving those two hairs off his boysih face) and goes to the luncheonette counter at leland college (it was the 80s, people -- pretty sure it was called a luncheonette or lunch counter) to see his friends -- friends who have not called or asked about him since ellen left, but i guess that is neither here nor there.
anyway, it turns out that all of leland has heard about the dumping, and everyone is laughing at alex. y'all, i went to a small college and this kind of behaviour -- is totally true.
alex goes over to the jukebox to play "at this moment" and sharon, the waitress, comments on it. you guys -- the waitress is haviland morris. for those of you making "jigga who?" faces, she was caroline, jake ryan's girlfriend, in "16 candles."
small talk is made, and then alex asks her out to a very important dance, where they will be graded for gym. alex goes home and is all excited that he got himself a nice juicy girl from the girl tree, and it's harvest time at the girl orchard. also, he paid a dollar to see some girl's underwear.
mallory and jennifer give alex a makeover for his date, and he comes out wearing a white suit, black t-shirt and carrying a manpurse -- actually, it's a wristlet. he probably got it for being someone's bridesmaid.
sharon and alex go out to dinner, and alex keeps trying to make sharon look like ellen -- asks her to wear her hair down, put on some glasses, wear ellen's perfume. she gets all huffy and then leaves.
alex goes home and his parents are there to console him. alex needs some friends, yo. i was pleased to see that even though sharon left, alex still took home the leftovers. looked like lasagna, even though they both ordered pizza, but this continuity cop will let that go with a warning.
OMG YOU GUYS BROTHEL JOKE.
so alex talks about how he wishes that women just came in little boxes, and you could just pick the one you wanted. elyse doesn't backhand him across the room for that, and steven just says "there are places like that, but they're illegal in this state."
BROTHEL JOKE OVER.
his parents leave. alex mopes around the kitchen some more, and then -- omg, you guys -- he takes out some paper and writes a gaddamn passive aggressive letter to ellen about how awesome they were together and how he was out on this date tonight and he's not ready to let go but he's dating now and he's a better person for having known her.
i hope alex mailed it and ellen shared it with all her amis in paris and they had themselves a good rire over the perdant that ellen used to date.
