How much is too much?

estump · March 2012

Would love to hear thoughts on how much is too much for guests to pay for drinks at a cash bar? Beer and soda will be provided for free.

Thanks!

jessicabessica · March 2012

Really, guests should never have to open their wallet at a hosted event like a wedding reception, so any amount is too much. If you can afford to host beer and soda, just offer that--although I'd also try to host wine if you could.

kmmssg · March 2012

I'm with Jessica. They should have to pay for anything. Host what you can afford and that will be fine.

jennifercastaldo · March 2012

I have a lot of alcholics as family/friends etc... and I thought about doing a cash bar in hopes of stopping people from getting smashed.

It doesn't really work - I suggest doing beer and wine vs. a full bar. It's cheaper for you and the guests can still get their drink on.

It sucks having to pay for booze at a wedding as a guest....

banana468 · March 2012

I think anything is too much.

Asking me to pay for my drinks at your wedding is like asking you to pay for the shipping cost of a gift I send you.

Gabrielle76 · March 2012

Asking them to pay anything is too much. Offer what you can afford to provide, but guests shouldn't pay for anything at your reception.

MiksChick23 · March 2012

I seriously do not understand why people are so against cash bars. If it is the norm in your area/circle, then don't let people on the Knot tell you its rude or cheap. I have only been to one wedding, ever, where it was a full open bar. The rest usually provided beer and/or wine along with pop and coffee for free but anything else the guests could choose to purchase.

I think paying what you'd normally pay at a bar seems reasonable enough. After all, they can always choose to drink the free options and pay nothing.

Edit: I have only been *invited* to one wedding with open bar, I couldnt attend. I have never actually BEEN TO a wedding with one.

katehar01 · March 2012

I see these kinds of threads a lot, and I'm genuinely curious - if the B & G are offering free alcoholic drinks, why is it so rude to ALSO offer liquor on a cash bar basis? If guests would like to drink they can do so for free, but if they strongly prefer a certain drink, they will have the option to get it. I have some friends who really only drink liquor, so I can see why someone might want to do this. What is the etiquette logic behind being against this? Just wondering.

banana468 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:3e9ceeb1-c5f3-4948-bce0-44589c1d9405">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see these kinds of threads a lot, and I'm genuinely curious - if the B & G are offering free alcoholic drinks, why is it so rude to ALSO offer liquor on a cash bar basis? If guests would like to drink they can do so for free, but if they strongly prefer a certain drink, they will have the option to get it. I have some friends who really only drink liquor, so I can see why someone might want to do this. What is the etiquette logic behind being against this? Just wondering.
Posted by katehar01[/QUOTE]

1) It gives the implication that the hosts know that they're not providing what their guests appreciate.

2) It sends the message that you can upgrade anything at the reception for a fee.

As a host you should offer what's in your budget and as a guest, you should graciously accept what's offered.

katehar01 · March 2012

Thanks, banana. Not sure I 100% agree, but I see the point, and that makes more sense.

heylady87 · March 2012

I'm personally having an open bar up to a certain dollar amount. After that guests are welcome to purchase their own drinks. Coffee, tea, lemonade and water are free, of course. For brides on a budget, this is just a thing that has to happen. Pay what you're comfortable with. I've only been to one wedding where the bar was truly open -- and I know for a fact that they spent about $40,000 on the whole wedding. If you don't have that kind of cash, don't worry about it.

NOLAbridealmost · March 2012

Kate, think of it this way: if you can't afford lobster for dinner but you can afford chicken, you'd NEVER offer chicken for free and allow guests to pay extra for the lobster. Same with the bar: host what you can afford and call it a day. It's never acceptable to "swankify" your menu/bar by passing the costs off on the guests.

By the same token, guests should be appreciative of what's offered. Just because I might enjoy a glass of Dom Perignon once in a while doesn't mean I should get bent out of shape if the bride and groom can only afford to host J. Roget.

OP, any dollar amount is too much to expect guests to pay at a wedding. Either have a dry wedding or host what you can afford.

Avion22 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:15338628-485e-4586-83fa-cc7a69d2ea50">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]Kate, think of it this way: if you can't afford lobster for dinner but you can afford chicken, you'd NEVER offer chicken for free and allow guests to pay extra for the lobster. Same with the bar: host what you can afford and call it a day. It's never acceptable to "swankify" your menu/bar by passing the costs off on the guests. By the same token, guests should be appreciative of what's offered. Just because I might enjoy a glass of Dom Perignon once in a while doesn't mean I should get bent out of shape if the bride and groom can only afford to host J. Roget. OP, any dollar amount is too much to expect guests to pay at a wedding. Either have a dry wedding or host what you can afford.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This exactly.</div><div>
</div><div>Some college friends of mine got married right after graduation. About a third of their guests were poor college students or recent graduates, and most of us honestly couldn't afford to buy drinks for ourselves from their cash bar. It sucked watching their families walk around with drinks in their hands while we only had soda and iced tea. </div><div>
</div><div>Giving guests the option to pay for their own "upgrades" can really stratify your guest list into those who can afford it and those who can't (and let's face it, these days there are more and more who can't). </div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

Laurenbiz · March 2012

I went to a wedding once with a cash bar. We arrived at the reception hall and stood in line for drinks - to see that the other people in line were paying. Huh? I had never seen anything like this. Justin looked in his wallet and I checked my purse, and we didn't have any cash. We found someone who worked at the country club to ask if there was an ATM at the country club, and he told us no, but there was one up the street. So, we then went on our journey "up the street" to find the nearest ATM. It was probably a five-mile drive on a little windy road. We found it, got cash, and went back. If I remember correctly, we missed the bridal party entrance into the reception. We were gone for about 20 minutes for this ATM trip. Needless to say, it was stressful and it was a mess!

Maggie0829 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:15338628-485e-4586-83fa-cc7a69d2ea50">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]Kate, think of it this way: <strong>if you can't afford lobster for dinner but you can afford chicken, you'd NEVER offer chicken for free and allow guests to pay extra for the lobster.</strong> Same with the bar: host what you can afford and call it a day. It's never acceptable to "swankify" your menu/bar by passing the costs off on the guests. By the same token, guests should be appreciative of what's offered. Just because I might enjoy a glass of Dom Perignon once in a while doesn't mean I should get bent out of shape if the bride and groom can only afford to host J. Roget. OP, any dollar amount is too much to expect guests to pay at a wedding. Either have a dry wedding or host what you can afford.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

This is a great way of looking at it.

You are hosting a party for your guests. As a host you should never require your guests to pay for anything. Remember, a wedding reception is a thank you to your guests for coming and sharing your day with you. You host only what you can afford.

I have been to weddings before where it was a partial open bar (beer and wine) and then cash bar for any mixed drinks. Well, I ordered a mixed drink not knowing this (no signs anywhere) and then was told that I owed $7. Luckily my H had some money to pay for it but from then on out it was wine for me.

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:383f75c2-5690-4f13-b444-ab45811395cb">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm personally having an open bar up to a certain dollar amount. After that guests are welcome to purchase their own drinks. Coffee, tea, lemonade and water are free, of course. For brides on a budget, this is just a thing that has to happen. Pay what you're comfortable with. I've only been to one wedding where the bar was truly open -- and I know for a fact that they spent about $40,000 on the whole wedding. If you don't have that kind of cash, don't worry about it.
Posted by heylady87[/QUOTE]

<div>Just because you personally are doing it does not mean it isn't rude. </div><div>
</div><div>Budget is no excuse to be rude to your guests. My budget was nowhere near $40,000, but I still care enough about my guests to host them decently. FWIW, I've been to dozens of weddings with budgets under 5-10K, and not a single one of them had a cash bar. Some were dry, some were not, but not a single one of those hosts were rude enough to ask the guests to pay. </div>

JVillella · March 2012

Ive been to many weddings that had cash bars and the thought NEVER crossed my mind that it was rude for me to have to pay. Alcohol is NOT a necessity. If you choose to drink it you should pay for it. The "lobster"simile doesnt make sense to me. I think it would be rude to have to pay for a dinner but drinks are totally different.
I am having one keg that will be free but once that is gone everyone is on their own.

goobersinlove · March 2012

I hate the argument, "It's not rude because I'm doing the same thing because I think it's okay." If we are talking about by PROPER etiquette... not "what your circle does" or what someone else in your family did or thinks is okay... then it is considered RUDE to do anything at your wedding that would necessitate a guest to have to take out their wallet. Just because you're doing it (having a cash bar, or partial cash bar) and you've received some validation from other people doesn't mean that you still aren't being rude to people.

However, you can go forward doing it ignorantly unaware of your faux pas, because no one at your wedding is going to confront you about it. Instead, they will quietly think to themselves how they would never do that.

I went to a wedding once that was a cash bar. After the bartender made my drink and set it on the counter for me... he told me that my drink was $X. I stood their with my mouth open for a sec, and then had to say, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know" and had to decline my drink because I didn't have any cash on me at all. Didn't think I would need it. Do you want that to happen to one of your guests?!

The PROPER way to host is to not allow your guests the ability to pay for something. Everything should be "on you." If you can't afford a full open bar, that's fine - host a dry wedding, or a limited bar. It's MUCH better for a bartender to advise your guest, "Sorry, we only have X Y and Z available... might I suggest X?" instead of "That'll be $6.00 please."

alithebride · March 2012

anything over free is too much.

alithebride · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:383f75c2-5690-4f13-b444-ab45811395cb">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm personally having an open bar up to a certain dollar amount. After that guests are welcome to purchase their own drinks. Coffee, tea, lemonade and water are free, of course. For brides on a budget, this is just a thing that has to happen. Pay what you're comfortable with. I've only been to one wedding where the bar was truly open -- and I know for a fact that they spent about $40,000 on the whole wedding. If you don't have that kind of cash, don't worry about it.
Posted by heylady87[/QUOTE]
who cares what they spent?
i have news for you-EVERY bride is on a budget in some way or another. i chose to pay more for my guests to have an awesome time without opening their wallets. if you want to choose to go cheap about it it's entirely your option-but imagine the poor guy who's 3rd in line, the 2 guys in front of him get free drinks and then **bam**you've reached your limit so HE has to pay. That's just shameful!

Fluffernut · March 2012

TK ate my post...grrr...

Anywho. I'm from MN as well. All weddings I've attended up here have been a cash bar, although some had a free keg or choice of wines. The only wedding I've been to that was open bar was in Nebraska. As a guest, I've never considered it rude of the bride and groom to have a cash bar. It's nice to have the option because I don't like beer myself. I have always just assumed it was a cash bar until I found out differently. I feel some of what I read here has been conflicting in that the guests are supposed to graciously accept the free offerings, whether they be wine, beer, soda, water, coffee, yet people seem annoyed when only the soda and iced tea are free.

amyb140 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:15f4179a-bdf4-478f-9a9c-a8b644f4463d">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How much is too much? : I agree with you completely! <strong>Maybe it is a midwest thing.</strong>.. I don't know! I am hosting wine with the appetizers and a champagne toast. We are also filling a pinata with fake $1 bills (we are getting married on cinco de mayo - so we thought a pinata was festive!) and each $1 bill represents a $1 off a drink at the cash bar. So we are paying for as many $1 bills we put in it<strong>! My parents are very much against alcohol and we didn't want to offend them by hosting an open bar</strong>. So we are doing a cash bar. I have never been to a Wedding where this wasn't done. I also feel that it adds up quick, so if you do an open bar, plan on the extra amount. If you think about it some people rack up a $100+ charge on a bar tab alone. If you do an open bar, put a $1000 limit or something in your price range... becuase otherwise it could get out of hand.
Posted by ArmyChick23[/QUOTE]<div>- Don't paint with a broad brush!!! I have never, ever been to a cash bar wedding and I have spent most of my life in the midwest.</div><div>
</div><div>- This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while. Your parents are very much against alcohol, so you're having your guests buy their own??? If your issue is respecting your parents' beliefs, then have a dry wedding. Do you believe that your parents will be OK with alcohol as long as you/they aren't buying it? People can get just as drunk on their own dime, if that's what they're going for.

</div>

trk1 · March 2012

I seriously do not understand why people are so against cash bars. If it is the norm in your area/circle, then don't let people on the Knot tell you its rude or cheap. I have only been to one wedding, ever, where it was a full open bar. The rest usually provided beer and/or wine along with pop and coffee for free but anything else the guests could choose to purchase. I think paying what you'd normally pay at a bar seems reasonable enough. After all, they can always choose to drink the free options and pay nothing. ^ This!

HobokensFury · March 2012

Around here cash bars are unacceptable so I say even 1 penny is too much.

Belle0000 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:15f4179a-bdf4-478f-9a9c-a8b644f4463d">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How much is too much? : I agree with you completely! Maybe it is a midwest thing...
Posted by ArmyChick23[/QUOTE]

No, it isn't. Every single wedding I've been to (15 or so) has been in the midwest. Only 2 had cash bars.

You don't have to have a $40,000 budget to host an open bar. We're on a budget of less than half of that, and having an open bar for 225.

Look for venues where you can BYOB. It might narrow your options for venues, but it makes it more possible to properly host your guests.

DeDeSwe · March 2012

No matter how creative/thoughtful/unique your wedding was – one thing people will discuss is the fact that they had to pay for drinks at your wedding. (They will say you look pretty first.) Remember, if you want people to constantly be on the dance floor – that time is slightly hindered if they have to go to the bar, order their drink wait for the bartender to ring them up, get their change and move on. This is more time consuming than you think. PLUS – I typically only carry $10-$30 on me to a wedding, specifically just for tipping.

Where I live, it is unheard of – but that is for another post. LOL

Consider this as you would if you invited people over to your house for a party you are hosting. Do you make them bring something? No, because you are hosting the party and should have everything provided. It’s all about hospitality. J

Maybe I belong on the “snarky brides” site – however, if I went to a cash bar wedding, I’m opening my card that I’m giving to you and removing half the cash. Just my two cents.

juliebug1997 · March 2012

What would I normally pay for a drink? $5? However, I live in Dallas and what they charge here can be different from one part of the country to the next. He!!, it can be different from one part of town to the next. You are also not only asking them to pay for a drink but also tip the guy who made it.

Provide what you can afford. If you can only provide beer and soda, then do just that. I don't like beer very much and wine can cause issues for me, but if those were the only two options, then I probably wouldn't drink that night. Oh well, for me.

LaurandNick · March 2012

I'm also from the midwest and I definitely think you should provide what you can afford and that's it. You shouldn't expect your guests to pay for their drinks.

kate&cor2012 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_how-much-is-too-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cc43a80e-ca3b-4571-a0db-5db49b9c3ebbPost:1cc55f1c-9477-4950-aada-5ea69a7244f9">Re: How much is too much?</a>:
[QUOTE]I seriously do not understand why people are so against cash bars. If it is the norm in your area/circle, then don't let people on the Knot tell you its rude or cheap. I have only been to one wedding, ever, where it was a full open bar. The rest usually provided beer and/or wine along with pop and coffee for free but anything else the guests could choose to purchase. I think paying what you'd normally pay at a bar seems reasonable enough. After all, they can always choose to drink the free options and pay nothing.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

I agree, in my area NO ONE has a open bar. In fact, people are against it because it's found to be wasteful and the prevalence of alcoholism in the area is also a deterrant. I have invited to two weddings which were each held but the richest family in town (were talking million dollar trust fund when you turn 25 rich) and they only hosted wine. No one complains, everyone has a blast. My family still talks about a wedding in the 70's where a cousin got married, it was open bar and word got out to people who wern't invited, they caused trouble and an all out brawl started between our family and these people. Hick towns are differernt, you can't have an open bar sometimes.

MiksChick23 · March 2012

K, I'm with much of the ladies who don't have a problem with cash bars. I am also from the midwest and have never been to an open bar wedding, ever. I am providing beer and wine and having open bar for anything else. None of my guests will feel that I am being rude, and that matters more to me than strangers from different circles or areas.

That being said, I completly understand that it is against PROPER ETIQUETTE, but, if this is what you are thinking of doing, and its normal in your circle, no one will arrest your or smack you in the face for doing it.

Definitely listen to what the ladies on these boards have to say, but make your own decisions based on what you can afford, etc. I would rather "stick to the norm" in my circle and have a guest list of 200 than stun my friends and family with an open bar and cut my guest list in half. My wedding, my decision.

libby2483 · March 2012

I'm from the Midwest, and I have NEVER attended an open bar wedding in my life. I've been mainly to weddings that provide free beer and soda, and then have a cash bar for liquor. I've been to a couple of weddings where there was an open bar for a certain period of time (say, until 9:00), and a cash bar afterwards. I have never, ever felt inconvenienced or offended because I've had to pay for drinks at someone's wedding because it is something I expect to do.

I think it is safe to say that in different parts of the country, etiquette on this varies. What is rude in one part of the country is considered perfectly acceptable in another.

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