need help getting control of my bridesmades

Soon2bD2014 · February 2012

hi so i just got engaged n i was really exited up til now cuz my so called friends bridesmades suck. they said they wanted 2 b in it n r exited n stuff but now they wont pay for the dresses cuz they said they dont like them n r expensive. they also wont do like other stuff like lern the dance i want n do the crafts n stuff for me n the cake. im like y say u will be bridesmade? u do no its a "brides made" for a reson lol. but so like what do i say 2 make them do stuff?

zitiqueen · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:815e97e1-4df1-4656-b853-16f6ad371685">need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]hi so i just got engaged n i was really exited up til now cuz my so called friends bridesmades suck. they said they wanted 2 b in it n r exited n stuff but now they wont pay for the dresses cuz they said they dont like them n r expensive. they also wont do like other stuff like lern the dance i want n do the crafts n stuff for me n the cake. im like y say u will be bridesmade? u do no its a "brides made" for a reson lol. but so like what do i say 2 make them do stuff?
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]

You need to use your big girl words here.

kimiandgary · February 2012

Attempting to read this post made my eyes hurt. Write like an adult and we will be happy to offer you advice as one.

KellyBrian2013 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:815e97e1-4df1-4656-b853-16f6ad371685">need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]hi so i just got engaged n i was really exited up til now cuz my so called friends bridesmades suck. they said they wanted 2 b in it n r exited n stuff but now they wont pay for the dresses cuz they said they dont like them n r expensive. they also wont do like other stuff like lern the dance i want n do the crafts n stuff for me n the cake. im like y say u will be bridesmade? u do no its a "brides made" for a reson lol. but so like what do i say 2 make them do stuff?
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]

Please refrain from "txt spk" here as it makes your posts very hard to read. Full sentences and appropriate spelling & punctuation are your friend.

1) You should ask for their budget BEFORE looking at any dresses. And it should be in private and individually... then you take the LOWEST budget and shop within that price range. Or, you can give them parameters (color, length, fabric, certain store) and let them choose their own style.

2) The only "duty" a BM has is to show up sober, on-time in the correct dress (with budget discussed before it was picked out) and smile for photos. If they OFFER to help you with any crafts, that's their choice - but you cannot force them to do anything. Same for learning a dance - some people just don't like to dance or are uncomfortable being the center of attention. Check with your venue/caterer on the cake - your FRIENDS are not responsible for that. You are not paying them, therefore they do not have to WORK for you.

3) Bridesmaids (it's not Bridesmade) are NOT your unpaid labor or betches. They are supposed to be your nearest and dearest friends, and the position of Bridesmaid is supposed to be an honor for THEM.

4) You don't say anything. No one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you are.

All that said, I'm going to call MUD on this, however. (Joined today, effort made to make post incredibly unreadable, and wanting BMs to learn to dance, do crafts, and otherwise be bride's biatch...)

jsbt2014 · February 2012

This is just all wrong. I'm not going to touch on spelling or grammer; someone else will cover this, I'm sure. You may not control your bridesMAIDS! They set their budget for the dress, or you may purchase it for them based on your own budget. They may help with crafts if they would like, but they certainly don't have to. Also, they definitely do not have to learn a dance or bake you a cake. They are not literally your maids unless you've hired them for that position and are paying accordingly, which frankly, you might just have to do if you're really this demanding. Oh, and your wedding is 12/20/2014. Don't even say the word "wedding" to them again for at least 2 more years!

LittleMissCutiePie · February 2012

If this is real, you need a reality check.

Soon2bD2014 · February 2012

ok i just asked 4 advise not 2 b picked on. i can type how i want its a free country n what do u mean if this is real?

Simply Fated · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:cc6b97d9-0398-49e4-92b0-a39cae232638">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]ok i just asked 4 advise not 2 b picked on. i can type how i want its a free country n what do u mean if this is real?
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]
It's a free country so that means we can call you out on your crappy typing all we want. Don't be a hypocrite.

People are asking if this is real because your post is so ridiculous, it's as though someone made it up for sh!ts and giggles. You type like a 12 year old who hates her English teacher. You refer to your friends as maids. And you confused the words made and maid. Your post is just too absurd to be real. If you admitted to being a troll, I wouldn't be surprised at all. At all.

katehar01 · February 2012

This isn't real. It can't be.

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:815e97e1-4df1-4656-b853-16f6ad371685">need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]hi so i just got engaged n i was really exited up til now cuz my so called friends bridesmades suck. they said they wanted 2 b in it n r exited n stuff but now they wont pay for the dresses cuz they said they dont like them n r expensive. they also wont do like other stuff like lern the dance i want n do the crafts n stuff for me n the cake. im like y say u will be bridesmade? u do no its a "brides made" for a reson lol. but so like what do i say 2 make them do stuff?
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry, I only read English.

B&K10+13+12 · February 2012

You want advise? Go bck 2 skool.

LittleMissCutiePie · February 2012

Also, we aren't picking on you. We're giving you the advice you sorely need. You want friends after your wedding two years from now? Give them a fukking break and let them do what they want. Seriously, why are you even doing things for a wedding so far in the future? That's why I feel you're making this up. You're worrying about your cake NOW?! Your bridesmaids aren't required to make your cake, where did you hear that? What "crafts" could you possibly be doing this far in advance? You will probably change your mind three dozen times before then. I changed my colour scheme four times, and that was only in a three month period. Hold your horses. I get being engaged as being exciting, and I certainly get the "can't hardly wait" feeling, but you can't honestly believe strangers will take you seriously if your wedding is two years in the future and you're already talking about bridesmaids dresses and cakes and crafts. Imagine TWO YEARS of being nagged by your friend to throw you parties and make you things and bake you a cake. You want to control your bridesmaids? Get some puppets and put on a wedding puppet show. Once you do that, and the "control" idea is out of your head, reevaluate how you've been behaving/thinking. If you have seriously been demanding these things already, you owe your friends (not maids) an apology.

sonya+adam · February 2012

Uhm. WOW. It's one thing to use abbreviations for certain things, but to talk like you're still in middle school is another.

You absolutely cannot just "make your bridesmaids do stuff". They are not your personal slaves. All they have to do is get the dress, and show up on time, sober. Nothing more.

I agree with Retread, your wedding is in 2014. It is WAY too early to even be choosing your wedding party, let alone having them order their dress! I'm getting married in 2014, and I have not asked anyone to be in my wedding party, because I know that I am going to have different people come in and out of my life in the next couple of years. You really shouldn't do that until a year out, at the most. While, yes, I've browsed bridesmaids dresses to get a feel of what I want, I am not planning on choosing a dress until much later. Tons of new styles and colors are going to come out in the next few seasons, and I'm probably going to find a bunch of different dresses that I like more than the one I liked before. I strongly advise you do the same.

Nobody has picked on you. You're talking like a child, and it is not condoned on this website.

pinkrn19 · February 2012

Sorry, we can't give you "advise" lol when we can't read what you are trying to get across to us. Where the *#*# did you learn the English language!?

pinkrn19 · February 2012

I don't think you should be allowed to be exited about your bridesmades if you can't even spell those words correctly lol! Oy Vey.

ccollins327 · February 2012

As I was reading this I started reading it in a "Baltimore" voice. I look to see where they are from... None other then Baltimore.

That being said, ditto PP.

zitiqueen · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:cc6b97d9-0398-49e4-92b0-a39cae232638">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]ok i just asked 4 advise not 2 b picked on. i can type how i want its a free country n what do u mean if this is real?
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]

You don't have a job, do you?

Maggie0829 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:ebba27a8-ffec-4d3c-b1c3-db6efe847046">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]As I was reading this I started reading it in a "Baltimore" voice. I look to see where they are from... None other then Baltimore. That being said, ditto PP.
Posted by ccollins327[/QUOTE]

Hahaha...good ole Balmore at its best hon!

calliopeia2013 · February 2012

They won't learn the dance you want? WTF?

I'm actually pretty sure this isn't made up, but the OP has some serious entitlement issues.

Your bridesmaids are not your slaves. They are your friends. You don't get to use them for slave labor. You don't get to force them to dance. You don't get to make them buy dresses they can't afford.

Here is what you say to them:

"I'm really sorry that I've been a terrible friend who thinks that getting married entitles me to free slave labor from you. I got carried away; it won't happen again."

Here is the next thing you say:

"How much do you think you can budget for a bridesmaid dress? And do you have any color or design preferences?"

Then you give them the date and time of your wedding (and your rehearsal), and any information about dress fittings etc. You may also invite them to other events, like cake tastings, or dress shopping for you. They may or may not come, depending on whether they are interested and have free time.

jemmini6 · February 2012

MUD

Habs2Hart · February 2012

holy hell in a handbasket, if this is not MUD from the worst educated troll on the planet then I fear for humanity.

vsgal · February 2012

Hire some actresses. Then you have complete control.

heatherjking · February 2012

Fake. Date joined = yesterday.

banana468 · February 2012

I can't believe that this is real. If it is.....oh Dear God.

Soon2bD2014 · February 2012

so cuz i wrote it yesterday its fake? im just tryin 2 get advise but u keep bein bitches so w/e

LittleMissCutiePie · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:7084730d-66d8-42c0-bca5-8597eb7aaf42">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]so cuz i wrote it yesterday its fake? im just tryin 2 get advise but u keep bein bitches so w/e
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]

No one is calling you names, so don't call us names. And we're giving you "advice" you just don't want to hear what we're saying.

ETA: Trolls (ie. people who like to make up drama (MUD) to get attention) often create an account and immediately post something ridiculous. It's a telltale sign. That, combined with your strange sense of timing and the fact your spelling and grammar are so bad make us believe you're not real.

jsbt2014 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:7084730d-66d8-42c0-bca5-8597eb7aaf42">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]so cuz i wrote it yesterday its fake? im just tryin 2 get advise but u keep bein bitches so w/e
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]

Really? You're trying to get advice? Because it looks to me like you're either a troll trying to start drama, or you're seeking validation for your abhorrent behavior. If you're looking for the latter, you won't find it here,

TheValidator · February 2012

OMG!!! It sounds like your brideslaves really do suck!!! You should totally fire them and replace them with people who understand that your wedding is the most important social event of the decade in the greater Baltimore area!!!

Maggie0829 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:7084730d-66d8-42c0-bca5-8597eb7aaf42">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]so cuz i wrote it yesterday its fake? im just tryin 2 get advise but u keep bein bitches so w/e
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]

If you really want advice, please right in full words. It is hard to give advice to someone when you can't even understand their post.

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:7084730d-66d8-42c0-bca5-8597eb7aaf42">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]so cuz i wrote it yesterday its fake? im just tryin 2 get advise but u keep bein bitches so w/e
Posted by Soon2bD2014[/QUOTE]
Communication FAIL.

hearthemelody · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-getting-control-of-my-bridesmades?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:36c9c7d3-8341-43e5-9f4b-7313c525c9f8Post:b627a27c-6c3f-4494-a83e-a8c9329ba47f">Re: need help getting control of my bridesmades</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG!!! It sounds like your brideslaves really do suck!!! You should totally fire them and replace them with people who understand that your wedding is the most important social event of the decade in the greater Baltimore area!!!
Posted by TheValidator[/QUOTE]

See this is what I am saying! Your bridesmades "made up" their minds as soon as they said yes to work for you in the wedding! Honey, the best bet here is to get them all together, calmly explain that this is the most important day of your life, and it will be in theirs too, whether they like it or not. Two years out is hardly anything these days.

In fact, I say push it to 2022. Ten years might give you enough time to put together an event worthy of you.

Also, at that get together, force them to bake and decorate the cake right then and there. Just toss it in the fridge until the reception. The best cakes are properly aged.

need help getting control of my bridesmades

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