Wedding Party Drama

kempeaton · April 2010

So i am really not sure how to handle this whole situation. We have 5 months until the wedding day and last week found out that the Man of Honor and Bridesmaid have filed for divorce. When I asked them to stand up for me they were talking about another baby and buying a house, so I def didn't see this coming. The man of honor told me that "If needed he will step down that he didn't want all this stress to be there on my wedding day." The bridesmaid said "I don't want to step down, if he wants to he can, but you asked us and I don't want to let you down." No matter what is going on between the two of them they are two of my closest friends and I really don't want to have to choose between the two of them. HELP!

mbcdefg · April 2010

It sounds like they are both still willing to stand in the wedding. So what is the problem here? Why would you need to kick either of them out if they are otherwise willing to stay in their roles?

Leave it up to them, and wait to see how things go. If either of them say they are not comfortable, they will step down on their own. Otherwise, leave them both in if they are willing, and just don't make them walk together or sit together (consider a sweetheart table for you and your FI, and seat each of them at a different table with their friends and family). Don't just boot either/both of them if they are otherwise O.K. with staying in the wedding.

If neither of them steps down but things are messy between them, just wait to see what happens. If they can't get along, chances are that they will just ignore each other. Otherwise, in the rare event that either of them causes a scene (which will most likely not happen if they are mature, classy people), have them escorted out, end of story. Classy people will not want to call attention to themselves and their dirty laundry.

baystateapple · April 2010

I don't think you HAVE to choose between the two of them. It sounds like they're both being mature about it and saying that they're not intending to cause a scene at the wedding. I think you have to trust them to be adults. Just use your common sense when it comes to escorting, seating arrangements, etc., and ask them for their input in this delicate situation.

Also, if either of them feels awkward after the wedding and asks to bow out of the reception early, I would definitely be gracious and not make a fuss about it. I'm sure it's going to be difficult for them at best.

Good luck. That's a tough one.

saxy414 · April 2010

There's no reason you should be in the middle. Hopefully they can act like adults, and put aside their differences for a few hours to be there for you...just rearrange if necessary to put a little space between them. If you are worried some kind of argument could arise, maybe clue in a neutral party who knows them to quiet the situation down before it causes a scene at the reception, but only as a last resort. They are adults and should be able to act as such, don't let anyone step down right now.

vsgal · April 2010

Let it lie. Don't ask either one to step down and don't get in the middle of their situation. If either one is uncomfortable standing next to you, they will make that decision. Don't make it for them.

As for choosing sides, obviously both are important enough to you to stand at your wedding. Stay neutral. I had the same situation happen at my wedding with two of my guests. They had dated for over 10 years and split up right before the wedding. It was a nasty split. We told both of our friends that we did not want to be in the middle and we were not going to choose sides. That meant that we also did not want to hear either one of them bashing the other. We offered to split them up at the reception and they declined. They are still seperated, but we managed to maintain a friendship with both.

Bottom line is this: They are adults and you guys are not in high school anymore. Let them handle their business and don't put yourself in the middle of it. If they decide to stay in the wedding party, great. If not, not a big deal. Support each of them and don't take sides.

emilyinchile · April 2010

I would leave it as is and probably tell them each individually that while you understand if they need to change some plans in order to feel comfortable (anything from not going to the same pre-wedding parties to not getting ready together to one of them actually stepping down), you still consider them both your best friends and therefore still want them next to you if they can handle it.

suz62984 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0bd1b0f4-45b7-47d1-bf4b-6ab118953d5ePost:fd15bf15-bf66-4ced-ae4c-71709dd77930">Re: Wedding Party Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you HAVE to choose between the two of them. It sounds like they're both being mature about it and saying that they're not intending to cause a scene at the wedding. I think you have to trust them to be adults. Just use your common sense when it comes to escorting, seating arrangements, etc., and ask them for their input in this delicate situation. Also, if either of them feels awkward after the wedding and asks to bow out of the reception early, I would definitely be gracious and not make a fuss about it. I'm sure it's going to be difficult for them at best. Good luck. That's a tough one.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Ditto, ditto, ditto!

xoxob · April 2010

I think it's great that they are both being adults and realize that your wedding has little to do with their divorce. It sounds like they both want to be there for you on your wedding day, so hopefully that will trump all issues they are having.

banana468 · April 2010

"I am so sorry you're going through this but it means so much that you will both be there on the big day."

Say this to BOTH of them. :-)

gottahavashorti · April 2010

If either of them chooses to step down, that should be their own decision, so don't mention it to them. It sounds like they're both willing to stand up for you still, so just respect them and try to make sure they're not standing next to each other during the ceremony or seated together at the reception.

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