just a warning...

lennonkdc · November 2011

I'm KUI-ing after a pretty difficult day, so you have all been warned....

As much as I love all of you, and I do love you all so very much, I'm kind of sad that (as recent polling data has shown) most of the NEY crew is actually engaged. (not that I am sad you are engaged, I'm thrilled for all of you.) But honestly, where are my NEY sisters? I mean I like the wedding talk from time to time, but honestly, its making me feel BSC and worse....I just feel like so much of this board has become wedding talk. Maybe I am way way way of base, if so please call me out on it.

I guess my point is this- This is my safe place, my Harry Potter/Cheese/Wine/Potatoes place...I'm beginning to feel like I don't even belong here because I don't have FMIL issues, or BM issues and I can't AW my wedding dress or my STD's and I don't have an Ering or any of these things...I'm just NEY and living with the man I love, and even here, I'm starting to feel 'less then'...

cu97tiger · November 2011

I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. I'm trying to think back to when I was NEY, and I can't remember how much wedding talk dominated the boards, but you're right, there is definitely a lot of that here now. I wish I could say I'd tone it down, but you all have become my friends, and when something gets done, or I need advice, this is the second place I come (first I go to FI, and he usually doesn't give a darn!).

Would it help if we started labeling posts 'WR' when they are wedding-related, so you'd know to avoid them?

dwest2201 · November 2011

Hey now, this is a place for all of us who have come to know each other, and new friends who come along as well to share stories, AW things, vent and discuss things in the news, etc. It doesn't matter what stage of relationship you are in, Lennon!

I realize that it can be hard, sometimes really hard to be around all the wedding buzz when you're feeling left out. I had to take a hiatus from TK and NEY when BF and I broke off our engagement, it was nothing against any of the ladies here, I just couldn't take it emotionally. If you're feeling sad or left out you can vent, we will all listen and try to give honest advice. NEY has always had ladies who became engaged, or even married stuck around or came back (as long as I've been here, at least) and that probably isn't going to change. I think that is a good thing!

The dynamic seems to have shifted recently with some newly engaged posters, but I'm sure we'll have an influx of new "OMG I think he's going to pop the question"/"should I give him and ultimatum?" posts with he holidays and all the Kay and Jared commercials...haha. Let's just hope that there are some sane newbies! We're gonna need you to stick around and explain to them that they need to STFU and chill and enjoy their BF, alright?!

MtlBride12 · November 2011

I'm new here and NEY. Relatively sane. Trying to post more without murdering any kittens along the way. You're not the only one just in love and shacking up, if that helps!

peekaboo2011 · November 2011

Hey hey hey Lennon. Now, some of us round these parts don't even have BFs. Just saying.

Although I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I feel like I have to drag Mr. Gosling out of the closet to be my FI. ;-)

But, if you want some OMG CHEESE POTATOES WINE MY LIFE IS OVER posts, I can deliver on that. Or LOLs. I can give you those:

Peaseblossom55 · November 2011

I am NEY. Lately I've been rather impatient too, even though I've never been happier in my entire life. I seem to loose sight of it sometimes when I feel like everyone (exaggeration) is getting engaged or talking about their wedding. I have been focusing real hard on trying to live in the now.

I am always here to talk about non wedding stuff, and all sorts of things.

bethsmiles · November 2011

When I took a break from the boards I was feeling the same way you are. Stepping back for a few months, being away from anything even slightly wedding related really helped me recapture my sanity. At the same time I really missed the ladies on here so I'm glad I'm back.

Sometimes just taking a break (even if it's just a small one) can make you realize "Oh yeah, I'm happy where I am."

*Hugs*

polkadot111 · November 2011

NEY is just a name given by theknot for this board. We are all friends here, and many of us have become very close. We dont' leave just because our relationship status changes, just like how you don't leave all of your old friends because you now have a ring on your finger.

You said, "Where are my NEY sisters?" Umm... aren't we all? We don't not become NEY sisters (or whatever) just because we're engaged. Our friendships here are deeper than that. Or at least I think so!

SopChick · November 2011

*waves* I'm NEY aaaaand shacking up!

I agree that there's been a lot of WR stuff lately, but I look at it more as a group of friends and some are getting engaged/married/preggers. I'm with Peek though, if you want some more cheese, potatoes, wine, etc posts, I'm all for it!

jorja86 · November 2011

I get it Lennon. I'm NEY, and probably will be for a while. I understand feeling a little sick of the wedding talk, but these ladies have mostly been here since long before that was an issue for them, and I definitely wouldn't want them to go anywhere.

I love this board because it's not supposed to really be about weddings, but I do love weddings, so I don't mind talking about them or offering any advice I might have. However, I understand how you feel. I feel like a lot of the stuff surrounding weddings, especially family issues, is something everyone can relate to. I mean, I'm not engaged, but I still consider BF's parents to sort of be my "in-laws" for the sake of discussion, and feel like there is stuff I can contribute/learn from those discussions.

Don't feel "less than", though! You've got what appears to be an amazing relationship, and that's what is really important.

Peaseblossom55 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bb94436-a551-455c-860f-9640f8507b46Post:e06e3575-81d3-4992-a8d0-7c09626c4325">Re: just a warning...</a>:
[QUOTE]I get it. I do. I definitely have my moments of that on this board, and IRL. I am NEY. And I have no idea when (if?) it is coming in the forseeable future. It's hard and I totally get it. SO many people on here are planning their weddings. There are more engaged and married folks here than NEY. Which I appreciate -- they were where we were once, and can talk us out of the BSC, and understand where we're at. But at the same time,<strong> I just want it to be MY turn to be engaged.</strong> I want my BF to be unable to imagine a life without me and<strong> be compelled to ask me now, yes, NOW, to be his wife.</strong> I know that he wants me to be with him forever. But sometimes, on the boards, I feel like that isn't good enough. I don't have words of wisdom...just commiseration. And, it may help to know that I am drinking a glass of wine (in bed...while BF snores next to me...classy).
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I <3 you Liv. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has those feelings of wanting it to be my turn now. I feel a little less crazy... I said only a little.

</div>

thejucheidea · November 2011

I hear that, man

.

Peaseblossom55 · November 2011

I'm crazy in that wierd kinda way. Either way I enjoy the company crazy or not.

I consider everyone here my friends and I enjoy hearing about life updates of all kinds WR or not. All of us some day (hopefully sooner rather than later) will get our turn.

Goodnite!

deburnin · November 2011

I get it Lennon. When I was NEY all the engagement announcements and WR posts started to drive me a bit nutsy. I'd get a bit crabby when lurkers would be like "Yay! I'm engaged." Uhh... isn't that what JE is for?

My suggestion: stay out of those threads for the time being. Even if its just a few days to give yourself a break. Your time will come, but I definitely remember how frustrating it was.

thejucheidea · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bb94436-a551-455c-860f-9640f8507b46Post:8741ee16-9eee-4b54-a303-36cb11f5f6bb">Re: just a warning...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah...I might need to stay out of those threads for awhile.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
I mostly avoid them and go to the random threads, yay!

doubleSS07 · November 2011

Oh liv what are you doing in my head saying my thoughts out loud? Lol I feel the same way, especially with the holidays in full swing but it's also nice to know that eventually an engagement does happen and that there is hope for all us NEY ladies. Keep your head on straight and take a break from the wedding posts if necessary. We can definitely talk about cheese and potatoes!

lunarsongbird · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bb94436-a551-455c-860f-9640f8507b46Post:0aa47e60-d379-4237-93d3-9b7b9036f4d9">just a warning...</a>:
[QUOTE]my Harry Potter/Cheese/Wine/Potatoes place..
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

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SopChick · November 2011

Lunar, those are awesome

ravenray · November 2011

Lennon, I feel you. Really and I am even engaged. Honestly, all the WR posts bother me. I don't want to feed the girls BSC because I know how hard it was when I was there. And yes I am guilty of posting wedding stuff but I really only try to post when I am stuck or need an option on something, or if I am really excited. Yes right now there is a lot of girls who are engaged right now and some of them are married but I feel like it's kind of harsh to say that we aren't your NEY sisters anymore unless we are where you are too right now. I liked varied conversations and I feel like we have them. If you think that we are missing some posts then by all means make a post about it! Ya the wedding posts could use some toning down but that is the nature of the boards, anyone can post what they like. Also don't feel less then. Everyone brings something to the board and you are valued I promise. Taking a break can be a good idea. I feel like that was not articulated well. I am sorry for any of you who struggled through that.

IrishDreamer · November 2011

Lennon, I adore you

*big hugs*

lunarsongbird · November 2011

Hm. The WR posts have never bothered me at all- post-engagement or pre-engagement. As Tiger has said, my friends live here in this computer box...So I don't mind reading about their wedding plans- in fact, I delight in them.

If others are also struggling with the WR stuff, as well- perhaps the engaged girls might want to consider an off-board to post their wedding stuff on?

DanieKA · November 2011

I feel you. I'm NEY, and I have no inkling it's coming anytme soon. And even though I know that rationally it's probably not an ideal time for us to get engaged (is there ever an ideal time?), it's hard not to get a little wrapped up in wedding thoughts and get a little BSC not only because of the WR posts but also because the holidays are a notorious time for proposals/engagements so I'm bracing myself for a lot of announcements from both active posters I'm thrilled for, and the random drive-bys. It's not always easy.

I don't have any advice. I just want you to know you rock and you are not less than! You are a kick A$$ member of this board and I would be bummed if you took a break.

Ollie08 · November 2011

I can think of a handful of ladies who seem to only post about WR things, and yes, I agree that it's annoying. But at the same time, I'm engaged and I think aside from my engagement post, I've posted once about something WR (setting a date).

As for FIL problems, I remember elannis posting about her FMIL back when she was just BF's mom. So it's not like it's anything new. And quite honestly, to me it feels like there have been a shitton of posts about the holidays lately. Whether it's about travel, or traditions, decorating, gifts whatever. That and posts about jobs. Ones that suck, new interviews, struggles with co-workers.

I think it's all in perspective. It's kind of like when you are looking at buying a house and it seems like everyone you know is buying a house. Or having a baby, when you've got BOTB it seems like every woman you see is pregnant. I think it's the same thing here. Because you're wanting the wedding and engagement so badly, you're seeing nothing but WR posts.

csousa1 · November 2011

I

you Lennon. I'm NEY and shackin' it up as well. I know exactly what you mean...it has nothing to do with the wonderful girls who are engaged/married (I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are soooo glad none of them left once they had the ring on their finger), but more to do with feeling like we have become the minority of girls, standing on one side of the fence and peeking over. We don't begrudge you your party on that side of the fence, engaged ladies - we just hear the music and laughter wafting over and we want to come join the party, that's all.

ETA: I don't want engaged ladies to stop posting WR threads - of course we want to help you decide things, we are your friends!! I would be so sad if they all disappeared - for me, that's easy to say, because they don't make me feel BSC at all anymore. I think that has more to do with wedding inundation from my BFF and sister, so I have become numb. But for those that do get a little BSC, I think it is up to them to avoid the posts, not up to engaged ladies to stop posting. It's the same as an IRL friend that is planning a wedding - we want to hear about it and help, but we want to talk about other things as well. There's nothing wrong with either side of that. And I think we do acheive that here.

Ollie08 · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bb94436-a551-455c-860f-9640f8507b46Post:7675b9b9-a773-46e2-ad5f-2a02da853f6c">Re: just a warning...</a>:
[QUOTE]I <3 you Lennon. I'm NEY and shackin' it up as well. I know exactly what you mean...it has nothing to do with the wonderful girls who are engaged/married (I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are soooo glad none of them left once they had the ring on their finger), <strong>but more to do with feeling like we have become the minority of girls, standing on one side of the fence and peeking over.</strong> We don't begrudge you your party on that side of the fence, engaged ladies - we just hear the music and laughter wafting over and we want to come join the party, that's all.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

Aww I get that... I'm sorry that you ladies feel this way. I really am.

[Deleted User] · November 2011

Lennon, I completely get where you're coming from. I know that everyone has good intentions, but sometimes I just want to scream "It's been 5 years and I still don't have a ring, so get off it!". I think being with the same guy for 4+ years is different than getting engaged after a year or two. The longer you're together without the commitment, the more it messes with your head.

For me, I try to separate my own stuff from the way I feel towards the other ladie's on the board. I am genuinely happy for them when they get engaged, try on dresses, share details and have their wedding days...and I know you are too! If i'm having a "poor me" day, I don't read the WR posts or I post something non-WR to distract myself.

Like many others have said, we're all friends here. If I support them and enjoy their big moments in life, I know they will be right there shouting "OMG I so happy for you!" when they read my engagement story someday. Keep your head up, and remember you're not the only one in a long, long term relationship without a ring. **hugs** from another NEY sister!

DanieKA · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-warning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5bb94436-a551-455c-860f-9640f8507b46Post:7675b9b9-a773-46e2-ad5f-2a02da853f6c">Re: just a warning...</a>:
[QUOTE]I <3 you Lennon. I'm NEY and shackin' it up as well. I know exactly what you mean...it has nothing to do with the wonderful girls who are engaged/married (I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are soooo glad none of them left once they had the ring on their finger), but more to do with feeling like we have become the minority of girls, standing on one side of the fence and peeking over. We don't begrudge you your party on that side of the fence, engaged ladies - we just hear the music and laughter wafting over and we want to come join the party, that's all. <em>ETA: I don't want engaged ladies to stop posting WR threads - of course we want to help you decide things, we are your friends!! I would be so sad if they all disappeared - for me, that's easy to say, because they don't make me feel BSC at all anymore. I think that has more to do with wedding inundation from my BFF and sister, so I have become numb. But for those that do get a little BSC, I think it is up to them to avoid the posts, not up to engaged ladies to stop posting. It's the same as an IRL friend that is planning a wedding - we want to hear about it and help, but we want to talk about other things as well. <strong>There's nothing wrong with either side of that.</strong> And I think we do acheive that here.</em>
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I wholeheartedly agree. I think it's okay that Lennon and a few other people, myself sometmes included, are feeling a bit in the minority. You shouldn't be made to feel bad about that. But I don't think the engaged/married ladies need to post WR things on another board or another place (I know, I know, a reversal of what I thought when I was first here early this year). I think that would actually INCREASE the feeling of separateness among the board. Like, now's there's a private board for WR stuff and we can't be a part that either. It's just a balancing act. Neither side is wrong. </div><div>
</div>

Bowlingchick825 · November 2011

I'm NEY and find it's interesting there are wedding related posts on here. But it is TK, so I guess it's ok. :oP

lennonkdc · November 2011

So, I totally didn't mean to PR last night, but BF saw me sitting around feeling blue and decided I needed cheering up

I was nervous to come check this thread today because I was sure that I hadn't said what I was feeling as elegantly as possible. But reading this it seems that you ladies 'got' it. That in and of it self makes me feel better. You ARE all my NEY sisters, even those sporting the bling, I was just having a wine fueled pity party. Thanks for not flaming me six ways from Sunday. For the record, I do want to hear about all the WR stuff, because you are my friends. I want to see your dresses, and hear about the planning and all that stuff. But I also want to hear about your furbabies (or real babies), what your favorite holiday traditions are, what books you're reading now, what your looking forward to in the new year, your funniest travel story, etc., because you're my friends and I hope that you'll still be here when you're all OMH

bsidebella · November 2011

Aww, lennon! I am sorry you felt this way, but I'm glad you're feeling better!

I totally understand how you feel/felt, but in the reverse. Sometimes I wish I wasn't engaged and I can just go back to the waiting and the anticipation. I guess that's the opposite of some people, but I don't know...I feel like things were rushed. I envy you guys in the LTRs, who aren't engaged.

I can't AW dresses or anything like that because I'm far away from planning. I feel silly talking about wedding planning. I doubt my wedding will even happen when I think it's going to (because that's how my life works).

I get down about this board, too, lennon. I feel you.

kellyt89 · November 2011

I'm NEY (and in a LDR for the next month and a half) and probably will be for at least another 2 years. Sometimes the posts feed my BSC but mostly I just like to be here and learn about all of you and from you (especially from your relationships, which, unless you're totally lying, are all really healthy and I respect a whole lot!!).

And I love the LOLcats

just a warning...

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