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So how do you deal with "I better be invited!"s?

dflintdflint member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I just graduated with my BA a few weeks ago and my grad party was the first time a lot of sort-of family friends and distant relatives had met my FI. I don't like talking about my wedding with people I know won't be invited (my father was in charge of the grad party guest list as he was hosting; my FI and I will be paying for our own wedding), but I was confronted with a few unsolicited "We can't wait to come back next year for the wedding!"s and "I better be invited!"s.

I don't know of any good ways to handle them.
Even "We're trying to keep it small" sounds sort of exclusionary.
Maybe I'm thinking too hard about it - they're the ones violating etiquette here, right?
But on the other hand, I know most of them aren't trying to be rude - they're just a little clueless.

Eh.
Thoughts?
How do you handle off-hand comments like these?
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Re: So how do you deal with "I better be invited!"s?

  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Just smile and say you're still working on the guest list and then change the subject. It's horribly rude for people to do that. They'll get the hint when they don't receive an invitation.
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    "we haven't finalized too many details yet, but we are both looking forward to a smaller simple wedding".  Did you try the cookies on the dessert table?  Delish, aren't they?"

    Tell them you're trying to keep it smaller, and then change the subject.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think once you're close enough to the date that it's obvious the guest list is set "we're trying to keep it small" is about as nice as you can get. if you dodge the question or imply they might be invited you're leading them on.  Next thing you know they're buying plane tickets b/c they misunderstood and you feel so guilty you invite them anyway.

    Since you're still so far out PP's response would work too

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  • EC88EC88 member
    10 Comments
    For now you can say you haven't set a guest list yet or you have just started planning. They are in the wrong for saying something like this.
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  • dflintdflint member
    10 Comments
    Yeah, the "we're still working things out" line sounds a lot better.
    Thanks, ladies!
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  • futuremrsbrunofuturemrsbruno member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    At first I would say we haven't worked out the guest list. Once the list came out and I was asked again, I said that unfortunately we were unable to invite everyone we knew. That worked.

    I had someone else actually fb me and ask to come because she just loves weddings. I haven't seen this person in at least 5 years. I had already politely declined her offer to do my hair (again, it's been 5 years and when I moved in with my FI and his roommate, I also gained a stylist, since roommate is a hairdresser) In her case I just ignored her.
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  • acaponi87acaponi87 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Tell them to eff off.

    Or do what PPs have said.
    June 16, 2012
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  • ILoveToRobotILoveToRobot member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    My excuse is a really really big family. I've been telling people that "we wanted a really small wedding but our families are so big that it's basically relatives invited." Not sure if you can get by with that one but it's worked well for me.

    Except, I did give in to one of my best friends parents. She doesn't really have a filter and basically invited herself to the wedding before STD's went out. Thankfully I love her mom and sort of do consider her family.

    Just don't give people a reason to come like saying something like "well, it costs $80/plate and we just can't afford it." That leaves room open for people to offer to pay.
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  • Strv2perfectionStrv2perfection
    100 Comments
    Look at them like there crazy and keep it moving.
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  • rsannarsanna member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    I would go with the whole "we haven't finalized the details yet."  Some people have no tact.  I had a girl I haven't talked to in at least 3 years ask/tell me 3 times that she better be invited to the wedding or at least the reception.  Some people just don't get it.
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  • kate&cor2012kate&cor2012 member
    10 Comments
    People who said to me that "They better be invited" haven't even RSVP'ed yet and the deadline is in two weeks. People are assholes, I wouldn't worry about it this far out.
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  • mrsbehnkemrsbehnke
    10 Comments
    i found it very rude when people asked to be invited or assumed they were invited or said great ill put it on my calender. most of those people didnt get invited!
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Even though you and FI are PAYING for the wedding, the bride's parents traditionally do the "hosting" duties for their daughter's wedding.

    So you should say:
    "Oh, my parents are working on the guest list and they are having to keep it small.  But you could talk to my dad - he's home most nights after 6:30..."

    And you know they'll never call and passively-aggressively push on your dad.  They just think they can manipulate YOU.  Which tells you a lot about what they think of you.
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  • prttyinpink809prttyinpink809
    First Comment
    My wedding is a month away and I even get facebook comments from people who aren't invited saying ''where is my invite?" 

    My advice is...tell them space is limited, and tell them that you wish they could be a part of your special day. It's EXTREMELY rude that people put us on the spot, but I try to see it as ''they want to be around us on our special day''. 
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  • prttyinpink809prttyinpink809
    First Comment
    My wedding is a month away and I even get facebook comments from people who aren't invited saying ''where is my invite?" 

    My advice is...tell them space is limited, and tell them that you wish they could be a part of your special day. It's EXTREMELY rude that people put us on the spot, but I try to see it as ''they want to be around us on our special day''. 
    IAmPregnant Ticker
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