FI hardly has family- what do I do?

blackdawn99 · August 2012

Planning our upcoming wedding and I can't look at invitations, halls, cakes, caterer's as we can't agree on a guest list count.

He is active duty Navy and his upcoming deployment has changed, so our wedding date is now 2013 TBA. Had planned summer 2013 date and already purchased a tea length dress for an outdoors prairie wedding in the mid-west area with a hog roast reception and he will now be deployed late spring,summer and fall.

He hardly has any family and wants to keep things small. He only has his dad, step-mom, 2 brotheres, 1 sister in-law, 1 niece). I on the other hand have 1 brother, 6 sets of aunts/uncles, 15 1st cousins (most married with kids), 2 sets of grandparents, and then the extended family (2nd & 3rd cousins and great aunts & uncles as we are all close).

He is adament about making it a family only event with no friends being invited- the only exception will be my matron of honor as she has been my best friend for over 22 years, and her husband. He wants his older brother as best man and his niece as flower girl.

How do I pick family members to attend and for those I don't pick how do I let them know we love them but keeping it small.

I'm almost ready to say lets do a JOP civil ceremony and a big reception bbq at a later date that works for his schedule and invite everyone.

CAB1217 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_fi-hardly-has-family-what-do-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:8dd782be-8907-4d5b-82f3-7a9bd8254e59Post:177e8202-6a31-4b69-9a90-b83caf9161be">FI hardly has family- what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Planning our upcoming wedding and I can't look at invitations, halls, cakes, caterer's as we can't agree on a guest list count. He is active duty Navy and his upcoming deployment has changed, so our wedding date is now 2013 TBA. Had planned summer 2013 date and already purchased a tea length dress for an outdoors prairie wedding in the mid-west area with a hog roast reception and he will now be deployed late spring,summer and fall. He hardly has any family and wants to keep things small. He only has his dad, step-mom, 2 brotheres, 1 sister in-law, 1 niece). I on the other hand have 1 brother, 6 sets of aunts/uncles, 15 1st cousins (most married with kids), 2 sets of grandparents, and then the extended family (2nd & 3rd cousins and great aunts & uncles as we are all close). He is adament about making it a family only event with no friends being invited- the only exception will be my matron of honor as she has been my best friend for over 22 years, and her husband. He wants his older brother as best man and his niece as flower girl. How do I pick family members to attend and for those I don't pick how do I let them know we love them but keeping it small.<strong> I'm almost ready to say lets do a JOP civil ceremony and a big reception bbq at a later date that works for his schedule and invite everyone.
</strong>Posted by blackdawn99[/QUOTE]
In regards to the bolded part, I would say that this maybe a good route to go in your case, BUT, whos to say he will want to do this? What is his reasoning for wanting to keep it small, and does he agree with doing a reception BBQ later with everyone?

Irishcurls · August 2012

Wait, I'm confused about the problem. You're keeping your wedding small but you have a large family? Or you want to invite family and friends but FI is concerned you'll outnumber him? Or....I don't know, I'm missing something. If you have a max headcount for budget reasons, subtract out the family you will both invite and make decisions about non-family VIPs from there. Or just keep it to all family like he's saying. Or invite whomever you can afford and enjoy it.

calindi · August 2012

Why does your FI get to put his foot down on this and dictate, when it's clear your family is very important to you? Can you guys sit down and discuss how you each see the wedding, and then come to some sort of mutual agreement? Sides don't have to be even - while we kept the guest list even, my family will outnumber FI's nearly 2-to-1 due to his declining in large numbers while mine accepted nearly to a one. We're putting up a sign at the ceremony that says, "Today we become family. Please pick a seat, and not a side!"

ggirl2001 · August 2012

Ok, well are you close to all that family? I mean, i know I'm not close to all of my first cousins and their kids. I'm not sure by your post if you want to invite ALL of those first cousins and kids? I think you guys need to sit down and discuss budget and number of guests.

I personally wouldn't be able to get married without inviting some of my closest friends (assuming you have more than one). We had a destination wedding and only had about 50 people there, 2 tables were of our close friends. My H also has a small family and family that he hasn't talked to in years that we didn't invite but we did invite mine. ust confused by what YOU want to do for the wedding because this needs to be a joint decision.

FI hardly has family- what do I do?

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