how many invites for in laws?

jenya724 · February 2010

I am currently working on our guest list and my fmil has 20 people from her work on there, making our list over 200 people. we are thinking along the ways of us having to pay for most of it ourselves, so I don't think she needs to invite that many people from work. is there a set amount each side gets?

autumncallalilys · February 2010

Each side gets what you can afford. You and your fi should determine how many that is and go from there. That being said, why is she inviting people to your wedding? Have your FI get a list from her with addresses, then trim it down to what you can afford. Your FI should be dealing with his mother.

jenya724 · February 2010

Thanks. I know he should deal w/ her, he just doesn't. We just moved into our own apartment and have lived here for a month and he has probably talked to her 5 times at most and seen her twice. It looks really bad on me, like I am making him ignore them, which is totally not the case.

autumncallalilys · February 2010

Oh boy. I'm not trying to be snarky at all, so I'm sorry if I come off like that. However, you're going to have a lot more problems than your guest list if FI doesn't put on his big boy pants and deal with his mom. Dealing with families is hard, even more when it isn't really your family yet. I had this problem with my FI for a while, he'd not deal with his parents and they'd come to me with their concerns with things. I politely redirected them to FI. He's much better at it now.

jenya724 · February 2010

I know! Do you have any tips on what I should do? I try to be as nice as possible and just suggest that he calls and says hi or whatev. But, I really don't know at all. I don't think you are being snarky, I totally agree with you.

polichik · February 2010

Do you know why he's hesitant to talk to them?

We split our guest list pretty evenly betwen my parents, FI's parents, and FI/me. My parents are paying for most of it. It only seemed fair that we'd split it evenly. However, I'm blessed with wonderful and drama-free parents and FILs who were happy to cut down their lists and haven't said a peep about it.

kbmeow · February 2010

I do not know what to tell you. I asked the in laws how many additional invites they would like ( above family and such) and she said 4 so I haven't had the issue

Liz4444 · February 2010

we split the guest list evenly... we invited 300, so fiance and his parents got 150 and my parents and i got 150. it made it much easier for everyone because we didn't have to hear any arguments about it...it was all between him and his parents. they knew their number and had to work in that. (we are very lucky, my parents are paying for everything so his parents have not given us a problem about anything)

how many invites for in laws?

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