annoying children will be at wedding - etiquette

randierins · July 2010

My sister is trying to come with a way to write out on invitations or rsvps that parents are responsible for their own children. We have a few cousins who children are abnoxious and totally disrespectful. These parents end up drinking and letting their children run wild and tear everything up. She cannot request "no children" because their are children in the wedding party. Any suggestions??? TIA

shoegal715 · July 2010

If you feel that strongly, the children should never have been asked to be in the wedding party in the first place.

Writing on the invite that parents are to be responsible for their children is completely ridiculous and highly offensive.

Let it go. If they are invited to the wedding, there is nothing you can do.

shortee426 · July 2010

You can't put something like that on the invites. If someone chooses to bring their child, you need to expect that they will be responsible for him/her. If you are worried that during your wedding parents will just stop being parents for a few hours, you can decide to have no children. Obviously those children in the wedding party will still be there and that is a perfect acceptable except IMO.

Brie2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-children-will-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b5d1bb1-b33f-4fff-97ef-8d2e2c86bcd7Post:ef3bc915-381c-4c37-aa60-64ac18c65d90">annoying children will be at wedding - etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister is trying to come with a way to write out on invitations or rsvps that parents are responsible for their own children. We have a few cousins who children are abnoxious and totally disrespectful. These parents end up drinking and letting their children run wild and tear everything up. She cannot request "no children" because their are children in the wedding party. Any suggestions??? TIA
Posted by randierins[/QUOTE]

So wait--these kids are good enough to be props for the wedding photos, but she hates them? Does not compute.

Yeah. If she hates them that much, they shouldn't be in the wedding party to begin with. This is her own fault. Too bad.

mags0607 · July 2010

Wait, are we talking about the children in the wedding party acting like unwatched heathens, or are we talking about inviting heathen children because there are other children in the wedding?

Honestly, you can't put something about parents being responsible for their children on the invitation, but I would not hesitate to ask the event coordinator to politely tell guests to take their children home if they are not acting properly during the reception.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2010

I think OP is saying since she is having some kids (different kids) in the wedding that she can't exclude all kids from the reception.

MsFarmer · July 2010

If the parents don’t attend to their children because they are drinking then don’t invite them. You could also address the invitation to only them i.e. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. You could also consider having a babysitter at the wedding.

squirrly · July 2010

I interpreted the OP the same way Mrs. B did.

My suggestions? Don't invite the heathen children OR hire security. If the kids are bad, the security guard can approach the parents and warn them that if the kids don't behave, they'll all be asked to leave.

There's nothing you can put on the invites. If you're going to have security, you can mention that via word of mouth: "The venue's really strict about security. We have to have two security guards, and we heard that they've sent guests home early before, for being too drunk and rowdy. Even a child once who wouldn't behave and the parents didn't care! I'm sure our guests won't be a problem, but we still have to have the guards."

Lisa8888 · July 2010

I don't think it would be a good idea to put that on the invitation. Simple solution. Don't invite the children.

_Dagney_ · July 2010

It is fine to only invite the children who are in the wedding party.

And simply not invite any other children.

If the little heathens in question are said children in the wedding party, then the bride had a serious laspe of judgment and she is just going to have to deal with it.

Do NOT have a children's table. seat each child with his/her parents.

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-children-will-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b5d1bb1-b33f-4fff-97ef-8d2e2c86bcd7Post:65650ba1-fca0-4379-bab3-3096d0245b56">Re: annoying children will be at wedding - etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]It is fine to only invite the children who are in the wedding party. And simply not invite any other children. If the little heathens in question are said children in the wedding party, then the bride had a serious laspe of judgment and she is just going to have to deal with it. Do NOT have a children's table. seat each child with his/her parents.
Posted by _Dagney_[/QUOTE]

This!!!

srkropf · July 2010

If you dont' want those kids there, don't invite them. You can still have adults only reception and include your wedding party kids-- we're looking at doing this but my FI son will be there and our wedding party kids, but I'm not planning on inviting everyone else kids, as I can invite more adults/friends/family

randierins · July 2010

thanks for your comments - we just wanted to see others thoughts - yes she LOVES the kids in the wedding party - its really just 2 familys:: a cousin and her 6 heathen kids on my mothers side and a cousin and her daughter who is the devil on my dad's side. we cant decide what to do at all. i have a son who she wants there and really all of our other cousins and friends are very appropriate and lovely to be around. I just got married in May so we know for a fact how these children will act at her wedding.

Dont want to put "no children" on all rsvps. Could put them on just the rsvps that go to our fathers side (so they all get the same thing when they go over to each others house will see the other invites) but then when they show up to the wedding there will be other children... We just wanted to avoid confrontation. I might just have to grow some balls and during the recpetion go up to the cousins and call them out on not paying attention to their children. These kids were AWFUL at my wedding and mine was uber laid back and outside and they still put a damper on my wedding. Thanks again!!

AutumnFair · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-children-will-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b5d1bb1-b33f-4fff-97ef-8d2e2c86bcd7Post:504fdebb-22ca-4543-bf1e-ff31128419fc">Re: annoying children will be at wedding - etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks for your comments - we just wanted to see others thoughts - yes she LOVES the kids in the wedding party - its really just 2 familys:: a cousin and her 6 heathen kids on my mothers side and a cousin and her daughter who is the devil on my dad's side. we cant decide what to do at all. i have a son who she wants there and really all of our other cousins and friends are very appropriate and lovely to be around. I just got married in May so we know for a fact how these children will act at her wedding. Dont want to put "no children" on all rsvps. Could put them on just the rsvps that go to our fathers side (so they all get the same thing when they go over to each others house will see the other invites) but then when they show up to the wedding there will be other children... We just wanted to avoid confrontation. I might just have to grow some balls and during the recpetion go up to the cousins and call them out on not paying attention to their children. These kids were AWFUL at my wedding and mine was uber laid back and outside and they still put a damper on my wedding. Thanks again!!
Posted by randierins[/QUOTE]

<div>Putting "no children" is still a no-no when it comes to etiquette. The best way around it is putting on the response card, "we have __ number of spots reserve for you" and other variations to that basically give the exact number of spots being reserved.</div>

Knittibell · July 2010

You really can't put "no children" on there. I hate heathen kids, and I do think it's not the fault of the kids, but of the parents.

That said, can the kids she really wants there be in the wedding party, or IMMEDIATE family (ie her kids, hers and fi's neices and nephews) and leave it at that. I think it's ok to just have IMMEDIATE family and bridal party kids in the wedding, and then, for space/budget reasons, not have any other children.

Simply Fated · July 2010

I wouldn't worry about it. If these parents already let their kids run amok, a note on an invitation or rsvp isn't going to change their parenting tactics.

I would either just not inivte the kids or let the venue know that if any kids act up, they have your permission to ask the children and parents to leave.

vettechgirl · July 2010

I've heard some people do children's favors like coloring books and things like that. Maybe, they could bring out those favors for the kids when things start getting a little crazy to try and redirect thier attention and calm them down?

Jelenny · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoying-children-will-wedding-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b5d1bb1-b33f-4fff-97ef-8d2e2c86bcd7Post:ef3bc915-381c-4c37-aa60-64ac18c65d90">annoying children will be at wedding - etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister is trying to come with a way to write out on invitations or rsvps that parents are responsible for their own children. We have a few cousins who children are abnoxious and totally disrespectful. These parents end up drinking and letting their children run wild and tear everything up. She cannot request "no children" because their are children in the wedding party. Any suggestions??? TIA
Posted by randierins[/QUOTE]

we must have the same cousins! it's only one section of the family that has "the bad kids" and i got knocked for saying it before but an 8 year old SHOULD know not to grab the wedding cake with his hands (the bride and groom did not see it yet)....

with that said it's all kids or no kids (some have only kids in the bridal party allowed but this can be tricky)....i have seen plenty of adult only receptions and honestly if i had my way i would have one too, but the fi is close to his family so kids it is...(his family totally watches kids, and the other part of my family does)...

AmandaK2010 · July 2010

One way to deal with it if it comes up at the wedding it to address it with a wedding coordinator or your moms. That way someone can talk to them and not ruin your day.

We are worried about the same thing. We are hoping that the reception is late enough that kids either won't come or will leave right after dinner. Depending on the RSVPs, we may also hire a babysitter to deal with the kids.

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