A Sister's Role in the WP

Re: A Sister's Role in the WP

• volleygurl0306 member

  

  January 2012

  Your bridesmaids don't have to get along with each other OR do anything as a group but stand up in your wedding.  BMs only have to buy the dress and show up to the wedding.  Bridesmaids are people who are important to YOU and who you want to be at your day (you get A day not all these other events to demand people be at).  Your sister isn't obligated to attend any fittings, showers, bachelorette parties.  I think you should ignore who likes who and ask your sister to be a bridesmaid.  Assuming she won't fit in with your friends (which she's 15, I assume you are at least several years older so why would she fit in with adults) or come to these events sounds like a cop out.  I don't mean to be harsh but I think if it damages the bond with you and your sis you'll regret it.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2012

  I agree with Volleygurl completely.

  
  

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• RaptorSLH member

  

  January 2012

  Yup.  There are perfectly valid reasons to exclude a sister from the wedding party, but "my friends didn't approve her and she can't come drinking" aren't it.

  

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• mbody

  

  January 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sisters-role-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:92122047-1618-4740-8471-0930536a1f54Post:90ae83d5-4c92-4ab3-a0cd-50b3c4f6e700">A Sister's Role in the WP</a>:
  [QUOTE]my 15 year old sister is upset I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid. She is very mature for 15 and it's not that she is childish, <strong>I don't see her getting along with my friends and doing the rest of the events with the WP.</strong> I want to do something with her included during the ceremony but I do not know what. No one is reading during the ceremony. It is short and sweet with a unity sand part.
  Posted by amanda1611t[/QUOTE]
  Being a BM doesn't require her to get along with your friends and doing other events with the WP. All she needs to do is to get the dress, show up and smile. She doesn't need to become bff with your other friends. Don't you think everyone would be respectful to one another because it's your wedding day? I would ask her if I were you.

  

  Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013!

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• quiggels219

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  I was in my brothers wedding at 15 and my sisters wedding at 16. I went to my sisters shower and that's it - they are 9 and 13 years older so of course I wasn't becoming bff with their friends. I would have been upset too if my sister said I couldn't be a bm because her friends didn't think i was fun and I didn't have a fake id. If you have other reasons you don't want to ask her then that's fine - and ultimatly it's your decision but I don't think wither of those are deal breakers.

  

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• Starfish0116 member

  

  January 2012

  My sister is 12, will be 13 at the wedding. She mentioned some comments about how she thought the sister was supposed to be the MOH. She's not, but she is a bridesmaid. 

  
  

  It's been a struggle for me, I won't lie. At 12 she's far too young to participate in most stuff. I was guilted into taking her dress shopping with me yesterday and spent the whole day stressed out. I was constantly having to worry about if she was being entertained for not getting bored, and constantly having to remind my friends to censor their discussions to be age appropriate. It was an all day thing (we live 3 hours from the closest bridal stores)...so yeah...it sucked.

  
  

  That being said, she will participate in the bridal shower and the getting ready process the day of the wedding and that's it. None of the other events are approriate for her. 

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• Kate61487 member

  

  January 2012

  ditto PPs.
  
  If you really don't want her to be a BM for OTHER reasons (you're not close, you don't get along, etc.) could she be an usherette?  wear a dress in the wedding colors but not necessarily the same as the BM, seat people before the ceremony, be in the large group shots, etc?  Honestly I'd still just make her a BM...

  

   
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sisters-role-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:92122047-1618-4740-8471-0930536a1f54Post:b246799a-ef1b-4453-875e-592b0d13cbbf">Re: A Sister's Role in the WP</a>:
  [QUOTE]Yup.  There are perfectly valid reasons to exclude a sister from the wedding party, but "my friends didn't approve her and she can't come drinking" aren't it.
  Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This.  </div><div>
  </div><div>I fail to see any reasons why she wouldn't be a BM.</div>

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• ElisabethJoanne member

  

  January 2012

  Strange. My sisters are 6 and 12 years younger, respectively, and when I dreamed of my wedding as a teen, I always dreamed of them as bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids. The best part about marrying relatively late [best part re: wedding-planning] is they're both old enough to be regular bridesmaids, and they're the only bridesmaids I'm having. No picking among friends. No worrying about friends having to travel or spending too much money. Minimal drama.
  
  I'd be hurt, like OP's sister, if my sister effectively said to me, "My friends are more important to me than you are." Or let that impression get anywhere near me. I'd get an earful from Mom, too. Apologize to your sister.

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• graysquirrel member

  

  January 2012

  Would you have made her a BM otherwise? Are you close to your sister? Do you really want her to be with you and this is the only thing holding you back? If yes, then I would make her a BM. All she has to do is put on her dress and walk up the aisle. She doesn't have to buy anything else or plan anything else unless she wants to. BMs don't need to all be friends, they just need to get along well enough to stand next to each other for 15 min, which most rational people can do. I can tell you that some of my BMs would never ever be friends, but they got along when they needed to. If your sister can do that and you want to honor her and have her stand next to you, then I think you could make her a BM.

  

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• msuprincess04 member

  

  January 2012

  In the last wedding I was in, there was a 17yo BM. The bachelorette party started at a Dave & Busters (bar/restaurant/video arcade) dinner and she had to leave at 9p when the place became adults only. It wasn't a problem and she enjoyed being there in the first place. I didn't really talk to her much other than that day and at the wedding. So, I don't really see why her personality or age make a difference in the WP.

  "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

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• momo6kids member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  Our 11 yr old daughter has not been asked to be in her sister's wedding party - unlike her other 2 sisters who are MOH & BM.  This has not only hurt her feelings but caused animosity with extended family members.  Inclusion is always a better route than exclusion...

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