SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?

ohwhynot · November 2010

Can you remember what your worst fight was about? Have you resolved it? How long did it take to get over it?

SarahPLiz · November 2010

It was actually about sex, about a stupid remark I made. It took a long discussion and an overnight cooling off period. We haven't been mad at each other for longer than overnight that I can remember.

anna.oskar · November 2010

We haven't had a single real fight. I have no idea what will happen when/if we do.

What we have are classified as "differences in opinion" and have no resolution other than to drop it and stick our tongues out at each other. Usually due to him making a face about something i cooked, or me being a butthead regarding something i'm passionate about.

raynes · November 2010

Renovating usually brings out the worst in us. We get over tired and then get realllly mad about stupid things.

The last big fight started because I asked Derek to help with the dishes after he'd started doing some drywall mudding. It got way blown out of propotion and we didn't talk for hours. We generally don't fight well. It did get resolved that evening though.

JenGin74 · November 2010

I can't really think of anything I'd consider the "worst". We mostly fight because of misunderstandings, but as soon as the offending person clarifies what they meant, it's done.

We also sometimes bicker over stupid things if either or both of us is cranky.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

The wedding guestlist, which in retrospect, I sincerely wish I could take back. IT WAS SO STUPID. We were angry with eachother for a little over 24 hours.

maratea · November 2010

Money. The worst was about money. It was dumb and a waste of time; nothing productive came out of it. I'll be quite honest, that fight definitely involved me busting down a door. I really didn't think I had that kind of strength.

But, it's never been physical with each other and we don't make comments about the other's looks or intelligence. Ever.

TheCranberry · November 2010

We are currently have a disagreement about when to start TTC. He wants us to start right after we get married. He'd be happy if I got pregnant on the wedding night. I want to wait a year because I'm not ready yet and I think we need time to adjust to being married. I also want to save up money, resolve job hunting and other things before TTC. It's a pretty big deal between us and took a toll on the relationship. It's getting better now, but I think he's still pretty upset.

ohwhynot · November 2010

Our worst fights weren't really fights either, Anna - the only one that springs to mind was about my poor eating habits and his nagging me about them.

We do have things we disagree on, though, but we rarely discuss them; we have gotten kind of vehement over abortion or organized religion, for example, but we have more common ground on those issues than disagreements.

JenGin74 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:14c419cc-ca5c-4a86-8520-665bf5b380f0">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are currently have a disagreement about when to start TTC. He wants us to start right after we get married. He'd be happy if I got pregnant on the wedding night. I want to wait a year because I'm not ready yet and I think we need time to adjust to being married. I also want to save up money, resolve job hunting and other things before TTC. It's a pretty big deal between us and took a toll on the relationship. It's getting better now, but I think he's still pretty upset.
Posted by TheCranberry[/QUOTE]

That makes me sad. I hope you guys can come to an agreement

Anysunrise · November 2010

It was like, 3 months in to our relationship. He thought I still had feelings for my ex, and I had done something that really made it look that way. I didn't think of it like that, because I was being petty and wanting to make ex jealous, but yeah, it was so stupid.

FI is a very cut-people-out kind of person. So when he found a conversation between me and ex (which he went on my computer and actively looked for, which was another reason for the fight) he was ready to throw me out and be done with me. I felt absolutely awful but I have issues talking about my feelings when I'm upset, so I just sat and cried for 8 hours, which made him think I wanted to leave and just didn't want to tell him.

We resolved it when I finally grew a pair and told him to stuff it, because I wasn't going anywhere, and that while I was so so sorry for hurting him, I was just being an idiot and not thinking. He came around and while he had some trust issues with me for a while, we got over it pretty quickly. We were back to normal after 3 days, but he didn't say he loved me for the first time until 3 months later (he was planning on saying it when he found the convo, and it's a big deal for him. Only said it to one other person before).

JenGin74 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:84ae33a2-fb62-4ddb-b829-41681c5d9e30">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]We haven't had a single real fight. I have no idea what will happen when/if we do. What we have are classified as "differences in opinion" and have no resolution other than to drop it and stick our tongues out at each other. Usually due to him making a face about something i cooked, or me being a butthead regarding something i'm passionate about.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

I honestly can't imagine you fighting with anyone

shaydenise · November 2010

Yep, vividly. It was back in March on my birthday. It was about his health and him shutting me out of every aspect of it. I told him that if I was going to be his wife he could not shut me out of his health issues and he could not just "go away" when he got near the end. It took a few weeks and many doctor appointments but we worked it out. We both know it will be a lifetime of dealing with it though, especially when we get bad news health-wise.

Chi_Chi · November 2010

Ours was over a text. I was at a friends party and J was at his brothers watching the UFC fights. I left my phone unattended and someone sent a text to J that said " I want to lick your balls". When I got back to my phone I had a text from him that said "what the hell?". I was all kinds of confused. Needless to say, it was a looong night.

Oh, and he was never mad at me. He was just pissed in general and everything went to hell in a hand basket for the rest of the night.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

We have arguments, but no huge fights so far (not that I would tell anyone even if we did, I try to keep that stuff private). Mostly we argue or bicker when we are stressed about money and work. His business is really demanding, so he gets frustrated easily during the busy season, or when it's really slow. Likewise, I get really frustrated with my books. So we've learned how to just back off and not step on each other's toes during those times.

I will say, though, that if you want to see H really, really fired up, start debating religion. Man, does that push his buttons.

anna.oskar · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:11705d92-3342-47ed-aac6-cae1095439fc">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO? : I honestly can't imagine you fighting with anyone
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

I can fight and i'm stubborn as hell if I'm sure I'm being wronged. But I do like to pick my battles

Anysunrise · November 2010

Geesh, mine feels really overdramatic now.

jessienjeremy · November 2010

Ours was right after we got engaged and had just changed all the plans for the wedding. FI stresses very easily over financial issues and explodes quickly (he has worked on that and got better). He went out drinking withis buddies and had liquor which he cant have it makes him angry. He came home and just stating picking a fight with me and took back my ring. I called his mom at 10p to tell her we werent getting married. Lets just say him hearing me say those words totally knocked him back to reality. I think he apologized for a week straight. he also hasnt been that drunk since. He was over it the next day.. I was p*ssed for like 3 LOL. But I know how freaked and stressed he was and he cant handles stress very well.

pixiedust84 · November 2010

We've had two worst fights. One was like a month ago and it was because Fi's bachelor party was planned for a date that I have a big event on that Fi had agreed to DJ. I was mad because Fi's brother had asked Fi's opinion on the date and Fi didn't remember that he had something that date and didn't think to check with me. I got mad, he got defensive and we both yelled a lot. Usually if we fight it's mild and we end up making up very quickly. This one he actually slept on the couch and I left for work the next day still mad.

He did show up to my office with flowers the next day feeling really bad and we worked it out.

The other worst fight is now a funny story because we were both drunk (no idea what we were fighting about - I think he wanted to fight a guy that was hitting on me and I thought that was stupid.) We walked home from the bar fighting the whole way with our friend Erik walking with us interjecting funny comments. We then went to bed still fighting and I ended up storming out of our room in the middle of the night only to find Erik on our couch naked. (Apparently he wanted to sleep naked!) So he quickly threw a pillow over himself and it was hilarious.

maratea · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:5a714903-a9dd-4d52-bccc-881f2276e401">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO? : I can relate to this, kinda. J and I have never fought over money, but it stresses him out to no end. He constantly tells me were selling everything. Vehicles, house, boat, 4 wheeler, even the damn dogs! I can't help but to laugh at him. I'm anticipating the day I drive up to the house and see everything lined up in the yard with For Sale signs on it.
Posted by Chi_Chi[/QUOTE]

The thing with H is that he's verging on being a miser. I know it's important to save money and we do, we have plenty, but he doesn't like to spend money going out for dinner, buying himself new work clothes, even buying certain things at the grocery. Once while shopping, I picked up a loaf of bread and he was like "You know, I could make bread and it would only cost me the flour and electricity to bake it." I love homemade bread, but not for sandwiches. I mean, OMFG, it's $1. I have that much change in my car. I know he likes to be frugal, but FFS.

TheCranberry · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:81a84f52-d7a9-4a61-93d1-5155af2b804b">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO? : That makes me sad. I hope you guys can come to an agreement
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

Thanks, Jen. It makes me sad too, and I think we will work it out. Things were tense for a while, which was really upsetting because we never go to bed angry. I just don't understand why he's sooo upset about this. He says I'm not taking his needs into account, but does he really want me to have a child before I'm ready? Especially when I only want to wait one year? It's also taken some of the joy out of wedding planning, which is why I've fallen behind on my list.

marriedfilingjointly · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:eaf3e0ab-9ede-41fc-959b-f1e6e1c1174f">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geesh, mine feels really overdramatic now.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

We've fought over facebook before. He doesn't have it and doesn't understand much about it but he seems to think that my facebooking needs to be monitored like a 12-year-old's. He wouldn't speak to me for hours because he thought I was talking to my ex. Why? My ex deleted his profile shortly after we broke up, so I never got the chance to delete him. One day he just magically reappeared and was posting on my wall about football. Just as I was looking at it trying to figure out wtf had happened, Wes walked in and saw it. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

Another time, he thought I had cut him out of a photo of us because in the thumbnail version of my profile picture, it is only big enough to show my face and not both of ours. Holy overdramatic.

ohwhynot · November 2010

This is interesting to me. My ex and I used to fight all the time - it was terrible. My husband and I have our issues, but we never fight.

We do have things to talk about though, and I've been reluctant to bring them up. H gets very very fearful when we discuss not-pleasant things, and I've been avoiding them because I don't want to scare him or hurt his feelings.

But . . . we need to talk.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · November 2010

We don't really fight, we do have different opinions on things or different ways of doing stuff - but neither one of us are very confrontational. Not to say that we don't talk about problems, we do - we just never really "argue," per se. Voices never get raised and feelings don't get hurt.

I'm sure we'll probably have a big falling out someday, as no relationship is perfect.

Anysunrise · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:f13238a4-fce2-4554-a7df-9b94e5be7784">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO? : We've fought over facebook before. He doesn't have it and doesn't understand much about it but he seems to think that my facebooking needs to be monitored like a 12-year-old's. He wouldn't speak to me for hours because he thought I was talking to my ex. Why? My ex deleted his profile shortly after we broke up, so I never got the chance to delete him. One day he just magically reappeared and was posting on my wall about football. Just as I was looking at it trying to figure out wtf had happened, Wes walked in and saw it. Another time, he thought I had cut him out of a photo of us because in the thumbnail version of my profile picture, it is only big enough to show my face and not both of ours. Holy overdramatic.
Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

Thanks, lol. =)

FI did have a reason for being quick to jump the gun that time though. Said ex initially wanted to get back together with me before I had met FI in person, so I ended up basically telling FI that I didn't want him to come up to see me. A month later ex is fvcking some other chick, FI and I start talking again, and I go down to see him. So I understood how he would've felt like he's a rebound, but I thought it was silly. All it took was meeting FI in person to realize what a waste of space ex was and how amazing FI is.

ETA: We got off to a rocky start, but that's the only major fight we've had. Small arguments since then, but once we had that figured out, we've been awesome.

shaydenise · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:c0704b59-e341-4157-9d27-3e4850adb74c">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO? : The thing with H is that he's verging on being a miser. I know it's important to save money and we do, we have plenty, but he doesn't like to spend money going out for dinner, buying himself new work clothes, even buying certain things at the grocery. Once while shopping, I picked up a loaf of bread and he was like "You know, I could make bread and it would only cost me the flour and electricity to bake it." I love homemade bread, but not for sandwiches. I mean, OMFG, it's $1. I have that much change in my car. I know he likes to be frugal, but FFS.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

My H is like this at times, too. I think we balance each other out though for the most part. And that's why I go grocery shopping alone most of the time.

Chi_Chi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:c0704b59-e341-4157-9d27-3e4850adb74c">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO? : The thing with H is that he's verging on being a miser. I know it's important to save money and we do, we have plenty, but he doesn't like to spend money going out for dinner, buying himself new work clothes, even buying certain things at the grocery. Once while shopping, I picked up a loaf of bread and he was like "You know, I could make bread and it would only cost me the flour and electricity to bake it." I love homemade bread, but not for sandwiches. I mean, OMFG, it's $1. I have that much change in my car. I know he likes to be frugal, but FFS.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]
I think we're married to the same person! He told me the other night that we didn't need to buy each other Christmas presents because we needed to save the money. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" />

pixiedust84 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:228952da-fd37-42c1-8031-8db9943eba4d">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]We don't really fight, we do have different opinions on things or different ways of doing stuff - but neither one of us are very confrontational. Not to say that we don't talk about problems, we do - we just never really "argue," per se. Voices never get raised and feelings don't get hurt. I'm sure we'll probably have a big falling out someday, as no relationship is perfect.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I don't think you'll have a big falling out. (I know you were kidding but I'm just saying) I think people face disagreements differently. Fi and I are both very stubborn and we get defensive first. So that escalates things quicker - we've learned how to take a few minutes to gain some perspective and then have a calm conversation.

Some people are able to get right to that stage which sounds like you and Ben!

JenGin74 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:d20bbaa4-7417-4996-ac20-f596ca631eba">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is interesting to me. My ex and I used to fight all the time - it was terrible. My husband and I have our issues, but we never fight. We do have things to talk about though, and I've been reluctant to bring them up. H gets very very fearful when we discuss not-pleasant things, and I've been avoiding them because I don't want to scare him or hurt his feelings. But . . . we need to talk.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I vote you do it sooner rather than later. I hate keeping things bottled up.

Anysunrise · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:59301436-f65f-4a0a-92e2-af98bb0e9cf2">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]Any, the first time H and I met was pretty much under the same circumstances as you and your FI. Weird.
Posted by shaydenise[/QUOTE]

Hah, strange.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_worst-fight-hfiso?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c1a77a7-a0ae-4ec9-b4e4-a2c5eed893d9Post:c0704b59-e341-4157-9d27-3e4850adb74c">Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SO: Your worst fight with your H/fi/SO? : The thing with H is that he's verging on being a miser. I know it's important to save money and we do, we have plenty, but he doesn't like to spend money going out for dinner, buying himself new work clothes, even buying certain things at the grocery. Once while shopping, I picked up a loaf of bread and he was like "You know, I could make bread and it would only cost me the flour and electricity to bake it." I love homemade bread, but not for sandwiches. I mean, OMFG, it's $1. I have that much change in my car. I know he likes to be frugal, but FFS.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

My ex was a lot like this - I think he was worse, actually. But he was really hypocritical about it - he couldn't justify spending money on hardly ANYTHING, and yet once in a while, he'd splurge on a completely frivolous purchase.

He actually scolded me once for spending 300 bucks on a Coach purse. Is 300 bucks a bit much for a purse? Definitely. However, I make my own money and if I have the means to drop the cash on something I want, I'm going to do it (this is the single me talking). This guy hated going to the grocery store once a week to buy <em>food</em>. But dropping 1600 dollars on a brand new guitar? No problem. Because it was for his band, and his band was pretty much more important than anything (obviously I'm still a little resentful, haha).

He would go out to eat once in a while but he would also skimp on tipping the waitress, which drove me NUTS because I was a server in college and he KNEW how much I was paid (or, not paid!). Once we were out with friends and we paid our tabs separately, and he looked at my slip and remarked in front of everyone that I had "tipped too much." I thought the server did a great job, so I tipped accordingly. I replied back to him that since he hadn't tipped AT ALL, I had to make up for him being a cheapskate. He was pissed and later demanded an apology from me for making him look like an ass in front of all his friends, but if he wasn't an ass - well, then we wouldn't have had a problem. I never apologized either.

Sigh, I've rambled. I legitimately had stuff to fight about with my ex, but with Ben - I honestly never feel like I do.

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