Big Family--Small Wedding???

Re: Big Family--Small Wedding???

• kmmssg mod

  

  February 2013

  Personally, I think it is unfair.  I can only go on this one post you have written about him but he sounds selfish.  If he can't have his family there, you can't either.  Is this how he usually acts or is this really out of character for him?  Is there a chance he is really  hurt his family can't attend and he just isn't dealing with it very well?

  
  

  Weddings are about compromise here and he is wanting you to do ALL of it.  Yes, you should be meeting somewhere in the middle, but my impression here is his way or no way.  Am I reading this correctly?

  
  

  My advice could go one of two ways:  If he always acts stubborn and "my way or the highway" then I wonder if you should reconsider marrying him.

  
  

  If this is very out of character for him, you guys need to sit down and figure out how to compromise.  You will be doing that for your entire marriage.

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  February 2013

  Is he positive that his family won't travel to the wedding?  Would your family be able to travel to wherever his family is?  DH and I decided to get married in our hometown because that was the place where most of our VIPs could attend.  I'd suggest you each sit down, separately, and write out two lists, one list of all of the people you would like to invite to your wedding and another list of the people you wouldn't dream of getting married without.  Once you both have your lists, compare and begin talking about locations that would make it possible to have the most people you both absolutely want there happen.
  
  You will need to consider whether or not you can leave a circle out - such as inviting aunts and uncles but not cousins.  Your FI will need to consider inviting his family and waiting to see what happens.  You may want to explore an alternative of having the wedding and formal reception in one location and honeymooning in the other, in order to have a "meet the newlyweds" type of get-together for the other family. (This would not be a redo of your wedding, but would be a chance to catch up share pictures, etc; think more casual, less structured.)
  
  Basically, you both need to be willing to compromise.  You need to be willing to see alternatives to inviting everyone in your extended family and your FI needs to be willing to entertain weddings where your "sides," such as they are, are not even. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• EK2013 member

  

  February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_big-family-small-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f8a28853-2ef3-4215-98b2-5e8d4e57e5c8Post:9e2f439f-4781-495d-94df-9db7ff7b6c0f">Big Family--Small Wedding???</a>:
  [QUOTE]My fiance refuses to have a wedding in a church, and wants a small outdoor wedding. However, my family size (I have a very large, close-knit, extended family of several aunts, uncles, cousins, neices and nephews) does not lend itself well to a small wedding and I have tried SEVERAL times to explain this to my husband to be... but he continues to be stubborn about having a small wedding and insists that I "cut down" my guest list. I told him that's impossible, that I do not want to leave anyone out of the wedding because I'd feel terrible, but he doesn't get it. His family is in an entirely different part of the country and cannot attend the wedding, and uses that as a reason why I can't have my entire family there---because his can't be.  How is that fair? Is there a way that I can talk to him and make him understand that I can't just leave my family out of this because his can't be here?????
  Posted by savomccormick[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>What kinds of numbers are at stake here? Is he picturing a 20 person wedding, and you're picturing 120?</div><div>
  </div><div>Does he know already that his entire family can't or won't attend?</div>

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• savomccormick member

  

  February 2013

  Thanks for all the responses fellow future brides, I really appreciate all of the advice. 

  
  

  Usually he isn't like this, I do think he is upset that his family won't be able to attend--though, he hasn't even told any of them yet so I don't think he should assume they can't. However I live in a small town in Alaska and traveling here from anywhere is ridiculously expensive so he is probably right. 

  
  

  He and I discussed it and we came to a bit of a compromise We are going to have a small actual wedding with our closest friends and then just a bigger reception with everyone else...it's going to be a little more complicated to plan I think but regardless I'm happy we are both happy  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  February 2013

  Are you cutting your immediate family out and inviting friends?  If so, I can see some heartbreak there.

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• Dchacha413 member

  

  February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_big-family-small-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f8a28853-2ef3-4215-98b2-5e8d4e57e5c8Post:d4f867e5-2f25-4995-8d77-58fdc6a49d44">Re: Big Family--Small Wedding???</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thanks for all the responses fellow future brides, I really appreciate all of the advice.  Usually he isn't like this, I do think he is upset that his family won't be able to attend--though, he hasn't even told any of them yet so I don't think he should assume they can't. However I live in a small town in Alaska and traveling here from anywhere is ridiculously expensive so he is probably right.  He and I discussed it and we came to a bit of a compromise :) We are going to have a small actual wedding with our closest friends and then just a bigger reception with everyone else...it's going to be a little more complicated to plan I think but regardless I'm happy we are both happy :)  
  Posted by savomccormick[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div>The only problem with this is the fact that people may get hurt.  If they are willing to go to the reception, why wouldn't they be willing to go to the ceremony?  Unless your small ceremony consists of ONLY parents and brothers or sisters people may take offence, and it might look like you are gift grabby as well.  Just something to think about, good luck!</div>

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