"So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"

abbycobb812 · June 2010

A post on another board made me think of this. I have been getting asked this question since before we even got engaged...I'm 24 years old, I've got time! A few of my friends have had babies/gotten pregnant recently and seem to just assume we'll be popping out children ASAP. I don't even know how to explain to them that we're planning on waiting about 5 years or so...I almost feel like I'll offend them by saying we don't want kids yet.

Does anyone else get asked this? What do you say?

waltzingmatilda13 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:4acd90c6-8927-46bc-a641-f87b03efc722">"So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]A post on another board made me think of this. I have been getting asked this question since before we even got engaged...I'm 24 years old, I've got time! A few of my friends have had babies/gotten pregnant recently and seem to just assume we'll be popping out children ASAP. I don't even know how to explain to them that we're planning on waiting about 5 years or so...I almost feel like I'll offend them by saying we don't want kids yet. Does anyone else get asked this? What do you say?
Posted by abbycobb812[/QUOTE]

All. The. Time. It only gets worse once you're actually married. Tell (those seriously rude) people that you're just happy to be engaged right now and haven't even thought about it. This usually helps ward off any follow up questions.

waltzingmatilda13 · June 2010

Whoops, didn't mean to quote that. Oh well.

OpalineTowers · June 2010

Tell them you'll have kids when you're damn good and ready. Seriously though, I tell them we don't have a timetable mapped out and we're happy to just enjoy each other for now. People are so freaking rude. I don't understand why they think they have a right to know personal information like that.

loop0406 · June 2010

Yes, I get asked this when I see distant relatives....I'm 28, he's 30 and we plan to 'try' and start a family right around our wedding date (Sept)

stephl3055 · June 2010

Them: "So when are you having kids?"
Me: "After you die."
Them: "Well, take your time then."

I've done this to a couple of people and it generally goes well. But of course I'm also really close to these people and they cracked up laughing after I said that, and then realized how annoying their question was.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

There are a few ways you can handle this.

You can tell them the truth - whatever it may be: "We're going to wait a couple years." "We're going to try on our wedding night!" "We aren't having kids. Kids are gross."

You can tell them you haven't thought that far ahead yet, since you're busy with wedding plans.

OR - You could tell those rude sons of bitches that it's none of their business.

jennylove810 · June 2010

Soo... when ARE you going to have kids?

Hehe

waltzingmatilda13 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:831f48e2-3123-4862-9a6c-9d039f18acfa">Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]There are a few ways you can handle this. You can tell them the truth - whatever it may be: "We're going to wait a couple years." "We're going to try on our wedding night!" "We aren't having kids. Kids are gross." You can tell them you haven't thought that far ahead yet, since you're busy with wedding plans. OR - You could tell those rude sons of bitches that it's none of their business.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I suggest telling people you don't really like a horrible sob story to make them feel like asses. Something along the lines of "We can't have kids, we really want them, but we've been told that we can't (start crying here), but thanks for bringing it up again because you had just started to get over it (big long sob here)[then try to say something here, but get all choked up and storm off crying loudly]"

You have no idea how often I wanted to do this just so people would realize how much it's done of their damn business.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:55ed2a19-4aad-4749-b0d9-24347e9fd20e">Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!" : I suggest telling people you don't really like a horrible sob story to make them feel like asses. Something along the lines of "We can't have kids, we really want them, but we've been told that we can't (start crying here), but thanks for bringing it up again because you had just started to get over it (big long sob here)[then try to say something here, but get all choked up and storm off crying loudly]" You have no idea how often I wanted to do this just so people would realize how much it's done of their damn business.
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

That's effin' genius, right thurrrr.

cschuma2 · June 2010

We get asked this all of the time! I usually try to be polite and say that we're waiting a few years until we're financially secure enough to support a family.

Then my favorite response is "well if you wait until your financially secure, you'll never have kids!"

I'm going to lose it on someone one of these days.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

You could also make up some really stupid crap, like "We'll get pregnant with planet X aligns with planet Y and let the stars determine the rest." Or how about just say you want to be pregnant as soon as possible, as often as possible, and then ask "Well, aren't you going to have more? What kind of parent ARE you?"

waltzingmatilda13 · June 2010

Oh, another good one was used frequently by my BIL when they were actually having trouble conceiving. (They have a beautiful 4 month old girl now). When people would ask he would respond with "Well you know, we're having lots fun practicing right now!". I think people were too shocked to respond to that. I might save that until after you're married though.

abbycobb812 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:c320e4fc-dea2-470d-9227-4373fbbe3681">Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]We get asked this all of the time! I usually try to be polite and say that we're waiting a few years until we're financially secure enough to support a family. Then my favorite response is "well if you wait until your financially secure, you'll never have kids!" I'm going to lose it on someone one of these days.
Posted by cschuma2[/QUOTE]

The whole financially secure thing is usually what I go with too, because it's partly true. FI still has college loans to pay off and is trying to find a teaching job in MI (horrible timing), why the heck would we start having kids when only one of us has a stable job?

Of course there's the other part that I don't usually mention to my mommy-friends...which is that there's still tons of stuff I want to do and places I want to go with my husband before getting tied-down with kids and stuff...

These answers are hilarious though, nice to know I'm not alone :)

Midgetth · June 2010

When my FI & I are asked this he says "Idk how to make a baby I still need to read the manual" lol

MissDuke2012 · June 2010

As most of you know, I already have one. I love her to death and would do anything for her. But, had I known what I know now, I would have been more careful. I typically get asked, "When are you going to pop another one out?".

Try going to school full time, work full time, and have mommy time. That leaves not very much time for daddy.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade Camden for anything in the world. But, She's very time consuming. If I were you, I'd tell them that a baby is a huge responsibility you just aren't ready for.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:76de5d99-6e88-40ff-a1a3-b69a0248f854">Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!" : The whole financially secure thing is usually what I go with too, because it's partly true. FI still has college loans to pay off and is trying to find a teaching job in MI (horrible timing), why the heck would we start having kids when only one of us has a stable job? Of course there's the other part that I don't usually mention to my mommy-friends...which is that there's still tons of stuff I want to do and places I want to go with my husband before getting tied-down with kids and stuff... These answers are hilarious though, nice to know I'm not alone :)
Posted by abbycobb812[/QUOTE]

Pardon my bitchness, or whatever, but that sentiment is completely fine. Kids, I'm sure, are great and all, and you wouldn't regret them if you had them now. But you're so right - once you have kids, they come first, and anything you really want to do takes a back burner.

I see nothing wrong with wanting to take a few years to just be married, for sh!ts sake, before you start raising a family. You only live one time! And it's so irritating that someone who's already a parent would look down on someone for waiting because of that reason. Psht. They're prolly just pissed or jealous that they didn't wait, and now they can't take that cruise or trip to Europe until their kids are done with college.

What is it with women who are so judgy about not wanting to have scores of kids right away? Honestly - nothing wrong with waiting. Having a family is such a big step to take and a real commitment.

You have those kids when you're good and ready :)

cschuma2 · June 2010

Abby,

I'm kind of like that too. My husband will be done with Pharmacy school in a couple of years and we will have significantly more money. I'm not telling people this with no plan of actually becoming more financially stable. *sigh* I was ranting about this to my husband like 2 weeks ago as it really frusterates me. I like some of the pp suggestions... particularly the "when you die" answer. I'll have to see how that one goes.

Happygirl210 · June 2010

People as us the same thing..... I think that alot assume that just because youre ready for marriage that also means youre ready for kids.....We know we are going to have kids and we talk about it, but personally Im getting ready to gradute in sept, I havent even started working yet... I dont want to bring a child in this world when I dont even have money yet...My fiance is alittle more excited to have kids sooner than I am.. I want kids, but I want to start my career first, and I want to start my life with my fiance before having kids... We talked and would like to maybe 2 years after or marriage. Who knows maybe after were married a year we will have children... we want to have them when they are right for us and we know that were bringing them into the world without any money worries or job issues....

HKD817 · June 2010

My mother has been bugging my FI and I to have kids long before we were even engaged! It is sooooo annoying. I told her she will have to live with my 2 dogs being her grandchildren for now. I look forward to having a child with my FI but I can definitely wait. I would like to settle into being married before I work on expansion! LOL. My FI would like to have kids soon though, he is a bit older than me and doesnt want to feel like he is too old. I feel like 2 years is a good estimate for us, but who knows...crazier things have happened!

goheels05 · June 2010

I'm with waltzing. I'm really thinking about using that one soon. DH's idiot very young bride sister is knocked up with twins (honeymoon babies) and it's all anyone talks about. "Hey, since Mr. Heels' younger irresponsible, makes minimum wage and lives rent free in a house her parents own is having a kid, you guys probably will too, right?" Because that's what I hear when they ask.

The first time SIL asked when we were having kids, I smiled sweetly and said, "when we can afford it." This was a not-so-subtle dig because everyone at the table knew Mr. Heels and I make about 3 times what they do. She hasn't brought it up again, but it hasn't stopped every other member of their family from asking.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Just kick them in the penis and run away. They will stop asking. I promise.

AmandalovesAl · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:ab290bf9-8a25-4921-9070-cc5e404fbc6a">Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]Just kick them in the penis and run away. They will stop asking. I promise.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

LMAO

jenn.daniel · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:79999cae-f67b-47b1-9d2d-9e7f6b9814cd">Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]Them: "So when are you having kids?" Me: "After you die." Them: "Well, take your time then." I've done this to a couple of people and it generally goes well. But of course I'm also really close to these people and they cracked up laughing after I said that, and then realized how annoying their question was.
Posted by steph13055[/QUOTE]

I am SO going to use that!

megk8oz · June 2010

I'm incredibly lucky. For the most part, our families aren't putting on too much pressure, aside from my 92-year-old great grandmother, who wants to meet as many great-great grandbabies as possible. But my older sister has 2 children under the age of 2, so the rest of the family is pretty appeased with that, and DH's family (Though they won't admit it) pretty much hates small children, so nobody's really pushing us.

Hell, my mother told us "I know that 'surprises' sometimes happen, but if you could avoid any 'planned' babies until after your sister's kids are potty-trained, that'd be great".

A few of our "idiot" friends have asked when, and I always say "When I'm tired of having sex in any room of the house whenever I feel like it".

gottahavashorti · June 2010

Some of my current answers include:

"If by kids you mean dogs, then hopefully in the next year or two. If by kids you mean kids, then hopefully not until DH has his doctorate."

"For every time someone asks me when we're going to have kids, I add a year. Stop asking if you ever want me to have kids."

"BIL, I'm not having kids until after you do. You're gonna have to go knock someone up if you want nieces and nephews" BIL has 2 more years of med school and a long residency to go.

Financially stable is never a good enough reason for anyone, but "I'd like to be able to afford diapers first" usually is.

gemmalouise85 · June 2010

Our families arent putting any pressure on us at all. We get the odd comment here and there but only joking around mainly.

To be honest though, I dont mind being asked as I cannot wait to start a family so I proudly respond "we plan to start on our wedding night".

I think its the honesty that stops them asking anything further!

goheels05 · June 2010

"For every time someone asks me when we're going to have kids, I add a year. Stop asking if you ever want me to have kids."

Consider this stolen.

gottahavashorti · June 2010

The last time I gave that answer, the reaction was OMG DON'T GET PREGNANT

megk8oz · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_going-start-having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:fd938c0a-2cf9-4019-a9a0-239e24fc8eabPost:639932b7-28e7-490a-9db3-6dc3fc6782f1">Re: "So when are you going to start having KIDS?!"</a>:
[QUOTE]"For every time someone asks me when we're going to have kids, I add a year. Stop asking if you ever want me to have kids." Consider this stolen.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

bexx246 · June 2010

My mom is eligible for retirement in a little less than 5 years. As soon as she retires she wants grandbabies for her to watch. The other night FI and I were at my parents house and she said..."Well I calculated it out and yall can get pregnant 3 years and 7 months after you get married." Yes she really said that, and I thought my FI was going to run out the door. We have a LOT we want to do before we have kids, so it was a little awkward. I just hope she doesn't start pressuring us around that time!

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